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Why You Can’t Find Love

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Are you wondering why you can’t find love? Or are you looking for love with no luck? If you really want to find love and lead a happy and romantic life, you need to give these pointers a thought.

Can’t Find Love | Looking for Love | Want to Find Love

Do you want to find love? Of course, you do. All of us do.

But just because you can’t find love around you doesn’t mean you’ll never find love.

You can look into the mirror every day and ask yourself the same question, “will I find love?” hoping the answer will be an affirmative one day. But staring into a mirror won’t really change your life.

Why you can’t find love

There are a lot of couples in the world, and an equally high number of single men and women. So why is it that you can’t find love when everyone else seems to be jumping between partners all the time?

You may feel like the world is conspiring against you and pushing every eligible partner away from you.

Or it may be because of your hectic work hours or your lack of drop dead gorgeous looks or missing funny bone. You can have a lot of reasons. But the real truth is far more simpler and truthful.

You can’t find love because you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to find love.

It’s really that simple. The only person stopping yourself from finding love is yourself.

Looking in the mirror

Why do you think you can’t find love? Look into that mirror and list out the reasons. You’re short? Ugly? Boring? Not earning enough money? Not a great communicator? Or all of the above?

But then again, haven’t people with all the shortcomings I’ve mentioned above getting loving partners and leading happy lives? So why is it not working for you? [Read: How to find love]

The truth? You can’t find love because you’re letting those shortcomings get in the way. It’s weighing your confidence down like a big bag of bricks on your back.

It’s easy to lose motivation and confidence, and finally give up. But giving up really has never helped anyone.

On the other hand, we have people who are extremely confident about their appearances and everything else, but they’re still single and looking for someone. Why are they single?

Looking for love

If you really want to find love, you need to be looking for love. Many people say that it’s better not to go looking for love. They say love will come to you when the time is right. But that’s not true.

Why is looking for love any different from looking for a job? You can’t sit back and wait for the perfect job to land on your lap. You have to look for it. Sometimes, people get lucky, of course. But it’s not always the case.

Never stop looking for love. But then again, don’t run around frantically waving your hands and yelling “I want to find love!” Love, just like everything else has to be sought out.

Finding love around you

Finding love isn’t as *easy* as finding a great job though. Finding love is complicated and tricky, and you’re never going to know where to find it. But if you’re single and can’t find love, you need to do something about it. One of the best things to do is go out and meet people.

If you’re looking for love, you need to have an active social life. But then again, it doesn’t mean you should go out with the same bunch of friends to the same old clubs. Do something different. Remember, finding love is like meeting with an accident. It happens when you least expect it. If you really want to experience true love, you have to stop being cautious and holding back. You need to meet new people, make friends, and hang out with new friends every week or so.

The more people you meet, the higher the odds of you finding true love. And believe me, true love is looking for you too. So the more initiative you take, the faster you’ll find love.

Creating opportunities while looking for love

So you don’t have too many friends who have other friends? It doesn’t matter! Join a yoga class, or a dance class, or participate in some community event. The world is full of opportunities to meet your lover. And it’s only you that’s holding yourself back.

If you really put in even a bit of effort, you’ll be able to see how easy it is to meet new friends and interact with potential love interests. And every time you meet a few more people. The odds of finding someone who will fall in love with you will only increase as you meet more people.

Dealing with rejection

Now this one is obvious. When you’re looking for love, you are going to have to deal with rejections. You can’t expect everyone you fall in love with to fall right back into love with you. So learn to deal with rejections gracefully. It’s just like a job application. You can’t really get any job you want, every time you send in an application, right? If someone’s not interested in going out with you, move on and try to find someone who likes you back too.

Stay positive

No matter what happens in your pursuit of love, stay positive. You never know who’s looking at you from far away, slowly falling in love with you every day. As long as you make new friends, meet new people and stay positive, love will come knocking on your door sooner than you think.

If you’re looking for love and want to find love, but can’t find love, you only have yourself to blame. It’s easy to blame circumstances, but it takes a brave person to accept that it’s their own fault. And it’s the brave person who takes chances and will eventually find love and lead a happy life. So who are you going to be?


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Have your say!
  • Ahn
    June 1, 2012 | Permalink |

    Great article. I get soooo tired of ppl saying..love will find you; you don’t have to look for it.
    I believe as you stated: you have to look for a job so it stands to reason that you need to do things that increase your ops to find love.

    I was discouraged this am..but this article reminded me..that I need to do more!!! Thanks

  • Robert northen
    July 3, 2012 | Permalink |

    Looking for love as if you were looking for a job? Sounds kinda emotionless, robotic, oh, and let’s not forget sad and pathetic.

  • Mickey
    July 16, 2012 | Permalink |

    Unfortunately, with politically correct man hating being the popular sport of the day, I do not believe for one second that there is such a thing as romantic love. That fairy tale is long dead!!!

  • Phillus Maximus
    August 12, 2012 | Permalink |

    Love is a romantized idealistic notion. Their is no “True Love” or “The One”.
    Concentrate on connecting and relating to people. It will bring you far more joy and give happiness to others than yearning for an ideal.
    The truth is- finding someone is a sheer game of chance,averages and timing.
    Some people will find someone to share life with, many won’t. Thats how it is.
    Most settle with someone out of fear of being alone, social pressure, or financial stability(whether they admit it consciously or not) Harsh reality but its the truth.
    Look beyond all the media hype, romantic notions and self absorb feministic agendas and you see that the key is to be yourself, love yourself and those your with at any given moment.

  • Mickey
    August 24, 2012 | Permalink |

    In this day and age, I truly believe that most women are hard wired to dislike, distrust, and disrespect men. Consequently, they cop an attitude that guys bring nothing to the table in dating relationships, and they act accordingly. Thus, I really can’t believe that there is such a thing as romantic love when the vast majority of women get their rocks off cutting guys down just for sport.

  • George
    August 30, 2012 | Permalink |

    You make it sound so easy, ‘Just go out meet new people’ ‘Join a club, get a life’! You clearly have no idea of the extent of ‘Social Anxiety’ and how unbelievably crippling it can be! And if the latter is not debilitating enough look up ‘Love Shyness’! You see these 2 issues combined increase significantly the anxiety felt when even just considering going out socially! I would love to be able to do this, but the thought of standing in a crowd looking around for someone who maybe desperate enough to talk to me, fills me panic to the point of feeling sick! I think I can say without exception that I have done this on numerous occaisions, and everytime come the end of the evening I am standing there on my own, paranoid and more uncomfortable than you can possibly imagine, trying not to catch the eye of people looking at me and thinking look at that pathetic idiot standing on his own, why bother coming out at all!! The situation described is just part of it, as mentioned ‘Love Shyness’ elevates this feeling to a whole new level. Even the slightest thought of approaching someone who I may be interested in me makes me feel physically sick with worry. So I gave up any hope of this getting better many years ago, why would I want to put myself through that when without fail I would come up against rejection every time, and this is from experience, not just theorising! I don’t have any friends to start with, and don’t see why anyone would actually want to socialise with me anyway! I would not want to impose myself onto people, I don’t think anyway deserves that fate. Therefore, my continued abuse of painkillers, as a result of an accident years ago, will hopefully kill me soon anyway. I’m sure that many people would be able to take on your advice and turn there life around, but for myself I think it is just never going to happen.
    Thank you for listening. :-(

  • George (Also)
    October 1, 2012 | Permalink |

    This is for George. Hey man do not harm yourself with the meds please! I know how bad you hurt, me too!! I’m always the one left from the relationship after the smoke clears with my guts hanging out. I too am tired of putting everything out front for the person to see only to find out that I’ve been used and made a fool of. If it weren’t for the great times and feelings of love for that short amount of time I would have given up as well. The first 90 days of a relationship are the best, it’s after the shelf life expires that you experience the bitterness. Have strength and a positive outlook mister, the chase awaits. Get out there and find her, she’s been waiting for you too her whole life. Best of luck George, wish me luck too will ya?
    -George

  • A Man
    October 24, 2012 | Permalink |

    I know I only have myself to blame, but knowing that doesn’t help. I do feel like I’m doing my best, but I just can’t seem to get my foot in the door. I really don’t know why. I’m a good looking, healthy guy. I’m positive and friendly, but still I manage to scare women away within 60 seconds. I don’t know…..It doesn’t make any since. There’s got to be something I’m missing. What does a pretty girl find attractive about the burnt out stoner with no job that barely showers? How can that guy find a partner, but I can’t even get a date?! What about the out of shape ass hole that treats everyone, including his girlfriend, like crap? What’s he doing right? Frustrating….

  • A Man
    October 24, 2012 | Permalink |

    To George #2. You obviously don’t understand George #1. This is proven by the statement, ” I’m always the one left from the relationship after the smoke clears.” “RELATIONSHIP!” I probably shouldn’t get mad, but I’m starting to get irritated with all the people telling sob stories about bad relationships. You had a relationship! There are so many people that don’t seem to understand that us truly lonely people have never even had a chance of a relationship. Try living with that hopeless feeling. Somebody hug me…

  • Paul
    October 29, 2012 | Permalink |

    I read all the comments, but won’t reply to them… No point. I know I’m the only one to blame for not giving myself enough ops to find that very special someone. Then again, it is not only my fault I have not yet met that special person. Maybe we’ve missed each other at some point. Or not? I really don’t know. And I don’t care. This entire article is fine and helpful, but at the same time as useful as a dog’s house is for a horse – you don’t talk about Love. You either believe it (and find it at some point) or you dump the whole case and go on living your life as you want it.

