Learning how to be a wingman is one thing, but being the best there is? That requires expert knowledge and training! Handily, we have everything you need to know.
Understanding how to be a wingman isn’t just about standing next to your friend as they hit on a girl. Being a wingman is about being a supportive friend. It’s about making your friend look his best, and it’s about shining a light on him and making him feel at ease.
What’s so great is that you can be each other’s wingman at the same time. He could be helping you while you’re helping him. If you want to know how to be a wingman, it means you want to be a good friend. And that tells us you’re already part-way there. [Read: Six golden rules to be the best wingman ever]
What is a wingman?
The term wingman is derived from aviation. It is the name given to the pilot that flies beside or behind the leader in a formation. It is essentially the supporting pilot. That is the same idea when it comes to a wingman in dating.
You are playing the supporting role and helping your friend make a good impression by not taking center stage. It’s about giving him confidence and allowing him to be the best version of himself.
A wingman may boast about how good their friend is. They may set up their friend with someone they know. They may even encourage their friend to be better, so they have a better chance with someone they like.
Whether you want to be a wingman for your friend or you’re trying to work out how to choose a wingman, it’s something to take your time with. [Read: The 60 bro code rules every guy should follow]
The key roles of a wingman
Now you know what a wingman is, what are their key roles in the whole process? Of course, they’re supposed to be there for support, but what else? What are the nuances involved in this very important job?
1. Comrade-in-arms
Being a wingman isn’t just about the actual going-out-and-meeting-girls side of the deal, it’s also about boosting your friend’s confidence beforehand. Here, you can share your dating experiences so you can help him to interpret his correctly.
2. Problem solver
When your friend is knee-deep in dating anxiety, you’re the one with a clear head. It’s your job to solve his problems by coming up with creative solutions. He can give his input, of course, but he’s likely to come up with terrible ideas because he’s right in the middle of it!
If you’re learning how to choose a wingman, pick someone who’s great at solving problems. [Read: 20 relationship problems that push a couple apart or bring them closer]
3. Be a mentor
Another key role you need to understand when learning how to be a wingman is to be a mentor. You need to be someone who is confident around women and who can hold a conversation well. Then, your friend can learn from you and build his confidence.
4. Accountability partner
Another role is helping your friend to maintain the boundaries he’s chosen in the dating game. This is key because there may be times when your friend is tempted to move beyond those boundaries, and you know it’s not going to be good for him.
You’re there to help him remain on the straight and narrow by being the one he’s accountable to.
5. Sounding board
It’s easy to hear what your friend is saying, but are you really listening? You need to be a sounding board that your friend can bounce ideas off. You can give him your honest opinion that way, but you need to really listen to what he’s telling you. [Read: How to be a good friend – 49 traits and friend codes that define a real pal]
A few wingman facts to know
Of course, the wingman role is surrounded by stigma. Most people assume this is a guy who flies solo to help his friend and is normally a little on the sleazy side. But that’s not the truth at all.
To help you learn how to be a wingman to the best of your ability, or to know how to choose a wingman for yourself, let’s debunk some myths by giving you the facts about this important role.
1. He doesn’t necessarily call himself a ‘wingman’
This isn’t an actual job vacancy with a job description and salary! It can simply be a guy who wants to help his friend out. So you may not hear a wingman actually calling himself that. [Read: How to be a friend – The real art of true and meaningful friendships]
2. Wingmanning isn’t just about sex
A wingman might be trying to help his friend get laid, for sure, but he could also be helping him to find someone he can truly connect with. Not all guys are only out for one thing, you know!
3. The wingman’s job is to give a little push
A guy doesn’t have to follow everything his wingman suggests, but one of the key elements of being a wingman is giving your friend a little push from time to time. That may be all he needs to get out there and find his perfect love.
4. He needs to be complimentary but keep his friend humble
A wingman shouldn’t build his friend up to the point where he’s big-headed and thinks he’s the best in the world. That’s not a good look, and the wingman knows it.
