The 10 Types of Exes Most Modern Daters Have to Deal With
With so many ways to meet and date new people come the fun, colorful exes that you’ll look back on with fond *or not-so-fond* memories.
There are so many potential partners all over the world that the modern dating scene never stops being exciting–until you get jaded, that is. Looking through your list of exes can be kind of depressing, especially when you consider all the different types of exes you may have, like the stereotypical serious guy, or the overly-sexualized woman, or even the experimental relationship. You may start to wonder if you’ve shot yourself in the foot by not going into the dating scene with some sort of tunnel vision.
But in reality, this is perfectly normal—dating a variety of people. In order to find the type of person you really want to spend your life with, you have to explore them all! After all, tunnel vision is only helpful once you know what you want–not beforehand.
10 most common exes we’ve all had
While not all of them bring to mind a horrific breakup or a desire to completely erase their memory, many of these exes may still make you think, “What the hell was I thinking?”
#1 The trendy hipster. This is someone who likes ultra-obscure Indie bands and shows that aren’t as famous as, say, The Walking Dead. While they may enjoy some mainstream things, they’re more likely to identify with a vintage-esque style, some sort of creative platform *like art, music, or theater*, and a signature brew from an underground coffee shop that seems to be inhabited exclusively by hipsters.
While there’s nothing wrong with being a hipster per se, being in a relationship with one may start to feel like you’re in some Indie movie where the plot is so vague and convoluted that you’d rather opt out than be sucked into the void. [Read: How to be cultured in an age obsessed with social media]
#2 Mr. or Mrs. Not Right Now. This is the person that seems like they’re the perfect shoe for your metaphorical foot. They make you laugh and smile, and make you cry–but never intentionally. They care about you and understand you like no one else can. But it just doesn’t work out. Maybe you grow apart, or you realize that you don’t want what they can offer… at least not yet. It may take a few months, or even a few years, but at the end of the day, this will always be the one that got away. [Read: 10 cathartic love songs for the one that got away]
#3 The perfectionist. This is the person who handles all projects perfectly, dresses better than you could ever dream, has a neat home, is always on time–and more. At first glance, they’re the perfect catch, and you might learn a thing or two from them, but it will end.
At some point, the perfectionism stops being admirable, and becomes overbearing. Always being so perfect eventually makes you want to mess something up on purpose. Your “messiness” will be a cause for concern, and then the smallest thing you do will earn you an earful. At some point, you’ll get tired of feeling like you aren’t good enough. [Read: 7 things to know before dating someone with a Type A personality]
#4 The carousel. So called because of their penchant for baggage. This is the ex that never quite appreciated you for who you are, because they were stuck with all their past issues. You didn’t shine, because there was always a giant shadow around. There might as well have been a dark silhouette of you in all your pictures together.
In the end, no matter how much joy and sunshine you tried to bring into their life, the dark void containing all their baggage just seemed to cancel it out. Aren’t you glad you got out when you could?
#5 The sensual artist. There’s just something about the appeal of the tortured artist who’s misunderstood by the world that makes you want to coop up with them and have passionate banshee sex well into the night. With this person, you learn about art *or music or poetry or whatever artistic medium your ex was into*, and you learn all about the wild kinks creative minds are into these days. Granted, these are important things, but in all honesty, hot sex does not a successful relationship make.
And that’s precisely it: part of the allure of this relationship is, more often than not, you both know it won’t last. It’s rare that it does, because both of you were in it for self-exploration and pleasure.
#6 The recurring online date. Skeptical as the world might be about online dating, you managed to date someone you found online. It went well for a couple of months, but in the end, you both realized that your semi-committed dalliance was only possible because you thought they were the most decent person on your list of online prospects.
In the online world, you’d struck gold! But in the real world, they fell flat. Sadly, you couldn’t keep your relationship in the virtual world, so you decided to call it quits and pray to every deity to never have to run into them on other dating sites ever again.
#7 The quiet, shy type. It’s very rare for two shy, quiet people to get together, but it happens. However, it’s more common to see an introvert and an extrovert together, because they balance each other out. Whatever the case, there’s a quiet ex somewhere on your list, because you may have gotten tired of trying to get them out of their shell. Furthermore, you may have gotten tired of family and friends misconstruing your partner’s shyness for distaste.
If you were both quiet, then chances are you both got tired of being too shy to start up an interesting conversation, and hearing crickets chirp. Not to mention… sex must have been pretty darn depressing.
#8 The womanizer/man eater. You know that moment when you thought “this is a bad idea–a very bad idea,” but you did it, anyway? Well, that was the moment you decided to date someone who was never satisfied with one person. Maybe they cheated, maybe they kept flirting with other people, or maybe they kept in touch with their exes.
Regardless of what happened, you got yourself into the mess knowing what this person was, so it was kind of your fault. Maybe you went in with the desire to be the one to change them, but now you’ve learned how hard it can be to break old habits.
#9 The one you try to fix. This is the only other person on the list that will hurt as much as #2. This person comes into your life being great and making you feel good. They’ll drop a hint or two that they don’t have their life together, but you’ll be head over heels and won’t notice.
Then, you’ll have a rocky relationship because they do have a lot of problems. This relationship may last years, and be smothered with many “I know I can do it, I know I can change” conversations, but there’s only a small chance of that really working. If it does work, your relationship will be stronger than ever. If you don’t make it, you’ll be devastated and worn down from putting in so much effort and still failing. [Read: 10 types of guys in the modern dating world]
#10 The experiment. The most irrational decision of your dating life ever, this is the ex your friends were skeptical about because they were the polar opposite of your “type.” You had nothing in common with this person, and you might not ever have seen yourself with them for an extended period of time, but you didn’t really care.
The sex was good, they were at least halfway attractive, and there was no real reason not to date them. This relationship usually ends because you just weren’t in it for the long haul. There’s no real resentment here, no broken hearts–just picking up after yourselves and going about your business, again.
While a lot of these exes made you want to swear off dating forever, some of them genuinely opened your eyes to the wonders of the modern dating world. So, here’s to all the exes you have had to go through to find the one who’s just right for you!