  • Lauren
    November 8, 2012 | Permalink |

    George#1, I feel you man, I try and I try but maybe i am just destined to become a nun or something, because it never ever seems to work out. All of my friends have boy/girlfriends, and then there is Lauren alone. Like always. I tell you what its really beginning to get discouraging because they arent that much cuter than me, in fact I think I may be prettier than some of them. And even the freaky weirdo that is a mutual acquaintance has a boyfriend. What is wrong with me?? But I’ve decided to wait for the right person to climb to the top of the tree and reach the good apples, the ones that require a lot of effort but are worth it. George I think you just need to wait for the person who climbs to the top of the tree.

  • frank
    December 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    i am a straight man that would love to have a love life again, especially after a divorce. my wife was the one that cheated om me, and with so many very unfaithful women that are out there today meeting a good woman is very extremely hard for me. there are just too many cheating women today, and many of us straight men would love to have it again. i am a very sincere, down to earth, good looking man that hates going to the clubs as it is. there are so many women that seem to have a very bad attitude problem, so trying to talk too them is very hard nowadays. i can’t blame myself, because i did not do anything wrong. there are just so many low life loser women that exist now, especially the ones that think that they are all that making it more difficult. it is just too bad that the women can’t be like they were years ago, when they were very committed to their men and accepted them for who they were.

  • Arabian girl
    December 26, 2012 | Permalink |

    ladies, you are all so lucky for not living where I live. Here, women are not allowed to have relationships with men, until after marriage. I come from a strictly conservative family.
    wherever I go, I attract the male attention.. men always try to get to know me, but I refuse..because I’m trying to avoid trouble with my family. Ironically, I have to work my best to impress the WOMEN. THE MOTHERS of the suitors and whatnot. and for some reason, I’m more of a threat to these women. I have had a number of suitors who were really good. but I didn’t feel any connection.. being 26 and single, I feel lost and torn apart :(

  • Serious Jay
    December 29, 2012 | Permalink |

    it is the women that are making it harder for us men trying to find love again, and many women like going out with so many different men at one time instead of committing to just one. it was certainly a lot easier meeting women years ago, even for me. when i was married at the time, i thought that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her and even have a family. she was the one that cheated on me, and i went for the divorce since she was so obsessed with being with the other guy. now being in my late fifties, it is very hard for me to connect with the right woman again. many women years ago were very committed to their men that they were with, and that explains why many marriages lasted a very long time like our parents and grandparents. now i just go out and hope someday that i will be at the right place at the right time.

  • Jay
    December 30, 2012 | Permalink |

    That’s actually great to hear. About 4 months ago my fiancé of seven years said she was tired of our relationship and wanted to leave me. ever since then people have been saying not to look for love that it will find you ! maybe it’s to soon but I feel an empty space, a void if you will inside me that I want back. now, I’m not actively seeking a relationship, but I find myself sometimes going to places I wouldn’t go normally as if I’m seeking that right moment in time to meet the “girl of my dreams”. I feel like the problem is I have not played the “game” for so long that I am simply an outsider looking in. I really don’t do bar scenes, as I live in a college town there are a lot of girls 21-23 who just want to drink till they puke. Not what I call fun. I’m not old, however I feel that getting out of a 7 year relationship and being 27 I adopted a lot of qualities of a husband I guess. Like cooking food at home, morning workouts, movies, etc. I don’t have many friends (3), but their remedy is, “stick your D in some P” not my cup of tea at all ! I found this post really helpful and heart warming. It gives me hope :) just wanted to say thank you

  • Beth
    January 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    l hear ho yah is easy to find love, but let me tell you, l have been looking for love for so long until i give up. l`m a good looking lady, works hard,easy going, good to get along with easy, don`t drink or smoke. But everytime it seems men who are married have kids to get interested in me or others who just want to get into my pants. And this realy makes me sad. most of my friends have boyfriends and husbands and makes me wonder why can`t i find someone like them. or someone who just don`t what to get there D into my P for the wrong reasons. l need thee one and l`m hopeful. So l hear u Lauren. And Jay l hear your pain. but be hopeful.

  • January 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    Finding love isn’t all that simple. You can go out all you want but if people just don’t take an interest in you then what? I have always had a hard time getting guys’ attention for some reason. The guys I know tell me how pretty they think I am and how nice I am and stuff, but they never ask me out. Then I constantly see girls that are horrible to the guys they are with and it is so frustrating!!! I am an old fashioned girl and was tought that a girl shouldn’t ask a guy out (It is the guy’s job), so I have to just wait. It is SOOOOO frustrating!!!!

  • Mary
    January 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    Well, I am never been lucky in love so you know something. I just don’t worry about it anymore. If it was meant to be if I am going to find someone to spend the rest of my life with so be it. It use to bother me that I never get a date or have a guy interested in me. As I got older, I resigned to the fact that I will never going to get married or have a long term relationship. No matter how hard that I had tried, no man doesn’t find me attractive or be good enough for them. I am well educated, people tell me that I am fairly attractive but no avail. So I am so sick and tired of people telling me there is someone for everyone out there. BS! I am 40 and my chances are diminishing. I hate to be with my friends who are engaged, married with children or dating someone because it always made me feel like an odd person out of the group. At least, I can do what I want to do without answering to somebody. I think most of you are probably saying to yourselves, ‘Boy this chick is a loser, but I rather be happy than wasting my life away in a useless relationship.

  • Rob
    January 14, 2013 | Permalink |

    finding love again is very extremely hard for a man like me that was married at one time, and my wife was the one that cheated. now single and alone again makes it much difficult for me, since i am in my late fifties now. it is hard as it is trying to start a conversation with the woman that would like to talk too, because they are very nasty to me. much more women nowadays do have an attitude problem which i have noticed, and with so many unfaithful low life women that are out there today just makes it even more difficult. i consider myself a good looking straight down to earth man that would know how to treat a woman very well, and when i was married i was a very caring and loving husband to her. women are just out to hurt a lot of us good men that can be very faithful and committed. i don’t like going out at all as it is, but there are no good places out there to meet a good woman anymore since many women do not want to be bothered.

  • david
    February 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    hey guys, could you please help me? I have crazy situation, my classmate finished her relationship with her ex boyfriend and then we start meeting each other and finally she slept with me one night when she was drunk.
    After that night, we have meet each other but she has not accept to be in relation with me and and having sex! Actually she still likes me and we hanging out but I haven’t gotten any positive sense from her to be with me!
    what should I do? we had a great night and we still talking and seeing each other and we really have great times ! how can I bring her in a relationship! Is she still in a bad sense of her last relationship?
    she is very awesome and also she is very sensitive!

  • Niki
    February 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    i think it takes a long time to relise that you are truly in love with someone, ive been there a few times now and begining to wonder if i will ever meet someone that ill feel that for again, the past 5 years i wasted on someone who treated me like shit whilst i did everything for him to make him happy, i have a kid with this person, turning 28 this year and thinking to myself do i really wanna put myself through that again cos the past year since my breakup ive ended up with men that were only after one thing but lead me on, seriously how many frogs does a girl have to kiss before getting it right, every guy i like that messes me around knocks down my confidence again, you can put urself out there a bit more but im frankly too scared too cos i know ill end up being played

  • Niki
    February 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    hi, rob sorry to hear what u got put through, i think men and women are as bad as eachother, its more their personality that drives them to the things they do, i think that everyone should be able to go out there and buy a lie detector to use on anyone we want to get to know lol, me personally is not what that person done to me that makes me mad anymore its the fact that i was so blind to not see it coming and wasted my time.

  • Doug
    February 15, 2013 | Permalink |

    Whoever created the phrase,love will find you when you least expect it should be put against the wall and shot for its total BS!!!!! Im 50 years old and still alone.The loneliness eats at me and wears on me everyday.Coming home every single night to and empty apt.Having to sleep home night after night.Spending birthdays and other holidays by myself..My older siblings either are married or in a committed relationship,most of them over 30 and 40 yrs together and now their grown children are either married or dating.I absolutely totally dread going to family gatherings when everyone brings their special someone and I arrive alone!!!!! None of them knows the hurt I feel inside.Ive tried and tried and no woman wants me.Guess I am not good enough for someone to love and it makes me sad and depressed.Sometimes I wish I had never been born so I would have to feel this daily hurt of sheer loneliness

  • Rob
    March 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    Doug, i certainly feel as bad as you do right now. you have to remember, it is the women that have certainly changed for the worse today. and many of us innocent guys are just too good for them anyway. i wish we could bring back the women like June Cleaver and Donna Reed again, and they were very committed to their men and accepted them for who they were. most women do want a man with a very large bank account today, and that is very sad. only if we could have been born much sooner, that would have made all the difference in the world. our parents and grandparents are a very good example how long marriages can last. good luck to you too, hang in there.

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  • Frank
    March 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    to Dough, hang in there man. i am having the same problem that your having, and i am 58 years old. it is the women that are so messed up nowadays, and seem to have an attitude problem that i have certainly noticed. i was married at one time, but she cheated on me. now single again, and still looking. more and more women these days are looking for a man with a very large bank account, and be very careful of that. GOOD LUCK.

