I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying bros before hoes before. While it’s used by many young men out there, it has to stop and here’s why.
We all know friends are important to guys. In fact, they’re sometimes even more important than family for them. So it’s safe to say that they’ll usually come first in regards to being in a relationship with someone new. Just like family would come first to you. But the whole mentality behind bros before hoes has just got to go.
Yes, I understand that your friends are important to you, and you hold them near and dear. However, if you take bros before hoes and put it into effect literally, you’re going to run into a lot of problems.
Making time for friends while dating
One mistake a lot of us make early on in our dating years is forgetting about our friends when we have a new significant other. Yes, it’s great to spend a lot of time with your new boyfriend or girlfriend, and love up on them all you can, but it’s also important to remember to make time for your friends.
Too often we get caught up in our relationship and dismiss our friends entirely. We have to remember to make time for them and balance our social lives so we don’t end up making either our friends – or our significant others – angry at us. [Read: 21 things that will turn any girl into a crazy girlfriend]
Why bros before hoes has got to go
While I agree it’s super important to keep your friendships while you’re in a new relationship, you can’t just make them a priority over your new love interest. There are a lot of reasons the whole mentality behind bros before hoes is harmful to not only a new relationship, but to your psyche, too.
If you’re wondering why I am aiming to get rid of this bro mentality, I’ll make it plain and simple for you. These are all the reasons to put an end to the saying, bros before hoes, for good.
#1 Your relationship isn’t first priority. I think we can all agree that a relationship should be really important in your life. And while it may not be first priority while you begin dating and are new to each other, it should definitely be a priority once things are made official.
Meaning, if you keep the bros before hoes mentality after you’re officially together, you’ll run into problems. If you want to build a life with someone, they’re first, and your bros will have to understand. If they can’t, well, they’re not really bros in the first place. Are they? [Read: 15 rules to be a really good partner in your relationship]
#2 It shows wrong intentions. Nobody wants to get with a new guy and then hear that they strongly believe in bros before hoes. It’s off-putting, and quite frankly, it’s nearly impossible for a girl to take you seriously if you say something like this early on.
Why? Because we don’t want to feel like we’re just going to get ditched or sidelined because your bros called you out when we have plans. We don’t want to go into a relationship knowing that we’re not important.
#3 It makes it OK to ditch your girl. If you use the excuse, bros before hoes, as a means to get out of doing whatever it is you and your girl planned, then it’s a problem. The biggest issue with this phrase being taken literally is that it makes you think it’s okay to ditch your girl.
If you think that it can get you out of your plans, you have another thing coming. Sure, if your friend is in dire need of you and it’s an emergency, you can explain it and I’m sure your girlfriend will understand. But if you say, bros before hoes with a shrug while you saunter out the door, be prepared for hell to break loose when you get back. [Read: 10 things you shouldn’t do when you have a girlfriend]
#4 It makes your new lover feel left out. She wants to be important in your life. All people who are in a relationship *who actually want to be there* want to feel important to their significant other.
If you use this phrase and take it literally, she’s going to feel left out and separated. If you’re bringing a girlfriend into your life, you have to bring her into all parts of your life. Including your friends’ lives. If you keep it separated like that, she’ll never feel fully with you – which can pose many problems.
#5 You’re telling them they’re not important. Basically, you’re yelling loud and clear that they’re not important to you. Sure, you may not mean it in that way. You may just mean that your friends mean a lot to you, and if there’s something they need, you’ll be there.
But that’s not what your girl is hearing. By saying bros before hoes, you’re telling her that no matter what, she’s on the back burner. That your friends will be your main priority no matter what. [Read: 23 things girls wish guys knew about a girl’s mind]
#6 It causes you to ignore their concerns when it’s about your friends. This can be a HUGE problem in relationships. If you ignore a problem your girlfriend has, it will fester until she just about explodes. You hear all the time about guys complaining because their girlfriend just went off.
Well, ignoring their concerns is usually why it happens. If you have the mentality of bros before hoes, you will dismiss any and all concerns she has about your friends – especially the valid ones. [Read: Fellas, this is why you’ve never had a girlfriend]
#7 It fosters unrealistic expectations. If you realistically think that bros before hoes will always be something you aspire to achieve, you’re wrong.
If you think a relationship can possibly survive under those expectations, you’re wrong. Don’t let your friends think this is true when you’ll end up putting more into your relationship with your girl than with them.
#8 It causes stress for you.Who wants to purposely add stress to their life? I know I don’t. But guys do it all the time when they proclaim that bros before hoes is how they want to live their life. Why is that so stressful, you ask?
#9 It halts your relationship from progressing. This is a major reason to stop using this phrase. If you’re looking to meet someone and grow old with them for real and you’re not just messing around, then using bros before hoes will seriously stop your relationship from advancing.
#10 It’s outdated. This is plain and simple. Back in the day, this phrase was a joke and was used to emphasize a guy’s relationship with their friends. It was also used as a means to make a guy feel better when things didn’t work out.
They could just proclaim they were over it because… bros before hoes! It’s not even relevant anymore. It doesn’t make sense, and therefore, you should stop using it.