A break up is hard to bear, but moving on is worse, especially if you’re still in love with your ex. Want to know the answer to the big question, ‘is my ex thinking about me?’ Jessica Dawson shares her thoughts.
Break ups are painful, and as much as it hurts, break ups also bring with it the hope of getting an ex back or meeting someone new to fill the void.
I’ve broken hearts a few times, and have had my heart broken several times too.
And even though I’ve known that love can cause as much pain as it can give happiness, I’ve helplessly slipped into the puddle of love far too many times to count.
One of the questions that haunt anyone the most after a break up, especially when you’ve lost contact with your ex, is whether your ex is still in love with you.
It’s painful to think about it, but it’s also sadistically reassuring to know that you’re not the only one hurting inside.
We’re humans, and we’re sadists. It feels good to know your ex still hurts and suffers, and thinks about you just as much as you’re thinking about them.
Is my ex thinking about me?
After a recent break up a couple of months ago, I was shattered all over again.
We had a happy relationship, but our lives were too different to see a future together. He thought I was too flirty and had way too many male friends, and I, well I thought he was an introvert who just didn’t like me having too many friends.
I didn’t want to hear anything about him for the first few days. I didn’t even want to hear his name out loud. A week passed by, and I felt better. I hadn’t heard from him in over a week and I was extremely curious to know what he was up to.
Is my ex thinking about me? Does he want to get back with me? I didn’t want to get back with him, but I still did love him. [Read: Why you can’t find love no matter what you do]
The conflicting emotions were driving me mad. I loved him, but I didn’t need him or want him back. But I just had to know whether he was thinking about me. I logged into facebook on an early Saturday morning and feverishly typed his name. No status updates. He’s been inactive for about a week too. Hmm… Perhaps, he was waiting for me to announce the news to the world.
The games exes play
I had been listening to the Jets ‘Look what you’ve done’ all morning, and out of habit of letting the world know my favorite song of the day, I updated my status to a youtube link of the song and logged out.
No news from him. I googled his blog and saw that he had posted something lame about the weather being too down and mellow. Whoa, wait a minute, the weather was down and mellow?!
What the hell? It was the middle of summer and the days have been bright and sunny. Was he trying to say something to me here? Was he feeling bad and sad after the breakup? I smiled to myself, and almost instantly remembered that I was still in pain.
I kept visiting his blog several times that day, it felt good to read his gloomy weather post. My hands were itching to comment something, and I just had to do it. I used an alias and commented about how I felt the same about the weather. He would never know it was me. Ha! Not in a million years.
An eventful Saturday
The day passed by uneventfully and I watched a couple of depressing movies that made me feel worse. By late afternoon, I was even more depressed. I decided to go out and spend some time with my friends. I missed him so much, it had been a week since I had heard from him. I know we were never meant to be, but I just missed hearing his voice. As I walked down a calm and pleasant street dotted with trees and sun kissed leaves, I missed him even more. I felt lonely. I walked up to a payphone and decided to call him anonymously. He answered his phone and my mouth spread into a wide grin. I felt like a little girl calling her crush up. I held my breath and didn’t answer. He hung up after a few seconds. I felt stupid. [Read: Is it love or lust?]
I moved on and met my friends in the corner of the street, where we decided to go shopping. I felt better, and I saw a gazillion things that I wanted to gift him. But I brushed the thought aside. Later that night, I missed him more than I had all week since the break up. [Read: What to do with old love letters?]
I logged into facebook and to my surprise, my ex had updated his status too, with a link to a song. I followed the link and it was “I will remember you” by Sarah Mclachlan. I couldn’t help going all giddy and flushed. I felt happy. He had responded to my song with another song. Is my ex thinking about me? Yeah, he definitely is! Awww!
Furiously, I started shuffling through my playlist and found another song I liked. I updated my facebook status. It read “I’m a winner at a losing game” and linked it to Rascal Flatts. I was so excited. I didn’t feel hurt, I felt alive.
I checked out his blog, but there was no response to my comment. Bummer. But there was something going on between us in Facebook. And I liked it!
A painful Sunday
I woke up early and checked his facebook page. There was no update and that annoyed me. I felt miserable again. Is my ex thinking about me no more? Could he have moved on? Ugh, I got back into bed. I checked out his blog several times and googled his name every few hours. [Read: Googling an ex – Online obsessions]
I got a call a few times, and I heard no one on the other end. I was beaming. I was ridiculously happy. I flirtishly said ‘hello’ for a few minutes each time and said goodbye before hanging up. But later that night, I got to know that a friend of mine from out of town was trying to call me and couldn’t hear anything from my end. The balloon burst. My ex hadn’t called me at all. This felt just as worse as the break up, I was reliving the pain every now and then with sporadic bursts of bliss.
