You like a girl and think she’s flirting with you, but when you make a move, she shoots you down. What went wrong? You probably misread the signs.
So, you met a girl at a party and spent all night chatting. You sense that you’re hitting it off and want to take things to the next level. You finally muster up the courage to ask her out on a date—or, if you’re the forward type, back to your place. However, out of the blue, she turns you down and doesn’t even want to give you her number. You end up heading home, alone, with your tail between your legs, completely bewildered and confused.
Did you misread the signs she was emitting, or was she simply playing you for a fool? What went wrong? How can you be sure that something similarly embarrassing is not going to happen again?
To be fair, it’s not your fault; women are complex creatures, and within the span of several minutes, can blow hot and cold. You also have to remember that a woman can and will flirt with you, even if she doesn’t want anything more than stimulating conversation. In order to avoid bruising your delicate ego, you need to pay close attention to the signs that she’s giving off.
To flirt, or to befriend?
I sat down with five ladies and asked them what their flirting moves are, compared to what they do when they’re just being friendly. Thanks to their candid answers, I managed to compile a comprehensive list of 12 signs that prove she’s flirting with you.
#1 There’s plenty of touching. If she likes you, she’ll probably initiate loads of physical contact while you’re chatting. Look out for indications like her “absentmindedly” stroking your arm, “accidentally” brushing up against you, and so on. Playing footsie with you is another obvious sign.
#2 She shows off her assets. A woman will use all the weapons in her arsenal when flirting. Pay attention to little signs, like her readjusting her top to showcase her boobs, unbuttoning the top button of her blouse to show off a little cleavage, and adjusting her skirt to give you a good view of her never-ending legs.
#3 She’s curious about you. The same way you won’t bother finding out more about someone you’re not interested in, women don’t bother seeking more information if they aren’t interested romantically. When a woman is interested in you, she will ask plenty of questions in a bid to get to know you better. She’ll ask you everything, from what you do in life, to what hobbies you enjoy indulging in. She’ll also express interest in doing or trying what you like. [Read: 12 signs a girl gives away when she starts falling for you]
#4 The compliments keep coming. If she likes what she sees, she’ll say so. From complimenting your shirt, to your accent, most women are not too shy to let you know that they’re interested.
#5 She doesn’t leave your side. She’ll find any excuse to be around you, even if she’s the host of the party and has to entertain everyone else. She will mingle with others, but will always flutter back to your side, so pay attention.
#6 Long eye contact. The same way you wouldn’t initiate lingering eye contact with someone you’re not interested in, women will only pay special attention to a love interest. She’ll shyly avert her gaze when you meet her eye. If she likes you, this will happen multiple times, so be on the lookout. [Read: 10 subtle eye contact moves that always work]
#7 She brings up sex. She’s not going to make suggestive jokes if she’s not interested in getting into your pants. Keep an ear out for sexually linked comments, naughty jokes, and dirty references. Even the seemingly well-mannered ones will drop a hint or two if they’re interested.
#8 She buys you a drink. Buying you a drink is a sign that she enjoys your company and doesn’t plan to leave your side—at least for the moment.
#9 She hints at going out. If she likes you and wants to see you again, she will drop hints that she’s keen on doing something or going somewhere specific. For example, she may say, “I love French cuisine, too! I’ve been meaning to try Chef Pillou’s new restaurant on Maple Avenue, but I can’t seem to get anyone to go with me. Have you dined there yet?” This is your cue to jump right in and ask her out. She’ll most likely say yes. [Read: 12 really obvious clues she gives when she wants you to ask her out]
#10 She lets you know that she’s single. She will make it a point to let you know she’s single if she wants you to initiate something. For example, she might tell a story about her ex, or casually mention she isn’t currently attached to anyone.
If she talks about her crushes, she’s letting you know that she’s flat-out not interested. If she withholds the fact that she’s in a relationship, she likes you, but probably won’t go any further than flirt with you. If you don’t want to waste your time, ask about her availability early on in the conversation.
#11 She initiates contact. She doesn’t have to be in your face to let you know that she’s interested. We live in a digital age, which means the world is far smaller than it was years ago. Texting, social media, and all the other modern forms of communication will help you figure out if she likes you.
For example, if she replies with one-word answers to your text, she’s not interested, but if she sends you random stuff like memes and long replies, she’s trying to keep the conversation going, which means she’s keen.
#12 Focus on body language. As important as her words are, you also need to pay attention to the less obvious signs, like her body language. Many people aren’t even aware that their body language is a dead giveaway, so if you’re smart, you’ll pay attention to these unconscious signs. For example, if her arms are folded in front of her chest, she’s not interested, but if her arms are by her sides and she’s facing you, she’s definitely interested. [Read: 13 lusty signs of sexual attraction to keep an eye on]
Despite everything listed above, there is one golden rule that you need to remember: women truly believe that they can flirt with you and leave it at that. They won’t hesitate to lead you on, then bounce off, just as you’re ready to close in—it’s called playing the game.
If you’re unfortunate enough to get caught in that situation where you’re flirting all night and don’t know where it’s going, there’s really nothing you can do about it, and you’re just going to have to move on.
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Born in Singapore and raised in Malaysia to multi-racial parents, Lianne is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the wor...