Is your fear of rejection holding you back from pursuing the girl you like? Read on to conquer this fear so you can successfully ask a girl out on a date.
If you have a crush on a girl, trying to ask her out can be pretty nerve-wracking. If you are not one of the bad boys who just strolls confidently up to a girl and says, “Hey, how about a date,” you might be feeling the pressure to understand the best ways to ask a girl out.
The longer you wait to build up courage, the more nervous you’ll feel. Also, the more you let yourself like her before you’ve even been on that first date, the higher the stakes.
It’s no wonder asking a girl out makes some guys break into a cold sweat. No one likes to put themselves out there when they aren’t certain of the outcome and feel vulnerable. Certainly, no one likes the feeling of rejection.
But, just stop and wait for a second. What if you overcome your fear of rejection and made the first move? What if she says yes?
We’re here to help you do exactly just that. [Read: Should I ask her out? 47 subtle, flirty signs she wants you to make a move]
How the fear of rejection hurts us
A fear of rejection is an irrational anxiety about the potential of being rejected. It often stops you from taking a desired action, such as talking to that girl in the park or asking a girl out.
You really want to go through with it. Maybe you psyched yourself up in preparation, but the anxiety takes over and it never feels like the right time. This leaves you annoyed with yourself and disappointed that you were too scared to go after what you wanted.
We may rationalize that it was justified, and while this makes us feel better in the moment, it only leaves us feeling worse after the fact as we see the opportunity slip away. [Read: Why do girls reject me? 40 reasons and the best ways to respond to a rejection]
Where does the fear of rejection come from?
The fear of rejection is a natural emotion. Humans are social creatures and a fear of social rejection is built deep into our psyche.
We fear being alone or losing something that we have. These emotions are much stronger and more visceral than the opposing desire to gain something.
It is completely normal to take the safe route and not jeopardize the way people perceive us. Often, it is more comfortable to remain mildly dissatisfied with our dating life than it is to risk the pain and embarrassment of rejection. [Read: Fear of rejection – 56 signs, causes, and ways to overcome and get over it]
Overcoming the fear of rejection
We feel the fear of rejection in many areas of our lives, not just dating. Asking for a raise at work for example. However, it is most common in our dating lives.
You feel anxious. Your heart races, your body tenses, and your hands become clammy. Your mind races with reasons not to go ahead. You imagine everything that could go wrong and often go completely blank on what you wanted to say.
Every potential word or movement you could make is scrutinized in your mind and it all feels wrong. You cannot find the right words, the right time, or the right way to go about it. Here’s how to overcome some of your fears and ask a girl out.
1. Remember it’s normal to fear rejection
Fearing rejection is very normal. It is a common and natural reaction most people experience. That does not mean it remains your only option. You can overcome your fear of rejection. [Read: 36 healthy ways to handle rejection and respond positively even if it hurts]
2. Embrace being uncomfortable
You have a fear of rejection. But, you have to understand that this fear is irrational. We tend to move away from potential pain, preferring to stay firmly in our comfort zone.
To overcome the fear of rejection, embrace being uncomfortable. You understand the irrational fear you can overcome, and the consequences of rejection are minimal to nonexistent, beyond the immediate emotional shock.
3. Exposure therapy
The quickest and most effective way to overcome a fear of rejection and ask a girl out is simply through exposure therapy. Get rejected a bunch of times and you’ll realize that the world doesn’t end.
It will be painful in the beginning, but doing mental gymnastics to put it off is in itself just the fear of rejection taking over.
This works precisely because the fear of rejection is irrational. If you do not go through with the desired action, you are in exactly the same place as if you do so and get rejected.
Of course, it feels more comfortable and easier to rationalize not doing it. But face the short-term emotions to move beyond it. If you don’t, you are essentially rejecting yourself before giving someone else the opportunity to. [Read: 33 BIG dating deal breakers for women that make a girl decline or reject a guy]
4. Realize the anticipation of rejection is much worse than rejection
Even if you experience rejection, it is never as bad as you build it up to be in your mind beforehand. The fear is worse than the reality.
Only through repetition do you start to tone down the fear. The more you prove to yourself that it is okay and life goes on without any significant pain, the less intense the fear becomes.
