Home Love Couch Your Ex Is My Ex Thinking About Me…? – The Signs

Is My Ex Thinking About Me…? – The Signs

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A break up is hard to bear, but moving on is worse, especially if you’re still in love with your ex. Want to know the answer to the big question, ‘is my ex thinking about me?’ Jessica Dawson shares her thoughts.

is my ex thinking about me?

Break ups are painful, and as much as it hurts, break ups also bring with it the hope of getting an ex back or meeting someone new to fill the void.

I’ve broken hearts a few times, and have had my heart broken several times too.

And even though I’ve known that love can cause as much pain as it can give happiness, I’ve helplessly slipped into the puddle of love far too many times to count.

One of the questions that haunt anyone the most after a break up, especially when you’ve lost contact with your ex, is whether your ex is still in love with you.

It’s painful to think about it, but it’s also sadistically reassuring to know that you’re not the only one hurting inside.

We’re humans, and we’re sadists. It feels good to know your ex still hurts and suffers, and thinks about you just as much as you’re thinking about them.

[Read: How to stop thinking about someone you still like a lot]

Is my ex thinking about me?

After a recent break up a couple of months ago, I was shattered all over again.

We had a happy relationship, but our lives were too different to see a future together. He thought I was too flirty and had way too many male friends, and I, well I thought he was an introvert who just didn’t like me having too many friends.

I didn’t want to hear anything about him for the first few days. I didn’t even want to hear his name out loud. A week passed by, and I felt better. I hadn’t heard from him in over a week and I was extremely curious to know what he was up to.

Is my ex thinking about me? Does he want to get back with me? I didn’t want to get back with him, but I still did love him. [Read: Why you can't find love no matter what you do]

The conflicting emotions were driving me mad. I loved him, but I didn’t need him or want him back. But I just had to know whether he was thinking about me. I logged into facebook on an early Saturday morning and feverishly typed his name. No status updates. He’s been inactive for about a week too. Hmm… Perhaps, he was waiting for me to announce the news to the world.

The games exes play

I had been listening to the Jets ‘Look what you’ve done’ all morning, and out of habit of letting the world know my favorite song of the day, I updated my status to a youtube link of the song and logged out.

No news from him. I googled his blog and saw that he had posted something lame about the weather being too down and mellow. Whoa, wait a minute, the weather was down and mellow?!

What the hell? It was the middle of summer and the days have been bright and sunny. Was he trying to say something to me here? Was he feeling bad and sad after the breakup? I smiled to myself, and almost instantly remembered that I was still in pain.

I kept visiting his blog several times that day, it felt good to read his gloomy weather post. My hands were itching to comment something, and I just had to do it. I used an alias and commented about how I felt the same about the weather. He would never know it was me. Ha! Not in a million years.

An eventful Saturday

The day passed by uneventfully and I watched a couple of depressing movies that made me feel worse. By late afternoon, I was even more depressed. I decided to go out and spend some time with my friends. I missed him so much, it had been a week since I had heard from him. I know we were never meant to be, but I just missed hearing his voice. As I walked down a calm and pleasant street dotted with trees and sun kissed leaves, I missed him even more. I felt lonely. I walked up to a payphone and decided to call him anonymously. He answered his phone and my mouth spread into a wide grin. I felt like a little girl calling her crush up. I held my breath and didn’t answer. He hung up after a few seconds. I felt stupid. [Read: Is it love or lust?]

I moved on and met my friends in the corner of the street, where we decided to go shopping. I felt better, and I saw a gazillion things that I wanted to gift him. But I brushed the thought aside. Later that night, I missed him more than I had all week since the break up. [Read: What to do with old love letters?]

I logged into facebook and to my surprise, my ex had updated his status too, with a link to a song. I followed the link and it was “I will remember you” by Sarah Mclachlan. I couldn’t help going all giddy and flushed. I felt happy. He had responded to my song with another song. Is my ex thinking about me? Yeah, he definitely is! Awww!

Furiously, I started shuffling through my playlist and found another song I liked. I updated my facebook status. It read “I’m a winner at a losing game” and linked it to Rascal Flatts. I was so excited. I didn’t feel hurt, I felt alive.

I checked out his blog, but there was no response to my comment. Bummer. But there was something going on between us in Facebook. And I liked it!

A painful Sunday

I woke up early and checked his facebook page. There was no update and that annoyed me. I felt miserable again. Is my ex thinking about me no more? Could he have moved on? Ugh, I got back into bed. I checked out his blog several times and googled his name every few hours. [Read: Googling an ex - Online obsessions]

I got a call a few times, and I heard no one on the other end. I was beaming. I was ridiculously happy. I flirtishly said ‘hello’ for a few minutes each time and said goodbye before hanging up. But later that night, I got to know that a friend of mine from out of town was trying to call me and couldn’t hear anything from my end. The balloon burst. My ex hadn’t called me at all. This felt just as worse as the break up, I was reliving the pain every now and then with sporadic bursts of bliss.

The week ahead – Is my ex thinking about me now?

I was addicted to facebook, because there was no other way to hear from my ex. The next few days saw me jumping with ecstasy and hitting rock bottom with anger and pain. There were many more songs included in the status updates for the next few days ranging from Evanescence’s ‘My immortal’ to Rihanna’s ‘Love the way you lie’. I was confused, and infused with happiness and sadness at the same time. It was a strange experience.

I found myself stalking his facebook page more and more often, until it turned into an obsession. And out of the blue, I found out through his friend’s friend’s facebook page that my ex and a few other guys were meeting up that evening for a game of something.

All of a sudden, I was more obsessed and in love with my ex than I ever was. I just wanted him back.

Meeting my ex boyfriend again

That very evening, we ending up bumping into each other *accidently*, and it was great. He was beaming and I was blushing. And before we knew it, we were hugging each other and I felt like I was in a warm pillow, ready to sink into blissful dreams. I was happy and he was happy. [Read: The secret law of attraction in love]

We got home together and got back together that evening.

Moving on with my life

Life was exceptionally good. Well, at least for a month or so. The same problems we experienced at the start started cropping up all over again, and life was more painful than I could remember. We ended up breaking up again, and this time around, I took him off my friends list in facebook. We had broken up for a reason, because we were incompatible with each other. It’s normal to have feelings for each other even after breaking up. After all, we were in love for a while. But that really was no reason to get back because we were just not happy in love. [Read: Getting back with an ex for sex]

So my word of advice to you, as much as you wonder “is my ex thinking about me” or whether you want to get back together, remember that break ups happen for a reason. There’s really no point in trying to get back into something that just won’t keep you happy forever. You’ll remember your ex and your ex will think about you too, but even if you have unfinished conversations or intense emotions, harden up, let go and learn to walk away.

Is my ex thinking about me? – The signs

If you’re wondering about whether your ex is thinking about you or wants to get back with you, use these signs to know the truth. But at the end of the day, don’t use it as an excuse to get back together. Almost always, failed romances never do work out a second time around. [Read: How to get over a broken heart]

#1 Your ex calls you often, even if you don’t hear their voice on the other end. This is dumb, but all lovers who miss their ex end up doing this, or at least dream of doing this.

#2 Your ex keeps any new relationships discreet. If they’re still in love with you, they wouldn’t want to lose the chance of getting back with you by publicly accepting that they’re seeing someone else.

#3 Do you see links to love songs or love quotes in your ex’s facebook or twitter updates? This is one of the boons and banes of social networking. Your ex can be discreet and yet, say a lot. But be wary of this because stalking around a facebook page or twitter feed can turn into a painful obsession.

#4 Are you web savvy and have a personal blog where you share your daily gossip? Big chances are, your ex will be lingering around your blog waiting to hear the next big thing in your life. If you have a stat counter that tracks visitors and you know your way around it, you’ll be able to track your ex in no time. But seriously, don’t bother doing this because you’ll have another obsession coming your way.

#5 If your ex still thinks about you or wants you back, they’re going to talk about you or ask about you through your common friends. And soon enough, the word will spread through the grapevine and you’ll know your ex has been paying a lot of attention to your life. But stay firm, and remember why you broke up in the first place.