  • Adrian
    April 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hey guys, it’s all just so sad. At least I know that there are other people out there (both men and women) who feel the same pain I do. I must admit, I’m a man, a bit younger than many of you (23) but I feel the same thing. It’s like there is no girl in the whole wide world for me. I get the feeling I just repulse or put other people off. I don’t have friends. I’m studying at university for a high qualification but I question my life every day – what’s the point of trying to be successful one day, if I’m never going to share it with anyone or be given the chance to love someone. I’ve never had a girlfriend, I’ve never even been kissed or hugged by a girl. I feel like a cold slab of stone. It feels like I just don’t fit in or belong among others and they wish I wasn’t around. I can feel my life falling apart slowly and I don’t think I have many years left in me. The stress of my work is also getting to me. I spend hours outside in the dark thinking of where I went wrong. If I wasn’t unattractive and loony before, I think I slowly got to that stage now – I can’t even sleep at night.

  • Dawn Thompson
    May 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi i am a 45 year women i was married to a man who commited adultry with someone on facebook been divorced for 2 years.I started seeing a man that lasted a year and a half he left me to back to his divorced ex wife.I would love to find my soulmate that is 2 men who have done the dirty on me

  • Linn
    May 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    Glad to see that Im not the only one in this situation. I’m 23/F so far, never had a bf or a serious relationship with any guy. It only stays in the friend zone, which is either because I don’t have much in common. I’m really into spirituality and the need to have deep conversations. Unfortunately most guys my age are not really mature or they’re either lazy. When I mean lazy they don’t feel like working or improving themselves. Truly respect a male that has an honest job, is not afraid working. I also either get hit on older males that can be my own father or married. Me being an introvert, has its set back so meeting lots of new people is not my thing but I try my best, but also when you’re supporting yourself and all you do is work. The only people to socialize is family, co-workers&customers, some acquaintances/friends, and some strangers (if it doesn’t get to awkward). I’ve been told by guys my own age that Im weird because I talk about random things and not the usual typical things. So totally feel the pain, today that fear of being alone had creeped in it had to be let out. My advice to all of you, to be proud of who you’re and that can be hard sometimes when negativity sets in or expectations of society. If you have to cry, get frustrated or sad than let it be. Than get yourself up, keep going. Focus on something other than relationship, instead get inspire by a hobby or make a goal. Have a back up plan, are you lonely get a pet perhaps, volunteer, etc. Improve yourself, appearance perhaps, more energy, inner work, exercise, a passion for something. Do it for your own self, improve on your inner self but also the outside. If you want something don’t loose hope. It’s better to have dreamed than to have not. Those are some of my advice that I’ve been working on for some years now and slowly getting better. Best of luck.

  • Ray
    May 18, 2013 | Permalink |

    Living without love is like not living at all! It’s a pain that strikes deep into the seat of where all things are felt inside of a human being. It’s like your heart has been pierced and your very life seeps out. You try to stay hopeful but it just leads to more disappointment. The feeling that you aren’t desired by another human being is the coldest and most vicious emotion ever felt. You have to be strong for sure! I think that the more I resist my being alone the more it persists. And the more it persists anger and negativity take full control over your existence. This is dangerous because anger causes serious health issues. So its like you’re in a fight and the more you fight back the greater the fight becomes. Woe unto those of us who are in the midst of this dilemma!

  • Jen
    May 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    Linn, you put that brilliantly! I agree wholeheartedly! It can be hard, for years sometimes, but if we’re first loving ourselves, everything else will start to shape up. Sure it’s tough, I feel for you guys — I’m in similar situation, but I admit I haven’t been actively seeking out any relationships. I’ve decided to start out with self-love, self-respect, healthy regime, and then whatever happens, will happen – to get into that head space where “if I care about myself, I’ll never be alone,” will actually shine through in others seeing that about myself.
    Hey, it’s the long weekend — try talking to at least one stranger, anywhere; you never know what will happen :)

  • Nicola
    May 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    Women have an attitude because of how men treat us. I’m 38 and alone, from experience, I’ve deduced that there are no nice men left (because I certainly want a nice man). And I’m bitter and angry and yes you might notice I have a problem with your species. Because i do. It’s annoying me men saying ‘it’s the women these days that are the problem’, what about the lying, cheating men? The men who only want one thing? I have no problem getting male attention… they definitely want to know me, but only in one way! And most of them are in relationships! Men have always been the problem, perhaps you think women are difficult now because we’ve toughened up a bit!!

  • Adrian
    May 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi Nicola, I totally understand why you’re angry, but please don’t write all guys off. If it were me, I would never treat a woman like that. The problem is, it’s such a vicious cycle. The “bad” guys are unfortunately the ones who attract the attention of many women first, because they are louder, more confident, etc. than the nicer guys, all qualities that experts say are attractive in a man (for a woman). The nicer guys know that once that guy has got the girl, the nice guy does not stand a chance, so he walks away leaving the ladies with the bad boys. This means that most women only ever experience this one type of guy, and all bad boys behave the same – hence, women say all men are the same. Now, all women have learn’t how to treat all men the same way, and so all men think they have to treat all women in a particular way (because women seem to have this apparent “attitude” now, which is nothing more than a reaction)…but that’s not what women really want…confusion arises and we are all left in a endless loop of heartache. But what about the nice guy? He is left out of all the “fun” and even though women want him now, they also think he is the same way and so don’t even bother giving him a chance. And, it is as you say, women have toughened up now, which just seems like a bigger mountain to climb for the ordinary, nicer guy, so he just leaves empty handed, accepts his fate in life and leaves it at that, ready for the next “bad” boy to take his place. But, surely you must have noticed that all guys aren’t the same (let’s be honest now) – just off the bat I can think of two distinct groups already – the loudmouth party animals and the quieter, more considerate, caring guys. The problem also partly lies with the ladies – there are just some women who don’t notice anything! The Good Lord knows I have tried on so many occasions to show a girl that I like her, and that I care about her, but she just refuses to see it. They say women can pick up on subtle signals, but I don’t know. Why does a guy have to be a loudmouth, life of the party before girls notice him? Men are not just made of muscle, testosterone and no brains, some of us (contrary to popular belief) are actually intelligent and are smart enough to pick up on small hints of attraction, if only ladies will give us some! If you like a guy you should let him know. I realize that this is only my opinion, but I just feel like sometimes it’s like a girl can’t see a guy right under her nose who likes her, and want’s to treat her and give her the world. It’s always the same old thing, women only go for the big, loud, tough guys because the rest aren’t “good enough”.

  • Mike
    May 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    not having a love life nowadays for many of us men and women makes us very upset, and it is very good to be loved as well as give love back. it certainly stinks to be alone for a man like me that really hates to be alone, and i am hoping to meet a good woman to share my life with. i hate going out all the time and dealing with this mess which i had thought myself at one time that i had met the right woman, and i thought that i was going to have a family when we were married at the time. but she was the one that cheated on me, and it certainly did hurt me very bad. it is very hard for me to meet a good woman since many of them are so very hard to start a conversation with, and then will walk away from me. i am a good looking down to earth straight man, and i don’t know what the problem is. and many women these days will go after the men that are not that good looking at all, and just will go with them especially since they have a lot of money. why is that? oh well, i can’t figure it out either. i feel as if God is punishing many of us that just will be very happy to find the right person to have a love life with. and i am sure many of you will agree that loneliness certainly stinks these days not having that special person to be with. but i will keep going out and never give up, and i wish many of you good luck too.

  • May 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    This is a good article but it’s hard to listen to this stuff and take it in when your 18 years old and haven’t had luck with this in 18 years. Not so much as a single date so you know I feel like I’m owed something cause I’ve been looking for so long and I don’t want to be the cranky old man who lives alone and dies in the bath undiscovered for 7 months.

  • Mike
    May 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    To Callum, you are only 18 years old and have your whole life ahead of you. i sure do wish that i was 18 again, and i am 58. i am totally in a different situation than you are since i was married at one time and she cheated on me. i have to admit, for me it is very hard meeting a good woman which i will never give up. you have all the time in the world, so enjoy yourself and let nature take it’s course. Good Luck.

  • Dana
    May 31, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m male 22 and reading these made me cry. Because the fact is there are so many guys who feel the same way I do and it’s like no matter if your married or older your still alone Nd some even have it worse. That is heart breaking. I’m lucky to get looks and to be able to have fun flirting with various wemon and sometimes so close to having love. But yet even I still wonder if I had a relationship would that change anything even if I lost my virgintiy? Would it really matter?

  • Jason
    June 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m a 31 year old man who lives in Ohio. I can’t seem to attract a woman no matter what I say or do. I am beginning to believe that I just have a natural way of turning women off AND angering them severely. I’m now to the point where I am overwhelmingly convinced I’ll slip and say ONE wrong thing by accident and she’ll hate me from that minute on, as well as go around telling other women never to date me. I’m even afraid to tell a woman my interests because I’m convinced that that also will set her off. I am a man that attends church regularly and understand that God tells one party to do something to fulfill the other’s needs. But I have gotten to the point where I don’t believe I am able to love a woman like Christ loved the Church. I don’t think I’ll EVER make enough money for her no matter what. Moreover, ever since my high school graduation, I have gotten to where I believe the only way I’ll ever win a woman over is to get her to feel sorry for me. I’m afraid it’s my one and only hope I have left. I might only be 31, but I have a horrible feeling that I have already wasted my final chance to find a woman now. I am really considering giving up on that (and life, period) for all time now. I can’t even accept my own self anymore, no matter what. Sorry to sound so down and out. But at this point, I no longer believe that I have any hope left.