Instead, he’s there to compliment his friend and build his confidence, but also keep his feet on the ground and keep him humble. [Read: Confident or cocky? 16 subtle signs that split an arrogant and modest man]
5. A wingman can take a hint
When you’re in the middle of trying to speak to someone you like, it’s not always easy to take a hint. But that’s the wingman’s job. This role means knowing when the other person isn’t interested by reading their body language and putting the whole picture together.
It’s about saving your friend’s pride and not allowing him to make a fool of himself.
6. A wingman isn’t always taken
Wingmen can be single too! Of course, it looks better if they’re taken because they’re not likely to be eyeing up someone their friend might like. But if a guy is happy with his single status, he’ll probably be happy to be a wingman too.
7. Wingmen have to know how to make a quick exit
Sometimes things don’t go according to plan, and it’s the wingman’s job to get his friend out of there! [Read: 16 common relationship tips that ruin your love life]
8. Introducing two people is not the same as wingmanning
After all, anyone can take two people and say, “hey, this is … and this is …” and let them get on with it. That’s not wingmanning. A wingman is a little more in-depth and has a strategy.
9. Wingmen aren’t necessarily making a noble sacrifice
Who knows, maybe they’re looking for someone themselves, and getting out there with their friend is the ideal excuse. Don’t assume that all wingmen are doing it for the greater good of their friend.
Even if that’s not the case, they’re getting a good night out and probably having a lot of fun, so it’s not all bad! [Read: Bad friends – 25 types of friends you must unfriend from your life]
What not to do as a wingman
A wingman plays a supporting role to a friend in need of assistance when it comes to flirting or dating. We often see this role in movies and TV, but what we see isn’t exactly spot on. In those circumstances, you see a guy acting like a jackass to make their friend swoop in as the nice guy.
You see the wingman hook up with a girl’s unfortunate-looking friend so his friend can hook up with the “hot one.” These things may make sort-of-funny bro-comedies, but they aren’t realistic, right, or decent in how to be a wingman in real life.
A wingman isn’t there to help his friend get laid. If that’s your goal, you can click off this article right now. Helping your friend take advantage of a woman by manipulating her is not cool or okay. A true wingman isn’t out there to help a friend pick up a girl by tricking her.
A wingman’s responsibility is to help a girl see the best qualities of his friend without having to resort to manipulation and games to bed a woman. [Read: Rules of etiquette for the modern gentleman]
How to be a good wingman
If you really want to be a good wingman, you want your friend to be a good guy and treat women with decency and respect. Actually helping him be a good person, not just making him look like one, is one of the best things you can do for him. So, what else makes up how to be a good wingman?
1. Help him relax
Being a good wingman isn’t just about making the girl like him, but it’s about making him like himself. Before heading over to a girl or introducing him to someone you know, help him feel good and calm.
If he’s sweating and nervous, nothing you say to her will override that. Let him know he can handle this. It’s just talking.
Even give him a shot to help him calm his nerves. Just be sure to set him a drink limit. It is one thing to give him a little liquid courage to talk to a pretty girl, but another thing to pick him up off the floor after he pukes on her shoes. Keep it classy. [Read: 15 tips every guy must absolutely know before approaching a woman]
2. Give him a pep talk
The worst thing that could happen is she isn’t interested, and you go on having a good night. Let him know she’d be lucky to talk to him or go out with him. Remind him that he’s funny and would be able to go up to her alone too, but you’re just there to make things less awkward.
Take inspiration from your favorite sports movie’s locker room speech and really get him in the right headspace. If he isn’t feeling confident, she’ll see that, and you’ll come off as too pushy, acting like he’s so awesome when even he doesn’t think that. [Read: How to motivate yourself to do pretty much anything you want]
3. Call him out
Above getting your friend into a woman’s good graces, you must be a good friend above all else. If he says something that’s over the line, makes an inappropriate joke, or anything else, call him out.
Don’t make excuses or nod along. Not only does that make you complacent, but it doesn’t do him any good. Teach him why what he said or did was wrong.
