Eye candy is not in short supply, thanks to Marvel. What happens when you have a keg instead of a six pack? Below are 10 tips for a bangin’ dad bod.
So, you are not ripped, and the only six-pack you have is the one in your fridge. Good thing, though—your body type is now ruling the “interwebs”; the softly round, slightly pudgy dad bod is becoming the world’s most-hyped physique.
It’s not that they are glorifying being out-of-shape. After all, you aren’t out of shape; you’ve exercised your arms and your legs, jumping and cheering on your favorite team. The dad bod is actually a nice break from seeing all the lean, shredded males being idolized and drooled upon by ladies all over the internet.
Dad bod versus Thor
The dad bod has become an overnight frenzy, because it actually gives hope to a lot of men who are not taking shelter inside gyms just to keep their bodies in shape. The idea is that the barely-there beer bellies and arm muscles of Leonardo DiCaprio, Jason Segel, and John Hamm are actually how most men look, giving people a firmer grasp on reality. There is really no need to obsess over becoming the next Calvin Klein model. After all, as long as you are healthy and happy, you’re gold—right?
So, if you are someone who wants to get in on the craze and get yourself a dad bod, consider these tips.
#1 The couch potato. If your couch doesn’t have an imprint of your ass, you’re doing the dad bod workout wrong. The secret to getting a dad bod is clocking some time on your couch as you go on a Mad Men, Game of Thrones, and House of Cards marathon—probably the only marathon you’ll ever participate in. You can even throw in some Orange is the New Black for good measure, just to be sure you have that butt imprint on your couch down pat.
#2 Choose fried, not grilled. When you go out to dinner, choose the fried chicken over the grilled. Better yet, choose the fried bass *what, it’s fish!* over the grilled pork. Or, if you’re going to have that grilled pork, have some french fries, tater tots, and jalapeno poppers. Anyone currently pursuing a paleo or vegan diet clearly hasn’t yet tasted the deep-fried blue cheese bacon burger you always whip out when you’re on a cook out with your boys.
#3 Your best friend is Mr. Potato. Actually, a real potato. Or potatoes. A whole sack full of them. If there is one vegetable you must eat, it is this root crop. This versatile veggie is great for breakfast frittatas, a baked side dish for lunch, and a salad for dinner. And if you want some dessert, there’s nothing as fun as dipping a hot, salty fry into a bowl of hot fudge.
#4 Meal plans. Speaking of food, it’s all about getting protein, fat, and creamy, cheesy goodness. Bacon, cheese, eggs, and bread are staples in your everyday meals. If you squeeze in a few workouts on the elliptical trainer, you’ll need to have an extra serving of mac’ n cheese and country-fried chicken, and gulp down a root beer float. Then add some fries—because potatoes are your best friend.
#5 Keep a well-stocked snack drawer. Any man with a dad bod will be hungry in the middle of the night. Going to the kitchen is a lot of work—work that your dad bod just can’t do. So you have to have a snack drawer as close to your bed as possible. You can even have a Snickers under your pillow, just in case. Aside from your bedroom, you should also always have a stash of snacks in your office drawers. As a rule, have every drawer equipped with snacks, so you’ll never go hungry again.
#6 Be ready for the apocalypse. Stockpile your pantry, fridge, and freezers with food. Lots and lots of food. Fill your freezer with goodies such as popsicles and ice cream. Meanwhile, your refrigerator should have its own collection of microwaveables and instant dinners. Invest in popcorn, chips, nuts, and dips. And beer, but just not any beer; it should be the micro-brewed kind that you, yourself, concoct in the basement.
#7 Never skip meals… or snacks. The secret to the dad bod is to take in more calories than you burn. Who wants to look like David Beckham, anyway? Have your morning snack, your afternoon snack, and your midnight snack. If you’re on the go and you can’t grab a bite, make a protein shake and add some chocolate milk. Who needs a snack when you can drink? And of course, there’s always the leftover pizza that you can eat hot or cold, any time of the day.
#8 Lift some weights. Everybody knows that underneath all that flab is some muscle, so don’t forget to flaunt it. Carry your remote and your bowl of nachos around the house, play video games, hit some darts at the bar for sport, get some wrist action lifting your bottle of beer, and lift your own weight as you go to the kitchen to get another pack of Twinkies.
#9 Be low maintenance. Men sporting the dad bod are taking the world by storm because they are changing the way men and women think about appearances. Men with the dad bod are low maintenance, so who needs to exercise or have impeccable grooming?
Of course, we don’t have our backs waxed, and we don’t care if we forgot to shave for the past two mornings. What is great about having a dad bod is girls will know what you’re all about, and will not feel guilty if they forget to shave.
#10 Be your own brew. At the backbone of every dad bod is beer. Beer is to dad bod as chia seed fruit squeeze is to organic muscle head. Speaking of organic, your hops are organic, so no need to feel guilty about supporting the industry that has made every man joyous during happy hour.
Light, domestic, imported, bottled, canned, or on tap, every man with a dad bod must know his brew. He knows his pales from his ales and can profile the taste of every craft brew he comes across. Of course, his taste is as unique as him, and his personality as bubbly.
The rise of the dad bod is putting the spotlight on men who don’t or seldom go to the gym, drink beer more often, have more than two slices of pizza, and generally enjoy a stomach full of food. But it doesn’t mean they’re lazy slobs; they just don’t obsess over going to the gym or eating bird food so they can flaunt a certain number of packs on their abs.
And though not associated with fatherhood, per se, the dad bod is how women often think about the potential father of their children. These days, men who are slightly rounded are more attractive to women, as these men are not superficial or stuck up, and already have bodies reflecting the comfort of fatherhood.
We hope the tips above can help you attain the dad bod of your dreams. However, try them at your own risk and don’t forget to seek advice from a physician—or, better yet, troll the internet.
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Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...