5. What’s the worst that could happen?
Sometimes it is the simplest things that help us. Ask yourself this question: what’s the worst that could happen? [Read: YOLO – what it means & 23 secrets to live life like you only live once]
6. Remember it is probably not personal
We tend to think that if we are rejected, there is something wrong with us. We are ugly, too fat, or a loser. Maybe we just think it is because we did something wrong in the way we approached, how we asked, or the timing.
The fact is, often, it has nothing to do with you. Such as, she may be in a relationship or still in love with her ex. Getting out of your head and looking at things objectively will help you begin to overcome the fear of being rejected by a potential partner.
7. Things to remember if it is personal
Sometimes, for whatever reason, someone you like is just not interested in you. Not everything is meant to be. If someone doesn’t share the same feelings as you, it was not destined to happen. Now you know and can move on.
For every person who rejects you, there will be someone else who does like you. You have value as a human being and there will be someone who appreciates it.
Every time someone doesn’t, you are one step closer to finding someone who does. Really, failure has no lasting consequences. Nothing beyond the short-term emotional hit your ego takes.
The more you get comfortable with the potential of rejection, the more you will be able to go after what you want, approach the person you fancy, ask for the date, or to move things forwards in your relationship.
Ultimately, overcoming a fear of rejection is personal growth that improves your life and relationships in the future. [Read: How to find like-minded people who think just like you]
8. Earn it
We live in a society used to receiving everything instantly. We no longer work to get food, shelter, or basic amenities. Technological progress makes life better for all of us. But it comes with a downside: we rarely work for anything.
This leaves us feeling entitled. We shy away from working for hard things. Who says we should just fall head over heels in love with our soul mate at the first attempt? It takes time and effort to find the person we want to be with and inevitably involves some rejection. It is all part of the journey. Embrace it.
Overcome your fear of rejection for asking a girl out by understanding its irrationality and basic exposure therapy and repetition. Recognize nothing negative really happens and the pain dulls and eventually goes away.
If you want to attract women, a self-defeating attitude never works!
It’s easy to assume that you’re going to get rejected. We all focus on the outcome that fills us with fear.
However, just because you are putting yourself out there and risking a “no,” that doesn’t mean the “no” is going to come your way. If you have a self-defeating attitude from the get-go, you’re more likely to be turned down by your potential date.
She’s going to notice your lack of confidence and your negative attitude, and that’s not the first impression that you’ll want to make.
She might take that to mean something else. We often act in a way that isn’t who we are when we’re feeling worried or scared of something.
When you go into asking a girl out with a positive attitude, she’ll like and get to see you for who you are. Don’t be arrogant, but if you just relax, be yourself, and go for it, you’re far more likely to find yourself planning a date. [Read: 55 secrets and self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]
How to ask a girl out on a perfect date with maximum success
Not asking a girl out means you will never know. The best thing to do is just bite the bullet and get on with it. Really, what is the worst that can happen? If she doesn’t want to go out with you she’ll say so, and then what?
The earth won’t come to a grinding halt. Even if you’ve been crushing on her hard for months, while it’s gonna hurt for a little while, you’ll get over it and no doubt soon move on to bigger and better things.
So, now that you’ve decided to go for it. What are the best ways to ask girls out? These simple steps and tips will increase your chances of getting that ‘yes’ that you’ve hoped for. [Read: How to ask someone out over text and get that satisfying ‘yes’]
1. Get a conversation going first
The more relaxed and comfortable she feels around you, the more likely she is to say “yes” when you suggest some one-on-one time together. If she knows absolutely nothing about you, she’s got very little to go on.
So why not make an effort to strike up a conversation with her first?
You don’t need to go about asking her hundreds of questions or find out every single detail of her life, but if you have a couple of friendly conversations you’ll be on her radar. Talk about something you know will get your conversation going first, instead of jumping right into asking her out.
2. Maintain eye contact
Whether you’ve spotted a hot girl you’d like to go on a date with at a bar or it’s someone you already know, eye contact is very important.
We aren’t suggesting that you stare at her—that will just make her feel weird. Do it in a way that feels most natural but make sure you send a few lingering glances her way to show her that you’re interested.