#6 Have you bumped into your ex recently, out of the blue? Does this happen often? There’s a good chance this whole thing was planned ahead. You may have a ratty friend who’s sneaking out information to your ex or you may be letting too many people in the world know about your daily plans. Bumping into each other feels nice, but it’s not going to reduce the pain. [Read: 13 signs your friends are ruining your relationships for you]

What to do when your ex thinks about you

Exes don’t stop thinking about their exes. It’s natural, and something that’s inevitable. Even if you’ve had a bad relationship, you can’t help but wonder if you’d get back and worry about the proverbial ‘what if…?’ But for your own good, block your ex from your thoughts even if your ex has been giving you a lot of attention or thought. It can seem harsh and painful, but that’s the only way to move on. And trust me, there’ll be someone who’s better and more compatible to you, waiting for you just around the corner. [Read: The real reason behind why love hurts so much after a break up]

You need to remember that by sticking around a bad relationship or an ex, you’re not allowing the love in your life to blossom into something happier and more fulfilling. I just wasted a few good months looming over an ex, caught between intense moments of happiness and pain, and it all led back to the same ending all over again. [Read: How to love again after being hurt]

People don’t change, feelings do. So rather than listening to your finicky feelings, remember the people who hurt you and keep your feelings as far away as you can from them.

[Read: How to get over an ex boyfriend]

[Read: How to get over an ex girlfriend]

So the next time you’re wondering about the troublesome question, ‘is my ex thinking about me’, put that thought away because either ways, it’s just no good for you or your love life.


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Have your say!
  • vee
    August 11, 2011 | Permalink |

    wow.this was flippin awesom.thanx so much jessica for writing such a frank, intelligent article. it has defo knocked some sense into me,at least momentarily lol. although i have a feeling that this time 2mrw i’l be back to stalking :S but at least i know i can always come back and read this to give me strength and abit of sense again! :D

  • Jessica Dawson
    August 12, 2011 | Permalink |

    Hey Vee, I’m glad my piece on stalking an ex helped you. Yeah, I know it’s pretty hard to stop trailing an ex, we all do it, and it just sucks!

    But someday, we’re all going to look back and say, “heck, what a waste of time!” The sooner we see that day, the better for all lovelorn singles. Cheers, and hope you get over your ex soon!

  • BT
    April 30, 2012 | Permalink |

    I disagree with one certain thing. People do change. Many of us don’t,but many of us recognize the issues we have that affect our lives and relationships negatively. Particular characteristics will never change, but others will when we deal with them. I know because I CHANGED a very big aspect that murdered my long term relationship with the woman I still love months later: my negative, pessimistic, dark, near-hopeless attitude toward life. I spent a lot of our relationship focusing on everything in my life I hated, everything going wrong. I was mature but my attitude made me unhappy and her unhappy. I changed that attitude after our breakup, after she got into a rebound and I had to think hard about what I was like. I changed permanently–there is no going back to the lifeless way. And while being with this other guy, she has continued to initiate conversation with me and ask about my life, inconspicuously revealing her lingering interest. When she comes back, the same issues won’t be there. I am a psychologist and can promise you, people can change but it’s up to them. Some relationships really don’t work and the reasons they don’t work are characteristics that stay with us period. But anyone can change their attitude or decisions.

  • Shellie
    May 16, 2012 | Permalink |

    Stupidest article. My ex never even touches his facebook, and when he does it is only to comment on something someone else had posted. Not all men send “signals” through facebook and blogs… actually, most of the men I’ve been with shut themselves off completely after we have broken up for both of our own good. It doesn’t mean they don’t miss us, but men have egos that they don’t want the cyber world or the REAL world to even know about. Your best bet in knowing if your ex really misses you is to wait a long while and contact them out of the blue, read the signs from there. Maybe they still do, but are too scared to show it. Honestly it’s unhealthy to sit and think if an ex is missing you or not (most likely they are at least a LITTLE bit) but what kind of man openly admits that unless they are willing to throw their ego aside? Also it is unfair to say that people who get back together after a break-up don’t work. My sister and her husband dated for seven years and broke up for about 5 months at one time, and when they slowly eased back into things a breakup was never even close to happening again. Some people are just meant to be together.

  • Mary
    June 18, 2012 | Permalink |

    I want to contact my ex after not hearing from him for over a month or so. I would like to ask him out for a coffee, but I really would like to have an excuse to want to talk to him. Does anyone have any suggestions?

  • Girls Dont know what they want
    July 30, 2012 | Permalink |

    Just Call him and ask if he wants to meet up for a friendly coffee. If he does not pick up then you have your answer. MY ex girlfriend just does not get that I do not want to be friends I have sorda told her but I am just playing games as well If she ever contacts me again I am sure she will be in for a surprise.

  • Sue
    November 10, 2012 | Permalink |

    I still think of my ex often and it’s been 2 years since I’ve spoked to him. We had a rocky relationship, we argued often. In part it was my own insecurities and stress level that was bought upon from school and work simultaneously. I was really unhappy with myself and created an unhealthy relationship. Though, he was also imperfect (stubborn, stubborn, and unemotional). I’ve dated a few men after him looking for a “special something”. I’ve only felt a “special something” with him. Whatever that special something is. I remember that I was able to look into his eyes after 3 years of being together and still be intrigued by him. With him every day felt like new. When we broke up it was hard on the both of us but we both agreed to seperate. We had argued too many times and had many unhappy nights. We cried. And cried. Both trying to amend what we had. Weeks later, he stopped. Then, I find out he started dating someone shortly after (which was his way of filling the void). I was furious! I confronted him about it the very same day I found out. I felt violated. What happened to the healing stage? The period of time when people find their true self. She was there the night I confronted him at his door. It didn’t end too well. I realized how psychotic it made me look. I was furious with rage! He had fallen in love with her yet they broke up less than a year into their relationship. Fast forward time, two years later I’m typing this… I don’t know if I miss him, if I miss our relationship (good times) or if I miss the simplicity of my life when I was with him.

  • Irv
    December 26, 2012 | Permalink |

    Well, I am just after enduring the worst Christmas in living memory. I had split up with my girlfriend a plethora of times in the past, said some hurtful things and would often tell her if she was not happy in our relationship to find someone she could be happy with! Well 2 weeks ago she split up with me and I could tell she mean’t it. She had changed her whole being. We went to Bali in November to meet up after being apart for 6 months (she’s doing a year in Australia and I live in London, England). The following weekend I tried calling her for a day and she didnt answer her phone. I was going out of my mind in jealousy and rage. The next day I woke and she answered as if she knew not how desperate I was trying to get hold of her. She was indifferent and we arranged to speak on Skype later. When we spoke later she eluded to the fact that she had slept with someone and this made me sick to my stomach. I went a little crazy, smashed my own shit up (including my laptop and fists) and proceeded to drink myself into oblivion. This continued for a few days and I couldnt even go to work. I felt lost, alone, afraid, stupid, embarrassed and a whole heap of other emotions. How could she just not care anymore? Had our 2 years (albeit rocky with its fair share of arguments) meant nothing to her? How could she just move on? Her mother and sister are out there now with her for Christmas and new years and I know/feel she is just fine and if she wavers, she has her mum and sister there to say “forget him, you guys argued too much anyways and he upset you. you’ll find better”! I’m generally quite a confident guy, some would say not bad looking, but I have lost my mojo and can’t see it coming back. I love her and can’t face the future. When it was good it was real good and when it was bad, well you know what I mean. She was/is very jealous and it’s hard for me as I don’t want to stop having female friends because she don’t like it, but I couldve been more attentive and understanding to her emotions. I’ve done my fair share of tears and whys and I just don’t wanna do it no more. I’m sat here on Boxing day in my flat watch Christmas movies, pondering over what she’s doing, is she thinking of me, does she even care a little and the deep seated pain just returns. I’ve had no contact with her, she hasnt put anything on facebook really (nor have I) and hasnt been on skype since 20th Dec. I was going to go to the Caribbean for a week to get away from myself, but no matter where I go, there I am! I have also decided to stay here as I can’t bare to leave for some reason. I guess it’s because all my friends are here and misery loves company! I just want th pain and disappointment to go away, but I see no end in sight. I have spent a bit of time with a girl, but I don’t want her to get the wrong impression and I don’t want to start seeing some poor girl on a rebound. Anyways, I’ve rambled on enough, just wanted to vent I guess and stop myself contacting her and sounding pathetic or love lorn, or offer to make empty promises or whatever. Funny, been listening to Goyte somebody I used to know on loop, as it was a song we both liked when we were in France and now it’s our theme tune for lost love…gutted!!!

