Score a MILF: Your Personal, No-Fail Guide to Picking Up a MILF

MILF

We’ve all heard the term MILF being thrown around in popular culture, but what does it mean? More importantly, how do you get a MILF to date you?

You probably have that one friend who just happens to have an incredibly hot mom. Sure, you like spending time with your friend, but you love seeing their mom more. When you go home, you’re touching yourself thinking about their mom in the shower, cooking dinner naked – I know how these things work.

Well, if you still don’t know what a MILF is, it’s an attractive older woman who usually has children. I mean, she can still be a MILF if she’s a hot older woman… there’s no rule against it.

So, if you see an older woman who’s a bombshell, then she’s a MILF. The term MILF actually stands for “mother I’d like to fuck.” Pretty straightforward, I’d say. Okay, okay, okay,  now that you know this, it’s time you hooked up with the MILF of your dreams.

The 14 dos and don’ts for picking up a MILF

Yes, a MILF can be intimidating. They’re experienced, so you need to learn the ropes before you set your sights on picking up a hot older woman. So, here are the 14 dos and don’ts for picking up a MILF. [Read: 7 Honest reasons dating a M-I-L-F is the best thing ever]

#1 They don’t go for cheesy pickup lines. Don’t ask her if it hurt falling out of heaven or if she needs a boyfriend, these are possibly the worst lines you can use. And honestly, they don’t work regardless of age. Just approach her like a normal human being.

Start off with saying hi, commenting on something she’s wearing, or asking her what she’s drinking. There, I just gave you three different ways to start a conversation. Now, you do the rest.

#2 Don’t mention that you think she’s a MILF. Yeah, this is the worst thing you can do. Why would you bring up the fact that, #1 you want to fuck her, and #2… she’s old. It’s like a double whammy. If you’re going to compliment her, leave out her age because it’s not going to get you laid, if that’s what you’re hoping.

#3 Be yourself. I know it can be intimidating approaching an older woman, but you have to be yourself. Older women, and women in general have this amazing gift of being able to tell when you’re full of bullshit. It’s in our blood. So, don’t be something you’re not because she’s going to find out – she always does. [Read: Cougar dating – 10 rules for dating an older woman]

#4 Don’t make them chase you. You actually don’t have to make them chase you because they won’t. So, your games, yeah, you can leave those at the door. If anything, you’ll be the one chasing her. She’s older than you, so she doesn’t have the time or energy to spend chasing your ass around. If you want her, you go get her.

#5 If you land a date, don’t blow them off. If you actually get a date with her, but then all of a sudden get asked out by the boys to drink some beers, don’t bail on her. Why? Because she’s not going to give you a second chance.

You have to remember that your age is a huge factor in this relationship, so if you can’t keep a commitment, she’s going to see you as immature and drop you.

#6 Don’t act like you’re the experienced one. Sigh. Listen, I know you guys have an ego and that’s fine, we all have one. But, don’t act like you’re the master of the bedroom. This woman has ten or twenty years more experience than you, so you don’t think she knows what she’s doing? Think again, buddy.

#7 Don’t woo them with money. Your BMW or gold chain isn’t going to work on them. I mean, maybe it works for you on Tinder, but these women aren’t looking for dollar bills, they’re looking for amazing sex.

And if I know anything, it’s that the gold chains and fancy cars don’t actually mean shit when it comes to the bedroom. [Read: How to make an older woman fall in love with you]

#8 Do bring on the conversation. These women aren’t fresh twenty-year-olds where you only need to show them your abs and they’re already in bed. They want to be intellectually stimulated. You don’t need to talk politics with them, but you need to be a good conversationalist. I know the young generation is into technology, so maybe put your phone down and practice speaking.

#9 Don’t bring drama. These women didn’t get all dressed up to go out and deal with your drama. So, leave your ego at home. Most of these women have been in long-term relationships, so they’re not looking to solve your problems over a Martini. If you need a therapist, I can find you one.

#10 Know what you want. Don’t hit on a MILF without knowing what you actually want. Are you looking for something serious or just a hookup? These women are experienced, and they’re not into being played with. So, you need to know what you want or else you’ll lose focus of what your goal is. [Read: How to flirt by touch without making it obvious at all]

#11 She’s going to bring up her kids… maybe. If she has kids, she may bring them up into the conversation. I know you’re probably not at that phase to have children, nor do you really care about her kids, but if you want to go on a date with her, you’re going to have to listen.

I know, people without kids pass out hearing stories about what their baby did today or how Mark is a bully at school, I get it. But you’re going to have to be attentive and patient because this is an important topic for her.

#12 Power through her objections. There’s going to be a moment where she’s going to say, “Oh, but I could be your mother!” or “You’re young enough to be my child!” Your job is to ignore those comments and power through them.

The age difference is obviously bothering her a bit, but the way to reassure her that it’s okay is to not pay attention to that. Because really, does it even matter? [Read: Dating a woman who’s way older than you – A few things you must know]

#13 Compliment her. No matter the age, women love to be complimented. It makes us feel sexy and wanted. Of course, don’t be a douche and start throwing out compliments left, right, and center. You need to keep them genuine or else she’ll be able to read right through you. So, if you think she’s beautiful, tell her. [Read: How to get a girl horny and wet by sitting next to her]

#14 Know what she wants. MILFs are a little different than women your age. Many of them have serious past relationships, divorces, children, which, compared to you, is a lot of baggage.

She may be looking for something more serious, or you may be lucky and she’s just wanting to have fun. While you’re talking to her, you’ll be able to figure out what she’s looking for. If you’re not sure, just ask her straight up.

[Read: She wants the D – 19 clear signs she wants you to take her home]

So, now you know how to pick up a MILF, and it’s time you went out and tested your new skills. It’s your turn to pull an Ashton Kutcher… I believe in you.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic
A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...
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