Have you been shot down recently? It was probably for one of these 9 reasons. Find out why you got rejected, and learn how to stay in the game! By Eli Walton
There are a number of reasons why a woman might reject a man. Most of them, the guy has some control over, although not all. Sometimes it’s you, and sometimes it’s not.
Women get hit on and approached by guys a lot. In one way this works against you, as you’re just another dude trying to chat her up. But if you can play it right, it will work for you. Most of the guys hitting on a woman are creeps, or jerks, or just disrespectful. It doesn’t take too much to stand out above those men. [Read: 10 obvious signs of rejection that men keep ignoring]
Why are you getting rejected by the woman you like?
Here are the most common reasons that a woman will shoot down a man. You’ll notice that some are beyond your control, but most of them are mistakes that guys make. Are you making any of these? Read on to find out, and correct the ones you’re getting wrong. Your love life will be glad you did.
#1 Being too cocky. Arrogance is the way some guys cope with their perceived shortcomings. For whatever reason, they think that coming off as cocky will cover up the fact that they’re insecure or short or boring or whatever. It never works. Being yourself, whoever that is, beats arrogance any day.
Take the things you might be cocky about and downplay them, or better yet, don’t even talk about them until they come up naturally in conversation. Maybe you have a good job or a nice car. Maybe you’re a good athlete. Whatever it is, she’ll find out in due course, and will be much more impressed than if you just blurted it out.
#2 Lacking in confidence. Probably the quality that women value most in men is self-confidence. More than good looks, money, a great job or a sense of humor, a self-assured man is extremely attractive to women. But too many guys substitute cockiness for confidence, and the two are polar opposites.
A confident man doesn’t brag. He doesn’t need to. He is decisive, making decisions without wavering. He is respectful towards women, polite to waiters, charming, and an all around gentleman. This is something that all guys should strive towards being.
#3 Out of your league. Sometimes, a guy gets rejected because he aimed too high. Let’s face it, there are some women that most guys never have a chance with. It might be about looks or money or age or whatever else. If you shoot for the stars, you can’t be surprised if you crash land.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try, though. Sometimes, the prettiest girl at the dance stays alone because everyone is too afraid to approach her. Speak to a woman like this with self-confidence and politeness, and you never know how successful you might become. Just be prepared to be shot down. Rejection is not the end of the world, as long as you can handle it well. [Read:9 easy moves to date a girl who’s way out of your league]
#4 Too self-involved. It’s unbelievable the number of guys that, when flirting with a woman or on a first date, spend an entire evening talking about themselves. Whatever goes through their heads when they do this, either thinking the women are impressed, or that it’s their duty to do all the talking for the woman, they are wrong.
Women hate this about guys more than most other things. Unless you’ve just returned from climbing Mount Everest, you don’t have anything more interesting to say than she does. Even if you really did scale the Himalayas, shut up about it anyway. If she wants to hear more, she’ll ask you. Women are much more impressed by guys who show interest in her life and career. Get over yourself or you’ll stay alone.
#5 Fouling the waters. Unfortunately, bad hygiene is an all too common reason that women reject men. Luckily, it is an easily preventable one. It’s pretty simple. Wash yourself, brush your teeth, wear clean clothes, run a comb through your hair, and you’re pretty much there. It’s easy for guys to get cleaned up and ready to go out. Put in that minimal effort. If you’re not clean, you will be rejected. [Read: 13 rules of etiquette that every man needs to know]
#6 Poor performance. Rejection doesn’t just happen at the first encounter. You might have already gone on a few dates, or even slept together. Any of these reasons can still apply after the initial meeting. This one can only apply once you’ve slept together. Maybe you just didn’t please her.
Women have sexual needs just like men do. If a guy isn’t meeting those needs, then she very well might reject him because of it. Most women are pretty understanding, and as long as a guy is making the effort, she should help him figure out what her needs are. But if a guy is just a selfish lover, putting his own pleasure before hers, then he will have only himself to blame when she stops answering his calls. [Read: 11 sexy ways to be a better lover]
#7 Just not her type. Sometimes, a guy is just not what a woman is looking for. It could be something about personality or maybe she’s just not physically attracted to him. Maybe the chemistry isn’t there for her. There’s not much you can do about this, other than just accept it.
Again, rejection happens. If you approach her in a gentlemanly way, she will be polite about it. You should be, too. There’s nothing worse than a guy who gets bitter, whiny or angry over rejection. Knowing how to accept rejection is part of being self-confident enough to approach a woman in the first place. [Read: 25 things that will make you more attractive to women]
#8 He’s kind of a prick. Everyone’s heard it before, that nice guys finish last, and that women like assholes. It’s impossible to deny that there’s some truth to this, but do you really want to be with a woman who likes guys who are jerks? Take the high road and be a gentleman, and you’ll do much better.
This might be the most common reason of all that women reject men. Guys are rude towards women either because that’s how they are, or how they’ve convinced themselves that they need to be. It’s a terrible approach. If you’re a jerk to her, she will shoot you down. It will be a richly deserved rejection.
#9 Just not in the cards. Sometimes, you’re just unlucky. You approach a woman you’re into, whom on any other day might like you, too. But for whatever reason, she’s having a bad day. Maybe she had a fight with a friend or a bad day at work or maybe she’s just under the weather. You’ve got to accept that there’s always an element of chance to things, and sometimes, the timing just isn’t right.
Rejection is a normal part of the game, and it’s important to learn to accept it. But if you can avoid these common mistakes, it will be something you have to deal with less and less frequently. Try to fix the mistakes you’re doing wrong, and accept that there are some things you can’t change.
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I'm a freelance writer dividing my time between the beaches of Thailand and my hometown of Chicago....