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10 Phases You Go through When Your Ex Gets Engaged

phases ex gets engaged

It’s the ultimate sign of moving on–your ex getting engaged. What emotions should you expect when this milestone appears on your news feed?

I’m sitting on the couch in a stained, baggy T-shirt, and underwear that’s clinging to its last moments of life. Needless to say, after graduating from university, the only thing I could commit to was avoiding the responsibilities of the inevitable “adulthood” racing toward me. Laying there, uninspired, I refreshed my Facebook page, only to be smacked in the face with “Mark just got engaged.”

Well, let me tell you how that went…

What you go through when your ex gets engaged

Maybe you’ve been through it, or maybe you have yet to experience it. But learning that your ex is about to get married is no walk in the park.

#1 Shock. Haha, there’s just no way… Haha, let me double check this. This didn’t happen. Yes. Yes, it did. And you definitely didn’t think it was going to happen before you. You call your mom, you call your grandma, you call all your friends. Everyone must know. Everyone must know and either join you in shock, or confirm that this is a true event.

Your support team was there while you were drowning them in despair over your breakup, and now they have been honored with the on-going conversation of his new life event.

#2 Anger. You can feel your body heat up while your eyes just stare at the picture of him and his new fiancé. Oh, they look so bloody happy. Well, isn’t that great? I am just so glad that everything in his life worked out perfectly. You grab some harmless snacks and start the aggressive emotional eating. I suggest going for a walk, instead.

#3 Jealousy. Your hand is getting deeper into the chip bag, and you’re done for. Once you’re at this phase, you just have to let it take you. That being said, don’t get swept up to the point where you’re stalking him outside of his work, begging for a second chance.

But naturally, your thoughts are similar to these: She doesn’t suit him. You can see it in his eyes, he doesn’t really love her. Have fun paying $50,000 for a wedding that won’t make it past a year. We were a better-looking couple. Yeah, that’s right, girl–get it all out. Just make sure these thoughts don’t leave your house. [Read: 10 signs you’re still attached to your ex]

#4 Defeat. Your emotions switch, turning his engagement into a competition. How can he have found somebody before me? The whole purpose of us breaking up was that I was supposed to move on and find someone amazing, while he spends the rest of his life miserable over our break-up.

He wasn’t even that great of a boyfriend. I don’t understand how he found someone who wants to be with him. I’m here, unemployed, single, and now suffering from stress sweat. Nobody likes stress sweat.

#5 Desperation. This is when you bring out your rolodex. The thought of you never finding someone and inevitably dying alone has never been so strong. Should I open my PlentyOfFish account again? I did meet one decent guy on there. Tinder isn’t too bad, but wait… maybe eHarmony is better? That’s more for serious players. Oh, and Christina has that guy friend. I should call her; he was cute.

Fight this stage. This stage will make you do things you wish you hadn’t. Don’t call that guy you had one so-so date with. Don’t start thinking of potential guys who weren’t right for you to begin with. Not only that, don’t drag some poor guy into your pity party because you want to “prove” something to your ex.

#6 Nostalgia. Yes, he made you watch Rocky over and over, and he would always leave the toilet seat up, but what if he was the one? You used to cuddle and watch the stars on clear nights. And there was that time you both woke up at 4 AM and rode your bikes to the beach with a bottle of champagne.

The emotions and the good times you spent together are going to overwhelm you. You’re probably going to think, “Did I miss the one?” or “Will I ever find someone who’s going to love me like he did?” [Read: 6 reasons you’re still thinking of your ex and 5 things to keep in mind]

#7 Pity. Ah, then nostalgia does something beautiful. Remember his habit of not showering after basketball practice? Remember when you were sick, and he didn’t call? Yes, you do.

Remember those moments, because those were the moments that caused you to doubt your relationship with him. His new fiancé is going to have to sit next to the stench and put up with his lack of thoughtfulness. She has no idea!

#8 Amusement. While the fond memories always bring a smile to your face, recall your ex’s annoying habits and the fact that they will have “Till death do we part” tacked onto them once he ties the knot with his fiancé. Oh, God–that poor girl is going to have to be with him her entire life. She’s going to have to get used to his cheapness and dirty underwear ’til death do they part. You wouldn’t be able to last a year!

