If You Love Someone Should You Let Them Go?

if you love someone

Do you believe the line “If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were”? Well, it’s not true. By Natalia Avdeeva

if you love someone

Have you ever let someone you love go away from you?

Someone once said this quote. If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.

Today, there are several variations of this line and no one really knows for sure who came up with the line first.

But they all preach the same details.

But how true is this statement, and how valid is it in today’s world?

[Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility]

Letting someone go when you love them

Firstly, you’re not locking your partner in a cage. So where’s the talk of magnanimously letting the one you love go away from you?

And secondly, what’s with the sad, pitiful waiting for your lost love to return?

Is this ever going to help you or the relationship?

So what does this line really mean?

The world is full of temptation. Even if your partner’s in a relationship with you, they’d still be tempted to stray into another’s arms now and then.

[Read: What should you do when you fall for someone else?]

And at times like these, what the line says is to avoid trying to hold your partner back. Let them go out there and bang other people. You can sit tight with your fingers crossed while they’re at it.

When your lover’s shared the bed with a lot of other lovers, they’d hopefully realize that you’re the better partner and come back to you again. Seriously, is that supposed to make you feel better?

And think about this, cheating partners stray all the time. And they always return, don’t they? Does that mean cheating partners are true loyal lovers? [Read: 25 reasons behind why women cheat so easily]

Love is not a test

Perhaps, in the old days, people had a lot more time to put their life on hold, write poems of misery and broken hearts, get drunk and wait for their loved one to return. But how long can you really wait for an ex to change their mind these days? After all, love is not a test. When it’s over, it’s over.

These days, there are a lot of distractions all the time. Even the most loyal of us find others attractive now and then, be it at work or at a party. But you know what, a happy and committed couple always cruise through these distractions without affairs or arguments.

And truth be told, if your lover wants to leave you all of a sudden, it’s not because they feel like they need to test the waters for other mating potentials. It’s because your perfect relationship has started to develop cracks that one or both of you haven’t really tried mending. Or your lover just thinks you suck, and that they can find someone better. [Read: 7 secret signs of a relationship that’s starting to go bad]

So even if your partner does return back to you after dating other people, it’s not because you’re the best. It’s because they couldn’t hook up with anyone better! You can look at it as a compliment. Or you could realize just how bad your partner is at getting hooked up with someone worthy.

You can’t force someone to love you or stay with you

You’re not letting your lover go. Your lover is leaving you. You have no say in it other than trying to convince them of your love. And maybe a second chance if you’re lucky. If a relationship’s failed, it’s for a lot of reasons that have been overlooked in the relationship.

When your lover tells you that they’re leaving you, it’s because your lover thinks they’re too good for you. Or it’s because you’re a bad lover yourself.

Should you let someone go without a fight?

If you truly love someone, don’t let them go without a fight. If you’re not in love anymore, forget about it. But if you still have a soft spot, let your lover know how you feel about the impending break up. [Read: How to prove that you love someone the right way]

If you let a partner walk away as you stand silently, you’ll always feel like you could have done more to make the relationship work. You’ll spend all your time wondering about whether there was a chance for your relationship to work out. And when you leave a relationship with unfinished sentences, it’ll always bother you and you’ll spend days fantasizing about situations where you can tell your lover exactly how you feel about them.

Waiting for your lover to return

After you let someone go, if you spend all your time waiting for them to return, you’re totally ruining your life. Pining over a lost lover will worsen your heartbreak and you’ll never really be able to move on and find happiness.

Your lover may meet someone new, and even start a new relationship and be happy. But you’ll end up being the broken hearted loser who’s doing nothing but waiting patiently and sadly for your *true love* to return. [Read: 10 awesome things you should do after a break up]

Don’t be a martyr

There are some people who inflict pain upon themselves to feel good. Don’t be that person. Someone may have said years ago that if you love someone, you should let go of them. But really, if you love someone, why on earth would you want to let go of them in the first place?

Some of us get a sick sense of satisfaction by inflicting pain upon ourselves, especially in love. When we feel like we’re losing the one we love, instead of trying harder to make the relationship work, we go into a shell and accept failure even when we don’t want to. We feel good about it though, because the whole episode makes us feel like martyrs. We sacrificed our happiness just to see someone else happy. You feel like a saint because you’ve performed such a noble gesture. But guess what, your partner will never see that. Your lover will just think you were too lazy to try and pursue them.

If you’re a true romantic and you think that your lover’s truly the one for you, don’t leave things to chance and hope that things will work out. Nothing works out until you work towards achieving it. [Read: Top 20 reasons for divorce that couples overlook]

When egos enter the picture

Sometimes, you may let go of the one you love. But you may do it not out of love but because of the huge ego that swells around you. If both of you don’t want to make the first move to make up, perhaps neither of you are really in love with each other. [Read: How to let go of a relationship that’s bad for you]

Times when you should let your lover go

#1 They’re in love with someone else.

