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How to Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship

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Jealousy isn’t always a sign of weakness or insecurity. It could also be an expression of love. Understand how to deal with jealousy in a relationship and experience a happier relationship.

how to deal with jealousy in a relationship

Jealousy in a relationship isn’t always easy to handle.

It can confuse anyone into believing that the relationship is threatened even if they’re in a perfect relationship.

Jealousy crops up in many ways, but in essence, it’s a sign of insecurity and the fear of losing the one you love.

And jealously in a relationship is never ever a bad thing.

No one chooses to be jealous, and almost always it’s misunderstanding and lack of communication that leads to jealousy.

How to deal with jealousy in a relationship

You may get jealous of your partner for several reasons.

You may not like the fact that they’re hanging out with someone else and having a lot of fun, or you may just feel insecure about losing your lover to someone else.

While jealousy due to misunderstanding is acceptable, irrational jealousy isn’t.

When a partner is threatened or feels jealous for the smallest of reasons, it’s almost always a sign of social insecurity and low self esteem.

You may be driven by your fears of losing the one you love and your insecurities may reveal your jealousy as a plea for more love and care. It is human nature, after all, to crave for reassurance and love when doubt arises.

But you should always remember that jealousy is actually one of the biggest causes for the downfall of a relationship. So when you do feel jealous, you don’t bring your partner closer. In fact, you drive them away with your behavior!

Getting rid of jealousy

Learn to trust your partner and don’t doubt them unnecessarily. Regain your confidence and remember that they do love you, and your lover is not going to stop loving you by just talking to someone attractive.

Let there be no secrecy and if something bothers you, tell your partner in a clear and pleasant manner that you did not like or appreciate their behavior. This is a lot better than the good old show of the green eyed monster.

Coping with the green eyed monster

It’s hard to just smile and sit quietly while your partner is flirting or having a fun time with another attractive person, especially while you’re around. It may also make sense for you to get jealous when you see your mate dancing with someone else at a party, or while they’re hugging and kissing an old attractive “friend” whom they met after a long time.

But you know what, your partner’s behavior is completely acceptable.

Put yourself in their place, wouldn’t you hug or kiss a very good friend of the opposite sex if you bump into them after ages? Wouldn’t you be happy to see them? Have you ever found yourself flirting with someone while your partner wasn’t around? Wouldn’t you dance with a good looking friend if your partner’s too tired to dance anymore?

Jealousy pops out of your head, not by the actions of your partner or anything else, but by your own misconceptions. It’s all about the way you perceive and see things.

Humans have a tendency of being pessimistic and hope for the worst when it comes to relationships, and this tendency affects your rational mind. If you were just sitting with your friends and you notice two of your friends who are dating each other having a petty fight over a bit of jealousy, wouldn’t you tell yourself that they were just acting stupid?

Now how are you behaving when you mistrust your partner all the time? The problem with dealing with jealousy in a relationship is that most people forget to put themselves into their partner’s shoes and see what they would have done. You may have had your share of fun too if you were in your lover’s place.

Jealousy in a relationship – Steps to handle it

It is normal to get jealous in love, but jealousy should never be shoved aside or pushed under the carpet. The only way to overcome jealousy in a relationship is by confronting it and overcoming it. At times you may be the one who’s feeling jealous, or at times, your partner may be the one. The best way to help each other is through effective communication and understanding. [Read: How to communicate effectively in a relationship]

Listen to your partner, really!

Your partner may be trying to say something to you, so pay attention. Most of the times, when jealousy sets in, all your lover wants you to do is pay attention to them, and show them you still care. If you want to work this out, then both of you should be ready to listen to each other and hear what each of you have to say. Try to read your partner’s mind and their actions and give them enough attention if they’re feeling alone while you’re holding someone else’s hand.

Communicate and understand

If you’re annoyed with your partner about something, then just tell them about it. You may sulk and make the day worse for the both of you. Instead of plotting in your mind, just say what’s on your mind and you can work things out faster and have more time to spend in happiness, than in misery. And if your partner wants to tell you something, don’t walk away even if you feel like it makes no sense. Remember, what seems like nonsense to you could mean a lot to your partner when they are hurt and want your reassurance. [Read: How to stay in love forever]

Read the signs

Most of the times, even if your partner is hurt or feeling low, they may not tell you anything about it. So look out for signs that suggest they’re upset about something. Give your sweetheart a hug, rub their shoulders or run your hands through their hair and talk to them. Coax your partner into saying what’s on their mind and let them know that they mean a lot to you. Sometimes, it’s easy to misunderstand, but it’s always easier to make a partner feel better if you try.