That way, she’ll know that she caught your attention. And if she smiles at you or holds your gaze back, it means that she probably likes you too. [Read: Subtle eye contact flirting tips to catch someone’s eye from afar]
3. Help her out
While not all women like feeling vulnerable around men, if she needs something that requires help or a little assistance, offering to be of help only goes down well.
At the end of the day, if she thinks you are a nice guy, she is way more likely to go out with you than if she isn’t sure whether you’re worth her time or not. Perhaps she could use a hand carrying something. Maybe she looks cold and you offer her your sweater.
Even just buying her a drink shows your interest, that you are a good guy, and that she should give you a chance to hang out sometime.
4. Compliment her
Flattery gets you everywhere. If you strike up a great conversation with the girl you like, make sure you drop in a few compliments here and there whenever you’re talking.
She’ll be flattered to know you are flirting with her, which then makes it easier for you to transition to asking her out. Plus, who doesn’t love receiving compliments?!
Make sure that the compliments you give to her are genuine without sounding like a creep. Steer clear of anything sexual or focused too much on her looks, as no girls want that. It’s best to compliment her on her personality and actions, rather than constantly about her appearance.
Remember, don’t go overboard, but saying a few nice things could work wonders for you and land you that date you’re hoping for. [Read: How to compliment a girl – 15 must-know tips and 35 of the best lines]
5. Keep it light
Remember, all you want to ask for is a first date. You don’t need to go overboard. If you do, know that you’re more likely to scare her off.
The next time you’re asking for one, keep everything light and casual, choose the right timing, and don’t be too intense when asking your crush out. Otherwise, she will feel pressured, and that could be too intimidating or off-putting.
6. Be confident
Confidence goes a long way. Stand tall, stay cool, don’t mince your words, don’t wait too long, and just ask her to go out with you. Confidence is very attractive in a man, so make sure that you approach her with confidence and a positive attitude.
Believe that she will say “yes,” and you will make it so!
If you don’t feel confident at first, don’t worry. It’s normal to be worried or even scared when talking to girls. However, there is no need to feel that way in reality. Fake your confidence and you’re ready to go for it.
7. Find out what she likes and ask her on a date she can’t refuse
If you land some intel on the things that she is into, this puts you in a good position. Take the initiative, find out what she likes, and then invite her on a date that would be right up her alley.
So, if she loves singing, suggest you go for a karaoke night out and maybe grab something to eat after. If she’s a big jazz fan, check out whether there are any jazz shows near you. Maybe take her to her favorite coffeehouse or bar happy hour if she’s up to it.
It shows that you’re willing to go the extra mile and really find things she wants to do. [Read: Where to go on a first date – 85 best first date ideas that are fun and romantic]
8. Make an effort
Make an effort to look your best and smell good before you ask a woman out on a date. She has to be physically attracted to you too!
That doesn’t mean you have to be ultra-polished, but you should make sure that you’re well turned out. Brush your hair, brush your teeth, make sure you wear deodorant, and remember this is not online dating so she’ll actually see and smell you. It’s not rocket science!
She’s more likely to accept your date offer if you look after yourself, even if she says she doesn’t mind. Self-improvement is never a bad idea, and you should keep that in mind. [Read: How to be the “hot guy” – 20 rules to instant hotness]
9. Reassure her
Some girls find the idea of going on a date a bit intimidating, so reassure her by keeping it as casual as possible. She will relax in your company and feel like the date will be easy and fun.
Smile, laugh, and be kind and approachable. When you act that way, it lets her know that she’s really going to have a great time and she’ll be more likely to agree when the time to ask her out arrives.
10. Get her number first
Instead of asking her out point blank, why not get her number first? This might be less nerve-wracking. If she gives you her number, you know that she is probably into you too. Then, you can talk via text for a while first and get to know her.
However, do remember that at some point you have to take the conversation away from texting and towards an in-person meeting! [Read: 23 smooth ways to get a girl’s number every single time and awe her too]
11. Avoid cheesy chat-up lines
Don’t bother with cheesy chat-up lines, no matter how funny you think they are. Sure, they might occasionally work, but most girls find this gimmick off-putting and annoying. Is it really worth the risk?
