How to Help a Possessive Girlfriend Go from Clingy to Amazing
Most guys want a girl who adores them and hangs on their every word. But, a possessive girlfriend is an entirely different creature. Cut her or tame her!
Girlfriends can be a real pain in the ass, even just the average ones. But, if you have a possessive girlfriend, it feels like someone sucks the life right out of you. Before you say adios, there are ways to take the possessive girlfriend and make her less so.
If you want to say goodbye, then do. The fact that you’re reading about a “possessive girlfriend” means that you aren’t ready to call it quits just yet.
10 ways to tame the beast *possessive girlfriend*
If your girlfriend is a little too clingy, the reality is if you didn’t have feelings and wanted to move on, you would simply say goodbye. If you want to calm down whatever the hell riles her up, it might take some introspection to find out why she is so possessive. [Read: 20 reasons why a good morning text is so important for women]
When I met my husband, we were friends. I remember him saying to me that every girl he had ever met ended up crazy. My answer to him was, “Were they crazy when you met them?” The truth might hurt.
The reasons she is so possessive might stem from your actions and the way you treat her. So, if you want the possession to stop, it takes an exorcism of her bad behaviors and yours as well.
#1 Try reassurance. Sometimes a possessive girlfriend is really just a mask for an insecure girl. When girls are insecure, they need constant reassurance. That comes in the form of praise or trust.
If she had a dad who cheated on her mom or an ex who screwed everything in town, then those bad experiences in her past taint her future. Try to reassure her that you are there for her and whatever her past holds, her future with you is different because you are different.
If you provide constant reassurance up front, you build her self-esteem and make her feel secure. The more you do, the more she lets go of the noose she has around your neck. It might take a lot of energy, but you should slowly see her possessive nature melt away once her fear of losing you subsides. [Read: How to deal with a needy girlfriend]
#2 Set boundaries. If she interferes in a way negatively impacting not only your relationship and the way you see her but your life, talk about boundaries. Don’t allow her to run rampant over you or she will continue.
Set a line in the sand about what is appropriate behavior and what is not. Maybe she got away with that behavior in her last relationship, but you make it clear that in your book, it isn’t okay and it must stop.
The key is real boundaries are concretes like “you can’t text me while I am at work.” Otherwise, your “back off” just makes her more insecure, which ups her possessive nature. [Read: How to set boundaries and feel more in control of your life]
#3 Stop being secretive. Sometimes women who don’t tend to be possessive change because of your behaviors. If you lie to her about where you go and she finds out or you’re putting passwords on everything you have, you likely make her jealous and the possessive girlfriend side surfaces.
There is nothing that makes a girl cling harder than if she feels that you have something to hide. If you let her into your world and are honest with her, she will trust that when you aren’t around, you still respect her.
#4 Back off of your friendships with other girls. If you have a harem of girls who follow you around, that just isn’t cool. Sure, you can be friends with girls, but not if it bothers the girl you are with.
No girl wants to hear about your intimate friendship with another girl, friend or not. It still feels like a betrayal. Maybe just for a bit put your other girlfriends on ice and focus on making your girlfriend a priority.
Her possessive nature might be a result of your extracurricular activities, as harmless as you think they are.
#5 Show her more attention and compliment her. Most possessive girlfriends behave the way that they do out of fear. If she is in your face all the time, constantly questioning where you are, or wanting to be at your side 24/7, then she has a fear that she is going to lose you if she doesn’t hold on tight.
If you give her the attention she craves, then likely, she will have her emotional tank filled and won’t be fighting so hard to get it from you. Oh, and some compliments can’t hurt! Anyway that you make her feel loved and special helps her not feel like she must have her thumb on you all the time to keep you. [Read: 15 ways to make your girlfriend feel loved and needed]
#6 Take her so she can see how no-fun things are. If you are guy’s guy and you go shooting and hang out with the guys doing guy things, she might feel left out. There is also the potential that she thinks you do those things just to exclude her. Sorry guys, that is the way that it sometimes feels.
If you invite her along once, she sees how geeked out you get and how not fun it can be. And, likely, she gives you a pass to do it again whenever you want. Been there, done that, is always a good way to calm her ever-loving possessive ways.
#7 Check in periodically, just because. If she must know where you are every second of every minute, feed into it for a bit. I know, if you are one of those guys who says, “She isn’t going to tie me down,” you probably fight against being possessed by avoidance.
Yes, it is irritating to tell someone where you are every second. But, if you check in once in a while, you build trust with her. She knows that you are where you say you are. The more trust you build, the better.
She backs off and gives you room to breathe. Put in the effort up front and you might find that she turns around. [Read: The 10 big traits of a good boyfriend]
#8 Find out what her triggers are and avoid them. Possessive people are usually created from past experiences. If you notice there are things that make her cling harder, pay close attention to what it is about them. If you can figure out a road map to why she feels the need to cling, you can undo it.
If you find that not texting at night is a trigger, text her at night to avoid the fallout. If talking to a coworker is the issue, then don’t talk about it anymore. We all have emotional triggers. For the possessive girl, they are probably abundant. But, if you get a handle on them your relationship runs much more smoothly.
#9 Encourage her to make new friends or find a hobby. Maybe she is possessive with you because she really doesn’t have a life of her own. Sometimes we cling to people because we don’t have much else going on. Instead of avoiding your possessive girlfriend or getting upset, encourage her to meet new people, introduce her to your friends, or guide her to find something that she likes to do.
If we don’t have a good sense of self, we project our boredom and restlessness on others and expect them to fill in the spaces. If you want her to stop being so attached, help her find something that she loves almost as much as you to occupy her time. [Read: How to build up trust in a relationship and make it last]
#10 Give her “her time.” Sometimes guys feel like they are being possessed because no matter how much time they spend with their girlfriend she still says stuff like “you never do anything with me.” Maybe the problem isn’t that you aren’t spending enough time with her, but that you aren’t spending quality time with her.
I know, you probably hate me right now. I promise you that if you put your phone away, do something she wants, and focus on her at least one or two nights a week then her possessiveness will decrease. If you make a schedule of truly individualized time, she actually feels like you spent the time she needs to feel comfortable in your relationship.
Possessive girlfriends, in general, are a bit much to handle. If you can’t handle it, you have no choice but to lose your girlfriend and move on. But, if you love her enough to try to work through it and weather the storm, it takes you looking at your behaviors and how they affect her and a lot of energy up front to make her feel secure enough to loosen the reigns.
Fear is a very powerful motivator. If she feels as if she will lose you because you are distracted, you never focus on her, or you talk about your relationship with other girls when she feels like yours is lacking, she clings harder.
If you try these ten things, you might find that the possessive girlfriend you think you have is really an amazing woman underneath it all.