#9 Relief. Well, the bullet has been dodged. Wipe that anxiety sweat from your forehead because the worst has passed. After you pass the feelings of jealousy and anger, you really do realize that she could have been you. Yes, your life would have been different, but is that the life you really want? [Read: 10 reasons it’s okay to be relieved after a breakup]

#10 Acceptance. Keep browsing through those “until the wedding” countdown photos, sit back, and enjoy the view. Someone you once loved intensely is happy and about to get married. After the fights, the horrible breakup, and the agonizing healing stage, his life took a turn and now he’s deliriously happy. Just be happy for the guy and believe that you’ll one day be just as deliriously happy as him.

[Read: 9 things to keep in mind when your ex is about to get married]

After the initial anger and jealousy rears its ugly head, you’ll eventually accept the fact that your exes will move on from you and find love elsewhere. The good news about this? You’re free to do the same.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic
A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...
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DISCUSSION

  • walked away

    It has been 5 years since I walked away from my ex in a crowded airport not knowing that we’d never see one another again. I STILL think my god I wish I had fuc*ing known. Distance, Circumstance, Timing – Everything. The world was not in my favor. I’d still give up the world for one last minute with him. I Love the wonderful man I’m dating today, and it’s possible that we might get married. But, truth be told there is a part of me that’s still hung up, and has been for 5 years. I don’t expect it will go away. Not EVER. My ex and I had a connection that I can still feel. Sometimes I think about storming the castle, invading his life. Sometimes I think it’s the one thing I might regret not doing or trying when my final days here come. Mostly I try hard not to think about it. But it always resurfaces. I’ve accepted the fact that I won’t ever love another man the way that I loved him, so completely – all of his flaws, all of his mistakes, his scars, his selfishness. I wanted to know him as he knew himself. I asked for that, and he dropped all the walls, dismissed all the guards. He left his wife and we began this overwhelming relationship. I’ve been an atheist since age 12, but when I met my ex, for a moment, I thought there had to be a God. Little moments still weigh heavy, and nothing seems to overshadow them. Over time, the moments are still there, but instead of lamenting that I’ll not have more moments with him I’ve come to appreciate that I had an opportunity to experience something that I don’t imagine all others get a chance to encounter. There was a particularly unfortunate foretelling conversation once where we discussed in a very meta way the idea of choosing upon death a single moment to remain fixed in forever. We both agreed that the moment for each of us would be with the other. It’s fuc*ed up that I sometimes wish I could wait for him there, in that fictional moment. I dream of him and anticipate even the most remote possibility of catching a glimpse of him again. So yeah, I guess I can relate. I know it’s not healthy, and most definitely not normal. I NEVER ever talk about it. For all outward appearances I’m in a happy healthy relationship with a wonderful man (though try as I may, I cannot love him with my whole heart. I truly wish I could.)

  • miss me?

    Last night I went to meet my gf’s parents for the first time. Towards the end of the evening she received a text from her sister, which said “Have you heard the news?” It turned out my gfs ex had gotten engaged. To give you some context on their relationship, they were together for 3 years. She cheated on him, they got back together, she ended things in Feb of this year. She doesn’t ever want to get married or have kids with anyone. Upon finding this out, my gf began to cry, she then took herself off to the restroom. Her reacting in this way made me very angry. I was so humiliated, embarrassed, hurt and angry. I was sat, awkwardly with her mum and step-dad for a while while she sorted herself out. Upon her return I asked her to book a cab so we could leave. I cannot understand for the life of me why she reacted in this way. Why would she cry if she was over the relationship etc? I’ve asked my friends and they all agree with me (obviously tbf, they are my friends). I’m desperate for a different perspective, otherwise I feel like this could be something I can’t just sweep under the carpet. I told her i didn’t want to discuss things in the cab, we got home, I told her i was furious with her and we argued for a while. I did lose my temper with her at two points and have since apologized. I lost my temper when she told me that my opinion meant nothing and was totally irrelevant and didn’t matter cos I hadn’t been in that situation. She said she thought I was selfish and making it about what I was feeling. She is now angry with me due to the way I reacted. She slept on the sofa. She says she cried because it was a shock. She tried to justify her crying because he moved on so quick. She claims that she doesn’t care about it.