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How to Get Your Ex Back: 10 Easy Steps Toward Earning Forgiveness

how to get your ex back

People make mistakes. This is a fact of life. If you messed up & lost your lover, there’s still time to mend things and learn how to get your ex back.

We’ve all made stupid mistakes before. Unfortunately, those mistakes can oftentimes cost us our relationships. Of course, you can always try to fix things and figure out how to get your ex back if you came to the realization that you need them in your life.

But just to clarify, there are certain things that just can’t be forgiven. If you cheated, there’s really no chance your partner will forgive you. And they shouldn’t. However, if you said a few things you didn’t truly mean, you can try to get your ex back by owning up to your mistakes.

What NOT to do when you want your ex back

Before we get into getting your ex back, there are a few things you should know right off the bat. Firstly, you can’t spam their phone, texts, Facebook, or any other form of social media with apologies. That looks desperate and needy.

Secondly, you can’t expect them to come crawling back without any effort at all. Nor can you expect them to want you back if you try to make them jealous by getting with someone else. These are two HUGE no-nos when it comes to learning how to get your ex back. [Read: How to win your ex back in a healthy way]

How to get your ex back and get them to forgive you

If you didn’t do anything unforgivable and you realize how much you truly want to be with that person, you can do a few things to try and get them back. Just know that you’ll have to work on it and you’ll have to continue to work on being a better partner if you do get them back.

#1 Admit your mistakes. You have to own up to the wrong you’ve done. You can’t just expect your ex to take you back if you ignore the fact that you messed up. Admit your mistakes.

Tell them how wrong it was for you to do whatever it is you did to them. Make sure they know that you recognize the wrongdoing and you’re aware of why it was messed up in the first place. Without doing this, you’ll never get your ex back. [Read: 10 seemingly tiny issues that can make someone dump you]

#2 Give them an honest apology. Sit them down and actually apologize from the heart. If you truly want them back, then you really are sorry. If you’re just saying sorry for the sake of getting back together and you don’t really mean it, they’ll be able to tell.

And they won’t get back with you. Make sure they understand how sorry you really are and that you know how much it hurt them. Apologize, mean it, and ask for forgiveness.

#3 Answer any questions they have. They’re entitled to some questions when you did something to mess up that badly. Let them sit down and discuss it with you. Answer their questions fully and honestly.

Don’t get upset with some of the questions they’re asking, either. It’s their right to question you when you’ve given them so much heartache. Be calm and answer what they ask you with truth. [Read: 13 scenarios when being brutally honest is needed]

#4 Give them time to cool down. They’ll probably be pretty upset for a while if what you did was bad enough to make them want to leave you. That’s okay. Tell him how sorry you are and then give them some space.

They’ll want to think over what you’ve said without your influence. And that means they’ll need to spend some time away from you. Communicate that you’ll give them some time and then don’t try and contact them. Be patient and wait for them to come to you.

#5 SHOW them how much you’re sorry. Actions definitely speak louder than words. Sometimes it’s not enough to just tell them you’re sorry. You’ll have to go above and beyond to prove you mean what you say.

Be loyal to them even when you’re not technically together. Show them you’re a solid partner and can be in a great relationship. [Read: 13 ways to express how you feel through actions]

#6 Do some self-reflecting. Sit yourself down and ask why you messed up. What did you do to ruin your relationship and why did you do it? Are you a really jealous person and you lashed out for no reason?

If so, you might want to get to the bottom of why you’re jealous in the first place. Most of the time, that has nothing to do with your significant other and everything to do with your own problems. Figure out if you have some issues and then work on bettering yourself so you can be the partner someone else deserves.

#7 Ask what they need from you to get back together. If they’re still on the fence of whether or not they want you back, ask them what they need from you. Figure out what they’d want you to do if you two got back together.

Usually, their requests are reasonable. If it’s something you can do and you have no issues doing, then tell them you agree. [Read: How to fix a broken relationship and make it last]

#8 Keep calm when discussing the state of your relationship. It’ll be easy to get worked up and angry if the other person is pointing out issues in the relationship aside from what you did wrong. Because if you’re broken up, chances are there are more issues than just that one.

You have to stay calm. This person is communicating the problems so you can work to get past them. They want to make your relationship better and potentially get back together. Calm down and hear what they’re saying.

#9 Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if they treated you the way you’ve treated them? You’d probably be really hurt and would’ve ended the relationship, too.

Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand where they’re coming from with everything. Gaining some perspective will only help your situation. [Read: 7 reasons why empathy is important in a relationship]

#10 Accept that they might not want you back. This is just the reality of making a mistake so big it cost you your relationship. Your ex might not want you back. If that’s the case, there’s really nothing you can do to figure out how to get your ex back.

They simply don’t want you anymore. You can’t force them to. You just have to accept that they want to move on and then move on yourself.

[Read: The step-by-step guide to get your ex to love you again]

Ultimately, the choice to take you back will be your ex’s. If you’ve learned how to get your ex back by earning their forgiveness, your chances of reconnecting are a lot higher.

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Bella Pope
Bella Pope
Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...

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