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What is Pillow Talk and How to Make It Better?

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It’s said that pillow talk makes romance so much better. But what is pillow talk really? Find out everything about it and how to make it better here. By Alison Ricard

pillow talk

There are so many things that make a happy relationship what it is.

There are rules and there are ideas.

And there are hard times to learn from and good memories to cherish.

[Read: 25 romance rules for a successful relationship]

But what about pillow talk?

Do you indulge in that?

Communication is important in a relationship, but finding the right time to communicate can leave both of you feeling drenched in love and bliss.

And that’s exactly what pillow talking does to romance!

What is pillow talk really?

Pillow talking is the kind of conversation you have with your lover when you’re lying down in bed with each other.

And contrary to popular belief, pillow talk is not necessarily associated with sex or with afterplay.

Have you ever lied down in each other’s arms and spoken about just about anything, be it your lives, problems or even your relationship? It feels good just listening to each other, doesn’t it?

Pillow talking connects lovers emotionally and physically, and brings two lovers closer especially if the conversation is right for the occasion. [Read: 9 relationship stages all couples go through]

Why do we need pillow talk in a relationship?

One of the most important things pillow talking does is build the connection and love in a relationship. Just listening to your lover’s calm voice in bed can soothe you and help you get rid of all the pressures and defeats of a bad day.

It relaxes both of you and helps you open up to more intimate conversations without worry of arguments or anger. And when communication starts to get frank and open, the feeling of love will definitely grow with each passing night.

Pillow talking is one of those times in the day when both of you get to be with each other, with no distractions. You could spend a whole day with each other and still feel like two companions, but all you need is a few minutes of pillow talking late in the night to feel like true lovers all over again.

There are couples that pillow talk, and there are couples that don’t. But the couple that doesn’t indulge in a bit of sleepy, happy conversations will never be as emotionally connected to each other as the couple that pillow talks. [Read: 7 secret signs of a relationship that's about to go bad]

Things to talk about in bed

Are you and your lover good pillow talkers? As with everything in life, there are good things and bad things to pillow talk too. Some conversations can make you feel on top of the world, while a few other conversations can leave you dejected and drained out of your energy as you turn in for the night. [Read: 15 types of toxic relationships that can drain your happiness out]

Before we get to the good conversations in bed, let me give you a few pointers on the bad ones you need to avoid talking about.

Don’t talk about the problems in your life *unless you have a probable solution for it*. Don’t talk about financial troubles, sadness, how unfair the world is, or about your own miseries at work.

Couples do talk about all of this stuff, but that’s definitely not happy pillow talking. Try to look at pillow talking as the bright side of your life. If all you and your lover do before turning in to sleep is whine about how unfair life is, both of you will wake up feeling drained in the morning.

Instead, talk about conquests, happy times, the silver lining in a dark cloud, happy moments in the day, and anything else that can bring a smile on each other’s faces. Dream of a happy life, and visualize it together. If you have happy conversations while pillow talking, your relationship and your own lives will start to feel more upbeat and exciting. [Read: Things to talk about in a relationship at different stages]

8 happy conversations that make pillow talk better

Wondering what the perfect conversations for pillow talking are? Well, here are 8 happy pillow conversations that will definitely help both of you fall more in love and feel more happy in life.

#1 Comparisons. This may sound rude, but as humans, we love making comparisons all the time just to feel better about ourselves. Compare your own love life with the love lives of your friends or colleagues.

You’ll feel good if you have a better relationship. And if there’s something you admire about another couple, both of you will subconsciously make those changes in your own relationship, which will improve both of you as lovers and create a much better relationship over time. [Read: 12 steps to be a happy couple that makes other couples jealous]

#2 Dreams about the future. Talk about each of your dreams and visions. Pillow talking about it will help both of you understand each other’s lives and goals better and create wonderful fantasies about the future too. It’ll feel great to imagine the good things that the future has in store for both of you, especially if both of you follow your dreams and motivate each other along the way.

#3 Compliments. Add a bit of romance and flirty talk into your pillow talk now and then. Did you take a second glance at your lover as you waved goodbye earlier in the day because your lover looked so irresistible in their new hairstyle? Or were everyone around staring in awe at your partner at the party because they looked so good? Talk about it, it’ll bring a huge smile on your lover’s face. [Read: 25 compliments for guys they'll never forget]

#4 New things to try next time. Don’t ever look at tough times as hurdles, instead look at them as ways to come up with a better option, be it about work, love or your sex life. If sex wasn’t great one night, talk about things you’d like to try the next time. If you just celebrated a birthday, talk about what you plan to do on the next birthday. Talking about ways to improve something in your life always makes for passionate pillow talk.

#5 Vacations and getaways. Nothing beats a good pillow talk than vacations or weekend getaways. If both of you have been working hard, talk about taking a break from work three or four months from now. Discuss about places to go to and things to do, and all the other happy vacation ideas. Both of you will feel good about it, and it’ll motivate you to achieve your goals even faster.

#6 Romantic memories. Talking about romance is a happy time in bed. Ask your partner if they remember the first time you kissed, or the first vacation both of you took together, or any romantic incident that’s left a happy memory. One conversation will lead to another, and before you know it, both of you will feel more lucky in love than ever. [Read: 20 reasons to get married and live happily ever after]

#7 Past struggles. Past struggles are like an inspirational movie, especially if both of you have achieved something worthwhile after the struggle. Did you have a hard time making ends meet? Or did both of you have to make a lot of sacrifices to achieve what you now have? Talking about old struggles and present good times will help both of you realize just how much both of you have achieved over time, be it in love or in life. [Read: What is the right age to get married?]

#8 About your day. This is the kind of pillow talk that brings both of you closer on a daily basis. Talk about your day, the good and the bad of it, and the little exciting details that made you proud or brought a smile on your face.

The more both of you open up to each other about your daily lives, the more connected both of you will feel. And as long as both of you are aware of each other’s lives, there’ll be very little room for insecurity and jealousy, and a lot more room for trust and love.

[Read: The 80 20 rule in relationships and your love life]

Pillow talk may seem trivial and easy, but remember this, a couple that has the right conversations in bed will always be more happier than a couple that has the wrong conversations in bed, not just in love but in life as well.


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Have your say!
  • Amanda
    June 7, 2012 | Permalink |

    Pillow talk is something all couples do. Every night couples lie in bed, whether they like it or not, it’s what they indulge in. I pillow talk too, and I do understand that it’s very important in a relationship.

    But seriously, the eight things to talk about while pillow talking that you’ve suggested is so warming. Even as I read it, I can visualize how wonderful the conversation with my own man would be. Talking about vacations or the future, that’s just so perfect, isn’t it?! I really want to see more features like this on Lovepanky. It’s so beautiful and helpful.

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