  • Dana
    June 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    I live in Ohio to, moving from Florida to here has really been like pulling teeth trying to date a chick. Jason man don’t try to get wemon to feel sorry for you that’s self pittiness will get you no where man. I’m sorry to read your pain I can feel it through your text life has not been so well. Same here man, I want the actual marriage and holyness with a chick, it’s brutal absolutely brutal but I can’t keep thinking that ill die along its up to me to make something happen no one else will. And a prayer never hurts either. Please stop putting yourself down you are your worst enemy

  • Mike
    June 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    To Jason and Dana, just remember it is the women that have become so very complicated to meet these days and it has nothing to do with you guys. i am having the same problem, and i am much older than both of you. much of the women today are just so very nasty, and it must be their nature to be mean to many of us guys that are very seriously looking to meet the one that is nice. i have been cursed at by a woman that i really wanted to meet, and she walked away from me and told me to leave her alone. i didn’t even do anything wrong for her to act like this with me, and she was much more my age as well. women were certainly much different years ago, and that is why our parents and grandparents were married for such a very long time. my aunt and uncle have just celebrated their 65th year together, and that just shows you how different the women were years ago. so hang in there, and good luck.

  • Dana
    June 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    Thanks mike much love my friend. Good luck to you to sir

  • Very Serious
    June 25, 2013 | Permalink |

    with so many women that are Gay today, that obviously makes it much harder for many of us straight guys looking for a good one now. Doesn’t It? and i would certainly say so.

  • Rachel
    July 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    Disappointing to hear tons of comments about women being nasty and not like they used to be on here. There are plenty of women with kind caring hearts out there still.

  • Very Serious
    July 31, 2013 | Permalink |

    To Rachel, well if women didn’t play games and think that they are all that, just maybe we could meet a good woman to settle down with. i am a very serious guy that doesn’t play games and would like very much to meet a good woman to share my life with, and the very bad attitude problem that many of you women have nowadays does make it much harder for us meeting a good one now. I don’t mean to sound so rude, but i am telling it like it is. how can many of us men out there meet a good woman when they are so very nasty to us when we will try to start a conversation with the one that will attract us? there are times when i will get cursed at by a woman that i really wanted to meet, and i have other friends that had this happened to them as well. it is very sad that many women must have been very badly abused by the men in their life at one time, and now they are taking it out on us. there are many of us good men that really hate going out all the time which is very sickening, especially when we can’t seem to be at the right place at the right time trying to connect with one that we would really like. and years ago it was certainly much easier meeting women back then with the help of many family and friends, and now with so many women that have certainly changed over the years makes it very difficult. it is a shame that i wasn’t born many years sooner, which i could had met a good woman and have a family like i would had wanted just like our parents and grandparents did.

  • Duncan
    August 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    I can’t believe that I have ended up reading something like this after a bad ending with someone I who I thought I had a future with, however I found this article and its theory to be very helpful, uplifting and a progressive piece of writing to acknowledge.

  • Adrian
    August 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hey guys, I’m just about done looking for a girlfriend. I don’t think that I should not waste any more time looking for one. In the past year, I’ve been rejected by more women than I can remember, all of different age, weight/build, ethnicity, etc., and surprisingly they all told me the same thing – It’s not me it’s them – I’m a really great, very attractive guy and everything, but unfortunately I’m just not their type and they don’t feel that a relationship with me would be “appropriate”. So, what I’ve managed to work out about myself, and I was presently surprised I might add, is that I can’t possibly be a human male, despite me having all the necessary bits and pieces ;) because I am apparently incompatible with virtually every type of woman out there. I’ve never had a girlfriend before, and it seems I will never have one either. I was actually stupid enough to confess my love to a girl that I really fell in love with at one stage, and, as suspected I just got exactly the same response as before. But, this is more for the guys here (and for some of the girls that might feel the same) – I used to let this type of thing get me down before (see my previous posts), but not any more. All you have to do is spend some time with your friends and look what the reality of their relationships is all about – beyond all the surficial lovey-dovey stuff. It’s then you see that a relationship is actually a lot of work and girls seem to be very difficult to satisfy. I realised that I probably am unable to offer girls what other guys can and they seem somehow to suss that out in us before we even open our mouths to speak to them (I don’t know how they do it, but they do). So, I basically got the feeling that by being single I wasn’t really missing out on much and that I’m probably just not ready for a relationship anyway because I haven’t “grown up yet”. I really don’t think throwing one’s life away is the answer, so don’t let these things get you down guys. I think one should look back to the dreams you had as a kid and pursue them to find your true happiness in life again.

  • nina willams
    August 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    all i ever wanted was boyfriend since i was 18 years old all i have ever gotten for guy is
    verbal abuse ,threading , insulted ,attacked ,called names ,physical intimated ,left for dead in middle of no where , guys always telling about how great there ex girlfriends are how i am waste of time how they rather other women but me .i was told by guy i was smelly ,guys treating me badly forgetting my name on purpose ,made to ashamed ,called old lady .is all i have ever gotten, i was not looking for that nothing eles its all i know .now at 32 years of being single and abused ,i have given up despite being lonely and sad and depressed there is nothing i can do about i don,t i will ever find mr right or love god made no man only abusers and womanizer and liars

    i don,t believe in love any more i have reach age where girls my age have married and kids i am still single with no hope of ever finding love

  • TheTruth
    September 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    it is very hard finding love nowadays, especially when there are not that many women good to meet anymore.

  • anonymous
    September 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    this article is just a silly stupid advice. get out to the real world and see how many people are lonely and depressed because they have dealt with so many rejections that they dont even give a f**k about something called love. screw love and screw you. love is fake its just something you make. love is a lie made to make you cry.

  • John
    September 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    Thanks for this article. I think in my opinion, this is applicable for everybody.. I am 25 year old asian gay man in Dubai. Single, certified NBSB and still on my endless journey of finding the person who would complete me. I need to do more.
    I dont know if it is more difficult to find love in gay or hetero community.Good luck to all of us!

  • Raynee
    October 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve had trouble with relationships all my life. I’ve only had one real relationship and it didn’t work out. Right now I am in my early fifties, though look a lot younger.
    But that’s not really counting in my radar. I have written myself off!
    I have a lot of nice girl friends who are younger than me and very attractive.
    While this gives me a good social life, it also means I am always just the “fun” friend an I never hook up with anyone. it’s got to he stage where I feel, this is it, love is over for me. And that makes me feel so sad. I don’t know what to do! All advice appreciated :-)

  • The Real Answer
    October 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    many of us men hate to be alone, and finding that special woman to share a life with for us is very hard right now. who would really want to be alone? certainly not me. and to see so many other men and women that were very blessed to have met one another and have a family really hurts us very much. are we any different than the ones that have a life? of course not. so why can’t we have a loved one too. I certainly speak for the women as well who are looking for a man to spend the rest of their life with too, especially since many women have been very mistreated by the men that they were with at one time. many women have had very bad luck with men, and there are many of us men that have been very hurt by women as well.

  • Stevie Sixpack
    October 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    My $0.02, for what it’s worth…

    The key to happiness isn’t found in someone else. It is found in yourself. If you are unhappy single, you most likely will be unhappy in a relationship also. To achieve personal satisfaction, you literally have to just stop caring about things that are not in your control.

    For many years I wanted love, and looked in all the wrong places for it. A few short term relationships here and there, which amounted to little more than one night stands, was all that I seemed to find. So, I essentially gave up. I was happy being single, and just didn’t care anymore.

    Then, in my early 30′s, love found me. I met her visiting my Grandmother in an old folks home. She worked there. Now you see, I could not have planned this. We dated for a few years, and actually ended up getting married!

    Great, you say! Well, careful what you wish for! You know what’s harder than being single? It’s when your wife walks out, and has you served with divorce papers. And this is how it ended!

    So, back to being single again, and loving every minute of it (after the initial sadness and anger of the split slowly wore off)! I have no doubt that in time love will hit me again when I least expect it, but until that happens I just don’t care, because I’m content running as a one-man wolf pack for now!

    And yes, it is important to get out, since that’s really the best way to meet new people. It doesn’t matter where you go, or what you do, since finding love is literally like winning the lottery. However, you at least have to buy a ticket for a chance to win!

    Enjoy your freedoms while you’re single, because some of those will be robbed from you when you finally meet your significant other!

  • theautumn.th22@gmail.com
    October 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    … just findout this site, and i think i should write something b4 leave , well… i joined a lot of dating sites on the internet, but finally i decided to stop looking for my man , just feel tired , the more trying to find him the more i feel like im trying in hopeless, … till now i think that was the best choice that i have ever decided … stop looking for him not mean dont find my soul-mate anymore, just im waiting for the right moment … my moment n his moment … our momnent …
    p../s: now,still single, its good, not so bad … jusst feel a bit lonely sometimes hihi

  • HowTrue
    November 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    Well with so many women nowadays that think there really God’s gift to men which they are certainly Not is a very good reason, and many of them Need To Really Grow Up since they have become a Real Tease To Begin With.