  • Irv
    January 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    Not that anyone really cares, but I have had the most amazing enlightening chat with one of my oldest friends who I lost contact with and he has helped me put a lot of things in to prospective. I hope this euphoric enlightenment lasts, because in an instant it has helped me see my situation and my place in the world in the different light! I only hope that everyone has a friend like mine. :o)

  • Ryn
    January 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    (PLIZ IGNORE ERRORS IM TYPING AT 2AM)….

    Sorry to hear Irv, a similar thing happened to me 5 days before xmas! I had dated this guy for 3 months, all this time he made me feel like a princess!! I had never been so happy in a long time, honestly he was the greatest guy I ever met so far! We work at the same place, (he has a position while i am a casual employee). so this fateful day I was on shift chatting with one of my coworkers Jane and she was telling me about how she will be going to Nicaragua in couple months and I am like “oh nice, I am going to Las Vegas tomorrow” (dec 16,2012). soon as i said so, she immediately looked surprised and mentioned… “Tim is going to Vegas tomorrow too!, are you guys going together?” (during the initial days, i had asked Tim to keep our relationship private, at least for the first few months) so when Jane asked, i was quick to deny and acted as though surprised that I and Tim were travelling to the same destination and same day! she didn’t seem convinced and stated “Tim tells me he is going to Vegas but doesn’t tell me why he is going, I am gonna call him and ask!” So Jane picks the phone and calls the unit Tim was working at right away and asks to talk to him!! Soon as he (Tim) picked, Jane was like “I know yo little secret! you are going to vegas with Ryn! i asked her and she told me!” not sure what he replied on the phone but right away he texted me saying “wow, way to tell everybody”. I replied explaining the entire incident leading to the phone call and all he replied was “wow, omg!” its now that my brain stated wandering… I questioned why the Jane was so concerned that she had to call Tim right away, I also wondered why Tim was so shaken! I went ahead to text him and told him how I was getting suspicious of both their reactions! he wrote back stating it wasn’t a big deal and its because he hadnt told anyone at work about us, and not to worry about Jane she is just too nosy and likes knowing what he does! he went ahead to re assure me that I was the only one he adored and didnt have eyes for anyone else! A big part of me believed him (especially the fact that he had never done anything for me to doubt him! he was too perfect!) so the next day he comes for me and off we left for Vegas! Upon arrival to the beautiful Paris hotel, he went to have a shower and left his phone at the bedside table, ….temptation kicked in!!..much as i had given him a benefit of doubt, i still had a tiny feeling there was some thing going on between Jane and Tim, so i went through his text messages and there was no single text between the two! I wasn’t so convinced since i knew they were friends (both have worked at this place for over 2 years and hold positions, i am casual). The last person he had texted was his best friend, so i checked their msgs, and i got one of the worst shocks of my life!! So the night before while all the drama was evolving, he texted his friend saying “Im busted, they both know about each other”…..OMG!! i felt like i had just awaken from the sweetest dreams and wished I didnt have to face reality!! this hit me hard!!!! he came from the washroom and he could read across my face that something was really wrong! I didn’t know if i should tell him or hold on for the next 4 days not to ruin the trip! I am also not good at hiding my emotions! So when he asked I told him what exactly was going on and how i came to discover!! of course, he denied and said his actions speak louder than words, and that its me he likes and thats why we were in Vegas together (oh well. i paid my own travel expenses and sacrificed my time too) he denied and gave all sorts of lame excuses about how Jane liked him, and he couldnt tell her about me b’coz he would lose her as a friend and he also didn’t wanna tell me about her bcoz he knew i was a jealous type and it would hurt my feelings (total B.S). I was so upset and told him nothing he would say was going to convince me! on the other hand i didnt wanna ruin the next 4 days, so i asked him we behave as adults and bare with each other for the next few days until we got back home! (i am a student, couldn’t afford getting another room for 4 nights or hopping for the next flight back) …those 4 days felt like a year!! we pretended like things were okay, went shopping and dinning together but still, things felt different! I had mixed feelings, i was glad i found out earlier but I also regretted my role leading to all this mess i.e., “why had i brought up the discussion with Jane, and why did i check his texts; deep within me, I still liked him!! .. I wished we could talk over it, and start afresh! i wish he could tell me anything realistic so i can just forgive him and try to forget about it!…but we didnt bring up the subject again, and i didn’t wanna nag him! it was time to head back home, and the entire 45mins he drove to drop me home, we hardly talked (usually he initiates conversation since i am a bit introverted). when i tried to talk to him he would answer with a single word or two and thats it! I figured he was trying to ignore me and i left him alone, i feared that was the end of us! and i was right! when Tim dropped me at my house, that was it! we always texted throughout the day, and now for 24hrs there was no communication, i initiated and he didn’t bother responding!! the next day we were scheduled to work on the same unit, he called in sick. i knew he was avoiding me, but i didn’t think it was too serious,i texted him joking that he should cancel even the next day’s shift because we were again scheduled to work together!! he replied angrily telling me “not to flatter myself that he will work the next day and its just that he was sick that he didn’t show up”. When he came on shift the next day, its like i was the one in wrong! he acted so mean, avoided me, it was so uncomfortable!! (by now i had found out that other co workers knew about our relationship triangle, and everything that had happened before and while in vegas but no body was asking me about it!) i almost had an anxiety attack but tried to keep myself together!! Any ways since then we havent worked together again but we at times run into each other in the hallway and all he says is ‘hi” without eye contact and literally runs off!! i have tried miserably to show i dont care about what happened, and if anything lets stay friends coz i hate holding grudges but he just wont pick my calls or reply my texts! christmas and new years were so painful because i had intentions of spending time with him and giving him presents! i even wished him a merry x-mas but still no response!! i was so sad, and all i did was lay in bed and isolate myself!
    The other day I was at work and there was only was spot left, he was about to park but noticed it was my car he was about to park next to, he left the spot and went around trying to find another spot and ended up parking a few blocks away just to avoid me! its insane!! for how long will this go on? i at times feel like confronting him and telling him to grow up!… some days i feel strong and able to move on, other days like today i just feel so miserable, desperate and lost! its painful!!! i totally know what u are going probably worse in your case since you were together for 2 years! good luck in yo recovery, its not easy!!

  • Irv
    January 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hey Ryn,

    As is mine, your recent breakup is still fresh and painful. I feel your pain and thank you for sharing. For your situation all I can suggest (seeing as you work together with both of them) is to be cordial when you see them and keep communication to a minimum. He may in the future consider how he has hurt you and even wonder how his foolish actions have ruined a very potential important relationship. He may want you back, but as hard as it is you have to allow him to miss you, without you chasing him and trying to justify the relationship when he was in the wrong!

    Try to focus our attentions on something different and work on yourself perhaps, inside and out. This is what I am doing and only time will tell how this benefits me, as at the end of the day this isn’t about the partners we’ve lost as much as it is about US!!! We are only upset that OUR feelings are messed up and confused. WE feel sad that we are alone. Whats wrong with US. We allow another person to have this effect on our sub-conciousness and in effect it has an effect on our conciousness! As an individual we can decide how we chose to process these emotions in ourselves. It’s not upto another person to determine how we feel or re-act, we must make positive steps ensure that we heal and move on and are not tainted by what we believe what someone else has done to us.

    Take care of yourself and find your inner strength and what works for you.

  • February 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hey there my name is Michael!
    So here it goes the long story of how my ex and I broke up.
    First part am going to tell you what are relationship was like.

    Am 22 by the way and my ex is 20, we was together for a year and a half and are relationship was perfect we both loved each other dearly and did everything for each other and both have the same personalities and both thought the same all the time we always knew what the other was thinking we had a unique connection with each other.

    We are both very down to earth, caring, loveable, calm people, who would always go out there way to help others before are selves just the way we are as people.

    Both of are families knew how much we loved each other and my family got on with her really well and they made her feel part of the family and loved…..just like the way her family was to me they would always ask about me and always tell her how much of a lovely lad I was and how lucky she was! Even her little cousins, Nan, aunties etc loved me and her older brothers (my age) did as well and would ask about me and when I was next going down to a family event or when they where next going to see me :)
    All my friends got to like her and they all got on with her and even considered her a good friend and part of the group……..again the same with me and her friends we all got along and they would all tell how much she loved me and my friends would do the same.

