Most people think the guy should be the one who wears the pants in a relationship. But there are pros and cons to having a dominant girlfriend too.
Fifty years ago, it was commonly accepted that the man had more power when it came to relationships. But times have changed a lot.
Women are have careers now, and they aren’t required to stay at home with the kids and be the perfect little wifey who waits at home for her man… and has the house all clean and dinner on the table.
No, that’s not how things work anymore.
However, even though it’s great that women have more equal power in the world now, that kind of confuses things in romantic relationships sometimes.
The middle of last century, the gender roles were clear. The man worked, did the outside and handyman work, and the woman stayed at home and did the inside work. The dad made the decisions, and the mom went along with whatever he said.
I grew up in a family where my mom was the dominant one. To me, it was normal, because it’s all I knew. Because of that, I followed in her footsteps and became a dominant girlfriend in my relationships as I got older. While I thought that’s what I wanted, as I got older, I began to question it.
Why? Because all the men I tended to attract were weak men. I slowly realized that I became the dominant girlfriend because I had to – not because I actually wanted to.
Strong women are wonderful. They are capable, and they do it all. In fact, the terms “super woman” and “super mom” were coined because of the kind of women who are strong, dominant, and feel like they can set the world on fire. So here are the pros of having a dominant girlfriend.
#1 She’s a leader. I don’t think anyone likes it when two people sit around and go through this scenario: Person A: “What do you want to do tonight?” Person B: “I don’t care, what do you want to do?” Person A: “I don’t care either. You decide.” Person B: “No, that’s okay, you decide.” Person A: “No, really, you decide.” And it goes on. This kind of banter doesn’t accomplish anything.
A dominant girlfriend will make the decisions. In fact, she may or may not even ask your opinion on it. She might just tell you what you’re doing, and then you don’t have to think about it. It takes the pressure off you because she’s a natural leader. [Read: 13 words of advice to date a fiercely independent woman]
#2 She has passion. A dominant girlfriend is not wishy-washy. She knows what she wants. She has goals and dreams and is determined to make them come true. She loves life, she loves her career, she basically just has a lot of passion and energy. She’s not boring, that’s for sure! Girls who are submissive just sit around like a blob. Who wants that?
#3 She knows what she wants. And when I say this, I mean she knows what she wants in all areas of her life – especially in a man. Because she tends to be confident and self-assured, a dominant girlfriend doesn’t settle.
She doesn’t settle for a man who is beneath her, she doesn’t settle for a crappy job, and she doesn’t settle for anything else that doesn’t meet her standards.
#4 She’s a planner. She has the weekend all planned out for you. You know that you’re having dinner with Matt and Sue on Friday, you are going to a movie on Saturday afternoon, followed by a Maroon 5 concert that night. Then Sunday, it’s church and hanging out with the family.
#5 She does all the work, so you can be lazy. Now don’t get me wrong… lazy isn’t a great quality. At least I don’t think it is. I’ve been with several men who were lazy and it drove me crazy. So just keep in mind that your dominant girlfriend might hit a wall and go bat shit crazy on you if you are TOO lazy.
But it’s okay to let her do the work, kick back, and enjoy it. However, don’t get so lazy that you don’t even shower all weekend. That will disgust her, and soon you won’t have a dominant girlfriend anymore – or any girlfriend at all *if you know what I mean*. [Read: Signs you’re a lazy boyfriend who needs to change right now!]
The cons of having a dominant girlfriend
Okay, so yes, dominant women are great. However, there are some down sides to them too. While the list above might have sounded great, let’s look at some of the cons of having a dominant girlfriend.
#1 You don’t have a voice because she is so controlling. When you are dating a dominant person, sometimes she can be very controlling. She might leave you “honey-do” lists and expect you to have them done before she comes home from work.
Because of this, you might feel more like a child than her boyfriend. But listen up here – a dominant woman doesn’t respect a man she can walk all over. In fact, she secretly likes it when her man stands up to her and doesn’t let her push him around. So, keep that in mind. [Read: 15 questions to reveal a controlling personality instantly]
#2 You lose yourself. Because she’s so dominant, you might not even know who you are anymore if you don’t speak up and try to take some of the control. If you find yourself always going out with her friends, doing what she likes to do, and watching TV shows she wants to watch, well, where is your own identity?
#3 You might feel like less of a man. Since the cave man days, men have had the instinctual, primal need to be the provider. To be needed. To be respected. Women needed them to drag back an animal they killed for dinner.
#4 She might have unrealistic expectations. When a person is dominant, they sometimes lose sight of a lot of things. They might not know how their behavior is negatively affecting you – or other people.
They could get so caught up in their own selfish desires that their expectations of you might become very unrealistic. If that happens, what you will have to do is to gently remind her that what she is asking of you is simply not within the realm of what is really possible.
Having a dominant girlfriend can be great, but it can also spell a recipe for disaster if you don’t keep your eye on her behavior – and yours. As long as you keep these pros and cons in mind, you’ll be just fine.
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Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University where she loves corrupting young minds. As a relationship and succes...