  • ali
    November 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    There is something wrong with most men. They are always looking for greener grass and the next fresh ass. They lie and cheat. My husband slept with at least 12 people that I know of. I was married for 16 years to him. I am a good looking woman. When I look at men, I’m looking for tall, handsome, good teeth, confidence, intelligence, kindness and financial security. Why would I want to be with someone who has less than I have? If it’s about sharing life, I want a good life. I’m not silly, I’m not looking for love so I can settle in the suburbs and live a mediocre life. I want someone who matches me and who I can admire. I have some offers but I say no, because I am not filling my space with someone who isn’t extraordinary. For me, it doesn’t matter so much because I have children, I have been married, so I can wait.

    I feel for the people who are lonely and I really feel for the men who think all women cheat. What type of women are you approaching? Are you approaching someone in a bar somewhere? There are plenty of decent women. Maybe you’re just going in the wrong circles. I can’t understand how you get through life without having met someone. Only trying to help, but I can’t help but think maybe you need to work on yourself, on your confidence, looking your best, being your best, being fit and healthy. I have a friend who is single at almost 40. She’s almost desperate now. She has thrown away so many relationships looking for the one. She’s turned into a jealous bitter mess in her quest for love, marriage and children. She is hard to be a friend to, let alone for someone to fall in love with.

    I think self awareness is important. Who are you, and are you likeable? Are you presenting yourself in the best way that you can?

  • johng
    December 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    I started out trying to be a good man at 18 and just go find the girl and take her to a movie and kiss her on the lips. I thought it would be easy and simple like a john cougar mellencamp song. Well I would ask out like 30 women in a month and they all said they had boyfriends or weren’t interested. I thought I was moderately goodlooking, hardworking, manly and nice. so I started watching the type men who had the girls and I actually worked and met them. They are drug dealers, choke their wives, have threesomes, smoke pot and drink. ive met overweight guys with the girl, nerds, users, cheaters, douchebags. ghetto guys, hicks. authoritative jerk cops. ive seen it all. and yet I was never good enough.the women go out with these guys and then tell you all men are cheaters but they wont go out with you. then when you tell a woman nowadays that they don’t give you a chance and have this hard attitude THEY BLAME YOU FOR IT AS A MAN. I blame their bad choices and what they look for in a man. we men are also to blame for basing love on looks and leaving good but not so attractive women out in the cold and alone. so this makes me beg the question. why did god create all these attractive people that everyone desires and then he created women and guys like me who are unattractive and have to fight and claw are way to the love we want? I always see the same outcome and I hate it. beautiful girl meets handsome and rich young guy. they have kids good jobs and by the time they are 24 they live in a big house and have cars and are happy. then I see unattractive lady with overweight poor guy who don’t have good jobs marry each other live in an apartment. struggle and then get divorced. why is life so cliché and why cant we all look like brad pitt and kate moss?? haha life is so hard!!!! hahaha :)

  • Ben
    December 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    Well Ali, there are just too many women that are just so very mean to many of us real good men who are very seriously looking to Commit to just one good woman, but the real hard part for us is finding the right one.

  • Daniel
    December 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve been alone almost my entire life. Since I was very young, like 4 or 5 I have been yearning for a girlfriend. Throughout teenage years, whatever it was about me, I could not get any girl to go near me. I’m not a bad looking guy, bit on the short side but I’m pretty normal looking. I just don’t understand it.
    Anyway, so it was 22 when I lost virginity, and not long after when I got my first girlfriend. We moved in together for most of a year but she occasionally hit hit me whenever she lost it which was pretty regularly. She then told my then group of friends that I was beating her.
    Even though I tried to leave her many times, I couldn’t say no to her cries so stayed with her.
    After she began cheating on me, she left me for someone else, and I fell apart. I couldn’t leave the house or meet people, not that anyone wanted to see me after the rumours she had spread. Even though she treated me so bad, I was still in love with her, the real her, or the illusion I had of who she was, I don’t know.
    That was over 4 years ago, and since then I have been a loner, going to bars on my own, pushing away what friends I had left until not I have no friends, going out every weekend to drown my sorrows.
    I can’t speak to girls because I become sick with worry and even if I did I wouldn’t be able to think of anything to say, so I don’t even try anymore.
    I am on an internet site for about 4 years only met someone once but it didn’t work out after the first date for various reasons. Thing is about the internet, at least from my experience, is that whenever I send a message to a girl, I never get a reply. Sad huh!? lol. I don’t know. As I said, I’m not bad looking. I tweak my profile but to no avail. No girl will respond. The only girls that are interested in me are really heavy girls, and I am sorry but I have no attraction whatsoever to someone who is obese. It just would not work out.
    But lately, even girls that rate me highly, when I respond to them don’t respond back.
    I’d love to just give up but I can’t. I am in pain from the solitude, like a dark knot inside my stomach that comes with a vengeance every now and again.
    In relation to the above article, it is all well and good saying “go to clubs, get out there, but if you have no friends, then you are screwed. You need to be seen as being with someone to seem normal. But even making friends can be impossible in certain situations for certain people. So a double bind preventing a relationship. And the internet is just a catalogue for women to window shop, but most of them would never dream of meeting a guy online. Maybe they are worried about getting murdered or something, I don’t know.
    Anyway, that’s my rant over. I’ll just go back to emotionally-crippling pain of seemingly-never-ending loneliness where I destroy myself slowly because life is not worth living without love.
    And to those that say, chin up, don’t mind rejection, my reply is, “you try being rejected pretty much all of your life and you try keeping your chin up”. It is soul destroying, and having no confidence or “soul” is the last thign you’d want when approaching a woman, but such is the problem.

  • Ben
    December 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    To Daniel, don’t worry at all man. I have the same problem too, and many women nowadays have certainly Changed over the years and they are the ones that are very picky now. there are many of us good men still waiting for the right one to come along, and eventually it will happen. Good Luck, and have a good holiday.

  • Sendak
    December 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    I read the article and all the comments and honestly wish I could meet and talk to every one of you! Who knows, maybe we would be friends or find more in common. I refuse to give up on love and hope to meet the right man to grow old with. I have been in love and know that it is wonderful. I was raised to be an sold fashioned girl, with morals, standards, values, honesty, integrity etc. I have also been cheated on and burned each time and end up very sad and down om myself afterwards and try to look at myself and figure out where it all went wrong. for a long time i wrote the likes and dislikes, tried to adjust what i was looking for etc. honestly, all i want is someone who is at a place in their life where they can give affection, hold a conversation, wants to have fun in a committed relationsip and works hard to make their life better each day. Is this so much to ask for? I am a very tall girl and attractive and because of this have been told that I am intimidating. This is nothing I am doing, just my stature but it makes men and women not approach me and it sucks. I am very friendly and nice and I get frustrated seeing all the normal people happy and in relationships. I do have something that I do though after a relationship and I have been in several long term one and was with my husband for seven years. This is what works for me and what I didn’t understand when I was younger. (I am 40 and have a 12 year old daughter now, which is what made me stop dating and focus on her, so there is not a parade of men in her life.) I take time for me to recover my heart to the point where I am perfectly happy being alone and single and not in a relationship and to the point where I feel I could give 100% of me to someone new without the heartache or fears from the past playing a role in the new relationship. After my marriage this took 5 years! I beat myself up pretty bad even though it wasn’t me that walked away. I choose to believe that an old fashioned till death do we part marriage is still possible if you want to find it. In the realm of comparing dating to job interviews, I agree in the sense that you have to go on dates and share what you are looking for in life and find someone with common goals and morals. I look at job interviews as me screening companies to see who I want to work for. Say what you want ladies and gentlemen. If you want monogamy, don’t agree to an open relationship etc. I find the whole new world of dating very confusing because of all the bs about threesomes being cool and all the other hype that is just stupid. If you find someone you click with and there is instant attractions with then pursue it and put it all on the table, if it seems to match then throw down your heart and go for it and give it your all. The worst that can happen is you will be right back where you are right now but it won’t be from not going for it. There are lots of great single men and women out there if you can access their feelings and choose someone with like mind and available heart.

  • Jesse
    December 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    In my situation this article is so untrue. I go out to make friends with new people, and end up with a bunch of enemy’s. To make friends with a female, I will always end up just on the friends list. So for some of us good ones, love will never come our way. It just don’t exist

  • Not A Lie
    December 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    Well it is the women that have become very picky when it comes to having a relationship with them, and that is a very good reason why many of us can’t meet a good woman to settle down with. And yet, they will go out with the creepiest Guys that i have ever seen. Go Figure.

