Are you wondering why you can’t find love? Or are you looking for love with no luck? If you really want to find love and lead a happy and romantic life, you need to give these pointers a thought.
Do you want to find love? Of course, you do. All of us do.
But just because you can’t find love around you doesn’t mean you’ll never find love.
You can look into the mirror every day and ask yourself the same question, “will I find love?” hoping the answer will be an affirmative one day. But staring into a mirror won’t really change your life.
Why you can’t find love
There are a lot of couples in the world, and an equally high number of single men and women. So why is it that you can’t find love when everyone else seems to be jumping between partners all the time?
You may feel like the world is conspiring against you and pushing every eligible partner away from you.
Or it may be because of your hectic work hours or your lack of drop dead gorgeous looks or missing funny bone. You can have a lot of reasons. But the real truth is far more simpler and truthful.
You can’t find love because you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to find love.
It’s really that simple. The only person stopping yourself from finding love is yourself.
Looking in the mirror
Why do you think you can’t find love? Look into that mirror and list out the reasons. You’re short? Ugly? Boring? Not earning enough money? Not a great communicator? Or all of the above?
But then again, haven’t people with all the shortcomings I’ve mentioned above getting loving partners and leading happy lives? So why is it not working for you? [Read: How to find love]
The truth? You can’t find love because you’re letting those shortcomings get in the way. It’s weighing your confidence down like a big bag of bricks on your back.
It’s easy to lose motivation and confidence, and finally give up. But giving up really has never helped anyone.
On the other hand, we have people who are extremely confident about their appearances and everything else, but they’re still single and looking for someone. Why are they single?
Looking for love
If you really want to find love, you need to be looking for love. Many people say that it’s better not to go looking for love. They say love will come to you when the time is right. But that’s not true.
Why is looking for love any different from looking for a job? You can’t sit back and wait for the perfect job to land on your lap. You have to look for it. Sometimes, people get lucky, of course. But it’s not always the case.
Never stop looking for love. But then again, don’t run around frantically waving your hands and yelling “I want to find love!” Love, just like everything else has to be sought out.
Finding love around you
Finding love isn’t as *easy* as finding a great job though. Finding love is complicated and tricky, and you’re never going to know where to find it. But if you’re single and can’t find love, you need to do something about it. One of the best things to do is go out and meet people.
If you’re looking for love, you need to have an active social life. But then again, it doesn’t mean you should go out with the same bunch of friends to the same old clubs. Do something different. Remember, finding love is like meeting with an accident. It happens when you least expect it. If you really want to experience true love, you have to stop being cautious and holding back. You need to meet new people, make friends, and hang out with new friends every week or so.
The more people you meet, the higher the odds of you finding true love. And believe me, true love is looking for you too. So the more initiative you take, the faster you’ll find love.
Creating opportunities while looking for love
So you don’t have too many friends who have other friends? It doesn’t matter! Join a yoga class, or a dance class, or participate in some community event. The world is full of opportunities to meet your lover. And it’s only you that’s holding yourself back.
If you really put in even a bit of effort, you’ll be able to see how easy it is to meet new friends and interact with potential love interests. And every time you meet a few more people. The odds of finding someone who will fall in love with you will only increase as you meet more people.
Dealing with rejection
Now this one is obvious. When you’re looking for love, you are going to have to deal with rejections. You can’t expect everyone you fall in love with to fall right back into love with you. So learn to deal with rejections gracefully. It’s just like a job application. You can’t really get any job you want, every time you send in an application, right? If someone’s not interested in going out with you, move on and try to find someone who likes you back too.
Stay positive
No matter what happens in your pursuit of love, stay positive. You never know who’s looking at you from far away, slowly falling in love with you every day. As long as you make new friends, meet new people and stay positive, love will come knocking on your door sooner than you think.
If you’re looking for love and want to find love, but can’t find love, you only have yourself to blame. It’s easy to blame circumstances, but it takes a brave person to accept that it’s their own fault. And it’s the brave person who takes chances and will eventually find love and lead a happy life. So who are you going to be?
We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!
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Great article. I get soooo tired of ppl saying..love will find you; you don’t have to look for it.
I believe as you stated: you have to look for a job so it stands to reason that you need to do things that increase your ops to find love.
