Everyone has to deal with a little awkwardness and anger from their past relationships. But this is what you can do if you’re saying, my ex hates me!
Dealing with an ex no matter how they feel about you can be awkward and uncomfortable. Let alone having to put up with them if they absolutely hate you. The problem with an ex hating you is it’s so easy for them to have such a strong negative reaction toward you simply because they once had strong positive feelings for you. It is hard to accept the idea that your ex hates you.
I’ve dealt with my fair share of exes hating me. It’s not that I did anything wrong or so terrible that it warrants such a passionate dislike. Rather because I broke up with them, and they weren’t ready for the relationship to end.
Why is hate such a terrible emotion?
There is a huge difference between someone who has a dislike for someone or something and when someone voices how much they HATE it. They’re not the same emotion. There’s actually a difference when it comes to your brain chemistry between the emotions as well.
As it turns out, scientists have been intrigued by the emotion of hate for a very long time, and they’ve discovered this emotion is so powerful because it resembles love. When subjects were hooked up to an MRI and shown pictures of those they hate, their brain lit up in the same areas it did when they saw photos of those they loved.
Getting past your ex’s hate fueled rage
If there’s one thing worse than actually hating someone, it’s dealing with someone who hates you—especially an ex. It’s not only difficult to endure, but it actually causes you pain because you never wanted someone you once cared for to hate you.
If you’re struggling with dealing with your ex’s hatred, you’ve come to the right place. Take it from someone who has had to deal with a similar situation quite a few times. Follow these different ways to get past their rage.
#1 Be empathetic. There’s nothing worse than hating someone who just doesn’t care at all. I’ve been on the other end of this, and it really just makes you hate them more. In order to get past your ex’s rage, be empathetic.
Put yourself in their shoes. Would you feel the same? Would you have as much hatred for them as they have for you? If you think about it this way it helps you understand what they’re going through, so you can get through it. [Read: How to break up with someone you love]
#2 Give them closure. If there was a breakup spawning their newly found hatred of you, and they’re so mad because they just don’t know what happened. You need to provide them with some closure ASAP.
They don’t just hate you, they’re in pain. They’re hurting because they feel rejected and don’t know why you left them. Give them closure about whatever it is they’re asking about. It’ll reduce their hatred of you and make it easier for you to get past.
#3 Ask yourself if you did something REALLY wrong. Be honest with yourself. Did you do something that warrants a just hatred from someone? Because if you did, realize what you did wrong.
Did you cheat on them? Hurt them in such a way that you can’t undo it? Ask yourself if them hating you is fair. Sometimes hatred can be justified by an act so outrageously bad hate may even be a minor reaction.
#4 Don’t fuel their fire. For crying out loud, don’t egg them on. They already have the most negative emotion running through their veins at just the mere thought of you. They don’t need anything else to fuel their fire.
#5 Avoid them whenever possible. The last thing the two of you need is to be in face-to-face contact with each other. So just avoid being wherever they are when possible.
Not only will seeing you remind them of their hatred, but it also puts you at risk of having to deal with them blowing up on you in public. If you know they frequent certain spots, just avoid those areas until their hate wears off.
#6 Acknowledge when you’ve made mistakes. Their hate doesn’t come from nowhere. There is a reason they’re so angry with you, and you need to own up to your mistakes if you made some that upset them.
Not only will they be appreciative that you admit when you’ve messed up, but it helps calm them down and get some much-needed closure.
#7 Be the bigger person. This simply means ignoring them whenever they have an outburst or freak out on you for any reason. You can’t let their hatred affect how you act.
#8 Don’t bring up sensitive subjects. If the two of you do end up having a face-to-face confrontation, don’t bring up anything that might upset them. Leave all of those topics off the table and don’t even dabble in them—at all.
This helps you get past their rage by avoiding anything that sets them off and makes them blow up on you. If you know they won’t like your new significant other, don’t talk about it. Keeping them on an even keel is your job.
#9 Don’t get mad yourself. It’s really, really easy to let someone else’s hatred rub off on you and get mad because they’re so mad. Usually when a person hates you they try to bring you down however they can because they want to see you suffer just as they are.
The best thing to do in this situation is to keep your cool. Just remember they’re mad, hating you, and not thinking straight. Most of the time they don’t truly mean the things they say.
#10 NO name-calling. Just like you can’t get mad at them, you cannot call them mean and hateful names. You might be mad and they might feel good to say, but the truth is that it only gives them another reason to hate you. You’ll probably regret being so mean after you’ve calmed down. [Read: 8 most common post-breakup mistakes you should never do]
#11 Don’t talk about them behind their back. It almost ALWAYS gets back to them one way or another. No matter how unreasonable they are and how annoyed you are with their behavior, don’t tell other people.
#12 Do your best to make peace. So you two may not ever get along or like each other again, but you should try to work out your differences so you can have peace between the two of you.
No matter how you feel about them, knowing they hate you can have adverse affects on your life, too. So apologize, make peace, do whatever you can to make things civil between the two of you, and you’ll be able to deal with their hateful attitude.