#2 Your partner’s just not interested in trying to make the romance work.

#3 When both of you don’t make each other happy.

#4 Your partner’s constantly walking away from your life and coming back blowing hot and cold. [Read: How to fall out of love when you see no future together]

#5 Your lover doesn’t love you anymore.

The right way to let someone you love go away

Walking away without giving it your all is a coward’s way out. If you aren’t in love, of course, you don’t have to hold on to your partner. But if you truly do love them, then try to win them back by recreating those moments of happy love both of you experienced at the start of the relationship.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. This is a better quote to live by in love. [Read: How to love someone without smothering them]

Try and look for ways to rekindle the romance in your relationship. Try hard and help your partner see how beautiful life can be in each other’s arms. But if you lose your love even after you’ve given it your all, you’ll at least know that you tried everything in your control to let someone know just how much they mean to you.

[Read: 25 important relationship rules for successful love]

So if you love someone, let them go. But only after you’re convinced that there’s nothing you can do to change their mind. Any other way will leave you feeling hurt, miserable and regretful for a long time.

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  • http://Wwwlovepanky.com/love-couch Maria Antoniou

    I am in love with someone but he goes to my acting class and I really like him but I don’t want him to read it or any thing but I am in love with him what kind I do I think he knows that I am in love with him but I don’t know what to to do I know he has a doughter and that but I got feelings for him and I don’t know what to do I need your help
    If he wants to be with me the thing is I am in love with him but I don’t know he is in love with me
    But what happens if he finds out and then he will hate me what if he tells me to go and then what I live going acting tell me what to do can you help me Thakes

  • unhappy wife

    I know my husband cheating,I ask him,and denies it.y can’t he just be truthful???but he never leaves??why?

  • alec

    The article is missleading. The quote you are referring to is about real love, but the arguments that the entire article is based on are taken from infatuated love. Which are totally opposed states of “love”.

  • Aleck

    How can you move on from someone who you loved so much more than yourself?

  • Ian

    Hey. We were together for 15 months and the final break up was our third time. Now, she’s 23 and I’m 33. Problem one. She wants to travel and get more experience in her career, I get that she needs too. During the relationship I got jealous of an ex she was still friends with basically because she told me when they broke up, she cried for two years over him. Now in truth I’m not 100% happy with myself and carried a lot of insecurities into the relationship. Which kills me. We’ve been broken up 7 weeks now and since then I didn’t contact her for the first two weeks until I saw her out in a nightclub. She pretty much ignored me and I broke down into her friends shoulder. Now since then once every week or two weeks I do things to get her attention, tagging old pics on Facebook, text her after I see her etc. saw her tonight and we did talk but she didn’t ask anything about me. Before she left to go home,I grabbed her tight into me and she rested her head on my chest and I kissed her forehead. We both a little merry and almost kissed. While holding her I stayed I missed her and said we still can be one day but she said we just weren’t meant to be. I saw her again while getting some chips and she kissed me on the check before going home. I really don’t know what to do anymore. Yes I want her to be happy more than anything else and I want to be happy too. Please someone help me!

  • Mike

    Ian, you just have to let her go. I just let go of my ex- yesterday. We’d been in each other’s lives for 10 years, off & on. But last night, she did something that made me realize that she just wasn’t the one for me, and that what I was really in love with was the idea of what she could be for me. Yeah, it bothers me….but I know in my mind that we could never be compatible. Now, I’m just waiting for my heart to catch up.

  • Rachel

    Hello, I am in a wishy washy relationship. The guy I am with does not like who I am as a person, he thinks we are not compatible. I don’t like who he is either, because he has likes and always wants to do only his and never mine. It’s pretty sad, because he always tells me what I like is boring, but I never feel like he wants to do my stuff and I actually become inconfident about myself and actually believe him. He doesn’t like that I am more of a nerd, then a girly girl or that I am not exactly like him. We have been together 3 years and 3 months. We are growing far apart, because of a bunch of things that have happened in our life. He says we will never work, that he wants to leave, that this is the end, but wants to stay. Then he will say things that will bring me to tears and not even care. There was this problem with his ex which was my best friend a few years ago and he left her, because she cheated and she told him I will do anything to get you back and ruin your relationship. So he went to work one day and told me I could go on his phone and I clicked on the facebook app to go on my own and his was pulled up and I saw that he messaged over 60 girls saying nasty things to them telling them he wanted to get with them and telling them they were amazing beautiful and just the craziest inexplicable things. I confronted him and he said he didn’t do it and he thought his ex (my best friend did it to get back at us, but there were even messages to her that he sent talking about having sex with her and sex talking while he was with me saying I would never find out and that Rachel broke up with me can I fuck you? can you be my mami? And all kinds of crazy nasty things. Then he says Rachel got back with me, but we can still do this behind her back and I don’t want you to be mad at me, so we can still be friends with benefits. Have you talked to Rachel? He would ask, so that I wouldn’t find out from her and she said no and he said okay good. Then we want on together to figure it out and he had no explanations and it just wasn’t adding up. Why would she go through all that trouble for a year and a half span (which was how long these messages were going on) and go on her Facebook and text him and then go on his and text herself back, for days and hours and then talk to other people on his Facebook pretending to be him all at the same time for a year and a half? Something doesn’t add up and there have been a lot of other nasty things I have found on multiple phones of his and also on his youtube account (btw he let me on all his phones). To top it off he is the meanest person to me, he has anger problems, he says so many things it is unbelievable. It makes me feel like I just want to die. He lies and breaks promises and hates that I am different, he always complains, he feels that we are not the same anymore. I want to let him go so bad, but it is hard. He was supposedly my soul mate and my best friend. We were going to get married, but since the moment I got with him, he has treated me so bad and I have found nasty shit on his phones all the time and he says the worst stuff. I can’t do it anymore.