  • Jennifer
    December 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    I don’t agree with everything this article says. It seems the author thinks everyone needs to be an outgoing extrovert to find and succeed at love, but this is far from true. Many people are and always will be shy introverts, and trying to pretend to be an extrovert is where problems arise. I am an extremely shy introvert, and I really hate going out to bars and clubs – it’s just not for me nor are those activities remotely fun for me. I much prefer my small close-knit group of friends over a large number of acquaintances. Anyone who tries to meet people at places they do not enjoy are not likely to find people who they are compatible with as friends much less lovers. Additionally, the inevitable flood of rejection such a person would endure as a result will just compound the problem of developing bitterness, resentment, low self-esteem, and depression – qualities that are unattractive to others. Of course you need to meet people in order to make friends and eventually romantic mates, but you must meet them in ways that are comfortable and compatible with you. And you also need to be a person that others want to be around. It may sound cliche, but if you cannot be happy and satisfied with yourself and your own life as it is, you cannot be happy with anyone else. People are drawn to those who are happy and vibrant with life. No one wants to be around someone who drags them down. Also, don’t try too hard when looking for love, because if you come off as needy and desperate, that will turn people off really fast. I am no expert on love, but these are some things I have learned over time while struggling with my own lack of a love life due to my severe shyness and the perceived lack of desirability that resulted.

    What I have come to realize is what ended up working best for me is to date men who I was FRIENDS with first – that is very important. Anyone I dated with the premise of being a possible mate without even knowing them as friends first never worked out. My few long term relationships always had the foundation of a friendship first before dating was ever even on the radar. Learning to overcome my extreme shyness was a huge obstacle too. In high school, I had a male friend in my close circle of friends who I developed a mutual strong attraction to over the years (he was a nerdy “nice guy” by the way, which was a good thing to me, not a bad thing), but we were both so cripplingly shy, we never had the guts to actually date, and we never did. We went to different universities and ended up living well over 1,000 miles apart. Later on, we actually discussed how we felt about each other and considered dating as adults, but it ended up never working out because by then it was too late. We had lived so far away from each other for so long by then, and he became cynical about relationships and actually believed “all women are crazy” (which turned me off) due to his bad experiences with dating. I still was interested in dating him anyway, but would have to move back to where he lived, so he said he didn’t care if I came back or not. Well, I certainly wasn’t going to uproot my life for someone who didn’t give a shit about me anymore, so I ended up moving elsewhere (I was planning to move away from where I was regardless but had not settled on to where yet, but figured I might as well move back near him while I was at it if he was interested). Well, after starting a new life and relationship elsewhere, I found out secondhand that he was devastated I did not come back to him and found someone else to be with! I was so confused! Turns out he didn’t want to be the main reason I moved back, in case we did date and it ended up not working out, and thus ruin the friendship. Well guess what, the friendship was ruined anyway because of all this, we almost never interact anymore, and with no potential relationship besides. Guys, don’t make the same mistake! I partially regret this missed opportunity, but eventually realized it was for the best since I believe we would have been too incompatible as mates personality wise, even though we felt strong chemistry attraction. Though I do miss the good friendship we used to have.

    So anyway, what has ended up working for me is when I was NOT actively looking for love. The desire for a relationship was always on the radar, but I wasn’t TRYING too hard, and it seemed to just fall into place at the right time. I did not “go out” and meet people in the traditional sense, since that was just not my thing, but I had developed some close friendships through an online chat room about a particular hobby we all enjoyed. Many of us became such close friends that we would periodically meet up in person if the opportunity arose. Well, I eventually met up with one of my best male friends on that site and we instantly had chemistry and both revealed secretly developing romantic feelings for each other, and now we have been together ever since for 8 years now! :-) (I’m in my mid-30s now.) We were both quite shy, didn’t like going out to bars/clubs/etc so this turned out to be a great way to meet people even though neither of us were on that site to actually look for love matches. Internet dating isn’t for everyone, but it turned out to be the best way for me personally. The thing with dating sites though, is that everyone is on there with the primary purpose of dating. I believe it is more difficult to build a solid friendship on top of a relationship based on sex, than it is to have a solid friendship as a foundation with the added bonus of developing into romantic love after the fact. Women have become so tired of all the horny men looking only for sex, many of whom lie and cheat a lot, it’s no wonder they develop bad attitudes about dating and men. I don’t really understand why women don’t date the “nice guys” more often, because frankly, I’m most attracted to the nice guys because some of the others mistreat women so badly that it turns me off. The issue may be lack of confidence though. Women have a primal biological desire to be with men who can protect them. If a “nice guy” projects himself as weak and insecure about himself, that can be a turn off due to this primal instinct. That might be why women date the jerks, because at least they appear like they could defend you if needed. My first long term relationship was actually with a man who turned out to be a controlling jerk, but I stayed with him longer than I should have because he was the only one at the time who wasn’t afraid to pursue me and ask me out, and I felt like he could do a good job defending/protecting me if needed. I figured it was better to stay with him than to be alone. Eventually I got tired of the crap and finally left him. My next long term relationship was a “nice guy” type, but it ended up going the opposite direction. He had such low self-esteem and turned out to be a bit too effeminate and submissive for my liking (which became more pronounced over time). After awhile, I started feeling like I was the man in the relationship and would end up being the one who would have to defend him if needed, which I didn’t like and eventually couldn’t take it anymore and had to end the relationship. We just weren’t compatible enough. But, everyone likes different things, and no one is perfect. The key is finding someone who is compatible enough to live with, but who’s weaknesses you are able to tolerate as they are without trying to change them. My current long term relationship is the best one yet, thankfully. But, it isn’t always easy. We are very compatible and overall have a great relationship, but we have had many VERY trying times and rough patches. Relationships ARE work! But, I feel the main thing that has kept us together, helped us stick it out through the hard times, is the foundation of a good solid friendship. We always have that to fall back on even if everything else goes to shit at times. And then after we get past the rough patch, our relationship grows even stronger and deeper, and then are even better equipped to handle the next rough patch. If our relationship started out based on sex without that solid friendship first, I’m sure we would not still be together today. I can’t stress that enough – FRIENDS FIRST is key!

    Sorry for such a long post, but really guys, to me, being in the FRIEND ZONE is a GOOD thing! You are well on your way to building a solid foundation of friendship for a healthy and passionate romantic relationship. Hopefully after your female friends have had their share of dating jerks, they will see you are the nice guy they’ve been looking for all along and you have been right in front of them the whole time. Sometimes they’ll even get a little jealous when they see you dating other women and realize they want to date you instead. Unfortunately, some women (men too) get stuck in behavior and thought patterns and find it quite difficult to break away from that, so they might never realize that or will realize it too late. You’ve just got to be the supportive true friend she really needs and hopefully she’ll see the light one day. Just don’t be too pushy about wanting a sexual relationship with her so quickly. That is what turns many women off so fast and make them behave hostile towards you, when it seems like men just want to get in their pants. Women are constantly bombarded with unsolicited sexual advances and are tired of it. That can make it more difficult for the men who really do want a real relationship, but if you approach it the right way, hopefully she’ll give you a chance.

    Both men and women need to break out of this vicious cycle of negative thought patterns about dating, realize not everyone is the jerk/bitch/etc they think “all” men/women are, and then maybe we’ll all improve our chances to meet more compatible mates and not be so lonely and cynical anymore. Good Luck everyone!

  • Tender
    December 25, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am in my fifties and have two grown children but never have been married. While raising my children I always thought after I split with their dad that I would find someone deserving of me.(I do not mean that I am all that at all just that I expect to be respected and not lied to repeatedly). It seemed that time just got away and I still haven’t met an Honest man with Integrity who loves God first. It can be discouraging but I have to keep the faith because otherwise what else do I have to hold onto?

  • George#1
    January 6, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hey all! I am still here, just!
    I was interested to read the comments left, following my previous post, and would like to say thank you to ‘George#2′, ‘A Man’ & ‘Lauren’, for their replies.

    George#2, yeah meds not a great idea! However, I don’t think my doc believed me when I told her that I normally have 25-30 ‘Codeine based Paracetamol & Ibuprofen’ tablets for ‘Breakfast’. Although, I got the impression that she wanted to ‘Pimp’ me out to a ‘Pharmaceutical Company’ to test new products as I appear to be indestructible!! Anyway, I digress!?

    ‘A Man’, I was glad you made the point about ‘Relationships’

    ‘To George #2. You obviously don’t understand George #1. This is proven by the statement, ” I’m always the one left from the relationship after the smoke clears.” “RELATIONSHIP!”

    Yes, it is very frustrating reading some of the posts where people are whinging about their ‘Relationships’ going wrong, and they certainly can’t say ‘I know how you feel’, because they ‘Do Not’ and ‘Never will’ experience the depressive state, and pain that being eternally single imposes upon you. Having to walk through ‘Town’ confronted by happy couples, which it seems are everybody but ‘YOU’!
    One other thing I wanted to mention, and this one really annoys me!! People professing that everyone is shy at some point in their lives and manage to get through it!!
    Yes, they may well be shy and learn to cope, what they don’t understand though, is that being shy is vastly different to ‘Social Anxiety’ and resulting ‘Avoidant Personality Disorder’. And as if those two aren’t bad enough, lets add a little ‘Love Shyness’ into the ‘Bubbling Cauldron’ of life!! These are real conditions and go far beyond being a little bit shy!! You may like to research these two conditions, as I’m sure you will find it interesting and revealing, to discover the full extent and the constraints attributed to them.
    I will leave you with this little verse, which you may well be able to relate to!?

    Alone in a Crowded Room

    They laughed, they joked
    Happiness filled the air
    The smiles, the songs
    Who would not want to be there?