    Forgot to say she’s from a bad background and grow up with a hard life while in my case I have had a lucky up bringing with my family and friends.

    Anyway………

    We use to text each other all day everyday from when we got up to we went to bed (even if I was in work or she was in college) we would still find a way.
    She use to stay in mine Friday nights into Monday night so basically four whole days we would see each other…..then use Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday as are break away from each other days but of course a still texted all day and spoke over the phone.

    She loved me that much it even come to point where a couple of times she would just randomly burst into tears and tell me “I love you more than I ever loved my mum!” just always use to shock me because of huge the statement was (her mum died when she was 9) and she said the reason why she use to cry when saying it was because it use to shock her as well because as I stated above that’s a huge thing to say.

    My now to the break up………..we broke about 6-7 weeks ago now because the last two months we was together we started arguing a fair bit (but bare in mind this was only ever when we had been out drinking or on a night out never when we was sober…..think we only ever had one argument when we was sober) but anyway the few times we did argue when was out the arguments started to get serious a couple of times I grabbed her by her hair or pulled or pushed her (which I know I shouldn’t have done and it wrong…..but of course been drunk and thinking clearly etc it just started to happen more and more about 4 times it happened) and always the next day I would feel awful and terrible for what I did because am not that type of person.
    But her and me would always sit down the next day and discuss what happened and we would always work threw it and sort it out as we both always said “if we love each other this much we will always work threw it and sort stuff out” and she would always say to me “I know your not that type of person babe and you don’t mean to do it”

    We got engaged before all this started happening and we found out she was pregnant a month gone (we both sort of guessed about the first couple of weeks due to the way she was feeling etc) but we both sat down and discussed what we was going to do and both decided we wanted the baby and where both the over moon about it after that all we ever talked about was the baby and us been a family (even decided on names and even started looking at baby clothes ect) we was that happy she told all her family and friends and they was all over the moon for use just like my friends and family as well, she was even going to put uni back a year so she could be there for the baby and are family.

    But once again I went out with my mates drinking (of course she wasn’t drinking therefore she was at her house) we started arguing over the phone and I went down to hers after been out with my mates at the point I was sort of drunk but we started arguing and once I pushed her……..and she started crying but I felt awful again and we sat and discussed it and sorted it out again.

    But a few days later we started arguing again and she just turned around over text and said its over!!! We then continued to argue and she said its over because she cant be with someone who abuses her and she cant take that chance now she is pregnant………. therefore we left it for a few days and then out the blue she rang me saying “I have just decided what am doing about the baby……am getting rid of it so haha and started laughing down the phone to me” and because this hurt me so much and the fact she was laughing about it made me just snap……..so I called her for everything down the phone and begged her to change her mind (it just hurt thinking after two days of breaking up she was making a serious choice like this and without any of my say at all) we continued to argue for days/weeks afterwards just about anything (at this point put she was on the abortion tablets) in the end I dropped her things off and left it as that didn’t bother texting her nothing because no matter if we tried to be nice with each other it just wouldn’t last and turn into a other argument calling each other for everything! She even said at one point she didn’t love me anymore and I said the same to her and that I didn’t care about her or the baby! (it was all in the heat of the moment and think was just both upset and hurting over everything and emotions where so high) at this point she had blocked me off facebook, blocked my number and deleted all the pictures of us off facebook and deleted all my friends off it as well. But about a week after not contacting her I one of my mates went on her profile because they can still see what’s she been saying and she was talking about this other lad on status…….so I texted one of her friends and said has she got a new boyfriend her friend said back “yes she’s been with him for about a week now……but she never knew him before and they only went out on one date and got together that same night……….I don’t think its right that’s she got with him but its her choice” after reading this I flapped out starting calling her ‘everything under the sun’ to her mate and I then want and told all my mates so they all started texting my ex having a go at her……it then just carried on then for a few days arguing again.

    By the way this “new boyfriend” is the complete opposite of me he’s a chav/bad boy (who she told me a few times she hates lads like that) compared to me a good lovely lad who was willing to give her a family and a future.

    I cut all contact just like she wanted and thought to myself leave her to it, a week or so later I was thinking about going to get the ring back so I texted her friend and said “Would you be able to ask her if I could have my ring back?” her friend said back “Ok I will do……but when I was out with her the other day she was wearing it still……but just on the other hand and finger” which I thought was strange because the last time I properly spoke to her on the phone she said “Its mine now and am keeping hold of it! but am not going to wear it just put it away somewhere!” so I asked it “it must still mean something to you?” and my ex said back “No it means nothing to me!” so I just said to her “Find keep it”

    In the end I went down to her house to get the ring back her dad came out and he said to me “lets take a walk” so we took a walk and he was just asking what’s happened how did it get to this point etc……..I just explained to him and he fully understood and said “I know the horrible things you said to her you didn’t mean because I know your not that type of lad and she probably didn’t mean the things she said to you was just out of hurt and anger you two was probably saying them things” he then gave the ring and “Even though its got to the point where it just all got out of control I still respect you for everything you have done for her and this family and I still love as a person because your such a nice lad” he then shook my hand gave me a hug and said “Take care”

    Then when I was leaving her estate I walked past her older brother who just ‘just let onto me’ which I thought was strange :s because my ex a couple weeks before when we was arguing was telling me her dad and brother and family where going to “batter me” next time they seen me but like I said above they was fine with me…..plus I still have her brother and most of her family on facebook and they have never messaged me saying anything at all :s

    That was about 3 weeks ago now and since then I haven’t bothered with her cut all contact with her and her friends. (I still bump into her mates when I go out because they work in a couple of clubs I go to……they always seem to snarl me when they see I am having a good time and a laugh with my mates :s)

    But my mate was telling me the other day he went on her profile for a nose and there hasn’t been one mention or one status about any lad or this so called “new boyfriend” at all at this point they would have been together over a month……her profile picture is still just her on her own no pictures of him or her and the same on his profile just a picture of him on his own and neither have “in a relationship ” because when she was with me that’s all she ever use to talk about on her status every now and again about what we was doing etc.

    It just seems strange indeed :s

    I still think about her all day everyday! Yes I loved her more than anything but I know for a fact she loved me more!

    What are your thoughts on the matter?

    Because am so confused what is she really thinking?

    Is she even still thinking about me at all or not?

    Is it just me looking into things to much or?

    Thank you for taking the time to read it am very grateful and thankful!

  • will
    February 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    That was very helpful…thanks i have gone through all those feelings since i was the dumpee and i have seen my ex do drive bys and returned a coffee cup out of the blue after 7 weeks lol..but i followed the no contact rule to the letter…and it does help…thanks for your story..loved it!

  • EveryStormRunsOutOfRain
    February 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    Soooo…I have a question…My best friend all thru my teen years that confessed to me that I was the first girl he ever asked out..an I shot him down…we remained best friends, I played hard to get…high school ended…lives moved on different paths were took…we both married…when the marriages didn’t work…we found ourselves back in touch…we decided to finally give each other a chance…it was rocky…it was great…but in the end it didn’t work…I gave him a divorce he didn’t want…I was confused. It’s been 8 years now…an we have both moved on with different relationships but end up always back around each other…crying an declaring how we wished it had just worked…so…after 20 some years…all together…an 8 years now of what feels like regret…what’s the answer?? We both love each other…it’s obvious…but we love to hate each other too I think…I think we both wish it was easier to move on but we just can’t it seems…we both say to one another there is nobody like you.

  • Irv
    February 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    Michael Michael Michael, what can I say! From your “story” you sound perfect, but if I am honest, dude you are deluding yourself!!! You appear to be playing down putting your hands on your “EX” and pulling her hair! What are you, a five year old girl? Blame abuse of booze? Then don’t drink! If I was her dad or brother I would’ve knocked you to the floor and not shook your hand or hugged you like her dad apparently did. Why do you delude yourself by saying/thinking you are such a nice guy, open your eyes dude. You were obviously seeing this perfect relationship, but sorry to break it to you mate, it weren’t perfect! Sounds like you got a lot of soul searching to do and start being honest with yourself. Sounds like it’s over mate. Best to start again, take this as a lesson and learn from it. I believe people come in to your life to show you something, to teach you and hopefully you’ll be able to see the lesson here and LEARN.

