You may be over your ex, but is your ex still trying to convince you to get back together again? Use these 7 steps to keep your ex from contacting you for good.
After a breakup, it can be hard to resist the temptation to contact your ex. They’re just one Facebook post away from popping back into your mind and reminding you of the good old days.
However, you can always find other ways to distract yourself and avoid sending that drunk text or making that drunk call or that “I miss you so much, let’s give it another shot” novella over Facebook.
The problem is, what if you’re the one who can resist, but your ex doesn’t have such a strong resolve.
Some people may not understand that situation, and they may tell you that you should be flattered to be getting all that attention. But getting unwanted texts, calls and messages from your ex isn’t always good for you.
The trouble with endless calls and texts from an ex
Just because you’ve broken up with your now-ex doesn’t mean you still don’t have a soft spot for them. As determined as you are, it’s always hard to constantly fend off a serenade of love and old memories, each time you talk to your ex over the phone.
What if you want to rid your mind of your ex so you can start the process of healing? What if your ex is just downright annoying and can’t take a hint? In cases like this, you need a surefire way to get your ex to stop pestering you.
7 ways to keep your ex from contacting you for good
Here are some of the steps you can take to ensure that your ex gets the clear message that you want to go into the “no contact” phase.
#1 Say it right from the breakup. When couples break up, what you usually talk *or fight* about is the fact that you no longer want to be with each other. What many couples fail to mention is what you expect from your ex after the breakup. Some say they want to remain friends after a certain period of time. But if you want a no contact phase from the very start because you think you need the time to heal, say it clearly.
Tell your ex that you don’t want to talk to them or see them for a while. Clearly state what “a while” is, whether it’s a week, a month or even a year. A clear timeframe gives your ex a specific time in which he/she can contact you again. Also, you can use phrases like “If you care about me, please respect my decision to not be in contact with you until I’m ready.” [Read: 16 scenarios when you can and shouldn’t be friends with your ex]
#2 If your ex doesn’t take the hint or you never discussed it in the breakup, set up a meeting. Meet with your ex in a place that’s public and accessible. Make sure it’s not a place you used to frequent when you were together, lest he/she think you want to get back together. Set it up in the daytime, because a nighttime meet up might seem like a date. Lastly, be clear that you only want to talk for a certain amount of time, 15 minutes or so, so that your ex doesn’t try to prolong the date just to be with you.
Once you’re on the date, emphasize that you’re not comfortable when you still receive texts, calls and/or messages from your ex. Tell your ex that you mean it when you say you don’t want to keep in touch, at least for a while. Lastly, clearly say that you’re not just playing hard to get. You’ve set up a meeting to make your ex know that you’re serious. You’re not hanging out or having a date, you’re making sure your ex takes the hint and respects your decision.
#3 Ignore your ex’s calls and/or block their number. It may be tempting to pick up your ex’s call, especially if you have a nagging feeling that it may be important. But when you think of it, does your ex have something to say that’s really important to you now? Also, change your ex’s name on your phone, but don’t delete it so that you won’t end up being puzzled when a seemingly random number is calling you. If your ex’s name is still ~*My Babyboo 0407*~ on your phone, change it to your ex’s name. That way, you won’t associate the call with those times when you were still calling each other pet names.
Some service providers and phones also allow you to block a person’s number. However, this won’t work if your ex decides to use another number to contact you, which may lead you to…
#4 Change numbers. This is a drastic measure that should only be done when necessary. Changing numbers and giving it only to people whom you trust can save you the headache of constantly rejecting your ex’s calls. When you give your new number to your friends and colleagues, make sure to tell them that they are not to give your number out to people without your permission.
#5 Put your Facebook profile on private or unfriend your ex. Facebook is one of those sites that are great for annoying, stalking exes. Give yourself a break and put your profile on private so your ex won’t start leaving comments. Disappearing from your ex’s radar may actually help you too, as it prevents your ex from knowing what’s going on in your life and finding out where you hang out and who you hang out with.
If necessary, unfriend your ex and block them. You can also choose to do the same to your ex’s friends, particularly those that your ex may use as a messenger to get you to reconcile. But these are just drastic measures you can take. If your ex isn’t bothering you on Facebook, setting your profile to private may be enough. [Read: How to resist the urge to google your ex]
#6 Inform people you trust that you don’t want to be in contact with your ex anymore. When your friends know that you’re no longer speaking to your ex, they can take some steps to help you out. For one, they can tell your ex not to contact you if he/she is pestering them to give out your number. They can also be firm with your ex until he/she gets the hint.
In cases when things may go out of hand with a stalking ex, your friends and family may be the ones who can bail you out of a sticky situation. If your ex approaches you out of nowhere, they can be the ones to tell him to go away if you don’t want to risk a confrontation with your ex. If you feel like your safety is at risk, they can also be the ones who can look out for you or accompany you in public. [Read: 14 things to keep in mind when you accidentally bump into your ex]
#7 Inform authorities if your ex has the tendency to approach you personally. In cases where a breakup went awry, a vengeful ex may be a ticking time bomb. They may barge into your life at unexpected times and disrupt a potentially pleasant day.
When you’re at work and you suspect that your ex may drop by unexpectedly, you may want to inform security so that your ex won’t be able to enter the premises. If you live in a compound with a security guard, you can do the same so your ex won’t suddenly come knocking on your door. It may seem like you’re going too far, but if you’re being harassed by your ex, this is a very reasonable thing to do. [Read: 15 lessons you can learn from your own break up]
An ex who can’t take the no-contact rule seriously can turn from simply irritating to downright scary. Never hesitate to call authorities if you feel unsafe to go out in public because of an ex who won’t stop pestering you.