You really don’t want to have her cringing in your face when you ask her out in the cheesiest of ways. You’ll feel ridiculous and more likely to get her to say something like, “Ew, no!” When learning how to ask a girl out, just be sincere and down to earth.
12. Get to know her friends
If her friends root for you, you’ve already got a higher chance of getting a date with her. So, make sure her friends know what a great guy you are too! If you have mutual friends, you’re already halfway there.
If not, you need to somehow endear yourself with her circle by trying to get together with them. This one might be difficult, but if you can make inroads, you’ll find it much easier to ask her out on a date. Her friends will egg her on to go on a date with you and she might just go for it!
13. Tell a joke
Humor goes a long way. If you make her laugh, she is more likely to agree to a date when you ask her out.
If you know you aren’t naturally funny, just leave it. There is nothing worse than trying to force humor even if it’s for a good reason. It just makes everyone feel awkward and it’ll possibly blow your chances.
But if you know that you’re a funny person, don’t turn the whole thing into a stand-up routine. There is a line between funny and cringe. Just a few well-placed jokes or funny one-liners are all you need to make a good impression. [Read: How to make a girl laugh and 29 ways to make her get a crush on you]
14. Suggest something interesting
If you’re looking to stand out from the crowd, don’t be scared of suggesting doing something fun and unusual for your date. However, don’t go too over the top as she might think that you’re weird!
Simply avoid doing the usual dinner and drinks if you want to really impress her. For instance, if she wants to see a movie, suggest going to an outdoor movie night or perhaps a walk and street food afterward. [Read: How to be more interesting – 21 tricks to go from boring to lovable!]
15. Check her body language
Does she smile at you? Do you always seem to lock eyes whenever you are in the same room? Does she play with her hair or blush when she talks to you?
Noticing her body language, the way she acts around you, and whether she initiates physical contact all help you decide whether she is keen too, and probably wants to take things further.
If she seems defensive or disinterested or like she tries to avoid you or ignore you, she may be telling you not to bother, and you know she’ll say no!
16. Before you ask, make sure she’s available
There is nothing worse than spending all this time preparing and plucking up your courage only to find out she’s already in a relationship. So, make sure, if possible, whether she is available first. Social media should help you out here. [Read: 22 signs to tell if a girl has a boyfriend without asking her directly]
17. Think about what you want to say
Having a loose script of what you will say is good preparation! You don’t want to get tongue-tied.
The technique to asking a girl out is to make sure you practice what you are going to say, but don’t stick rigidly to it word for word.
Otherwise, you’ll get even more flustered if she says something unexpected! Make sure that it’s a script tailor-made to her and not some generic one that you copied off the internet.
18. Be prepared for rejection
Remember, no matter how prepared you are, sometimes it just isn’t meant to be and that’s okay. The more chilled and friendly you are if she declines the offer, the better you come across. You never know, it might just change her mind!
19. Brush yourself off and try again
So you got rejected—that’s part of the game. Many guys get embarrassed or discouraged after being rejected. Still, don’t let this change the way you view dating or stop you from asking women out ever again.
In fact, make this a part of the learning process. Think about what you could’ve done better, and polish your moves so you can do better when it’s time to ask a girl out again.
20. Stay sober
One of the best tips we can give you is to stay sober when you ask her out for a date. Sure, you might be in a situation where you’re sharing drinks, but make sure you’re in the right headspace when you do it.
You’ll want to be fully aware of what you’re saying and your body language, as well as what she is saying and her body language. Plus, if you ask her out when you’re drunk, it won’t seem meaningful. It’s best to just keep the question to yourself until you’re sober! [Read: Drunk texts – why we do it & 18 tricks to avoid drunk texting someone]
21. Always remember, it’s just a date!
You’re not asking for her hand in marriage. Sometimes, attraction to your crush makes you overanalyze things and leaves you having second thoughts and missing a good moment. A date is just a way to get to know her more. So take a deep breath, relax, and go for it.
22. Just go for it!
Remember, at the end of the day, asking a girl out on a date isn’t the be-all and end-all of your life, so don’t drag it out. Just get on with it!