    EveryStorm, you obviously have a bond with your old friend/ex, but that’s what happens when the lines get blurred. Love is both pleasure and pain, but remember there are different kinds of love and not all love is healthy. It’s easy to look at past relationships once they are done with rose tinted specs and get lost in half truths. Of course remember the good times and cherish them, but also it’s equally important to remember the full relationship and why it broke down. It sounds like you both are not happy in your current relationships, otherwise you wouldn’t harp after love lost. Again as I said to Michael, dig deep within yourself, meditate, appreciate your self worth and analyse your true feelings, where they come from and why you think they remain. Certain patterns should be broken and only you can do that. you may realise that he is the one and if that’s the case tell him so and work on it! True relationships take work, it’s not easy, but in the end it will be worth it, no matter what happens. Best of luck and go with peace and love.

  • Anon
    February 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    I will not use the same bitter language as Irv as I sense some sincerity in your intent but I must say I agree with his conclusions. I would have sooner killed myself than caused discord with my beloved. Probably the only conflicts we ever had were when she was holding things back from me – even when she was trying to work things out for herself – and I couldn’t stand not hearing the truth. She could also read me like a book as well. Perhaps that’s why one more reason we couldn’t last… but I say this to you. Drink is no excuse. Alcohol has blighted my life since childhood and you need to take a serious lesson in personal accountability if you think that drink alone is the sole cause for your causing harm to the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. Go to counselling. Introspect. Journal. Reflect. Whatever, just find out where that anger is coming from. And God’s sake, man, you have a child to look after now, as well, unless she will not let you anywhere near them, which, quite frankly, is her prerogative. Grow a pair and accept responsibility for your actions. Prevention is easier than the cure as they say.

  • Jamie
    February 27, 2013 | Permalink |

    People don’t change, feelings do. That is a load of crap. My ex gf left me and I have never been so in love with a woman in my life. I messed up when we were together and history says that if a woman had left me in the past I would not had cared I would move on. This girl is different, I love everything about her and I miss her more than anything in the world
    . The hardest thing is giving her space when my heart hurts so much but as for change I have made huge changes in my life and all to make me a better person. So feelings do change but so do people.

  • shazza
    March 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    My ex split with me 18 months ago due to circumstances not the relationship breaking down . I was devastated to say the least but 9 months later started dating a guy Ive known a while.
    my ex then decided out of the blue to tell a friend that he still loves me and never stopped loving me and would love to try again but knew i was happy in my relationship and didnt want to cause trouble,
    he asked if i was in love … my friend knows that my ex is the love of my life and as its been 18months i was attempting to move on.
    He told her this knowing i would contact him im sure which i did do…. Didnt get a reply. he may have changed his number … I waited 4 weeks and have decided i need to know what he is thinking, as he is now seeing someone,,,, and has been for a few weeks since he spoke to my friend,

    I told him how i feel as i really need to know if theres a chance to make a go of it…. he replied straight away saying He was pleased i was moving on and hoped i was happy and yes it was true he was seeing someone.

    I said it was hard to move on when he was chatting such crap to my friends about being in love with me…. he knows how I feel about him.

    Am I being a stalker or am i doing right as I feel this is the last chance of getting him…. i always said i would have him back and feel in my heart hes worth fighting for…

    Ive messaged him back saying i need an explaination about the crap he chatted to my friend as he is seeing someone and I feel this aint fair… My friend advised me to contact him as she knew he wanted me too, but why didnt he get in touch sooner …. please help Arrrrgggghhh its driving me insane.

  • shazza
    March 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    We were together for 2 years and were so happy…. We had both been married before and have children to previous partners… i was 37 -39 years old when we were together and planned in moving in together he was 40 when we met so it aint as if we were just infatuated… he honestly is the one.

  • Lee
    April 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi everyone,

    I’ve been reading these posts with much interest because a lot of it mirrors my current situation. I’ll explain…

    Back in January last year (2012) I started chatting to a girl on a dating website. We matched on everything and really clicked. Mobile numbers exchanged pretty quickly and it went from there. A few weeks later, she started to get distant and suddenly said it was better if we backed down. This was confusing as we hadn’t even gone out on a date, although she had visited me at work, I guess to check me out in person. Time went on and we didn’t really chat again until March. I don’t know what started it but we started texting again and for the second time, she visited me at work. This time, we arranged a date and that went perfect. From the evening on, we were boyfriend/girlfriend. Things seemed to be fine until May when out of the blue, she called me and told me it was over. I was distraught. I went to work an hour later and ended up asking to go home because I couldn’t cope. Here is the mistake I made. I kept trying to call her and constantly texted her. I also became a Facebook stalker and couldn’t help but look on her page for updates. I wanted to see if she was missing me. She has a good habit of managing to hide her feelings so nothing really came across in her statuses. It was then things got worse and we were deleting/blocking each other from Facebook and then adding each other back. It happened about three or four times. A few months later, she went to the US on hols. At this point, we were kind of talking although she insisted nothing would happen ever again between us. This obviously killed me inside but I tried to accept it. Not long after she got back from her holiday, my mother, who lives in another part of the country, got deathly ill and was in hospital. I told my ex what was happening and from that moment, she kept in touch. Eventually, she came to visit me at work and then from there, we went for a drink at the local pub. Things went well and I joked saying she could come and spend the week visitingy mother. She accepted the offer and really, from there, we were back together again. She acknowledged the fact she was bad to me before and that she had hurt me badly. When I’m depressed and low, I tend to stop eating. During our breakup months, I lost two stone. Going from a silly 14 stone, down to 12. Things went well and we spent out first Christmas together, and just recently Easter. Things were great and we even discussed moving in together and when we would start having children. We were madly in love with each other and told each other this all the time. Three weeks ago, I started to notice a friend of hers creeping up on Facebook a lot and then she had a movies night with him and her housemate. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but for some reason, I started to wonder. Skip to Monday this week. She was due to meet me at work so then to go back to mine for dinner. She sent me a text just before I finished saying she wanted to meet me halfway home cause she wanted to tell me something. In that instant, I knew what was about to happen. I left work immediately and began the walk home and met her. She told me there was something about this other guy that clicked. She said she loves me but she needs to walk away from me, although she loves me. Desperate, I told her I could forgive whatever she might have done but she said she couldn’t do it to me. We got to mine and I got emotional inside and just walked off into my building. I saw her carry on walking away crying. I was devastated once again. I sent her a txt telling her how much I love her but not to reply to me for the time being. Yesterday was a pretty bad day at work. I don’t hide my feelings well and tend to hold my heart on my sleeve. I managed to get today off and Thursday as my normal day off. Her facebook status yesterday was saying thanks for a picnic to one of her best friends. This made me wonder how she was. Because I know this friend, I rang him this morning for a chat and although he wouldn’t tell me what was discussed which I completely am fine with, he did say that although she seemed okay, it looked like she was holding back. But I know she feels guilty about what has happened. Get to the rest of today, I have checked her Facebook page a few times, hoping not to see a relationship status change which still features me and her together. But right now, I don’t know what to do. I am
    Not going to contact her at all until she decides to talk to me, if she does at all. Do you guys think this is worth waiting for or am I wasting my time. I am madly in love with her and I know she loves me. I think she is confused and doesn’t know what she wants. Question is, how to shake these feelings off. I’ve eaten a single bag of crisps since yesterday lunchtime. My hunger strike has hit again and I’m not even hungry. I despair.

  • yy
    June 2, 2013 | Permalink |

    Well, my first love broke up with me in last August. I had done no contact for a month but then reached out through Facebook to message him (he previously was blocked and unfriended. I didn’t refriend him, just unblocked him). Started off very casual but then I decided to text him (deleted his number but I still remembered it) and increasingly I said too much about how I felt about him and how angry I was. I found out he started talking to new people soon after he dumped me. What really probably bothered him was my anger. Also I texted him too often and I knew it. So in March, he stopped texting back and didn’t even respond to my happy birthday text. I (embarrassingly) messaged him on Facebook and saw that he viewed the message but didn’t respond. So I blocked him on Facebook and deleted his number from my phone again. I haven’t tried talking to him again since March and obviously he hasn’t either. I know I should be over him by now but I’m not. Now I’m thinking maybe I should try to find a rebound. But why do that when I’ll get hurt all over again? Because I’ll undoubtedly catch feelings. And the main reason for my ex dumping me was distance anyway, along with the fact that he wanted to be single and experience new people and have more time to himself and with his friends. With me being a junior in the fall, I’ll be graduating the next year and then what would be the point in being with someone for only two years? He’ll just decide he doesn’t want to be with me after then for the same reason’s my ex did. Right now, I just want to be comfortable with being single and stop thinking about my ex everyday. Because I know he does not think about me anymore. No matter what anyone says. In fact the only way he’s ever missed me recently (like when we were still in contact) was as a friend. If we’re not going to be in a relationship like before, then I’m not ever going to be interested. If I want a friend, I can make a new one.

