There are so many guides on how to approach a woman at a bar, but you must first know what’s on her mind before you even think of approaching her.
Women love to think. Thoughts just fly right through our heads in any scenario, whether we’re chopping up some carrots, scrolling through our Facebook feeds, taking a shower, and even while we’re having sex. We can think of the silliest, the funniest and the weirdest things in any sort of setting.
So just imagine how much our minds get fired up when you combine the loud music of the club with a couple of drinks. When we’re at the club, we have all these little thoughts about anything and everything that’s going on. Some guy may be trying to charm his way into our pants, and all we can think of is the fact that he’s got some parsley stuck between his teeth.
Really, it’s not your fault, guy with parsley between his teeth. Our minds just tend to wander off when we’re not all that interested in what you’re talking about.
But for all of you guys who want to take a peek into what goes on in a woman’s head when she’s out for a night with the girls, keep on reading!
What women think about when they’re at the club
So if you’re in need of some clarification for what the twentysomething modern woman is really thinking when she’s out partying, here’s the most accurate list you’ll find.
#1 What is this song? Chances are this thought will pop up in the head of a woman who’s not the type to frequent the partying scene. She’ll start to wonder what people are listening to these days. You, as the guy who might approach her, can clue her in on what songs are playing.
If you’re equally oblivious, you can bond on the shared experience of not knowing what the heck is playing. Once it’s evident that the music isn’t to her liking, you can casually suggest moving to a different place with better music. She’s not likely to agree, if she’s with her friends, but she might still consider your invitation. [Read: How to make small talk without feeling awkward]
#2 What’s a good drink that won’t leave me with a hangover? No one wants a hangover, but they do want to party with some alcohol in their system. So the best way to balance this is to find a drink that’s refined enough to not wreak havoc on her brain and her stomach come morning.
This is the perfect time to brush up on the club’s bar list, so you can recommend something that’s palatable enough for a lady’s tastes, but not too light that she’ll need to buy 10 before getting a nice buzz. In fact, why not skip the suggestion and offer to buy her that drink yourself?
#3 Please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me. You can tell that this is on a girl’s mind based on her body language. If she’s got her arms crossed, a too-polite smile plastered on her lips and a slight furrow on her brow, then you can tell that whoever she’s talking to is an unwelcome intruder.
This can be your cue to be the knight in shining armor who will save her from a conversation with someone she has no intention of even talking to. Just swoop right in when she looks really uncomfortable, give her your best reassuring smile, and say hello. When the other guy notices that she’s much more responsive towards you, he’ll likely just slither away.
#4 Why won’t anyone talk to me? This is the opposite of the scenario above, where a woman’s self-esteem might plummet because she’s starting to feel like a wallflower. Signs that she’s thinking this include looking around and trying to make eye contact, smiling at guys who are looking her way or a slight look of dejection on her face.
You, as a gentleman, can be the guy to reassure her that she is indeed worthy of some attention. You don’t need to be attracted to her or buy her a drink, but approaching her with a genuine smile and a polite greeting might be enough to make her feel at ease again. Who knows, you might find that she’s exactly your type. [Read: How to approach a girl and impress her immediately]
#5 Why are you talking to me? When paired with an annoyed look that she gave to the guy in #3, this thought may cross her mind while you’re already talking to her. Sadly, no matter how smooth your moves are, some women will still reject you, and that’s okay. It’s a club packed with people, after all.
But instead of letting your bitterness or your anguish show, take the moral high ground and accept that she may not want to talk to you. You can use a line like, “Well, I’ve taken up enough of your time. See you around.” A gentlemanly line like this may make her think twice about spurning your advances, simply because you were polite enough to excuse yourself. [Read: How to have a great conversation with a woman]
#6 I want to go home. This is a thought that might cross her mind later in the evening, when she’s had enough drinks or when she’s no longer enjoying herself. Signs of this include looking at her watch often, looking around for her friends who hopefully feel the same way, and simply looking bored as hell. [Read: How to be funny and make her like your company]
If you think this is the case, then this is your cue to ask for her number or at least her Twitter handle. She might bolt at any minute, sometimes in the guise of going to the bathroom, so you better get your hands on her contact details before she does. Just don’t take it too personally if you realize that the number she gave you is the wrong one.
On the flip side, if you think you’ve got some really great chemistry going on, you can offer to drive her home or at least walk her to the spot where the cabs are.
#7 Where are my friends? Where are my keys? My legs hurt. The room is spinning. I might throw up. These thoughts usually pop up when she’s already drunk. You may not have seen it coming, considering how eagerly she gulps down her drinks, but when you see the telltale signs of drunkenness, there are two things you can do.
One, you can help her get rid of her buzz by giving her some water and assisting her towards the toilet. You can also do your best to entertain her and keep her mind alert, so that when she’s gathered up all her senses, she can go home without a hitch.
The other thing you can do is to politely ask if she needs help getting home. To a drunken woman who may or may not be a bit paranoid, this can be creepy. But you can promise *and keep your promise* to not lay a hand on her, and just simply assist her in getting her to safety. If she’s got a friend with her, you can extend the offer to her friend as well, so that she’ll feel a lot safer.
#8 Yes, I want to go home with you. With your excellent charm and smooth moves, you have thoroughly convinced a girl to go home with you. Signs that this is what she’s thinking include excessive touching, perhaps a couple of kisses here and there, outright grabbing your crotch or whispering dirty things in your ear. Congratulations, you’re getting some tonight! [Read: 7 signs she’ll give away if she wants to sleep with you]
When you have some insight into what goes on in a woman’s mind at the club, you can adjust your approach and your behavior towards her. Knowing what she’s thinking can help you empathize with what she’s feeling, and that can be your one-way ticket to get her attracted to you!
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