Put yourself in their shoes

One of the best ways to deal with jealousy in a relationship is to learn to put yourself in your lover’s shoes. What would you have done if you were in your lover’s place? Would you have behaved the same way? Try to always put yourself in their shoes and try and understand what your partner is going through. Perhaps, your partner is just being nice or trying to make a good impression. Does everything in the world have to revolve around your partner wanting to break up with you? [Read: How to give space to your partner]

Reassurance

One of the best ways to deal with jealousy is to reassure your partner. If you get angry with your partner for getting jealous, things will only get worse. Tell your mate that you’re sorry to have neglected them, if you did neglect them. Or just reassure your mate and let them know how much you love them and care about them. When someone gets jealous, remember, more than anything else, they’re afraid of losing you and they want your attention, badly! [Read: How to build trust in a relationship]

Jealousy and love

When you feel jealous in a relationship, remember that it’s not a bad sign and it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s just that you care about someone too much and can’t imagine someone new taking them away from you. At times, you may not like your lover flirting with someone because you feel that they’re having a better time, even without you around. This brings out a feeling of insecurity which can turn into bitter jealousy. [Read: How to be happy in a relationship]

Jealousy can be cute if it’s experienced in moderation, but anything beyond that can change your happy relationship into a frustrated one.

Learn to relax and have a good time when you’re in love, instead of suspecting your lover all the time. Jealousy in a relationship is just a subconscious way to get attention, so learn to face situations and communicate with your partner when you feel low. [Poll: How to have a long relationship]

And always understand the importance of listening when your partner is depressed or angry for no apparent reason. At times like that, there’s almost always a big reason.

At times, jealousy in a relationship may seem trivial, but if not confronted and overcome, jealousy can burn your relationship apart. Understanding and reassurance is what it takes to hold your love together and overpower the green eyed monster that’s lurking in the corners, waiting to hurt you and make you hate your lover. So overcome jealousy in a relationship and reassure, communicate and fall in love with your sweetheart, more with every day!

[Read: How to change a jealous boyfriend]

Always remember that jealousy in a relationship is the fear of losing a lover and not a sign of aggression or possessiveness. Learn to deal with jealousy in a relationship with these simple tips and you’ll have a healthier and happier relationship.


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Have your say!
  • Brittany
    July 28, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’m very insecure now in my marriage… When we were dating, he was back and forth constantly, one moment It’s I love u and next I can’t do this. Now we’re married and I question everything, even his feelings for me and what changed… He never can give me a straight answer of why I was put through so much torture. He also got me pregnant twice and left, was never there for me in which I lost both babies months apart… I had such a tragic year and he wasn’t there so now I hold that over his head now. My insecurities ruin my marriage with jealousy and constant questioning.

  • alisha
    August 28, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am so jealous with my boyfriend and it makes me so upset but would like to know this, is it normal to take your gf to a girl’s house who you have slept with? My bf did this to me and I don’t understand it, even if it was just to a party. I don’t like him texting or speaking to females, it really upsets me and the way I act.

  • Lisha
    November 10, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’m not usually a jealous person but when it comes to my present partner nd I can’t help it I get very jealous easily…. In some ways I think he’s trying to make me angry by asking me if I think girls are sexy or pretty.. All that says to me is he’s still looking at other girls as if he w single and that’s what he says around me imaginegine what he says around his mates … I would never say anything like that about another male .. why do guys not understand??? I hate being jealous its seriously messing with my head…. I want to be able to not think about him with someone else bit lately that’s all I do

  • Dani
    February 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    a week ago my partner purposely tried to make me jealous. i would have never expected something so immature to come out of them, especially after their efforts proved futile (i completely trust in my partner, so i did not get jealous). they then accused me of not caring about our relationship or them, which was a bit contradictive of their own actions. i now realize my partner was probably trying to tell me something on a larger scale.
    it’s horrible how our lack of proper communication ended up like this.

