There are some things that no card-carrying man should order from the bartender. Real men order the manly drinks in the secret menu.
But what is it that makes manly drinks? Is it the outrageous name? The lack of pretentious flavorings? Or is it in the drink’s raw ability to turn the drinker into a crawling, incoherent heap after the first shot? Most would agree on the latter, but every man is entitled to his own poison.
The 12 most manly drinks every man needs to remember
While some prefer the raw punch of unadulterated alcohol, others get a little fancy and want a small manly garnish to their drink. Here’s a list of manly drinks for different types of men.
Classy drinks for classy men
Ordering these drinks exudes class and taste. These are the types of manly drinks for men who know what they want. Best imbibed while wearing a suit and smoking a cigar.
#1 Whiskey. Whiskey is the definitive manly drink. Either served neat or on the rocks, this liquid gold is so manly they make men’s perfume that smell like it. One famous type of whiskey is Scotch, made from malted barley. While across the pond, American ones are made from various combinations of other grains including corn.
#2 Martini. In its purest form, a martini is a cold mix of gin and vermouth garnished with either olives or a lemon twist. A complicated drink, a martini has various forms. Asking the bartender for “dry” martini gives you a version without the vermouth.
Ordering vodka martini will get you a mix with vodka instead of gin. Telling the bartender “straight up” would omit the ice. And, of course, we’re all familiar with “shaken, not stirred.” [Read: What your favorite drink says about you]
#3 Old Fashioned. A dapper drink for the likes of Don Draper from Mad Men, the Old Fashioned is made up of two ounces of Bourbon or Rye whiskey poured slowly over a glass with a sugar cube then splashed with a bit of water and bitters. Then, garnished with some ice cubes and a slice of orange. The drink may sound fancy but it sure does pack a punch.
#4 Classic Manhattan. This drink was pretty popular during the Prohibition era and is also known to be Frank Sinatra’s favorite. Every bar has their own version of the Manhattan but essentially it contains two ounces of Rye whiskey and half an ounce of vermouth with a dash of bitters and the optional stemmed cherry.
#5 Rusty Nail. The Rusty Nail is one of those drinks that pass itself off as a cocktail but tastes more like a fist fight after the first sip. For this one, you take one and a half ounce of Scotch whisky and dilute it with three-quarter ounces of Drambuie. Then top it off with some ice and a lemon peel.
The mix may sound fancy but legend has it that the drink got its name from the tradition of some rowdy Scotsmen stirring this concoction with a rusty nail. If that’s not manly for you then we don’t know what is.
No-nonsense drinks for the quintessential man
For the breed of men that abhors fancy cocktails served in fancy crystalware. The quintessential man’s drink is anything with ethanol in it. He won’t mind if he drinks it from a beat up tin can or from the sawed off skull of his enemies.
#6 Beer. The most ancient and manliest drink of all and enjoyed by all social classes. Beer is jokingly referred to as a “liquid meal” by its most devoted drinkers. It contains both alcohol and a good amount of carbohydrates no red-blooded man should ever fear to chug. [Read: 12 quick ways to go from sloshed to alert]
#7 Gin and Tonic. A classic drink that calls for 1:1 ratio of gin and tonic water finished with a slice of lime. This drink was originally introduced by British soldiers in India as a way to mask the bitter taste of quinine in tonic water they drunk to prevent malaria. Sounds unmanly but we think they just wanted an excuse to get drunk while taking their medicine.
#8 Rum and cola. As straightforward as the name implies, this concoction calls for a combination of cola and infamously high proof Caribbean rum. This drink is often served over ice and topped with a slice of lime to give an acidic accent to the dark, bitter, and crisp mixture swirling beneath. A manly drink that’s sure to give you a baritone voice if you’re sober enough to speak after the first glass.
#9 Mojito. This drink gets its manliness from being the favorite drink of Pulitzer-winning author Ernest Hemingway. The Mojito calls for two parts spiced rum, one part soda, along with a garnish of mint leaves, some lime juice, and crushed ice. We probably think that the drink influenced him to say the famous quote “write drunk, edit sober.” [Read: The 5 biggest factors that boost a man’s sexual market value]
Crazy drinks for the craziest of men
These are drinks born during desperate times and more often a health risk than a pleasurable sip. Taking a shot is like playing a game of Russian roulette with your liver. Only the manliest gets through a glass and still stands on their feet.
#10 Naga Chili Vodka. If vodka itself is not manly enough, why not add another dash of manliness by pickling Naga chili peppers in it? Just so you know, Naga peppers rank up at 250,000 units on the Scoville heat scale. This means every bottle needs an FDA warning sticker that reads “drink at your own risk.”
#11 Moonshine. Moonshine is simply whiskey that omits the barrel aging and health standards involved in normal whiskey production. It was made popular by bootleggers during the Prohibition Era by means of homemade stills built from car radiators. They were used to distill alcohol from grain mash.
The resulting drink can be clear or cloudy with expected high alcohol content and some additive by-products that sometimes kills the drinker. There are still some craft distillers that produce this alcoholic drink that follows safety standards. But only a true man drinks something otherwise used as a firebomb. [Read: How to unleash your inner alpha male]
#12 Everclear. If moonshine is not enough to scare you, try Everclear with its 190 proof alcohol content. What does 190 proof mean? It means that once you open the bottle, you cannot (1) put your eye near the mouth of the bottle unless you want to go blind, and (2) you cannot light a cigarette a few minutes after opening a bottle.
Seriously, the label of this drink says “don’t consume on its own.” So, if you want to prove something, dilute this first with a liter of water before consuming or else you’ll be like Jesus dying for three days before waking up with a bad hangover.