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17 Secret Ingredients to a Happy, Monogamous Relationship

monogamous relationship

Being with one person isn’t easy, especially when you’re inundated with temptation. However, staying happy together is possible if you make an effort.

There’s the age-old argument that claims we as humans, being animals, aren’t built to stay monogamous. Many people will disagree with me, but I’m going to call bullshit on this statement.

Yes, we may have overlapping traits, but the similarities stop there. Animals aren’t able to tell right from wrong. They can’t express emotions the way humans do, and they certainly didn’t agree to monogamy the way many humans have.

There’s no reason to cheat, and anyone who uses the excuse that humans are animals is just making excuses for their bad behavior.

People slip up and make mistakes every day. Infidelity is a major problem faced by today’s society, and it can be blamed for many of the divorces out there. However, let’s not just focus on the negative, shall we?

Why don’t we take a moment to focus on the positives for a change. Despite the fact that many people cheat, many people don’t! There are those out there who realize that it is possible to be happy in a monogamous relationship.

How to be faithful and happy in a monogamous relationship

Whether you’re married or not, here are 17 tips on how you, too, can be happy with just one partner. No matter how it plays out, at least you can be proud that you managed to keep your promise and make it work without cheating.

#1 Communicate well. There’s nothing more important than keeping the lines of communication open. It will only work to your benefit if you’re honest and don’t keep things pent up inside.

When you communicate well with your partner, you have conversations about anything and everything, and share your dreams and fears. You’ll be able to work through anything.

#2 Stoke the flames of passion. Many people who have affairs blame their vanilla sex life at home. Don’t let the same thing happen to you, and be sure to keep things hot and spicy in the bedroom.

Yes, it’s tough keeping things exciting after spending years together, but keep an open mind and introduce toys, new moves, and other fun stuff the next time you dive under the sheets. [Read: 10 really naughty ways to make long term sex feel like a one night stand from tonight]

#3 Resist temptation. Think of the myriad of consequences that come with cheating. Is it worth it? No matter how careful you are, you’re going to eventually get caught, and you can be sure that you’ll be in for a shitstorm when it happens.

Always remember the promise of fidelity that you made.

#4 Make a conscious effort. You have to make an effort to keep the relationship alive. If you can slave away at work to make money for a heartless corporation, you sure as hell can work hard at home to keep your relationship third-party-free.

#5 Work toward a feasible goal. A reason why many couples can’t keep up with monogamy is because they drift away from their spouse. They end up living separate lives and forging new relationships with other people.

Don’t let this happen, and make sure you and your partner work toward a goal together. It could be anything from planning to buy a boat and sailing around the world within the next 7 years, taking next year off to chill, or even planning to retire early in Hawaii. [Read: 12 real reasons why so many couples drift apart over time]

#6 Travel often. Traveling together will give you the chance to break the routine, experience new things, and welcome new insights into your relationship. There’s nothing more magical than sharing life-changing memories with your partner.

Whether it’s taking a road trip to the next state or heading on a trip to India, head somewhere new with your sweetheart at least once a year.

#7 Have your own friends. Be sure that you have your own circle of friends who can give you positive support whenever you need it. Sometimes, all you need is an objective and unbiased opinion from someone other than your partner, especially when both of you get into an argument.

This may give you the chance to see things from your partner’s point of view and realize that they have opinions too.

#8 Stay positive. No matter how bad things get, be sure to stay positive. There’s nothing that’ll drive you into the arms of someone else more than the thought of giving up on your relationship.

Remember that things will get better, and do something to make sure it happens. [Read: 16 silly bad habits that can really hurt your relationship]

#9 Patience is key. Don’t lose your temper over the little things, because the buildup will push your partner over the edge. The last thing you want is your temper causing your partner to run off and be consoled by someone else.

#10 Recognize that your partner is a person. Never treat your partner like a trophy wife, boy toy, sex bunny, maid, chef, breadwinner, or anything else besides your partner. Remember that your partner is a person, and that they deserve all the love, affection, respect, and attention that you can muster.

When your spouse is happy, they in turn will make you happy, and you’ll find less and less reasons for needing to cheat.

#11 Indulge in dates. If you can keep the spark alive and behave like a brand new couple, your relationship is a winning one. Indulge in date nights, and shower your loved one with the attention and love that they deserve.

When you stay focused on your current relationship, there’s no need to seek another.

#12 Don’t shun surprises. Make your loved one happy by surprising them for no reason. Whether it’s buying her flowers or shopping for fancy cuff links for him, never stop trying to please.