  • Christopher
    July 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    u dont really need a reason to ask him out for coffee, just ask him if he wants to get some coffee with you… I wish my ex would ask me that. :(

  • Spanky
    July 18, 2013 | Permalink |

    #2.. your ex doesn’t tell you about a new relationship, because its none of your business!

  • Anonymous
    July 27, 2013 | Permalink |

    I was living with my 72 year old love for 9 years he then threw me out for a40 crack head and is in love with her for the sex.he thinks he is helping her off this,it has been 7 months now.I am 64 and it is not easy to find a man at this age,I still love this man,we are friends again,what can I do to get rid of her and get his love back.we were never apart in those years. I am so lost without my old man,anyone can you advise me on what I should do?

  • Brittany
    September 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    My ex and I have been on and off for about a year now. We would fight, both cry it out, and end up back together within a month each time. It wasn’t until he ditched me on my birthday to be with another girl that I had finally had enough. This girl had been in the picture for awhile, I had all these people telling me something was going on but I was blinded by the love that we used to share but I realize now that it’s not there anymore. I’ve been heartbroken by this boy for a year now, and it still hurts to think about it today. There are just still parts that I don’t understand. From my experience I believe that both people change and feelings change. Because this guy never treated me this way when we first started dating, it wasn’t until we both had to start growing up that things went sour.
    I know that my ex is thinking about me all the time because he’ll text me every now and then just to see what I’m up to. Occasionally he’ll ask when I’m available to go out sometime but he never follows through. He says he will always love me because we were each others firsts, and he says he misses me and says that he wants to get back together quite often. Now he says all these things and still treats me in a way that I do not want to be treated. In the course of a year and a half I have watched this boy that I loved so much turn into a selfish, rude, inconsiderate, and hostile human being. But even with that coming out of my own mouth I would still cut off a finger to be with him again.
    I have made a few mistakes while we were broken up, like with other guys. Just trying my hardest to fill the void, so desperate to find a connection like the one we used to share. And like I admitted just a second ago, they were mistakes. Well my ex found out about these guys from other people and he holds that over everytime he brings up getting back together. As if I am the only one who has done something wrong in our relationship, when in reality everything is his fault. I know that I don’t owe him anything and that I could never be fully happy with him because my life would basically be a toss up of “is he gonna stay or leave today?”. I don’t want that. Especially if a child came into the picture.
    I just think that this boy has a lot of growing up to do. And I’m beginning to think that, although it doesn’t feel like it, I am moving on. Slowly but surely. I just wanted to say thank you for posting this thread and sharing your feelings because it really did help me sort out my issues. Which is more than any thread I have ever read about being heartbroken or past relationships.

  • Rach
    September 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    Thank you for not only the wise words of advice, but for your firsthand story. It made me so sad reading this because my ex and I just broke up for the second big time in three and a half years and it was hard. This was the first time I initiated something like this, and man I sure felt like I was “stickin it” to him (in a calm and mature way of course). That was a week ago and man! Even when you’re the one that’s doing the breaking up it is still really, really hard. It just hit me how much I miss him and just EXACTLY like you described I now imagine seeing him again as being like you described, “And before we knew it, we were hugging each other and I felt like I was in a warm pillow, ready to sink into blissful dreams. I was happy and he was happy.” This is how it was the second time we got back together after not seeing or communicating with each other for five whole months. And it’s true, we didn’t change and we’re not going to. We’re just not that compatible, as strong as our feelings are for each other. It is a cycle that will turn and turn and turn with no end. Thank you for your advice. I was beginning to think that maybe our love could eventually give a third try….even though I know I shouldn’t waste my time. I know our relationship wasn’t a waste, because I learned so much and I had the experience of loving. Now I can use what I learned towards building a stronger, happier relationship with someone more deserving.

  • CassLen
    September 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    I NEED ADVICE, on the most bizarre dating situation ….. (Im 23yrs old in 2 months)

    Ok so when i was 18, i started working at this company, where little did i know, i was on my way to meeting the man of my dreams. He was working there years before me. I didnt notice him at all, for the first few weeks, even tho a bunch of us had our smoke breaks together. Until one day he offered me a ride home. Then i took notice to him, but just as a person not in that way. After that we started paying attention to each other more at work, making jokes, just being good coworkers to one another. He had a girlfriend, and i was on the rocks with my childs father. so that was that…. Until one day me and the girls were friendly teasing him at work, about him loving his girlfriend like oooo la la…. when we asked if he loved her, he looked straight at me, and couldnt speak. he made a sound of ehhhh. “I had made the comment “oh we know what that means” The next day, he appoarched me saying that he could help me get discounts for things, and he should take my number. I wasn’t sure if he was flirting with me or not, so i gave it to him. He used it right away. The minute i gave him my number, break was over at work, and we went back to work at our stations, and he already texted me. I was sure it was because he just was trying to give me his number in return. For these discount reasons…..

    Weeks go by, and he send friendly texts to me occasionally, about the boss having a stick up his ass…. and then he came up to me one day at work and said “so everyone here is saying that guy who drives you to work is your bf” He left it open like as if he was asking me. So i replied, Noo, Yuck, eww, that is my baby father and our arrangement was at the time, if he takes me to work, he doesnt have give me support. He then stated cracking up saying ” haha lol you said ewww” then he walked away. A red Light bulb went off in my head. My coworkers, dont care enough to talk about if that guy was my man or not….. He wanted to know. he got my number, and now was trying to figure out if i was single. It struck me hard. I instantly filled up with butterflies, possibilities i never thought of came rushing to me.

    He officially got my attention right there, and from then on it has been nothing less. I didnt want to like him, he had a gf, that was a NO ZONE. I couldn’t understand why he kept giving me secret attention

    Until that week he came in to work, skipping around, a smile from ear to ear, he couldnt wait to tell me the news about him and his girl finally calling it quits.

    We started talking like crazy, having sexting wars that never ended at work. I would leave little surprises for him at his desk at work like, pringle chips with flirty notes on them. like “Pop Me” with winking faces.

    he would always find excuses to come around my work startion, “like can you tie this shirt around my arm, for pressure” <<< The lamest excuses, which made it soo cute, cause i knew what he was up to

    everyday at work was like that with us. Until one day i got laid off, my company went under. I thought it was for good. Neither of us text-ed in this time to each other, even tho im sure we both wanted to.

    3 weeks later my company calls me back in to my surprise. I couldn't wait to see his face. I missed our connection like crazy. I FOUND OUT HE QUIT! I went in there and he was gone. I was so heartbroken. I texted him telling him i was back and what happen to him. He seemed so depressed in our texting when i was talking to him about it. after 4 years of him being there. Why would he quit. The weeks passed, and working there became very depressing, it was like the light was sucked out of that place. I knew i just couldnt work there a second longer without his face to stare at. So i then quit the job myself.

    We ran into each other at the "Movies" a few months later. Movies meaning we were both there with dates!!! Little did i know, i was sitting exactly 3 rows in front of him, making out with this random date i had. Until he told me, he couldnt watch the movie, cause he got sick and had to leave. He was there with his Ex. He said yea i seen you the whole damn movie, you sat in front of me.

    My heart dropped. I thought wow, Ill never run into him again, ill never have a chance with him. I never touched him in a physical way yet in my life, but i was already starting to ask myself if i had fallen in love with him at this point.

    The fact that he was there with an ex, gave me a leg to stand on. I told him i did go on a date with that random guy, but i would much rather go on a date with him, and for us to give it a shot!. He jumped to the idea.

    THAT WEEK, WAS OUR FIRST OFFICIAL DATE! He picked me up at my house, and i got him a t shirt and some kinky stickers.from the store with a perverted saying on it. I was going for
    "small but cute" Just to let him know, that i was his if he wanted me to be.

