It’s tempting to stay in touch with an ex that you still love. But here are 12 reasons why you need to remember the no contact rule and follow it. By Amelie Lee
Friendship can turn into love.
But can love ever turn into friendship?
Someone once said it can.
And it’s true. But all you need to do is avoid that ex lover of yours for a few years!
A break up always leaves us in a confused state of mind.
On one hand, we’re hurting because we’ve lost a big piece of our heart to someone else.
And on the other hand, we still want to stay in touch with the same person that broke our heart and walked all over it!
No wonder it’s been said that love is sweet misery.
We want something so bad even though we know all it’ll do is hurt us more.
It’s understandable that you want to stay in touch with your ex.
But sometimes, avoiding all contact with an ex is possibly the best thing to do, even if staying in touch feels like a wonderful consolation prize to win after a breakup.
What is the no contact rule?
The no contact rule is a great rule that’s been passed on through the ages, or so I believe.
It’s a rule where exes stay as exes and never become friends.
Both exes who were once completely in love with each other now avoid each other purposefully and greet each other with awkward smiles like distant acquaintances when they invariably bump into each other.
It sounds harsh, but well, that’s what the no contact rule is all about.
Why is the no contact rule a wise choice?
There are two kinds of endings to every relationship, a happy ending and a sad one.
If both of you decide to part ways because there’s no real love in the romance anymore, it’s a happy ending *wow, the irony of it all!*.
If you’re still in love with your lover, and yet, your lover arm twists you into a breakup because they don’t care about you anymore or are dating someone else, then that’s a sad ending for you and probably a happy ending for your soon-to-be-ex.
If your breakup ends with a happy ending for you, then the no contact rule will be meaningless to you, because you’re probably in another relationship or enjoying the single life anyway. [Read: 16 signs your ex still loves you and wants you back]
But if you’re the one left nursing a broken heart in your lonely room while your current ex flits and jumps from one happy facebook picture to the next, then the no contact rule definitely applies to you.
How to follow the no contact rule
Know this, the person who cares enough to desperately try and stay as friends with their ex wants to stay friends only because they’re still in love with their ex. [Read: Are you still in love with your ex?]
If you’re having a hard time moving on from the break up, you need to realize that the only reason you’re still hurt and miserable is because you want your ex back in your arms. Even if you don’t want to date your ex again, the fact that you’re hurting means you feel empty in your heart and want more love in your life.
The more you’re in touch with your ex, the more you’d realize just how empty your heart is with no love in it.
The best way to disconnect emotionally and heal the hole in your heart is by avoiding your ex completely. It’ll help you move on without having to constantly remember just how lonely you are each time you see your ex flirting with someone else.
Resist the temptation to stay in touch or call your ex just to say hello. Don’t spend your idle hours searching online frantically for any new pictures or any news of their new relationship status. And for crying out loud, avoid looking for ways to bump into them just so you can shake hands or exchange a warm-but-awkward hug. [Read: Things to know before you google your ex’s name]
If you’re hurting inside after the break up, you really need to follow the no contact rule and avoid your current ex completely. It’s the only way you can ever bring that natural smile back on your face again.
12 reasons why the no contact rule is the best choice
Are you still uncertain about the fact that the no contact rule is the best way to overcome your ex? Here are 12 good reasons why the no contact rule has to be your best friend for now.
#1 You can’t move on. You can’t move on if you’re stuck in the same spot in your love life. As long as you stay around your ex, you’ll constantly remember how much you miss your relationship. Only when you take an emotional step away will you be able to look around and find new things to fill that emptiness you feel in your heart.
#2 Your feelings will always be rekindled. If you’ve been dumped by someone you still love or even if you’ve parted ways mutually, the relationship status changes overnight, but your feelings for your ex won’t be able to keep pace with it. If you meet your ex all the time, there’s a big chance that you’ll end up falling in love with them, even if they’ve moved on. [Read: 10 things to do after a break up to feel better immediately]
#3 Focus on the healing. It’s easier to focus on the healing when you don’t have to keep staring at that annoyingly perfect face of your ex. Memories have a sneaky way of cropping up each time you see your ex. And the more you see your ex, the harder it’ll be to stop loving them.