Don’t just say what he wants to hear or what he wants her to hear. Say what needs to be said. [Read: The 22 unspoken guy code rules all men must know]
4. Be sober enough
Going out for drinks and meeting girls is great. But if you want to be a good wingman, be sober enough to be on your game. You should be able to speak clearly, hear clearly, and interact. You also need to be able to stand.
Having a few drinks is all fine and well. But if you really want your buddy to be able to make a connection with someone, you both need to be relatively sober. You also both need to be sober enough to know that the girl or girls you’re talking to are sober. [Read: What to talk about when you’re drunk with your date]
5. Handle instructions
If your friend needs or wants a wingman, there’s a reason. He probably is a little nervous. Sure, you can give him a pep talk and help him relax, but you’re there for another reason. You want to ease the tension and awkwardness between everyone.
Whether you’re talking to one girl, two, or approaching a whole group, take on the role of organic speaker. You want to get everyone’s name.
You’re essentially opening a door for your friend so he can walk through it. Without a clever knock, the door won’t open. The difficulty here is balancing being charming enough to put everyone at ease while not taking the spotlight of your friend. [Read: How to talk to a group of girls and impress all of them at the same time]
6. Know who likes who
There can be a lot of confusion here. When you are heading over to a group of girls with your buddy, know who he is hoping to click with, so you don’t accidentally flirt with her.
Also, introduce them first. Make your focus on her friends or the group as a whole. Try to find common ground between them and focus there.
If she says she’s a football fan, and you know he is, circle back to that topic. Help their connection spark so that he can take over. [Read: How to keep a conversation going with girls, so you always have something to say]
7. Know when to back down
Know when to stop and walk away. We don’t mean if things are going well, but if they aren’t. This is another place the movies get it wrong. Persistence is not attractive or cute, nor does it work.
If the girl or girls you’re talking to aren’t interested, don’t keep pushing. Whether they turn you guys down or just seem disinterested, we can almost guarantee you they are not playing hard to get.
Know when to say, “Nice to meet you, have a good night.” Having that skill will not only make you a better guy, but it will help other girls realize that as well. [Read: What is chivalry?]
8. Be yourself
Although a wingman is there to make his friend look good, don’t go overboard. Friends tease each other. You also have your own personality. Be sure to be yourself, not just a puppet spewing filler about him.
On top of that, you want to show everyone there that you’re a decent and normal person. If you come off weird to make your friend look better, it will only make them wonder why he is friends with you.
Be yourself and show them that he’s a good guy through you. He would only be friends with someone else who’s a good person. If he has a solid friend like you, he has to be a pretty good person himself. [Read: 18 qualities of a good man that sets him apart from lesser men]
9. Connect
Connect with the girl’s friends. Talk as a group. Actually get to know them. This really calms the vibes and makes everyone feel at ease.
If you flirt with her friend so your friend can talk to a girl, it’ll be obvious. Instead of splitting off and making everyone feel pressured to flirt, just talk.
Make plans as a group. Talk together. Play darts or trivia together. You don’t have to push your buddy and the girl he’s into together in a corner. You can all get to know each other and see what comes of it. [Read: How to start a conversation with a stranger and say all the right things]
10. Read the room
If things seem to be working out and she likes him, know when to wander off, get a drink or give your mom a call. You have to be able to tell if they’re hitting it off. If you can’t, simply ask. Sure, that can be awkward, but it can actually break the ice.
Saying, “So can I leave you two alone without a chaperone?” may make them blush, but if she wants to be alone with him, she’ll make it known. If not, that gives her an out to walk away too.
Also, don’t leave without a plan. Is he going home with her? Who’s driving? Is he getting her number? Figure it out, so no one is left behind.
Learning how to be a wingman isn’t about cracking jokes and making your boy look cool. It is about being genuine. You want to help him put his best foot forward by doing the same. [Read: How to be a good person – 32 ways to transform into a better human]
11. Be subtle
As a wingman, subtly needs to be your game. Everyone knows what is going on here, but you don’t need to come right out and say it or make it obvious. Your role is to make it look natural, and as though you’re just chatting to a girl and her friends – at this point, that’s all it is.