    How could anything be so perfect?
    There must be something that’s wrong
    Whilst trying so hard not to question,
    The desire just became too strong

    He smiled, looked around, trying to catch an eye,
    Just a glimpse, or a sign
    But nothing more than a lonely sigh

    The more he looked, the less he saw
    Becoming more frustrated,
    Not knowing what he was there for

    Trying to speak but making no sound,
    Confused by the fear he fell to the ground

    With head in hands the darkness grew,
    Not wanting to admit, what he already knew
    Holding onto the dream and neglecting the fear,
    But reality struck with a single lonely tear

    He lifted his head, wiped the tear from his face,
    Why had this become such a lonely place?
    He looked one more time and it all became clear,
    He had left it too late, he was no longer here.

    Take Care and Try to be Strong!

  • Doug
    January 9, 2014 | Permalink |

    The words are all fine and good but what about persons such a myself who are not very sociable an shy near women.Nobody gives a damn about persons with this problem.I may as well just quit and give up on life or just blow my brains out for love is just for the lucky and fortunatel people

  • Mke
    January 9, 2014 | Permalink |

    To Doug, hang in there man. It is the women that really stink today.

  • Adrian
    January 25, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hi guys and to Jennifer. I agree with what you say about shy people not going out because it’s not the best way to find for us. But, I don’t really agree with what you say about being friends first. I truly believe that men are way more willing to give a romantic relationship a chance than women are. For us guys, it’s almost impossible to date a female friend, unless she just hid her feelings for you the whole time. But, I think many guys would agree, telling a long-time female friend that you like her or have romantic feelings for her almost always results in rejection by her, and she normally already has a boyfriend, that’s why she simply is friends with you. I don’t think us men actually have a friend zone as girls do, which would explain why your male friends also see you as a possible girlfriend. Guys just are that way, I think we are more on the lookout for a mate and have maybe a wider radar (fewer criteria) than women do. But, I am glad that things worked out for you and that you managed to find love with a friend, as that solves a lot of the issues of getting to know each other right from the get-go.

  • Defiler
    January 26, 2014 | Permalink |

    Damn it man, I came here because I also typed the same thing out of desperation. I’m male, 34 and I’ve had prolly like 50 – 100 dates over the past couple years, and not even one was able to blossom into any sort of friendship, let alone marriage.

    I’ve never had a girlfriend before, only weird relationships. My most memorable relationship was with a girl who thought about me and called me every day. She was very pretty. She understood me perfectly and why I did the things I did and reacted the way I reacted about situations. We could connect at a deep level (the regular girls aren’t capable of that) and we did nothing short of marathons in bed on the days we could meet up. There was only one problem – she was married with a kid, so we only met an average of say 2 months in a year. We stayed like this for 9 years before she told me she wasn’t being fair to me and that I needed to have my own life, my own family. The only reason we lasted that long was because we couldn’t get enough of each other. I agreed albeit reluctantly and also left the relationship. I could feel it was hard for her too and we both cried. We dated when I was 25 to 34.

    Then there were a few others I slept with but they all either had boyfriends (whom they later married) or were already married and were just looking to fuck. My 20s was the time my sex life was most vibrant, even though it was with the same few women. Now all of them have left.

    Probably some others here might feel I’m better off than them, but it is delusion at best – YOU’RE STILL ALONE AT THE END OF THE DAY. Why can’t I have a relationship with someone SINGLE? I’m good at sustaining the relationship. I just don’t know how to acquire one – I can’t count in those girls in the past because they made the first moves, and they weren’t single anyway.

    You know, I think I am destined to be alone. All those dates with the single women – it’s either I like them but they don’t like me, or they like me but I can’t feel anything. I’m tired and heavy from all the emotional vesting I had to do with each new one after failing. And don’t come telling me to just wait for the right person to come. It DOES NOT work. I’ve also waited and guess what – nothing happened, yes.

  • Rayanne
    January 28, 2014 | Permalink |

    Love fucking sucks! It does nothing but cause pain mentally and emotionally. All you need is a ton of alcohol, pills and hope you never wake up.

  • Ray
    February 1, 2014 | Permalink |

    Well the way i look at it, if the women today were anything like the women that we had years ago, then it would had been much easier meeting a good one and having a family just like our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles did. And today the women are everything but nice since there are really no good women to meet anymore these days. It is a shame many of us men weren’t born many years sooner which we could had certainly avoided this mess ourselves and been settled down too.

  • Kris
    February 2, 2014 | Permalink |

    As I’m reading these comments, I see the “men” comments on how the women are the ones that are picky and cheat. Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!! You so called “men” are the LIARS, CHEATERS, ABUSIVE COCKSUCKERS! You have someone good in front of you and you treat them like fucking shit. You take you dick out and start to fuck every that moves. Are the women suppose to put up with all your shit? No! Funny how we women will call you fuckers out on things and then you can handle it and start to bad mouth us acting as your the victim. Then we will see who you are with after we dump your prick ass…the big fat ass pig! You guys are dirty pigs and deserve to be treat shitty, cuz you are shit.

  • Sal
    March 2, 2014 | Permalink |

    Kris, you’re a perfect example what a mentally disturbed woman is.

  • eric86
    March 3, 2014 | Permalink |

    The problem is we typically go for the superficial….women go for hot guys with money. Why? Because today’s society promotes that (tv, movies, magazines). Women don’t want to ‘settle’ with anything less. Guess what, these guy have lots of women wanting them, and, just like the women, are always looking for something better. So they have many girlfriends and don’t treat women with respect cause they don’t have to. Men do similar things, such as looking for mainly beauty. Until we all value honesty, kindness, intelligence, and loyalty mote than we do looks and money, we will all forever be subject to superficial lives.

  • Adrian
    March 5, 2014 | Permalink |

    To Kris. I can’t believe the ridiculous generalization you make. If YOU, yes YOU, keep insisting on dating pieces of shit then you’ll always end up with the same shit. All I’ve ever wanted was a girl to love and cherish my whole life and never found one, because they, and it seems you too, always persistently and mindlessly insist on dating and dancing with the devils of this world. You women are all the same and always chase the next thrill, bigger dicks and bank accounts, so if you get cheated on, beaten, raped, murdered or whatever, that’s your problem, nobody else’s. This is why I love The Bible, the very first few pages describes and sums up perfectly what women are all about – betray a good man by throwing him under a bus when something shinier, bigger and brighter comes along, and you are lured in by sweet talk and bullshit. This just demonstrates to me that most people still don’t recognize the fake tinsel and intricate work of the devil on this earth, and are all sucked in by the fake beauty it represents, they way nothing but pure shit and lies is portrayed as the next best and good thing. Here’s a bit of truth for any good men out there still bothered to listen up – don’t let the shit (including 99% of relationships with women) of this world suck you in. People lack faith and put their trust in shit like money, clothes, health insurance, credit, loans and mortgages, a secure investment, a secure job, and are too afraid to live life in truth. None of this shit will ever make you happy. True evil is what is happening today. Women are used as pawns to get to honest men in order to destroy their faith. Women show the greatest lack of faith and will never admit it. They are shit scared of ever putting their faith in a truly honest hardworking man because he is the one that always suffers the slings and arrows of today’s society – he is the one who is mocked by other, more so-called “successful” men who BTW have had everything handed to them on a silver platter. So, they rather make a deal with the devil himself for a life of luxury, status, good looks, money, etc., etc. Who do you think really embodies these upstanding, smooth-talking, rich, handsome men – why the trickster himself of course. Most of the world today is blind to all of this, but if you are a good man, betrayed by several women your entire life, please don’t lose faith, there are good women still out there. If you have faith in the Lord Jesus, listen to what He says. He was always willing to search long and hard, day and night, to find the one, lost sheep from his flock, even though all the rest of his flock was safely back at home. Do the same – search high and low, far and wide for that one good women somewhere that is still left, and do not be defeated. 99% of what you see today in the world is lies and tricks, but that 1% of true goodness still exists. And remember, that one brick that none of the builders wanted (i.e. the guy that no women wanted) eventually became the cornerstone of the kingdom. All the best to the true, genuine, honest hardworking men out there, I truly hope you guys find that one special girl that we’re all looking for. I don’t know if I’ll ever find her, but we must keep trying. For the rest of the “model” men and women out there shoving your success and riches in our faces everyday – I just hope you can find maybe 2 minutes in your fantastic lives to sit alone and quietly in a corner and ask yourself a couple of questions – you might just be surprised at what the truth reveals.

  • Meena
    March 6, 2014 | Permalink |

    Adrian…you are a trip. You and Sal and countless others of your He Man Wimmin Haters coalition *do* have some points that stand out. Mainly, that there are indeed superficial and lame women in the world. Sure bet. However, women are not all to blame. How about when men chase the skanky behind hoes? Or, the clearly high-maintenance chick that only cares about herself? Are you flipping kidding me? Men are just as superficial as women. That is a fact. The only thing is you all express it differently. (some) Men are hung up on finding some perfect looking female with giant breasts. (some) Women are hung up on snagging some dude with a massive bank account. I am a female senior citizen (age 33, see that’s OLD to men because all men care about is barely legal asses) so I know what I am talking about here. Kris made some valid points that touched some nerves, and if you want your sexist twaddle to be given merit then you need to listen to the other side, too.

