Perhaps, in the old days, people had a lot more time to put their life on hold, write poems of misery and broken hearts, get drunk and wait for their loved one to return. But how long can you really wait for an ex to change their mind these days? After all, love is not a test. When it’s over, it’s over.
These days, there are a lot of distractions all the time. Even the most loyal of us find others attractive now and then, be it at work or at a party. But you know what, a happy and committed couple always cruise through these distractions without affairs or arguments.
And truth be told, if your lover wants to leave you all of a sudden, it’s not because they feel like they need to test the waters for other mating potentials. It’s because your perfect relationship has started to develop cracks that one or both of you haven’t really tried mending. Or your lover just thinks you suck, and that they can find someone better. [Read: 7 secret signs of a relationship that’s starting to go bad]
So even if your partner does return back to you after dating other people, it’s not because you’re the best. It’s because they couldn’t hook up with anyone better! You can look at it as a compliment. Or you could realize just how bad your partner is at getting hooked up with someone worthy.
You can’t force someone to love you or stay with you
You’re not letting your lover go. Your lover is leaving you. You have no say in it other than trying to convince them of your love. And maybe a second chance if you’re lucky. If a relationship’s failed, it’s for a lot of reasons that have been overlooked in the relationship.
When your lover tells you that they’re leaving you, it’s because your lover thinks they’re too good for you. Or it’s because you’re a bad lover yourself.
Should you let someone go without a fight?
If you truly love someone, don’t let them go without a fight. If you’re not in love anymore, forget about it. But if you still have a soft spot, let your lover know how you feel about the impending break up. [Read: How to prove that you love someone the right way]
If you let a partner walk away as you stand silently, you’ll always feel like you could have done more to make the relationship work. You’ll spend all your time wondering about whether there was a chance for your relationship to work out. And when you leave a relationship with unfinished sentences, it’ll always bother you and you’ll spend days fantasizing about situations where you can tell your lover exactly how you feel about them.
Waiting for your lover to return
After you let someone go, if you spend all your time waiting for them to return, you’re totally ruining your life. Pining over a lost lover will worsen your heartbreak and you’ll never really be able to move on and find happiness.
Your lover may meet someone new, and even start a new relationship and be happy. But you’ll end up being the broken hearted loser who’s doing nothing but waiting patiently and sadly for your *true love* to return. [Read: 10 awesome things you should do after a break up]
Don’t be a martyr
There are some people who inflict pain upon themselves to feel good. Don’t be that person. Someone may have said years ago that if you love someone, you should let go of them. But really, if you love someone, why on earth would you want to let go of them in the first place?
Some of us get a sick sense of satisfaction by inflicting pain upon ourselves, especially in love. When we feel like we’re losing the one we love, instead of trying harder to make the relationship work, we go into a shell and accept failure even when we don’t want to. We feel good about it though, because the whole episode makes us feel like martyrs. We sacrificed our happiness just to see someone else happy. You feel like a saint because you’ve performed such a noble gesture. But guess what, your partner will never see that. Your lover will just think you were too lazy to try and pursue them.
If you’re a true romantic and you think that your lover’s truly the one for you, don’t leave things to chance and hope that things will work out. Nothing works out until you work towards achieving it. [Read: Top 20 reasons for divorce that couples overlook]
When egos enter the picture
Sometimes, you may let go of the one you love. But you may do it not out of love but because of the huge ego that swells around you. If both of you don’t want to make the first move to make up, perhaps neither of you are really in love with each other. [Read: How to let go of a relationship that’s bad for you]
Times when you should let your lover go
#1 They’re in love with someone else.
#2 Your partner’s just not interested in trying to make the romance work.
Walking away without giving it your all is a coward’s way out. If you aren’t in love, of course, you don’t have to hold on to your partner. But if you truly do love them, then try to win them back by recreating those moments of happy love both of you experienced at the start of the relationship.
Try and look for ways to rekindle the romance in your relationship. Try hard and help your partner see how beautiful life can be in each other’s arms. But if you lose your love even after you’ve given it your all, you’ll at least know that you tried everything in your control to let someone know just how much they mean to you.
So if you love someone, let them go. But only after you’re convinced that there’s nothing you can do to change their mind. Any other way will leave you feeling hurt, miserable and regretful for a long time.
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Natalia Avdeeva sometimes feels like she’s an 80-year-old woman trapped in a 29-year-old body. She loves buying makeup and ends up not wearing them most of th...