  • Rachel

    And to add on to the Facebook story, he wants me to believe that it wasn’t him and it was her, but there is not evidence proving that. It is so hard to believe him. I can hardly trust him, because he has made so many promises and broke them. He has broken my heart into a million pieces and called me so many names. He is mad, because I don’t believe him and he told me I either believe him or I can go, but how can I believe him, if he has lied to me in the past about other things? Or how can I believe him with no solid proof? He seriously can’t be mad if it is not adding up. He said even if I found out the real truth, I wouldn’t leave it alone, but if I did I would be at ease and know for a fact he didn’t do it, so I can once and for all can trust him and I would even trust him for everything else he has done and forgive him and fix our relationship or I know if he did cheat.

  • kt mars

    I absolutely disagree with this article. If your lover is straying it is time to let them go. Have some damn self respect for God s sakes. Love is not something we can control. And if they are a serial monogamist they damn well deserve to live that life. There’s nothing wrong with it. But if you sit there and trap them thinking it’s just a phase then you really don’t love them or yourself. Let them go out and experience love life and happiness. Now having little crushes on others is one thing but a lover who wants to be with other people is another. Divorce is sometimes the best thing that can happen to both parties. Whether children are involved or not. For God s sakes people allow yourself to be happy. There are other people out there who make better husbands naturally, without a need to tie them down and guilt them into staying with you.

  • heartbroken man

    So.. 2 days ago I got those words I have feared…. ” I want to break up”….unexpected, out the blue and god dam it hurts ! nearly 5 years into a relationship, supposed to be getting married in 8 months.. all cancelled… wiped out in a sentence.
    Even just writing this my heart is ripping into a thousand pieces, I blame myself, I let us go down hill the last 2 years, became complacent and took the piss. She has helped me out a lot the last 2 years and I took it for granted and accepted it without returning any favours and now I have lost her…. and I fear for good. I haven’t begged but I have told her how I feel and that I don’t want this and would like a chance to rectify the errors I have done, I have become self obsessed, self important and forgotten about her needs and her opinions. I know the mistakes I have made and the person I have become, work/life/stress all playing its part in that process.

    It really hurts that she didn’t talk to me prior and that she has bottled it up herself, she says she has tried but I didn’t listen or she wasn’t clear enough. She wants to move on for herself, has a new job, new places, new people etc etc … I don’t resent her for wanting more out of life but I do love her and have loved her unconditionally since the day we met, it really was a love at first sight thing for me.

    We have a home. a family, a life which yeah I know hasn’t been great due to financial stresses the last 2 years, which has made me jealous of her earning 3 times more than me, since I went self employed, I didn’t want to go out so much because she always paid, didn’t want to do anything because I felt like a burden on her but still allowed her to pay for everything because I just wasn’t earning or making ends meet in my new job.

    I sit her now, uncontrollable bouts of tears, frustration and pain, I don’t feel any anger towards her, i’d never hurt a hair on her head, but I do feel like my heart has just been ripped out and the intense pain that this brings is uncontrollable.

    I’d like to fight, change, rekindle the past..i know I can, but she wont give me the chance to show her…. I don’t want to let her go !! Although I don’t want to stand in her way of happiness, but it should be with me !! We used to be happy, really happy, we enjoyed lots of mutual activities, spent time together alone and family, holidays and just weekends of fun. Till I had some hair brained idea that I could provide a better life working for myself, finances hit rock bottom and the rot set in. I neglected her, took her for granted and abused her love she had for me……….

    Totally devastated and totally heart broken….

    “If you love someone, should you let them go?”………..is the name of this article maybe, I don’t know……. but I do know its harder, more painful and more heart breaking than I could ever imagine, prepare for or even think of……….