If you’ve been bogged down by the debilitating thought, I hate my ex, with extreme passion, here are 12 ways to handle this annoying struggle and move on.
Being upset with or disliking your ex is completely natural. Your relationship ended, and perhaps it was due to unfavorable circumstances. But what is not really normal is thinking, I hate my ex. Disliking someone you once loved with such passion just isn’t a healthy emotion.
However, it is understandable you might feel this way about someone who wronged you in the relationship. Whether they cheated on you, didn’t really make you happy, or was just a bad partner altogether, hating them is no way to live your life. [Read: Letting go of someone you love – minus the bitterness]
Negative effects of hating someone
While feeling hate for someone may be natural after a big incident, that feeling should never linger for a long period of time. It turns out having such negative feelings toward someone actually hurts your own health in many ways.
By feeling so much hate for your ex, you’re putting yourself at risk for high blood pressure, excessive stress, anxiety, and poor circulation. It even causes frequent headaches. All of these symptoms turn into serious conditions if they carry on for too long.
Ways to handle hating your ex
You have your own reasons for hating your ex that I’m sure are completely justifiable. However, I’m also sure you must not want to hate them so much because feeling hatred puts you in a terrible mood.
If you can’t describe your past relationship without saying, I hate my ex, then you need help in dealing with those emotions. These are all the ways to handle the struggle of hating your ex with grace and maturity.
#1 Get some closure. Seek closure about whatever it is you’re so mad about. If they cheated, find out why or with whom. If they just treated you wrongly, get a reason.
Finding closure helps your brain make sense of why you’re so angry, allowing you to release some of that hatred. You may not want to know the answers to some of these questions because it may actually hurt you. But it’s the first step to dealing with how much you hate your ex. [Read: How to find closure with yourself after a relationship]
#2 Discover your true emotions. Some people decide to feel hatred because it is easier then facing true emotions. Most of the time they really feel hurt and emotional pain. They lash out in hatred as a form of protecting themselves.
Decipher how you really feel about it to get your emotions in check. If you’re sad and hurting, then wallow in your pain and deal with those feelings instead of disguising them with hatred.
#3 Acknowledge your hatred is harmful. You’ve already read about how bad hating someone is, but when someone is feeling hate, they’ll ignore any warning signs about how bad it can be. Acknowledge by hating your ex, you’re not only hurting them, but you’re also causing yourself some harm. [Read: Self-discovery after a breakup: How to happily move on]
#4 Discuss things with your support system. Your friends and family are there to help you through the tough times. It’s basically in their non-existent support system contracts. They’re there for you to utilize in order to solve problems and be happy.
So confide in your friends and family. Open up to them and tell them what’s going on and how you feel about it. They might have a reasonable point of view since they’re not clouded by hatred for someone.
#5 Be mad at the right thing. It’s really easy to hate someone specifically rather than hating a situation because at least there is someone to take responsibility. One thing a lot of people do is gear their hate toward someone else, when really they just hate what became of a certain situation.
Dig deep and be honest with yourself. Do you truly hate your ex or do you hate the situation? This huge difference completely sways the way you feel about them, and it makes dealing with hating your ex a lot easier.
#6 Practice calming mechanisms. Hate makes a person do crazy things if it’s not controlled. If you truly hate your ex and can’t help but go insane and ridiculously angry whenever they’re around, practice calming mechanisms.
#7 Keep your distance from them. If you hate your ex, then just stay away from them! It’s that simple. If you keep your distance from them, you’ll find your hatred diminishes with time since you’re not always being reminded of the person you hate so much.
If you two happen to frequent the same establishments, just don’t go to those places anymore—just for a little while. You don’t have to permanently avoid your ex, but keep away until your feelings of hatred die down.
#8 Don’t talk about them to anyone. You’ll only fuel your rage if you constantly bring them up. I know it might seem helpful to vent about why you hate them so much. The truth is, if you do this ALL the time, it only makes things worse.
Of course, you can discuss your feelings with your support system, but only do that every once in a while. If you’re feeling particularly bothered talk it out; otherwise, just ignore the subject completely.
#9 Realize you may be thinking about things one-sided. Put yourself in their shoes. Maybe there are certain circumstances you don’t understand that might change your feelings for them.
#10 Forgive them. Forgiveness is a very powerful tool you want to utilize if you hate your ex. No matter what they did, no matter how terrible it is, forgive them. Holding onto hate that hurts you is just not healthy. Forgive them and move on, so you can be happy once more.
#11 Make amends—honestly. Since you hate your ex I’m assuming there was a big, dramatic, terrible event leading to your breakup. If you have been fighting and hurting one another with hateful words, make amends.
Making amends brings you face-to-face with your hatred. It causes you to not only acknowledge how angry you are, but it helps you heal. So go to them and request to make amends. You’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel. [Read: A letter to my ex: Here’s what I’ve always wanted to say]
#12 Seek out professional help. Not every hateful feeling can be remedied by yourself. That’s why there are professionals dedicated to helping you move past such feelings in order to find yourself and happiness again.
There is nothing wrong with taking how much you hate your ex to a professional and allowing them to help you deal with it. If your hate is so strong that it’s affecting your everyday life, seeking out professional help is the best option.
It can be normal to have hateful feelings about your ex simply because they were once someone you loved, and now you have to distance yourself. But if your hate is snowballing out of control, you’ll need these tips on how to handle it.
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