The week ahead – Is my ex thinking about me now?
I was addicted to facebook, because there was no other way to hear from my ex. The next few days saw me jumping with ecstasy and hitting rock bottom with anger and pain. There were many more songs included in the status updates for the next few days ranging from Evanescence’s ‘My immortal’ to Rihanna’s ‘Love the way you lie’. I was confused, and infused with happiness and sadness at the same time. It was a strange experience.
I found myself stalking his facebook page more and more often, until it turned into an obsession. And out of the blue, I found out through his friend’s friend’s facebook page that my ex and a few other guys were meeting up that evening for a game of something.
All of a sudden, I was more obsessed and in love with my ex than I ever was. I just wanted him back.
Meeting my ex boyfriend again
That very evening, we ending up bumping into each other *accidently*, and it was great. He was beaming and I was blushing. And before we knew it, we were hugging each other and I felt like I was in a warm pillow, ready to sink into blissful dreams. I was happy and he was happy. [Read: The secret law of attraction in love]
We got home together and got back together that evening.
Moving on with my life
Life was exceptionally good. Well, at least for a month or so. The same problems we experienced at the start started cropping up all over again, and life was more painful than I could remember. We ended up breaking up again, and this time around, I took him off my friends list in facebook. We had broken up for a reason, because we were incompatible with each other. It’s normal to have feelings for each other even after breaking up. After all, we were in love for a while. But that really was no reason to get back because we were just not happy in love. [Read: Getting back with an ex for sex]
So my word of advice to you, as much as you wonder “is my ex thinking about me” or whether you want to get back together, remember that break ups happen for a reason. There’s really no point in trying to get back into something that just won’t keep you happy forever. You’ll remember your ex and your ex will think about you too, but even if you have unfinished conversations or intense emotions, harden up, let go and learn to walk away.
Is my ex thinking about me? – The signs
If you’re wondering about whether your ex is thinking about you or wants to get back with you, use these signs to know the truth. But at the end of the day, don’t use it as an excuse to get back together. Almost always, failed romances never do work out a second time around. [Read: How to get over a broken heart]
#1 Your ex calls you often, even if you don’t hear their voice on the other end. This is dumb, but all lovers who miss their ex end up doing this, or at least dream of doing this.
#2 Your ex keeps any new relationships discreet. If they’re still in love with you, they wouldn’t want to lose the chance of getting back with you by publicly accepting that they’re seeing someone else.
#3 Do you see links to love songs or love quotes in your ex’s facebook or twitter updates? This is one of the boons and banes of social networking. Your ex can be discreet and yet, say a lot. But be wary of this because stalking around a facebook page or twitter feed can turn into a painful obsession.
#4 Are you web savvy and have a personal blog where you share your daily gossip? Big chances are, your ex will be lingering around your blog waiting to hear the next big thing in your life. If you have a stat counter that tracks visitors and you know your way around it, you’ll be able to track your ex in no time. But seriously, don’t bother doing this because you’ll have another obsession coming your way.
#5 If your ex still thinks about you or wants you back, they’re going to talk about you or ask about you through your common friends. And soon enough, the word will spread through the grapevine and you’ll know your ex has been paying a lot of attention to your life. But stay firm, and remember why you broke up in the first place.
#6 Have you bumped into your ex recently, out of the blue? Does this happen often? There’s a good chance this whole thing was planned ahead. You may have a ratty friend who’s sneaking out information to your ex or you may be letting too many people in the world know about your daily plans. Bumping into each other feels nice, but it’s not going to reduce the pain. [Read: 13 signs your friends are ruining your relationships for you]
What to do when your ex thinks about you
Exes don’t stop thinking about their exes. It’s natural, and something that’s inevitable. Even if you’ve had a bad relationship, you can’t help but wonder if you’d get back and worry about the proverbial ‘what if…?’ But for your own good, block your ex from your thoughts even if your ex has been giving you a lot of attention or thought. It can seem harsh and painful, but that’s the only way to move on. And trust me, there’ll be someone who’s better and more compatible to you, waiting for you just around the corner. [Read: The real reason behind why love hurts so much after a break up]
You need to remember that by sticking around a bad relationship or an ex, you’re not allowing the love in your life to blossom into something happier and more fulfilling. I just wasted a few good months looming over an ex, caught between intense moments of happiness and pain, and it all led back to the same ending all over again. [Read: How to love again after being hurt]
People don’t change, feelings do. So rather than listening to your finicky feelings, remember the people who hurt you and keep your feelings as far away as you can from them.
[Read: How to get over an ex boyfriend]
[Read: How to get over an ex girlfriend]
So the next time you’re wondering about the troublesome question, ‘is my ex thinking about me’, put that thought away because either ways, it’s just no good for you or your love life.
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