Do you have your eyes on a gorgeous woman, but you’re too afraid to approach her? Here’s how you can conquer your fears and finally talk to her! By Bennett O’Brien
Approaching women can seem like a daunting task at times. After all, if you approach them, there is the potential to face a very awkward and painful rejection. It could be at a club, at a bar, in the park, or even online. When you start off by letting the thought of rejection take over, that’s where the fear starts, and that’s how things get increasingly awkward. [Read: 6 things you can say to a girl you like]
So how can guys get over the fear of approaching women?
What can be done to quiet those nerves when you see a beautiful girl, and you want to go talk to her? How can you keep your fear from ruining your chances with the girl you like? Here are some helpful tips.
#1 Put the situation into perspective. Having the right perspective in mind when you approach women can really help to calm you down. For example, if you are thinking “Oh my God, that girl is so hot. She will never like me!” when you approach her, then this is probably only going to make you more nervous.
A better approach would be to think something along the lines of “Hey, there’s a hot girl. I’m in a social situation, so perhaps she would like to talk to someone like me.” Do anything you can do to remind yourself that this one girl is not the be all end all opportunity for love or passion.
The more laid back you can view the situation as, the lower the stakes, and the less nervous you will feel about it. Remind yourself that she is not the only hot girl in the world, and that if you strike out with her, you will still have a million other opportunities to approach hot women.
So, to gain a healthy perspective on approaching the woman you are interested in, remember to keep in mind that a failure in one situation doesn’t matter all that much in the long run. Besides, the girl might actually like you, and you can try again with many other hot girls if she doesn’t. [Read: 25 things that make men attractive to women]
#2 Improve your skills at talking to women. Once you get better at it, you will have more confidence, and approaching them will not be as difficult. So, how do you improve your skills?
Practice. Talk to women. Talk to women on the bus, talk to women at work, talk to women in the park. Women whom you are attracted to are just women, and the more comfortable you get talking to women in general, even if you are not attracted to them, the more likely that you will be to have success when you do talk to women whom you are interested in.
Start small and build up. If you are approaching a woman whom you have never talked to in your life, and the two of you are complete strangers, it is important to start small and build up. For example, right off the bat, you don’t want to be asking her questions that are too personal.
You may not even want to ask for her name right away. After all, to her, you are a stranger, and you don’t want to creep her out. So, instead, you can focus on neutral, non-invasive topics. If you are at a club, you can talk to her about the music the club is playing, or the drink she is drinking. If you are on the street, you can talk to her about the weather or how long it’s taking for the bus to get there.
Then, once you are talking for a little bit, you can introduce yourself and ask her for her name. She will probably feel a lot more comfortable in this situation than if you just start asking her personal details right away.
Focus on topics that she likes. Focusing on topics that she likes is a great way to keep the conversation flowing. People naturally enjoy talking about topics they like or are at least familiar with. So, if the girl you are talking to mentions that she likes animals, why not ask her about animals? Something like, “Do you have any pets?” or “Have you ever been to the wildlife reserve nearby?” would suffice.
The conversation is much more likely to continue if she is enjoying it. So if you feel like talking about something that you think might bore her, you might want to switch to something that you think she would like better. [Read: 13 rules of etiquette for the modern gentleman]
# Compliments. Many women enjoy compliments. Women oftentimes go through a lot of trouble to get ready to go out for the night. They put on makeup, they take care in planning their outfits, they fix their hair to get it just right. All of this effort can take a lot of time, sometimes even hours.
So, if you can notice the effort that they put in, and give them some credit for it, this can work to your advantage. A compliment as simple as “That’s a great dress,” or “I like your hair” can go a long way towards making the girl feel sexy and appreciated. This can definitely help your success rate with women.
However, even though compliments can help, you have to be sure that you don’t go over the top, or compliment at the wrong time. For example, when you first start talking to the girl, you don’t want to say something like, “You have great boobs.” That can make her feel objectified and uncomfortable. [Read: 12 prince charming traits to make a girl swoon]
#3 Learn from people who do it right. Learning from people who talk to women successfully can also be a great way to reduce your fear of approaching girls. It could be your friend, your coworker, or even a character on TV. Observing these people, and picking up tips from them can help you see how they do it. You can also ask them to give you some pointers on how to stop being so intimidated.
You can also get pointers from your female friends. You might be able to ask them things such as “How do women like to be approached?” Or “What are some things to avoid during a conversation with a woman?”
It might be slightly uncomfortable to ask your female friends for such tips, but the right ones will most likely have fun giving you pointers.
Talking to women is a skill, just like other social skills. It takes time and some practice to become better at it. But once you do get better, future conversations with the ladies are sure to flow smoothly.
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