You may love her, but if your needy girlfriend is just unable to lose her clingy side, here’s everything you need to make her feel secure again.
I know what you’re thinking. The minute a girl seems a little too needy, she’s automatically a stage five clinger, and you’re thinking of ways to get rid of her. But what if you’ve been dating for a while and this behavior has been a fresh development? A needy girlfriend drives you nuts, you think she’s crazy *whatever that means*, and you wonder where the girl you met went.
Well, she probably didn’t go anywhere. Sure, there are some girls who do become possessive and obsessed with you, but they aren’t as common as you’d like to think.
How to deal with a needy girlfriend
In most cases, this is a huge sign of insecurity. When people do not feel secure, they try to grab onto something that provides validation, in this case, it’s you. They need to feel secure in the relationship, hence why they suffocate you and act “crazy.”
#1 Are you following through with your promises? When you two started to see each other, you probably told her you wanted to go on a road trip or you sent her goodnight texts every night. But now, those beautiful offers dwindled and you don’t text her every night like you used to. You made a pattern and then broke it.
#2 Keep her involved in your world. When you stop telling her about your day or random thoughts, it makes her feel distant, as if she’s not really in your life. If you think about her, send her a text and let her know. It doesn’t have to be all the time, but every now and then gives her the comfort that you’re still into her. [Read: What insecure people can’t hide when they feel insecure]
#3 Talk to her about it. Communication is key. I’ll say it again—you need to communicate. If you feel that she’s behaving in a clingy manner, tell her. Of course, tell her nicely. Let her know that there’s no need for her to feel this way and then ask her what she needs from you in order for her to feel more secure with the relationship. The answer could be really simple.
#4 Take responsibility. You allowed this behavior to continue to a point where you can no longer handle it. But remember, you allowed it. You may have thought it was cute in the beginning but as time passed, you became annoyed. During this time, you probably didn’t treat her very nicely but it’s time you took responsibility.
#5 Be patient. Insecurity doesn’t just go away overnight. This isn’t going to be one “I love you” text message and everything will be fine. You’re going to have to work on building the security within the relationship. This also means that you need to be patient and not get angry when she relapses to a needy girlfriend.
#6 Be consistent. You need to show consistency. Have date night every Friday or send her a good morning text when you wake up. Show her that you’re invested in the relationship. She’s insecure for a reason. If you don’t show her any consistency, well, she has no solid foundation to rely on. That’s what makes her seem clingy. [Read: 20 reasons why a good morning text is so important for women]
#7 Don’t play games. This happens to men who aren’t upfront and honest with their intentions right from the beginning. And, of course, as usual, they end up calling her a crazy bitch because she’s calling and texting him all the time. But what did you tell her this relationship was? You probably didn’t tell her anything, so, you need to clear that up. [Read: How to stop playing relationship games]
#8 Set boundaries. If her clinginess suffocates you, when you sit down with her to talk, you need to set boundaries. If she tells you that you need to text her every hour in order for her to feel secure, that’s not going to work for the relationship. Listen to her needs. However, if it means you’re going to have to be a trained monkey, you need to negotiate.
#9 When you two are out together, let her know you’re there. If you two are at a club with your friends, you don’t need to spend the whole night side by side. However, every once and awhile, check in with her and give her a kiss on the cheek or look at her from across the room. Let her know that she’s yours and you’re hers. You don’t have to be glued to her in order to show her how you feel.
#10 Notice the small things. Maybe she cut her hair or bought a new shirt. Though these things are minimal, if you notice them, it shows her that you’re paying attention to her. It’s easy. Compliment her on the details you notice about her. If you do, it shows a lot and gives her the security she needs and makes the needy girlfriend disappear. [Read: 13 steps to dealing with relationship insecurity]
#11 She’s not crazy. The odds are very low that she’s actually insane. She’s not. You’re simply providing her with anything to validate how you feel for her. You don’t need to put a ring on it, but you do need to show her you care about her. The same thing goes for her, she needs to show you that she has feelings for you. If not, why even be in a relationship?
Now that you know how to deal with your needy girlfriend, it’s time you actually did both of you a favor by following these steps. If she’s still acting extremely insecure, perhaps she needs to talk to a professional.
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A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...