I was discouraged this am..but this article reminded me..that I need to do more!!! Thanks
Looking for love as if you were looking for a job? Sounds kinda emotionless, robotic, oh, and let’s not forget sad and pathetic.
Unfortunately, with politically correct man hating being the popular sport of the day, I do not believe for one second that there is such a thing as romantic love. That fairy tale is long dead!!!
Love is a romantized idealistic notion. Their is no “True Love” or “The One”.
Concentrate on connecting and relating to people. It will bring you far more joy and give happiness to others than yearning for an ideal.
The truth is- finding someone is a sheer game of chance,averages and timing.
Some people will find someone to share life with, many won’t. Thats how it is.
Most settle with someone out of fear of being alone, social pressure, or financial stability(whether they admit it consciously or not) Harsh reality but its the truth.
Look beyond all the media hype, romantic notions and self absorb feministic agendas and you see that the key is to be yourself, love yourself and those your with at any given moment.
In this day and age, I truly believe that most women are hard wired to dislike, distrust, and disrespect men. Consequently, they cop an attitude that guys bring nothing to the table in dating relationships, and they act accordingly. Thus, I really can’t believe that there is such a thing as romantic love when the vast majority of women get their rocks off cutting guys down just for sport.
You make it sound so easy, ‘Just go out meet new people’ ‘Join a club, get a life’! You clearly have no idea of the extent of ‘Social Anxiety’ and how unbelievably crippling it can be! And if the latter is not debilitating enough look up ‘Love Shyness’! You see these 2 issues combined increase significantly the anxiety felt when even just considering going out socially! I would love to be able to do this, but the thought of standing in a crowd looking around for someone who maybe desperate enough to talk to me, fills me panic to the point of feeling sick! I think I can say without exception that I have done this on numerous occaisions, and everytime come the end of the evening I am standing there on my own, paranoid and more uncomfortable than you can possibly imagine, trying not to catch the eye of people looking at me and thinking look at that pathetic idiot standing on his own, why bother coming out at all!! The situation described is just part of it, as mentioned ‘Love Shyness’ elevates this feeling to a whole new level. Even the slightest thought of approaching someone who I may be interested in me makes me feel physically sick with worry. So I gave up any hope of this getting better many years ago, why would I want to put myself through that when without fail I would come up against rejection every time, and this is from experience, not just theorising! I don’t have any friends to start with, and don’t see why anyone would actually want to socialise with me anyway! I would not want to impose myself onto people, I don’t think anyway deserves that fate. Therefore, my continued abuse of painkillers, as a result of an accident years ago, will hopefully kill me soon anyway. I’m sure that many people would be able to take on your advice and turn there life around, but for myself I think it is just never going to happen.
Thank you for listening.
This is for George. Hey man do not harm yourself with the meds please! I know how bad you hurt, me too!! I’m always the one left from the relationship after the smoke clears with my guts hanging out. I too am tired of putting everything out front for the person to see only to find out that I’ve been used and made a fool of. If it weren’t for the great times and feelings of love for that short amount of time I would have given up as well. The first 90 days of a relationship are the best, it’s after the shelf life expires that you experience the bitterness. Have strength and a positive outlook mister, the chase awaits. Get out there and find her, she’s been waiting for you too her whole life. Best of luck George, wish me luck too will ya?
-George
I know I only have myself to blame, but knowing that doesn’t help. I do feel like I’m doing my best, but I just can’t seem to get my foot in the door. I really don’t know why. I’m a good looking, healthy guy. I’m positive and friendly, but still I manage to scare women away within 60 seconds. I don’t know…..It doesn’t make any since. There’s got to be something I’m missing. What does a pretty girl find attractive about the burnt out stoner with no job that barely showers? How can that guy find a partner, but I can’t even get a date?! What about the out of shape ass hole that treats everyone, including his girlfriend, like crap? What’s he doing right? Frustrating….
To George #2. You obviously don’t understand George #1. This is proven by the statement, ” I’m always the one left from the relationship after the smoke clears.” “RELATIONSHIP!” I probably shouldn’t get mad, but I’m starting to get irritated with all the people telling sob stories about bad relationships. You had a relationship! There are so many people that don’t seem to understand that us truly lonely people have never even had a chance of a relationship. Try living with that hopeless feeling. Somebody hug me…
I read all the comments, but won’t reply to them… No point. I know I’m the only one to blame for not giving myself enough ops to find that very special someone. Then again, it is not only my fault I have not yet met that special person. Maybe we’ve missed each other at some point. Or not? I really don’t know. And I don’t care. This entire article is fine and helpful, but at the same time as useful as a dog’s house is for a horse – you don’t talk about Love. You either believe it (and find it at some point) or you dump the whole case and go on living your life as you want it.
