If you like someone and are firmly in the dreaded friend zone, read on for tips on how to escape the friend zone and make them yours!
If there’s one thing from the list of relationship woes that can be worse than unrequited love and getting dumped, that would be being condemned to the friend zone. While unrequited love can be realized later on and getting dumped calls for you to move on with life, getting friend-zoned gets you the worst both. But there are also ways to learn how to escape the friend zone.
Nobody wants to get stuck in that ninth circle of relationship hell. But how do you avoid getting trapped in the friend zone? And for those already languishing in it, how do you escape the friend zone and become boyfriend material?
What is the friend zone?
The friend zone is not an actual place but a really unpleasant predicament. You harbor romantic feelings toward another person but the latter only sees you as a friend. Consequently, all your romantic efforts are useless because you reached the end of the relationship line.
You can profess your love, but she’ll see no romantic undertones in it. And, there’s the impossibility of moving on to the “next level.”
How to escape the friend zone
All romantic relationships more or less start from friendship. But when one wants to be more than friends and still nothing happens, what could have gone wrong?
#1 People get friend zoned if they keep acting like a regular friend forever. Getting trapped in the friend zone sometimes mean that you lack effort to push the relationship further.
Consider how a guy goes from being a friend to being a girl’s boyfriend. The transition from friend to romantic partner happens when one realizes that they want more than just friendship and start to escalate things further by adding more intimacy into the relationship. So when someone fails to act, the relationship remains as is. [Read: How to avoid the friend zone and make her desire you]
#2 You get friend zoned because you’re being put in reserve. This means that she could be interested in you, but there are just so many other guys she finds interesting boyfriend material at the moment.
It is a fact that compared to boys, girls rarely have trouble finding potential romantic partners. It is not uncommon for girls to have many guys pursuing them. So in order to manage these romantic prospects, she categorizes them in ways where she identifies one as boyfriend material and the unlucky ones condemned into the friend zone pool. [Read: Are you her main man or just one of her extras?]
#3 Or you are in the friend zone because she doesn’t really like you. As a boyfriend that is. It is sad but you can only be a friend in her eyes.
In any case, nobody wants to get stuck in the friend zone forever. Good news is that now you know how you get friend-zoned, find ways on how to escape the friend zone.
Getting out of the friend zone
#1 Set your mind straight: do you want to get out of the friend zone? Any endeavor requires focus and determination. Getting out of the friend zone is no different. If you really want to get out of the friend zone, and if you’ve already decided that she will be worth all the effort in the end, then prepare yourself.
The way out requires you to adapt to different situations, adopt new tactics and ideas, and possibly make difficult decisions.
#2 Be prepared for the long game. Know that the road out of the friend zone is no easy endeavor. It may take weeks, months, or even more. But to be safe, prepare yourself mentally and emotionally, expect that changing her view of you from friend to boyfriend material will not happen in a day. Be prepared for a long game and recognize that today’s small victory will pay off later on. [Read: How to get your friend to like you more]
#3 Re-invent and improve yourself. As mentioned, one possible reason that you are in the friend zone is because you keep sticking to old habits and practices. Telling yourself that “this is the real me” is not suitable as an excuse. And you are not being asked to change yourself anyway.
#4 Change your attitude towards relationships. Get your head around the romance and fairy tales that tend to orbit around relationships. No, it won’t have the romantic flick ending if you just sit around and wait. Knowing how to escape the friend zone requires a lot of work. Also, you need to avoid putting her on a pedestal. Know when to move on when the situation needs it.
#5 Be natural and relaxed around her. You are no longer a high school kid who needs to fidget around whenever she’s near. Being more relaxed and casual tends to give the impression of confidence and self-assuredness.
#6 Tickle her competitive nature. Go out with someone else. If your initial advances don’t work on her, redirect your energy on another girl. However, don’t do this for the purpose of making her jealous. Genuinely pursue the other girl and let the first girl know about it.
This way, you tickle her competitive nature and she starts reciprocating your advances in order for her to keep your attention.
#7 Stop playing safe: ask her out alone. While it is convenient to see her while under the screen of common friends, it will get you nowhere out of the friend zone. In the first place, girls interact with people differently in dating and group situations. If you keep hanging out with her and your common friends, she keeps associating those moments as friendly and not romantic.
#8 Make her miss you every now and then. One reason why she’s keeping you in the friend zone is because you’re always there showering her with attention and affection.
Try to give her the signal by removing all those friendship perks by ceasing communication and avoiding her every now and then. Be that cold, uninterested guy every once in a while. There may be a chance that she’ll come to her senses. [Read: 12 common guys’ insecurities that girls don’t know]
#9 Be bold: dare to touch her. How do friends touch each other? High fives? Hugs? Every now and then, touch her in more intimate ways in increasing frequency to let her know that you want to go somewhere other than the friend zone. You know how it goes. Hold her hand at the right moments, spoon her, touch her face, and letting those touches linger for quite longer.
#10 Be straightforward: profess your feelings and intentions. In the end, it all boils down whether you let your intentions known. Sure, actions speak louder than words, but actions will always be the loudest with words. Oftentimes, getting friend zoned is the result of miscommunication, or one party failing to read the actions of another. So say it loud and clear and you may get your long-awaited break.
The friend zone is an unpleasant place. That’s why people avoid it. Getting out is doable, but learning how to escape the friend zone is no easy task and requires considerable effort. So are you ready for that?
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Paul Timothy Mangay
Paul aka Morty is a keyboard-pounding cubicle-dweller based in Manila where he occasionally moonlights as a writer for anyone in need of his mediocre word-strin...