    He took me to his house, where we planned on a movie together. There were candles lit, and music…. AND I THOUGHT wow he just wants sex!!! MY BRAIN did not process, that he was trying to impress me.

    So my attitude immediately switched. I put my guard up, and treated him like he was a booty call first, before he could do it to me. When it came down to being intimate with each other, he said he was nervous, and i responded "Pssh it just sex, chill. " <<< BAD MISTAKE ON MY PART. I just manged to kill any romance between us. I was soo scared and nervous, about him using me that i couldn't help but act that way.

    We did akward texting for a few days, and i was thinking the worst!!! I immeditaly retreated to my Ex, for some company. ON HIS BDAY. I did text him happy bday, just so i didnt look petty, but i thought he was done with me before we started type of deal. so i kept it cool and light. I went to my ex, and we chilled… all night and my phone died. When i got home and turned my phone on….

    HE SENT ME A DOZEN TEXTS, telling me how great his bday would be if i was there with him, and how i need to call him asap… cause he has something to tell me about and that he was super excited about something….

    He then sent texts (im sure hours later) since i was with a dead phone. THAT HE LOVED ME, HE LOVED ME AS A PERSON.

    AGAIN!!! i took this the wrong way…. i texted him back several hours later, saying aww thanks i love you to, as a friend.

    HE NEVER SAID THOSE 3 WORDS TO ME AGAIN. …even to this day! :(

    He said little things to me, like i would wife you… and little comments… but i always thought he was telling me "what i wanted to hear"

    He started to become a little distanced. we only texted each other like every 3 days.
    but we still kept sleeping with each other. Which only made me think i was being used even more. but i just couldn't walk away without 100% knowing

    He texted me saying, im starting to get jealous over you, and thats not a good thing.

    "To me" I took that as, im sleeping with you, so i dont want anyone else touching you. This is bad because i dont want to date you, just sleep with you. (how would you of took it? )

    he never believed me, he always thought i was sleeping around, he said i seemed like a liar. (in the most friendly way of telling someone that)

    THIS WENT ON WITH US FOR A YEAR AND A HALF…..

    we had horrible fights, and made up seconds later…. we said and did horrible things to each other…. but took them back instantly. We never became close again like we were…. even tho i wanted us to be, ( BUT I COULDN'T ACT ON IT, I WAS TOO INSECURE)

    One day, he sent me 5 photos, all of him with different woman in their underwear in his bedroom… saying he can get hott bitches. Thats what he is working with.

    I told him to call them then, and congratulated him, and ignored the rest. He repeatably apologized to me, saying he should of never of done that, he was wrong.

    (but in my head, the damage was done. I would let it go, but i would never forget seeing these images of him with all these drop dead gorgeous woman, NOT TO MENTION…. thoughts swooped through my head…. were these photos recent? If not why did he save them in his phone?

    I skipped out of town and went to florida for 3 weeks, he told me not to go, that i was stupid for going in hurricane season. ( I thought, is he just trying to get me to stay? or does he really just think im stupid?)

    When i was leaving the airport to catch my flight, i texted him saying…. I was leaving and he replied "suck a duck" nothing else. It hurt my feelings so bad, he was being so immature. Why wouldn't he tell me he would miss me. Why couldn't he be cute to me like we used to be.

    When i returned home from my trip, i didnt text him. 2 weeks later, i found out i was 7 weeks pregnant. I wasn't planning on telling him, until i could figure out how, when we haven't spoken in so long. But when i was texting my girl about it, and saying his name…. my mind subconscious texted him and not my friend. "Sayin he is gunna kill me when he finds out"

    He texted me back immediate saying. "what?!?!?! THATS NUTS… your pregant!!!

    He knew what i was talking about in my text, How? i dont know since i didnt say i was pregnant in it. but he knew.

    He came to my house that night, and we talked for a few minutes. I stated i wanted to keep the baby, and he got so pissed about it, saying what if he meet someone in a year he wanted to start his life with? If i had the baby he would take me to court, and fight me for full rights….. WHY WAS HE SAYING THIS TO ME?!?!?

    i said, calm down. im totally thinking about your future as well. I said, i didnt even know me and were done until you said that. I told him to go home,and relax and ill figure everything out.

    I think he felt bad, because the next day he texted me asking me to take me out for a really nice fancy dinner. I WAS SO CONFUSED. The whole dinner talk, was how pretty i was, what amazing legs i had, how i got sick on the seafood, and giggled and blamed it on himself and the baby. When we left the restaurant, he told me to wait…and he put his coat around me, and opened the doors for me.

    WHAT?!?!?! one day he hates me and the baby…. the next day he acts like he loves the idea of it???

    as up and down days passed with us… (it was so bipolar)

    we scheduled an abortion and we stopped sleeping with each other. for weeks we attempted to get one… but something was always messed up…. We went to the wrong building, they scheduled us wrong, we weren't in the system. Finally he said to me, as he put his hand on my shoulder, maybe this baby is meant to be. Maybe we should keep it.

    I was so offended. LIKE THIS ISNT A GAME. after weeks of you telling me, NO, now you want the baby… What was going through his head. I MADE THE SOUND PPPSSHH and rolled my eyes when he said that. And said nothing else on that topic.

    He begged to be the one to take me, he begged for him to be there for me… even tho i told him no. That he was the last person i wanted next to me for this. But he said he couldnt wait to care for me afterwards. IT WAS SO DYSFUNCTIONAL.

    WELL when the day came…. I got the abortion. (we were both young, so it was prolly best) . (WE NEVER SPOKE ABOUT THE BABY AGAIN) He dropped me off home, gave me a hug goodbye… and then didnt respond to my texts for a whole week… when HE DID RESPOND HE SAID THIS

    "This could be really stupid of me, and im probally making a mistake, but im really not doing well in life, and im depressed and need to get my head together. Sorry. "

    I DIDNT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT…. I wanted to be there for him, so i continued to text him and he continued to ignore me, until i got the picture. HE DUMPED ME. (even tho we never really became "official" .

    MONTHS WENT BY…. and i hit him up asking him how he was doing…. He came to my house, and made sure he went home before we slept together. And texted me as he left… How happy he was to see me

    He came back over later that week, and brought little gifts, like a tool set, and cool magnet for my fridge, stuff like that. I was soo dazzled by the thought, he went out of his way to get these things for me. That he thought of me…..

    We then again slept together for a month… again we didnt text everyday, he stayed distance, as far as keeping his feeling in a safe locked up place, where i would never be able to find them.

    we ended up going our separate ways again… due to true rumors about me and another guy i was dating for a rebound, during those months me and him stopped talking….
    I did come off as a girl, who couldn't stay away from men. BUT I WAS SO SAD, AND DESPERATE TO GET MY MIND OFF OF HIM, Those little flings ment nothing to me

    I shouldn't of have done that, though. If i loved him like i think i do, i should of just took some time to reflect but i didnt.

    ANY WAY A YEAR PASSED…. a strange number texted me…. i texted back saying who is this and got no reply….. a week later i got another text from the strange number…. I dont know why but i maybe thought it was him so some odd reason…. I replied josh? he then spoke AND IT WAS HIM… AT THE TIME i was living with a new boyfriend. he was asking me??? if i got wifed up, and that i should let him sneak over when my man was a work…. That me and him could have a secret something on the side.

    And i might date alot, but when im taken, im taken and im faithful. THIS was so hard for me to turn down. Because i loved him. Even tho i had a deep relationship at this point with someone else. BUT I NEVER FELT THIS WAY ABOUT ANYONE BEFORE….

    months went by, and i texted him im single!!!! I got a few discreet texts from him, but i left him alone… because i found out now he has a gf.

    ANOTHER YEAR PASSES…. and me and him run into each other at a gym that we both became members of …. IT WAS A BRAN NEW GYM THAT OPENED… what were the odds of us both joining?

    We kept seeing each other there, but we never spoke. It was awkaward… we walked by each other like we didnt know each other…

    Until one day the minute i left the gym, he emailed me saying "Ugh i see you!"

