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How to Deal With Your Girlfriend’s Ex Boyfriend

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Is your new girlfriend’s ex still pursuing her relentlessly? Understand how to deal with your girlfriend’s ex, especially when he confronts you. By Daniel Lincoln

girlfriend's ex boyfriend

Dating someone new after a stagnant, single life for a while always seems like a lot of fun.

There’s so much love in the air, so many happy confusions and blissful days of mad infatuation.

You may be having the time of your life playing secret footsies under a candlelit table and cuddling up in dark movie halls.

But what do you do when you suddenly have to deal with the infamous, all too common ex boyfriend scenario?

[Read: How to be a man the way he really should be]

How to deal with your new girlfriend’s ex boyfriend

Have you ever had to deal with the ex boyfriend of a girl you’re dating?

It feels awesome to watch a miserable guy pleading his heart out to the girl who’s madly smitten by you.

And it’s great for your ego too.

But what do you do when things go out of hand, or if her ex tries to make a conversation with your girlfriend when you’re around?

Ever given that a thought?

Why the hell is he pursuing her?

This is the first thing you have to ask yourself. Why on earth would an ex boyfriend be pursuing a girl that you’re dating? As flattered as you may be, you still need to understand that him trying to get in touch with your girlfriend does mean something.

It could be unfinished business, maybe he wants to end the relationship better, or he wants a second chance. Or just maybe, your sweet little girlfriend is still in touch with him behind your back and is still holding on to that guy’s attention.

For all you know, she may be flirting with him when you’re not around or she may still have him on her hooks. It sounds rude, but you need to think from all perspectives to get a fair idea of the situation. [Read: 25 reasons behind why women cheat so easily]

Exes and a new relationship

Exes just fall apart with time. Unless you’ve stolen another guy’s girlfriend, he should have learnt to move on by now.

If you’ve only been dating a girl for a few weeks or if you’ve just started dating her, and her boyfriend barges right into your beautiful date, don’t stand up and push him away or try to take control of the situation. You’re not yet such a big part of her life to control it for her.

Just sit down calmly and let her do all the talking. In your mind, think of yourself as the bouncer of a classy club. Don’t intervene unless you’re required to or unless she looks at you for assistance. And even when you do interfere, step in smartly and speak calmly. Your only job in this new relationship is to protect your date when things get rough. [Read: What do girls look for in a guy to fall for him?]

6 things to keep in mind when her ex interferes

If you’re sitting down at a fancy restaurant with your new girlfriend, and you see her ex boyfriend walk up to your table to speak with his ex, keep these 6 tips in mind. You’ll come off looking like the better guy, and you’ll still be in complete control of the situation.

#1 Stay out at first. Stay out of the conversation unless you’re involved or it needs your attention. After all, it is her ex boyfriend and both of them did share a special relationship. His heart is broken, and he’s sad and hurt. Giving him a few minutes to voice his mind won’t hurt you *and it’ll be fun too*.

If your girlfriend does ask him to go away, you have every right to enter the conversation and step in between them. After all, his conversation with her is over.

#2 Don’t provoke him. It’s easy to get provoked when an ex boyfriend enters your territory. As a guy with manly instincts, you’d want to punch him right on his face. But hold that thought, and avoid provoking him because it’s just not worth it.

Ex boyfriends are egoistic and they’re obviously very jealous of you. Don’t give him an excuse to throw the first punch. Even if you win the fight, she may still feel sorry for her ex who has a broken nose, and go away wrapped in his arms.

#3 Never walk away. If her ex boyfriend walks in on both of you, never ever walk away. That’s just silly, because it makes it seem like you’re tucking your tail between your legs and running away because you’re a frightened mutt. [Read: 15 reasons why nice guys finish last all the time]

If she wants to speak to her ex boyfriend alone, she could leave the table and walk to a corner of the restaurant for a few minutes to sort whatever issues she has with him.

#4 Don’t pick a fight. Don’t get aggressive with him when he’s talking to your girlfriend. Yes, she’s your girlfriend and he has no right to waltz in and spoil your evening. But you know what, shit happens now and then. Get over it. Your girlfriend’s dated him for a while, and she would know best how to handle him quickly and send him away. If you try chasing him away, you’re doing nothing but asking for a fight.

#5 Be prepared for the fight. Even as your girlfriend’s talking to her ex boyfriend, appear calm and composed on the outside, but curl your fists under the table and be prepared for that impending fight.

Obviously, if your girlfriend isn’t able to chase him away within a minute, something’s not right. And if something’s not right, it’s time for you to intervene. And if you stand up and intervene, you know he’ll try to throw a punch because he’s got nothing to lose!