#4 You’d be more forgiving. Your ex may be a selfish person who only has their own interests in mind. If your ex cheated on you or dumped you to date someone else, and all of a sudden, they decide to come back to you, you can’t stop yourself from accepting their apology when you’re always in touch with them.
After a break up, all your heart wants is someone to fill the emptiness in it. Don’t be around your selfish ex or you’ll end up hurting yourself again some other day.
#5 You can’t fall in love with someone else. When you disregard the no contact rule and stay in touch with your ex, you’d feel like it’s morally wrong to date someone else. And even when you’re trying to find someone or something else to distract you, the thought of your break up will always linger in your mind, making you feel uneasy and miserable all the time. [Read: How to use a rebound relationship to get over a breakup]
#6 Your life is cluttered with broken memories. You need new memories and experiences that doesn’t involve your ex if you ever want to get back up on your feet and sense a sliver of happiness again. The more you see your ex, the more you’ll remember the old times.
#7 The dreaded on-off relationship. When two exes ignore the no contact rule and stay in touch, almost all the time, they end up getting back together because they’re both lonely and need a relationship to feel complete.
Even before you realize it, both of you may end up getting back together in the heat of a private moment when no one’s around. And if a relationship isn’t really meant to be because of so many different expectations, you may end up experiencing an on-off relationship which will hurt you a lot more, and leave you feeling worse than ever before. [Read: Questions to ask yourself to find out if you should date your ex again]
#8 You can’t be yourself around you ex again… ever. Let’s face it, a breakup changes everything about the relationship. You can’t just wrap your ex in your arms or kiss them goodbye when you feel like it. There will always be an awkwardness in the air unless both of you are completely over each other. Can you really handle the awkwardness all the time? Is staying friends with your ex worth more than your peace of mind?
#9 An ex’s touch leaves you more vulnerable than ever. When you’re in a relationship with someone, there’s bound to be a lot of sexual chemistry in the relationship. But after you break up with them, there’s a complete restriction on the things you used to do with them, sexually or romantically.
And when any activity becomes a taboo or a restriction, it ends up becoming an addiction because you want it more badly than ever before. If you’re still in love with your ex, every single touch or a goodbye hug could end up electrifying the air with sexual tension. And you’d feel more pained each time you touch each other. [Read: Do you want to have sex with your ex again?]
#10 You’d get hurt if you stay in touch. This is especially true if your ex has already moved on. Each time you try to get warm with them or try to remind them about those special times both of you shared, your ex may just call you nasty names or walk away with an annoyed expression on their face. And there you’d be, standing all alone with a broken heart that’s filled with helpless humiliation.
#11 Sad frustrations. Even watching your ex flirt with someone, or staring at a few happy pictures of your ex on facebook hugging someone else can annoy you. And the worst part, not a single person in the world would truly understand what you feel at that moment. You’re all alone and miserable, all because you decided to stay in touch and avoid the no contact rule. [Read: How to let go of someone you love by hating them]
#12 You’re missing a piece of your heart. A piece of your heart is missing because you’ve given it away to your ex. And let’s face it, after the break up, you can never get it back.
You need your space to either let your heart heal or have it filled with love from another person. Staying connected will always remind you of that gaping hole inside you, and it’ll never heal as long as you’re constantly around the person who took it away from you in the first place. [Read: 10 steps to get over your romance with a happy memory]
Trust the no contact rule
You love your ex, and you can’t ever imagine not talking to them or seeing them every day. Your heart hurts, and you feel lost without them in your arms. But you know what, unfortunately for you, you really have no choice here.
You can’t heal your heart unless you walk away. It’s a miserable and pathetic feeling, but your shattered heart will heal sooner than you think. All you need to do is give your heart a safe chance to heal itself by avoiding the person who breaks your heart every time they walk into your life.
The no contact rule is very hard to follow. But for your own happiness, you need to learn to deal with your addiction. It won’t be easy to avoid someone you love so much, but a few months down the lane of lost love and you’ll realize that this was the best decision, after all.
We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!
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