    I replied LOL and left it at that. even tho i wanted to dive into his arms, and speak sexy things to him.

    we eventually started talking again…. but i played games i guess… MY WALL WAS STILL UP WITH HIM, i couldnt figure him out, or read him. so invited him to my house, but pretended like i lost my house keys… so we didnt go straight to sleeping with each other…. so i took him on a car ride, going on long rides to places all over town to see if i left "my keys" there….. I wanted time with him as a person, not as screw.

    Later i dropped him off at his house, saying i wish i could of found my house keys, but i guess i better go sleep at my sisters house for the night…

    As soon as he dropped me off…. He texted me "Come Back :( " I just want to hold you. You can stay at my place.

    I ignored it, not knowing what to say or how to react. I wanted nothing more than to spend every second with him. BUT I WAS JUST TO SCARED.

    It died off, he kept trying to see me, and i made the dumbest excuses…. He even started walking all the way to my house one night, after his car got smashed by a drunk driver…
    and i told him he couldnt come over, cause i had to go do something for my brother….

    even tho i was home alone, missing him terribly.

    But due to me myself and I i screwed it up for the 50th million time. i didnt text him for 3 weeks, and he left me alone too…

    and then i saw he changed him number and blocked me on facebook out of nowhere.

    I DIDNT TALK TO HIM FOR 3 weeks, why now did he decide to block me, and not 3 weeks ago?????

    (Keep in mind, we were never friends on facebook, except when we were "Just coworkers years before)

    So he blocked me and we weren't even friends? and of course i stalked his pro all the time, to see if he ever posted anything public, which he never did.

    NOW ANOTHER YEAR HAS GONE BY…and as i matured, and got older.. i started puzzling pieces together. ABOUT HOW, the problem was never him, it was me. It was me who shot him down, it was me who used him, it was me who shut him out. EVEN IF HE WAS USING ME, i was the one that made sure, that was all it was ever going to be.

    NOW I WANT YET AGAIN ANOTHER CHANCE WITH HIM….. A REAL CHANCE To finally be myself like i was when we worked together, to finally love him with everything in me. Im ready to throw my worries in a bag…and tell him that for the last 4 to 5 years he is all i ever thought about.

    NOW I KNOW, josh is not single, because i have seen him random places with his girl.
    and when i did run into him a month or 2 ago, i asked him if that was his girl…. he replied with the same …ehhh he did years ago about loving his ex…and said "im not really good with woman"

    that was the last time i spoke with him

    SO CURRENTLY…… I just face booked his brother, saying i was trying to "holla" at his brother josh, and if he was single to hit me up. JUST BECAUSE i dont want him to run off and get married to this girl, without him knowing im still out here wanting him.

    well the next day… he must of gotten the message from his brother, because he unblocked me. He has not wrote me a message. But im taking the unblock like he is considering it, since i was blocked for over a year.

    I know he has a GF now….

    but now that you know my story… I need advice…

    OF COURSE THERE ARE MANY, details i never mentioned…. (Like when someone asked me who is was, i replied just a friend) he said right, just a friend, and then kept putting his arms over me, to let it be known he was just not a friend. BUT WHEN I ALWAYS ASKED HIM ABOUT US DATING… he would say things like, maybe we could date one day, or things like im just a really depressed person right now.

    SO THESE REASONS, are what made me think he was using me. But is it because he liked me and didnt want to? does it go back to the time i crushed him by saying i loved him as a friend? is it because i put up such a hard wall, he thought i was only in it for sex?

    or was he really just using me? and was really good at it.

    BUT THEN QUESTIONS I THINK OF COME UP….

    if i was only a booty call, why do we KEEP coming back to each other, after we dated people. Its mutual to. we both do it. years passed between our first time around….. but yet we still try and try, and keep trying…. but everytime we become a little more opened with each other…. everytime we end…. it seriously only because im afraid to take it another step with him.

    I KEEP WANTING HIM TO TELL ME HE LOVES ME….. thats all i need to hear. That im not a fool, for waiting for him. That these feelings are mutual. That we both want the same thing..

    Is it possible that when 2 people, come back to each other…. not once, not twice, but repeatably over a extended period of time….that maybe we are meant to be? or is it something else.

    we never did become "boyfriend and girlfriend" EVER! IS it the curiosity that keeps us around, or am i really just a booty call and that's all i ever was?

    But why would he keep coming back after all this time if i was just a booty call. idk

    some many questions, so many answers left untalked about. It would just be awkward to email him asking him these things, knowing he has a girl, and it would be random and kreepy.

    So i came here…. for other people advice and point of view…..

    I would love to marry him and spend the rest of my life loving him and only him. I have a sick obsession with him, that i cant kick. Why havnt i even started to move on after all these years…. No matter who i date. I think of him always. And i would leave any man for him in a heartbeat if he came knocking on my door.

    I never received closure with him. I never knew if he ever really liked me or not. We never discussed our feelings about each other.

    and normally i would know, if a guy never told me he liked me, that would mean he didnt… BUT THEN I KNOW THAT I TO, NEVER spoke about my feelings, or opened up to him because i was nervous. So i cant cross the possibility out, that MAYBE ME AND HIM ARE THE SAME EXACT PERSON. AND WE FEEL THE SAME, AND ACT THE SAME….

    Sorry so long, to me this is a very bizarre situation.

  • jennifer
    January 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    My boyfriend and I have been on and off for over 18 months. HE HAS BROKEN UP WITH ME SO MANY TIMES, I couldn’t say. He was married young to a beautiful girl, had two beautiful daughters whom he adores and was treated HORRIBLY. The ex wife cheated, lied, drank, used drugs,turned TRIX (so I’ve learned) humiliated him, took advantage…pretty much everything unimaginable in a marriage. We met a year after they split and fell in love. From the beginning, he reflected her behaviors on me..accusing me of being irresponsible because things like my car insurance not being” full coverage”, and asking who was calling when the phone rang, stuff like that. He was unpredictable and bipolar like for the first year, breaking up with me and just KILLING me. I kept hanging in there because I loved him and he kept coming back to me…sometimes very apologetic, sometimes apprehensively. And I kept telling myself It was because of what he had endured with the ex, and that it wasn’t anything I was doing. Finally, he admitted after a year of this rollercoaster ride, he trusted me and wanted to plan for the future. I moved back in with him after him begging me to do so (i’m not embellishing) and ONE WEEK into looking for a place for he, his daughters, and myself to live, he DID IT ALL OVER AGAIN! This time he says I gave his close female friend a “stink eye”, and that I didn’t search for the places to live as he asked me to. Out of work the entire month of December for reasons uncontrollable, I’m back to my job, routine and happy. Since he paid for our rent December and loaned me $400 to live on, he believes I’m unreliable and doesn’t want to move in together. Now I have to move into my own place within 3 weeks alone and accept his decision to split. Just checked my credit, and found several places…all a go. But I feel so hurt over his decision. Of course, I understand WHY he’s doing this, but know he’s wrong. We’re both missing out on a love because he still doesn’t trust women. GOSH! The long story short is MEN SOMETIMES DO LOVE YOU VERY MUCH BUT CAN’T GET IT TOGETHER.

  • Jason
    March 21, 2014 | Permalink |

    Every single failed romance won’t ever work out. Except for my brother and his wife….who certainly broke up…but got back together, had two wonderful little girls, and have had a happy marriage for 15 years. But you know, it’s just not gonna work out! Lol

  • sean
    March 24, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hi all.. I got dumped in November 2013. All my own fault. I’ll post later about it, need to get it off my chest… I’m a mess right now.

  • sean
    March 25, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hi..as I said I got dumped in november last year..about 4 months ago. She told me it over and thats that. I feel I have died so much hurt. I see her every day as we work at the dame place… It kills me. Any advice please… She is moving on and im stuck heartbroken…cant get her out my head.

  • opmonk
    April 17, 2014 | Permalink |

    I don’t know much bout much.. I do know that I had no problem walking away from a 15 year marriage at the time for my daughters mom..
    Now I had a significant part in our relationship falling apart, mostly because my ex wife wouldn’t gv in as far as the divorce as well as custody issues with our children. I had my insist family turn there backs on me etc.. and yet may 24 2013 I still choose to leave her again, not knowing this would be the final straw for her.
    She’s now engaged to a guy looking at some significant time in prison, yet, she has as little to do with me as possible.
    I know it’s over, hard moving on and past though considering everything. It’s not fair to my current gf or it seems to any other prospective female.
    Not sure how to move on, it’s been almost a year…

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