If you go in there and make it super-obvious that you’re attempting to try and set up your friend, it’s not going to go down well, and your friend will probably be embarrassed.
12. Talk to everyone
What you shouldn’t do is stand in a corner, scanning the room in a creepy way. It doesn’t look good, and it’s likely to make girls steer very clear of you and your friend.
Instead, talk to everyone and just be friendly. Get to know people and find out their interests. By doing that, you can figure out if anyone there has the same interests as your friend. [Read: The introvert’s foolproof guide to dating an extrovert]
13. Make friends with their friends
This doesn’t mean you should try and hook up with them so that your friend has a better chance. It means you should talk to everyone simply to be polite, but also because if you’re keeping her friends occupied, it means your friend can talk with the girl he likes in private.
If you’re taken, tell people that you are and then talk to her friends in a chatty way. They’ll respond to it much better.
Making the decision: How to choose a wingman
When learning how to choose a wingman, ideally, you need a friend in the role who just kind of gets it without being instructed or constantly nudged in the right direction. However, this isn’t always available, and there are those who perform the function inadvertently, not realizing that that’s what they’ve been brought along for.
The important thing to remember is that you choose someone because of what they can bring to the role in different environments. Identifying their wingman type and choosing accordingly is the key to wingman-selection success. [Read: 15 things to do on a first date to make your date fall for you]
1. Captain Charisma
This particular type of wingman is the charmer in the group. Wherever he is in the room, he draws all eyes and attention towards him with natural and unpracticed ease.
Positives: Your group will become the magnet for the whole room—the center of all attention, to the extent that rather than doing the hunting, your prey will find excuses to come to you.
Negatives: There is always a risk, with such a charismatic individual at hand, that you will be eclipsed by his powerful presence—unless your personality is equally well-endowed. When learning how to choose a wingman, bear this in mind. [Read: What is a cock block and 11 reasons why they do it]
2. Saturday night live
The joker in the pack, this is the guy who always has an amusing quip on hand that can be used to lighten the atmosphere and draw in company from outside the immediate group.
Positives: Everyone likes to have fun and let their hair down, and what better way to do that than through the help of a natural joker? Women will just love to be part of the apparent fun. When learning how to choose a wingman, humor should be one of the first things to consider.
Negatives: The only problem with jokers is that they sometimes don’t know when to stop, and their joking around can end up being obstructive to your aims or tiresome to those you’re trying to pursue. [Read: How to talk at a party and make an impression]
3. The L word
Not the one you’re thinking of. In this case, the “L” stands for “Loser.”
This is the kind of guy who wears odd socks and places himself squarely on the evolutionary scale somewhere between the amoeba and the North African dung beetle.
Positives: Let’s face it, he makes you look good. Even if you are only moderately attractive, you’ll look like a go-getting superman in comparison.
Negatives: You don’t want to end up being tarred with the same brush, and, to pardon another cliché, some women may figure that birds of a feather flock together. That’s not a good look and, again, something to consider when figuring out how to choose a wingman. [Read: How to network at a party like a social butterfly]
4. Mr. Smooth
This guy is the one who was born kissing the Blarney Stone and could easily charm his way out of a Bangkok prison. There are pluses and minuses to this wingman.
Positives: This guy will do all of the hard work for you. You can just sit back and relax as his silver tongue invades, conquers, and colonizes the nearest gaggle of available girls.
Negatives: Unfortunately, Mr. Smooth tends to put himself before all others. If there’s a girl on your radar who you want to end the night with, chances are he’ll already have won her over, taken her back to his place, and made it back out again for round two.
In terms of learning how to choose a wingman, this is possibly someone to avoid. [Read: What if you and a friend are into the same woman?]