  • mike
    March 25, 2013 | Permalink |

    I get so upset when my gf posts pictures on social networks and guys comment and hit on her… It really upsets me and I begged her to stop and she always does, I feel like she craves attention from other guys…

  • Maria
    June 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    Im not usually the jealous type but lately i feel like in this relationship that im in i get jealous very easily and sometimes for very petty reasons. i know my boyfriend loves me and we both want this for the long run. I get very upset and sad and hurt when this happens sometimes i just feel like not caring and shutting down inside i dont know what to do. Its really affecting my relationship.

  • sebastian
    July 15, 2013 | Permalink |

    so after this genius “doctor”she can flirt she can drink she can dance with someone else she can go out with her budies…as long as she don t fuck..well as long as i know if ur with someone married or v serious relationship some of this things can lead too a tragic life..as one once said “LIFE ITS SHORT”that s bullshit..”LIFE ITS LONG”especially if u make “THE WRONG DECISIONS”aneway i wud be more pleased if she doesent need to flirt anemore and just put this time in making me more happier or the kids or her self but if flirting make s her happy than its not long till u fiind her once when u come from work in ur bed fucking with one of the guys she was dancing,flirting,dating,smoking,helping,..i dont say they can t be done!!but u have a husband now or a boyfriend with who u wanna be..u like haw he dance u like haw he sleep haw he s drunk and ur with him..dont need no flirting good help the doctor

  • Larry Richards
    October 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    i have a real good friend at work that has been a great friend for 3 years now she does live with someone but she and i have been kinda in a relationship for awhile she loves to flirt and there have been a couple of times here in the last month that it has made me very jelious she has told me i did not have nothing to worry about but it has botherd me to a point i said some things i should have not said and she said i need to grow up. i think why i get so jelious is because i feel so insecure that when she does this i feel like she dosn’t respect me and my feelings because i am not use to this happening because i don’t flirt myself i need help to get over this feeling

  • iyan
    November 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    Who ever wrote this :) thanks :) It really help me out . a minute ago , im jealous because i saw my girlfriend walking with her classmate , but the moment i read this , it makes me realize that what i felt was just an irrational jealousy :D thanks for this article .from now on ill do my best to control my jealousy :D

  • Andria-Dean Jackson
    November 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    This helps, I have big self esteem issues, because my husband Corey cheated on me. Its been years but Im still jealous of the girl he cheated on me with. We are still together, I even tried bashing her on the internet but it still didn’t help. I guess I need real help such as counseling of some sort because if it was over five years ago i still shouldn’t feel this helpless. As for now ill keep reading articles like these.

  • Wisdom83
    December 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi.

    This is a great article. I myself can get jealous but I have learned (still learning ) to ask my so questions that deal with the actual root of what is bothering me and that usually dissolves my jealous feelings.

    The more a couple gets closer the less room for jealousy.

    Communication is key .

    Thanks again for sharing your article.

  • Not Jealous - Realistic!
    December 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    However wrote this is an attention whore, no you don’t flirt, dance or even have extended converstations (except for work related) with people of the opposite sex when you’re in a committed relationship because all of those things lead to emotional connections & ultimately sex.

    Amazing how unattractive women don’t seem to get flirted, danced with or even spoken too – because the ONLY reason a guy spends time with a woman is to try & bone her. Real men are upfront & honest about this & pussy boys try to weasel their way in by pretending to be their buddy.

  • ronnie
    February 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    I like the article. It seems like compatability should be mentioned. My wife is very outgoing, I am a little reserved. I have issues with how she interacts socially. I can’t help but be insecure sometimes when I feel left out. I would agree that there is a responsibility of each partner to care for the others feelings and sensitivities. Communication is huge.
    I believe generally jealousy is just someone caring for the other too much. We are not all socially equal for sure.
    I do believe generally that it is up to the woman to not create temptations and stop the immoral pursuits of other men.
    I hope everyone out there values the person who cares for them and behaves properly. If not just set that person free to find the one they deserve.

  • Maxim
    April 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    Im sorry but it sounds like your gifrlriend is not treating you good at all, and it also sounds as if she is interested in your room mate.To stay with her seems like it will only hurt your feelings more. Talk to her and ask her why she is doing this to you.My advice is that you break up with her.She will probably end up together with the room mate. All the signs are right in front of you.Sorry but if you want to be happy you should be with someone who appreciates you and your gifrlriend doesnt. She doesnt respect you nor does she give you the love you deserve.

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