If your partner is the one doing the surprising, don’t scoff at their efforts. Be sure to let them know how appreciative you are, and be sure to respond in kind. [Read: 25 sweetest gestures to keep romance alive every day]

#13 Stay busy together. Another secret ingredient to a happy, monogamous relationship is staying busy together. Indulge in hobbies and pick up new skills. From starting a vegetable patch in your garden to learning how to rock climb together, have fun with your lover any chance you get.

#14 Get your vows renewed. If you’re married, remind yourselves why you tied the knot in the first place. Celebrate your love by renewing your vows. If you aren’t married, make a big deal of your upcoming anniversary. It’s a sweet way to commemorate and strengthen your love.

#15 Accept and trust. Be vulnerable and be sure to accept your partner for who they are, and trust that they will never break your heart. Ask your partner to do the same. Only when you’re both on the same page will you understand that it isn’t worth cheating. [Read: 25 really romantic ways to make your lover melt!]

#16 Be sure there’s a balance of power. Many relationships falter because both parties can’t maintain a healthy balance of power. Don’t let one party call all the shots, because the other will certainly feel less of a person and be unhappy.

What happens next? The belittled party will compare your relationship to someone else’s, realize that they can have it better, throw caution to the wind, and seek out their ideal partner.

#17 The grass isn’t greener. Despite what people say, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. You found someone who loves you and has agreed to commit to you, so why do you need anything else?

You have no idea how many people out there are dying to be in your position. Realize that you have something great in your pocket and treasure it.

[Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules that’ll assure you of a perfect romance]

No one but you can stop you from cheating. It’s not too late for you to stop it, or stop thinking about it, and make a conscious effort to make your relationship work. Just follow these simple steps and you’ll find your way to a happy, committed relationship.

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Lianne Choo
Lianne Choo
Born in Singapore and raised in Malaysia to multi-racial parents, Lianne is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the wor...
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4 thoughts on “17 Secret Ingredients to a Happy, Monogamous Relationship”

  1. wont last says:

    The most important tip is great communication. Sure, you can have everything but it will not last long if you don’t communicate well with your partner. At the beginning of a relationship, there are chemicals sent to your brain that makes you feel like you’re on cloud nine and you might not realize it at first that you might not be communicating well enough to your partner. A simple I love you will mean the world to you at that specific time and you don’t need anything else, just lovey-dovey words. It won’t last.

  2. Kim says:

    This is a good article for couples to read. I think that staying positive is one of the best ideas for any relationship. If the two of you are both negative, that cannot be good for the relationship. Negative always begets negative and this type of energy will just make for more arguments and it won’t end up lasting. Being grateful for one another is yet another way to keep the relationship happy and alive. Make sure that if you do love your partner that you tell them or show them. It goes very far.

  3. daniel says:

    The best advice I can give is just love your partner with everything you got. Don’t hold back, don’t ever hold back because when the time coms, you would regret not showing your partner everything you have for her. You have to express your love in all ways! Think of anything and just do it. Don’t try to hesitate or anything. Love is not stupid therefore, anything you do for love is not stupid. You get what I’m saying? It’s like this, you like playing video games, and you want to reach a certain level so bad and you have to give your all to achieve that new level. That’s the same thing with love. You have to work harder and harder to reach new levels in your relationship. You have to make a great deal of effort for your relationship to really last. You will not regret loving with everything you have because in the end love that was given was love not lost. That was a really good quote that I thought at the top of my head but it really fits the topic of my comment now. It is just awesome to be reminded everyday that there”s a really special person loving you and also giving her all that she has for you. So, don’t hold back, don’t ever hold back because, I will say it again as a closer, love that was given was love not lost. Your partner will take it forever with her. Happy loving guys!

  4. take my whole life too says:

    Call me a romantic, call me codependent, call me what you will… but I actually much prefer the monogamous life and basically have since I was a teenager (26 now). Of course I fantasize about many different women in passing, and occasionally entertain the thought that a spark is felt with a female friend or acquaintance when in a relationship, but honestly giving into any of those fleeting impulses wouldn’t fulfill me the way monogamy does. As much fun and variety as I would have “playing the field”, and as much drama and punctuated periods of monotony are involved in maintaining a serious, committed. I find spending my energy building something (hopefully) permanent with another person over time is ultimately what makes me most happy. I’m very much in the “different strokes for different folks” camp, so I by no means judge people who either never want the monogamous life or just want it after a certain point in life… just for me it has always made me the most fulfilled. I do attach fairly easily and quickly, and am somewhat emotionally heightened at times, so I think the ultimately fleeting nature of hookups just left me empty. Some might say I never gave that approach enough of a shot (a few flings in high school and a random hookup my first night of college)… but for the past eight and a half years I have only been single for all of four weeks (one 1.5 year relationship, and my current one which just entered year seven) and it has just felt “right” this way.

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