5. It must be ‘ewe’
The sheep in the pack, this is the guy who has an overwhelming platonic admiration for you and will follow you all night long, performing commands at every wag of a finger.
Positives: He makes you look like a leader, an alpha male. He’ll also perform any and all dirty work necessary to put you in a good light.
Negatives: At the point of the evening where you’ve scored, you’ll end up with a committed gooseberry—someone who hangs around like a bad smell and just won’t take the hint to leave. [Read: The types of cock blocks you could bump into]
6. Sir Chugalot
The big drinker in the pack, this guy can down a keg in one sitting and still come back for the bottle of whiskey chaser. When learning how to choose a wingman, remember that you need someone sober enough to actually do the job!
Positives: This guy can really get the ball rolling as a party animal whose specialty is breaking the ice and getting everyone to enjoy themselves.
Negatives: The negative to this particular wingman is his inability to play his role beyond the first hour. He’ll be so intoxicated and out of control that he’ll be of little to no use at all—unless you’re in dire need of a vomit machine, of course! [Read: Simple, effective ways to cure that pesky hangover]
7. Jaws 2
The hardcore shark in the pack, he operates similarly to Mr. Smooth, but he relies not so much upon words as his sheer testosterone-fueled presence to attract the ladies.
Positives: Like we’ve said, many women fall head over heels for the pure alpha male type, and you could end up with plenty of spare to choose from.
Negatives: This guy can quickly turn into a liability. He doesn’t seem to understand the word “no,” and there’s a very fine line between a sexual hero and a sexual predator. You don’t want to be labeled by association. [Read: How to be seen as more masculine without coming across as a jerk]
8. Family guy
The family guy is a good, stable sort of fellow, out on a very occasional bit of shore leave with permission from his good lady. He is the sort of person who spends most of the night talking about his kids.
Positives: This wingman poses no threat to your aspirations whatsoever. Even if someone did come onto him, he’d soon have them running for the hills with tales of diapers and 3 AM wake-up calls.
Negatives: At times when the women are not available or haven’t been hooked yet, the conversation is going to be very dry. Too long with the domestic talk, and you’ll want to go home yourself. [Read: The 41 best qualities of a good man that sets him apart from lesser men]
9. Ten-men Tony
Ten-men is the guy who has two glasses of beer and thinks he is a serious contender for the next world heavyweight championship contest.
Positives: If you happen to “accidentally” chat up a woman who’s already taken, he becomes a valuable ally when the boyfriend wades in. When figuring out how to choose a wingman, that’s definitely a good attribute to think about!
Negatives: He could pick a fight with a three-legged puppy. No woman is going to even look at you when you’re in the company of the resident psycho. [Read: Toxic friends – the types of friends to avoid]
10. The wing commander
Mr. Reliable—the experienced wingman who knows the role inside-out and commits to it with an almost sacred level of respect.
Positives: Many. He is the perfect choice and will perform in a selfless and dedicated manner.
Negatives: He’s going to expect you to perform with exactly the same aplomb the next time you’re out.
When learning how to choose a wingman, you need to think carefully about the friends you have around you and which one you think would perform the role to the best of their ability. Don’t just go for the most popular guy because he may not be the best one for the job. [Read: How to be better at dating]
Choosing a wingman is definitely a difficult decision, but once you’ve whittled down your candidates, you’ll probably find that your search for a new love goes a lot smoother as a result.
Take the role of wingman seriously
Whether you’ve come here to learn how to choose a wingman or you’re trying to be the best wingman you can be, it’s important to take the role seriously. This is someone who can make or break a friend’s love life!
If you choose a guy who doesn’t take it seriously, you won’t enjoy yourself half as much and probably find yourself going home disappointed. However, when you learn how to choose a wingman carefully, or you take the role seriously yourself, everyone will be much happier as a result.
[Read: How to build self-confidence – 16 ways to realize you’re worth it]
Learning how to be a wingman is about being a good friend and doing what’s best for both of you. It doesn’t have to be complicated. If you’re a good friend, it’ll work out.