George#1, I feel you man, I try and I try but maybe i am just destined to become a nun or something, because it never ever seems to work out. All of my friends have boy/girlfriends, and then there is Lauren alone. Like always. I tell you what its really beginning to get discouraging because they arent that much cuter than me, in fact I think I may be prettier than some of them. And even the freaky weirdo that is a mutual acquaintance has a boyfriend. What is wrong with me?? But I’ve decided to wait for the right person to climb to the top of the tree and reach the good apples, the ones that require a lot of effort but are worth it. George I think you just need to wait for the person who climbs to the top of the tree.
i am a straight man that would love to have a love life again, especially after a divorce. my wife was the one that cheated om me, and with so many very unfaithful women that are out there today meeting a good woman is very extremely hard for me. there are just too many cheating women today, and many of us straight men would love to have it again. i am a very sincere, down to earth, good looking man that hates going to the clubs as it is. there are so many women that seem to have a very bad attitude problem, so trying to talk too them is very hard nowadays. i can’t blame myself, because i did not do anything wrong. there are just so many low life loser women that exist now, especially the ones that think that they are all that making it more difficult. it is just too bad that the women can’t be like they were years ago, when they were very committed to their men and accepted them for who they were.
ladies, you are all so lucky for not living where I live. Here, women are not allowed to have relationships with men, until after marriage. I come from a strictly conservative family.
wherever I go, I attract the male attention.. men always try to get to know me, but I refuse..because I’m trying to avoid trouble with my family. Ironically, I have to work my best to impress the WOMEN. THE MOTHERS of the suitors and whatnot. and for some reason, I’m more of a threat to these women. I have had a number of suitors who were really good. but I didn’t feel any connection.. being 26 and single, I feel lost and torn apart
it is the women that are making it harder for us men trying to find love again, and many women like going out with so many different men at one time instead of committing to just one. it was certainly a lot easier meeting women years ago, even for me. when i was married at the time, i thought that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her and even have a family. she was the one that cheated on me, and i went for the divorce since she was so obsessed with being with the other guy. now being in my late fifties, it is very hard for me to connect with the right woman again. many women years ago were very committed to their men that they were with, and that explains why many marriages lasted a very long time like our parents and grandparents. now i just go out and hope someday that i will be at the right place at the right time.
That’s actually great to hear. About 4 months ago my fiancé of seven years said she was tired of our relationship and wanted to leave me. ever since then people have been saying not to look for love that it will find you ! maybe it’s to soon but I feel an empty space, a void if you will inside me that I want back. now, I’m not actively seeking a relationship, but I find myself sometimes going to places I wouldn’t go normally as if I’m seeking that right moment in time to meet the “girl of my dreams”. I feel like the problem is I have not played the “game” for so long that I am simply an outsider looking in. I really don’t do bar scenes, as I live in a college town there are a lot of girls 21-23 who just want to drink till they puke. Not what I call fun. I’m not old, however I feel that getting out of a 7 year relationship and being 27 I adopted a lot of qualities of a husband I guess. Like cooking food at home, morning workouts, movies, etc. I don’t have many friends (3), but their remedy is, “stick your D in some P” not my cup of tea at all ! I found this post really helpful and heart warming. It gives me hope
just wanted to say thank you
l hear ho yah is easy to find love, but let me tell you, l have been looking for love for so long until i give up. l`m a good looking lady, works hard,easy going, good to get along with easy, don`t drink or smoke. But everytime it seems men who are married have kids to get interested in me or others who just want to get into my pants. And this realy makes me sad. most of my friends have boyfriends and husbands and makes me wonder why can`t i find someone like them. or someone who just don`t what to get there D into my P for the wrong reasons. l need thee one and l`m hopeful. So l hear u Lauren. And Jay l hear your pain. but be hopeful.