Don’t throw the first punch, but focus on his hands from the corner of your eyes. Or step in so close to the guy’s face that there’s no way he can do anything but push you back. Chances are, he’ll back away or someone else will intervene. But if that doesn’t happen, don’t leave enough space in between the both of you so he can move his arm and punch you. Stand close, so it’s just a pushy fight or a verbal one. Well, unless you know your street fighter moves and are ready to K.O. him with a well timed uppercut. [Read: 25 things that turn a girl on sexually and otherwise about a guy]

#6 Be the better man. No matter what happens when her ex walks in, try to be the better man and don’t do anything stupid unless you have no choice. If you behave like a pushover or walk away when he asks for a moment, you’ll seem like a yellow fellow and your girlfriend will never respect you because she’d realize that you can’t protect her when she needs you around. [Read: 10 biggest dating turn offs for women]

If he continuously calls her on her cell phone when you’re on a date, offer to speak with him even if she says no. You don’t need to get aggressive, but you need to be prepared to stand up for the girl you’re with, and let her know that you’re a man she can depend on. It’ll make you seem like a man who’s in control of all things around him, even if circumstances go bad. [Read: The code of modern chivalry for men]

Something for you to think about

Firstly, this thing with her boyfriend shouldn’t be a repeating affair. If her ex somehow pops into your date all the time or constantly stalks her, you need to get to the bottom of it.

Unless the guy is a creepy psycho, it’s your girlfriend’s job to cut her ties with her ex boyfriend if she’s really interested in dating you seriously.

If she doesn’t end her relationship with her ex or if she’s still in touch with him for an occasional flirty conversation as her backup plan, her ex will always trail her and stay in love with her. So who’s fault is this whole scenario? Get that answer first. [Read: Why are girls always so fickle in love?]

And if you’re not man enough to stand up against her ex, or if you’re not really serious about dating the girl, end the relationship with her. Sometimes, it’s just so much easier to avoid a girl who’s still confused about her feelings and even more confused about whether she wants you or her ex.

But if she tells you that she loves you, wants to be with you and is unable to get rid of her freaky ex, and you love her too, well, it’s time to be the better man and grow a bigger pair. Because your new love story just all the more awesome!

[Read: The 10 important traits of a perfect boyfriend]

If you ever have to deal with your girlfriend’s ex boyfriend, keep these tips in mind. It makes all the difference between a pushover and a real man.


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Have your say!
  • Jim Bean
    June 25, 2012 | Permalink |

    LOL! This is some seriously interesting lesson of self defense and learning to deal with an ex.

    I must say, this is the exact kind of information all guys need to know. I’ve had to deal with an ex boyfriend of one of my older girlfriends, and it’s always been a tricky issue. I think the tip about walking in really close to him is just so cheeky and yet bold.

    Everyone else may assume that you’re trying to threaten her ex, while you know the real reason is to stop him from punching your face!! This is just too cool, bro!

  • Kyle
    August 16, 2012 | Permalink |

    I got a question. I started talking to this girl for about week. We hang out from sun up to sign down every day. We’ll she was straight up with me about her having a very angry aggressive ex. She told me how he use to beat her and I’ve seen of pictures. We’ll this morning I’m awoken to some one yelling her name out side. I look out the window its her ex breaking into her car and breaking things on the ground. I rush out side to confront him. Me and him get into it. Cops called. He left. But threaten hed be back and with more people. She says that there friends and she says she wants me but he’s always texting her and trying to call her. They broke up a month before we started talking. I don’t no what to do. Everybody has baggage but some is more than others. I don’t want to go to war with his friends n family either. And I defiantly don’t want to be doing that if me n him are both getting played. I do like her alot. She’s alot of fun. Any advice?

  • Jeremy
    November 15, 2012 | Permalink |

    This article is a crock of shit. It plays right into the double standard. Seriously, was this written by a woman? So my GF keeps in touch with her exes, and I am supposed to take the beat down, or hand out the beating, and/or go to jail? You’re hilarious. Get real. What if I lose my shit and kill him? Nice advice, dumbasses.

  • Jeremy
    November 15, 2012 | Permalink |

    Oh yeah… I think this sums it up: …well, it’s time to be the better man and grow a bigger pair. Because your new love story just all the more awesome!

    Right, because I want to tell people I had to fight off exes for her. I’ll tell my children like this: ‘when I was young I had to fight of droves of boyfriends for your mothers hand.’ That sounds great.

    Get with it, maidens. Time for women to sack up and take some responsibility and stop leaving us dudes to fix it for them.

  • Dan
    February 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    She could be the greatest lover in the world but why put up with something like an Ex hanging out in the shadows of your new relationship. Unless She and her needy ex have children together, she should respect you enough to cut the ties. If the ex still pursues her, it’s time to let the Alpha in you show. Why put up with the drama?

  • April 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    Easy, date a girl that has never had a boyfriend, then marry her… HA!

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