You’ll be much happier that you actually went for it and found out the answer. There is nothing worse than wondering, “What if?” [Read: Perfect date – 36 secrets to be a good date, plan an ideal one, and impress them]
Ways to ask a girl out
Now that you’ve overcome your fear of rejection, it’s time to ask the girl you’re interested in out for a date. Don’t know where to begin? Here are ten different and unique ways you can ask a girl out on a date:
1. Pass her a note
This is an old-school way of asking someone out if you’re not comfortable saying it to them face-to-face. Writing a note that says “Do you want to go out on a date with me? Check yes or no” is a sweet and nostalgic way to ask a girl out that will leave her feeling flattered like she’s a schoolgirl again.
2. Buy tickets to something she likes
As we said earlier, it’s attractive when a man goes out of his way to learn about the girl he likes and plans a date around her interests. [Read: 46 BIG first date tips and rules for men to charm her and make her fall for you]
So, if her favorite music group is on tour, buy a ticket for both of you and ask her to join you. Or buy two tickets for her favorite movie. Or her favorite sports team. Even a reservation for two at her favorite restaurant. You get the point.
3. Bring her a coffee
Bringing someone coffee can be as intimate as sharing a kiss. So, get your pen and paper out because it’s time you memorize her coffee order if you haven’t already.
This gesture will make her feel special and appreciative of the effort you put into your relationship. How can she not love this?!
4. Say it with flowers
Flowers are undoubtedly the way to a girl’s heart. Find a bouquet of her favorite flowers *or flowers that are her favorite color* and ask her after you hand them over to her.
If you’re not feeling up to asking her in person, you can have the flowers delivered to her doorstep with a note attached asking her on a date. Just be sure to sign the note so she knows who is asking her out! [Read: 22 romantic flowers that are favorites with women]
5. Say it with food
Food is *also* undoubtedly the way to a girl’s heart. So, if you know flowers aren’t her thing, you can’t go wrong with ordering her food.
After you’ve gotten to know this girl, you should have a good idea of what her favorite foods are. So, head to the store and build a basket full of her favorite treats to offer her when you ask her on the date.
Better yet, order delivery from her favorite restaurant and send it to her house with a note attached asking her out on the date.
6. Plan ahead
Plan your date ahead of time and propose it to her when you initially ask her out. If it is an intriguing date idea, it’ll be hard for her to say no! As we said before, remember to come up with a unique and interesting date idea that piques her interest.
Volunteering, hiking, exploring, whatever it is, just make sure it’s something she would be interested in that doesn’t only cater to your likes. [Read: 60 best free date ideas to have a romantic time without spending money]
7. Let your dog ask the question
If your dog is trained well, you can always get them to ask the question for you. Have your dog carry a note to her next time you see her at the dog park. Sounds silly, we know, but it could actually work. Plus, as silly as it is, it will definitely leave her flattered.
8. Bet on it
If she is easy-going and into humor, then try making a playful bet on the date. If she bites, then it’s a win-win situation.
Play an easy sport and make it a competition: if you win, you get to take her out on a date. Or, purchase a lottery ticket to determine which of you has to take the other out. If she wins, you take her out on a date. If you win, she takes you out on a date.
9. Write her a hand-written letter
Love letters are classic and really, really romantic. It’s easy to go overboard with this one, so try to keep it sweet and simple. Write down a few things you enjoy about her and ask for the opportunity to learn more about her by spending time together on a date.
Pair this with the flowers *or food* and it’s basically a sealed deal. [Read: 20 romantic secrets & examples to write a love letter & melt their heart]
10. Ask her in person
Games and gimmicks aside, asking her in person is the best way to ask her out on a date. It shows you’re present, confident, and dedicated, and you’ll be able to get a better understanding of how she’s feeling by seeing her response.
Asking a girl out should be simple. It’s really up to how you approach her and what comes out of your mouth. One big thing to consider here is starting a brief conversation from which you can allow her to judge you based on her criteria of what makes a man attractive.
[Read: 20 ways to win a girl’s heart and make her want you before asking her out]
Your fear of rejection doesn’t have to last forever. With these tips, you can overcome this barrier and be able to pursue the girl you’ve been crushing on. It’s time to put these do’s and don’ts into practice. Be brave, confident, and just go for it. Good luck!