Finding love isn’t all that simple. You can go out all you want but if people just don’t take an interest in you then what? I have always had a hard time getting guys’ attention for some reason. The guys I know tell me how pretty they think I am and how nice I am and stuff, but they never ask me out. Then I constantly see girls that are horrible to the guys they are with and it is so frustrating!!! I am an old fashioned girl and was tought that a girl shouldn’t ask a guy out (It is the guy’s job), so I have to just wait. It is SOOOOO frustrating!!!!
Well, I am never been lucky in love so you know something. I just don’t worry about it anymore. If it was meant to be if I am going to find someone to spend the rest of my life with so be it. It use to bother me that I never get a date or have a guy interested in me. As I got older, I resigned to the fact that I will never going to get married or have a long term relationship. No matter how hard that I had tried, no man doesn’t find me attractive or be good enough for them. I am well educated, people tell me that I am fairly attractive but no avail. So I am so sick and tired of people telling me there is someone for everyone out there. BS! I am 40 and my chances are diminishing. I hate to be with my friends who are engaged, married with children or dating someone because it always made me feel like an odd person out of the group. At least, I can do what I want to do without answering to somebody. I think most of you are probably saying to yourselves, ‘Boy this chick is a loser, but I rather be happy than wasting my life away in a useless relationship.
finding love again is very extremely hard for a man like me that was married at one time, and my wife was the one that cheated. now single and alone again makes it much difficult for me, since i am in my late fifties now. it is hard as it is trying to start a conversation with the woman that would like to talk too, because they are very nasty to me. much more women nowadays do have an attitude problem which i have noticed, and with so many unfaithful low life women that are out there today just makes it even more difficult. i consider myself a good looking straight down to earth man that would know how to treat a woman very well, and when i was married i was a very caring and loving husband to her. women are just out to hurt a lot of us good men that can be very faithful and committed. i don’t like going out at all as it is, but there are no good places out there to meet a good woman anymore since many women do not want to be bothered.
hey guys, could you please help me? I have crazy situation, my classmate finished her relationship with her ex boyfriend and then we start meeting each other and finally she slept with me one night when she was drunk.
After that night, we have meet each other but she has not accept to be in relation with me and and having sex! Actually she still likes me and we hanging out but I haven’t gotten any positive sense from her to be with me!
what should I do? we had a great night and we still talking and seeing each other and we really have great times ! how can I bring her in a relationship! Is she still in a bad sense of her last relationship?
she is very awesome and also she is very sensitive!
i think it takes a long time to relise that you are truly in love with someone, ive been there a few times now and begining to wonder if i will ever meet someone that ill feel that for again, the past 5 years i wasted on someone who treated me like shit whilst i did everything for him to make him happy, i have a kid with this person, turning 28 this year and thinking to myself do i really wanna put myself through that again cos the past year since my breakup ive ended up with men that were only after one thing but lead me on, seriously how many frogs does a girl have to kiss before getting it right, every guy i like that messes me around knocks down my confidence again, you can put urself out there a bit more but im frankly too scared too cos i know ill end up being played
hi, rob sorry to hear what u got put through, i think men and women are as bad as eachother, its more their personality that drives them to the things they do, i think that everyone should be able to go out there and buy a lie detector to use on anyone we want to get to know lol, me personally is not what that person done to me that makes me mad anymore its the fact that i was so blind to not see it coming and wasted my time.
Whoever created the phrase,love will find you when you least expect it should be put against the wall and shot for its total BS!!!!! Im 50 years old and still alone.The loneliness eats at me and wears on me everyday.Coming home every single night to and empty apt.Having to sleep home night after night.Spending birthdays and other holidays by myself..My older siblings either are married or in a committed relationship,most of them over 30 and 40 yrs together and now their grown children are either married or dating.I absolutely totally dread going to family gatherings when everyone brings their special someone and I arrive alone!!!!! None of them knows the hurt I feel inside.Ive tried and tried and no woman wants me.Guess I am not good enough for someone to love and it makes me sad and depressed.Sometimes I wish I had never been born so I would have to feel this daily hurt of sheer loneliness
Doug, i certainly feel as bad as you do right now. you have to remember, it is the women that have certainly changed for the worse today. and many of us innocent guys are just too good for them anyway. i wish we could bring back the women like June Cleaver and Donna Reed again, and they were very committed to their men and accepted them for who they were. most women do want a man with a very large bank account today, and that is very sad. only if we could have been born much sooner, that would have made all the difference in the world. our parents and grandparents are a very good example how long marriages can last. good luck to you too, hang in there.
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to Dough, hang in there man. i am having the same problem that your having, and i am 58 years old. it is the women that are so messed up nowadays, and seem to have an attitude problem that i have certainly noticed. i was married at one time, but she cheated on me. now single again, and still looking. more and more women these days are looking for a man with a very large bank account, and be very careful of that. GOOD LUCK.
Hey guys, it’s all just so sad. At least I know that there are other people out there (both men and women) who feel the same pain I do. I must admit, I’m a man, a bit younger than many of you (23) but I feel the same thing. It’s like there is no girl in the whole wide world for me. I get the feeling I just repulse or put other people off. I don’t have friends. I’m studying at university for a high qualification but I question my life every day – what’s the point of trying to be successful one day, if I’m never going to share it with anyone or be given the chance to love someone. I’ve never had a girlfriend, I’ve never even been kissed or hugged by a girl. I feel like a cold slab of stone. It feels like I just don’t fit in or belong among others and they wish I wasn’t around. I can feel my life falling apart slowly and I don’t think I have many years left in me. The stress of my work is also getting to me. I spend hours outside in the dark thinking of where I went wrong. If I wasn’t unattractive and loony before, I think I slowly got to that stage now – I can’t even sleep at night.
Hi i am a 45 year women i was married to a man who commited adultry with someone on facebook been divorced for 2 years.I started seeing a man that lasted a year and a half he left me to back to his divorced ex wife.I would love to find my soulmate that is 2 men who have done the dirty on me
Glad to see that Im not the only one in this situation. I’m 23/F so far, never had a bf or a serious relationship with any guy. It only stays in the friend zone, which is either because I don’t have much in common. I’m really into spirituality and the need to have deep conversations. Unfortunately most guys my age are not really mature or they’re either lazy. When I mean lazy they don’t feel like working or improving themselves. Truly respect a male that has an honest job, is not afraid working. I also either get hit on older males that can be my own father or married. Me being an introvert, has its set back so meeting lots of new people is not my thing but I try my best, but also when you’re supporting yourself and all you do is work. The only people to socialize is family, co-workers&customers, some acquaintances/friends, and some strangers (if it doesn’t get to awkward). I’ve been told by guys my own age that Im weird because I talk about random things and not the usual typical things. So totally feel the pain, today that fear of being alone had creeped in it had to be let out. My advice to all of you, to be proud of who you’re and that can be hard sometimes when negativity sets in or expectations of society. If you have to cry, get frustrated or sad than let it be. Than get yourself up, keep going. Focus on something other than relationship, instead get inspire by a hobby or make a goal. Have a back up plan, are you lonely get a pet perhaps, volunteer, etc. Improve yourself, appearance perhaps, more energy, inner work, exercise, a passion for something. Do it for your own self, improve on your inner self but also the outside. If you want something don’t loose hope. It’s better to have dreamed than to have not. Those are some of my advice that I’ve been working on for some years now and slowly getting better. Best of luck.
Living without love is like not living at all! It’s a pain that strikes deep into the seat of where all things are felt inside of a human being. It’s like your heart has been pierced and your very life seeps out. You try to stay hopeful but it just leads to more disappointment. The feeling that you aren’t desired by another human being is the coldest and most vicious emotion ever felt. You have to be strong for sure! I think that the more I resist my being alone the more it persists. And the more it persists anger and negativity take full control over your existence. This is dangerous because anger causes serious health issues. So its like you’re in a fight and the more you fight back the greater the fight becomes. Woe unto those of us who are in the midst of this dilemma!
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Linn, you put that brilliantly! I agree wholeheartedly! It can be hard, for years sometimes, but if we’re first loving ourselves, everything else will start to shape up. Sure it’s tough, I feel for you guys — I’m in similar situation, but I admit I haven’t been actively seeking out any relationships. I’ve decided to start out with self-love, self-respect, healthy regime, and then whatever happens, will happen – to get into that head space where “if I care about myself, I’ll never be alone,” will actually shine through in others seeing that about myself.
Hey, it’s the long weekend — try talking to at least one stranger, anywhere; you never know what will happen