    First of all, stop chasing hoes. If a woman cares more about her looks than being there for you, then, obviously she is not relationship material…right men? DING!! But oy, that will never happen, because what do most men gravitate towards? THE HIGH MAINTENANCE ‘HOT’ hoe! No one is telling you men to go romance Free Willy, or some nasty hygienically challenged female with halitosis…but I am advising you to seek a normal, down to Earth woman that may be into sports on your local town league. So clearly you see she is not lazy and she likes to stay active and remain in good shape. How about finding a woman that volunteers? So you see that she likes to help others in need and does not care only about herself and her narcissism? But, I know that’s a tall order, because Miss Pretty Enough with girl next door charms is nothing but a piece of dog crap on the bottom of a shoe once little Miss Beauty Queen sashays into the room. We women know it well. But go on, blame us normal women. We are out here, watching you watching her and ignoring us. Wondering why WE aren’t good enough. We aren’t fat. We aren’t stinky. We aren’t unfriendly. We aren’t lame…we are just not glamorous or decked out in expensive crap to invoke the typical Pavlovian response in you men. Face it, most of you don’t even want a decent woman…you want the closest thing that you can find to the hoes that you see on TV and in the magazines that will put up with your shit. Then, come on line and cry a river. Please.

    You whining men get no sympathy from me. I know I look good: I’m slim, toned, have nice hair/nails and natural beauty… I do not have to paint it on! I eat well and exercise. I may not have 18 year old looks but SO WHAT! I am a grown woman! That’s another thing, how many of you grown men up here whining want a MATURE woman vs. wanting some little girl? Be honest! Again, no one is saying you need to go get grandma, but like I said, women my age (just hitting 30′s) are senior citizens even to men that are OLDER than us! Early 30′s and you men pass right over us like a 747.

    Well, good luck to all. To my fellow ladies: You’re better off hitting up a shop and getting some fun toys to play with. No drama, no diseases, no baggage, and a guaranteed O. Do that, and get some gay male friends if you need men in your life. Get a dog to protect you…the meaner the better. Stay fit and love your life and yourself. Do not ever be so desperate as to fall for some loser and his BS just because you think a man will complete you. WTH is that?!! COMPLETE yourself! Good men are out there, but I have only read what sounds like three good men posting up here. The rest are just vindictive misogynist pigs out to blame women for everything wrong with the world. That’s always a good tactic for getting a woman, guys. Stay classy, men.

  • Sal
    March 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    Most of the women out there these days are such Losers, and always will be. They can’t even commit themselves to just one man anymore like they did years ago, and now with so many very high maintenance women out there which makes it worse since it is all about money for them. REAL LOSERS.

  • Adrian
    March 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    To Meena, I definitely see your points and agree with many, but WHERE ARE THESE WOMEN HIDING? I am yet to meet these so-called good women. You sound like one in a million and the women you describe are exactly the type I’m looking for. As I said, I’m not into high maintainance chicks at all, and I don’t chase hoes. I’ve never liked super-hot, made-up women dressed in make up, high-fashion clothes and the rest – because these women are usually very nasty in character. But the fact is most women I’ve met love money, not men. I’m talking almost all women – fat, skinny, shy – there’s no demographic limit. I get the sense that you are old-school moral value type – and that’s exactly what the guys are talking about on here, the good women with old values that want real meaningful relationships – but where o where do we find you girls? When we rant about the women, we mean the modern, bitchy brat girl who always wants to get everything her way and will stop at nothing to get it. You said it yourself – you’re 33 – that’s still the “sensible” generation. Most people (men and women) I’ve met your age (30-40) are totally different to the people my age (20′s) – you can’t believe the contrast. And, I admire your suggestion of dating older, more mature women, and that’s all fine, but if I’m 20-something now, and my girlfriend is 40, I cannot get married to her and have kids when I’m like 35 and she’s 55. But, look, I’m sorry if my post offended you in any way, but rest assured it was never aimed at good-minded, level-headed women such as yourself, but the silly, promiscuous, materialistic young women, and men for that matter, that run our society today and cast out, mock and victimize people that don’t “make the grade” according to their world view. And let’s face it, it’s all money driven. Sorry if I sound a bit bitter, but after losing countless possible girlfriends (30+) to guys who were richer and more outgoing (I mean clubbing, bar-scene type of thing, not outdoors) than me, I’ve lost a lot of faith in relationships. As I said before, all I’ve ever wanted in life was a girl to love and cherish, but that’s never going to happen. So, I’ve just decided to focus on working even harder than I already have to make a success of my life. And one day, if I’m somewhere where I want to be, I will plough back any wealth into what my parents have invested in me, because they are the only people in this world that ever loved me. Other people have always just spewed hate in my direction, so you can bet your bottom dollar I’ll never trust anyone in this life, and sure as hell won’t share it with some woman who just notices you once you’ve got some money. I’ll rather die alone, thank you, which is hopefully not to far off in the near-future because I’m pretty tired of this world and all of its crap.

  • Adrian
    March 12, 2014 | Permalink |

    And, to all the women who suggest younger guys date older women. Are you f*cking kidding me? So, after all your sordid adventures, numerous boyfriends and flings (100 or more), numerous divorces, children and all the fun with anything having a cock, you seriously suggest that some quiet, refined, hardworking, honest guy take you as a girlfriend or wife after all that. That is ridiculous. Some men go unnoticed by women for over 10, 15 or even 20 years all the while waiting, hoping, praying to meet that one woman who will change his life. So, you are saying that this man deserves other men’s leftovers? That’s the most hateful thing ever suggested. How disrespectful and distasteful! To Sal, Ray and all the other guys, I really think we’ve seen enough here, no man deserves to be used and made a fool of like this. Give the fruits of your labor to someone who deserves it – children’s home, church, charity, animal shelter, parents/family or the like – that’s what I’m going to do one day. And, I know many of you guys really wanted to be a dad one day, forget a wife, I would suggest adopting a child if you can afford it – I know it’s cool to have your own son or daughter, but it doesn’t matter, any child you raise will have all the qualities that you would have taught him/her, just like a child of your own genes – it’s more nurture than nature. Guys, don’t dispair, there’s so much more to life than this relationship crap, don’t ever get caught in this – it ruined my life, don’t let it ruin yours.

  • eric86
    March 17, 2014 | Permalink |

    Adrian, many older women are no better than and money is even more important to them because they become desperate to get the life they dreamed of….sorry, the life the media, tv, movies, magazines shove down their throats. Today’s vision of ‘happiness’ has been reduced to how hot your mate is and having enough money to post your grand vacations depicting your ‘successful’ life on facebook. Men and women are both guilty of it. We all need to start valuing kindness, honesty, compassion more than today’s eXtreme lifestyle of having to have and do it all no matter what the cost. You will be hard pressed to find a beautiful man or women who are not a little narcissistic .

  • Adrian
    March 18, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hi eric86, you’re so right, thanks for that. The problem is, it’s one person in a million nowadays that value these basic, honest, down-to-earth qualities and I don’t think I need to tell anyone who has adopted these qualities how big an outcast you truly become in society once you show even the slightest inclination of being an honest, kind person. People soon perceive this as a sign of weakness and then proceed to attack you emotionally. It seems to me more and more each day that if you’re not rude, obnoxious, rich, self-centred, self-serving, ripped and muscular, fit, some famous sports star or movie hero then you’re not worth very much in the eyes of the world out there. Nobody likes “ordinary” people or an “ordinary” lifestyle for that matter anymore – everything’s got to be like a 24/7 acid trip/drug high with excessive and over the top loudness, lewdness, money-spending and all the tinsel you can dream of. Thanks again to all the people that had the courage to post their opinions on this page, and all the best to you guys. It gives a person hope to know that not everyone thinks the same way as what is being blasted out over the communication media out there, that there are still honest people who recognize how the situation is out there today. Just like some of you guys have said, I think it’s now harder to find true love than it has ever been in the history of mankind. I am seriously considering if it’s not maybe better just to stay single, because at some point a person should think about this rationally and logically, and ask yourself – at the end of the day, is it really worth all the agony I put myself through, just to find a suitable mate in this life? And also – is the world out there so screwed up that there is not one human being within a 100 mile radius of me that is simply an honest, hardworking, kind, loving soul with whom I can share my life? I don’t know guys, to me this seems more and more of a sad reality for me everyday.

  • eric86
    March 19, 2014 | Permalink |

    Trust me, as soon as you stop looking and stop giving a shit someone will come along. At that point STAY COOL. Dont not show you care so much. Do not fall in love. Just dont care. Its the curse of a relationship. If you do fall for them make sure you balance it with times of indifference so they dont think you are whipped. I managed a 20 year long marriage this way. As soon as i started to express deep feelings and caring for her she got bored and left me for some other guy, who happened to be a player and dumped her after we got divorced.

  • ruth123
    March 19, 2014 | Permalink |

    Wow. I am sorry you men feel this way. Have you thought about expanding your dating options to another race? Believe me you will be very surprise what you find out there. I am African American woman who just cannot seem to find an educated man, some one with common sense and have the same goals in life like I do. All I see are knuckle heads who just want to live off women. Lol. Seriously maybe you should give it a thought and a try. You Will be suprise and excited about the response you may get from other women in the same boat as me…

  • ruth123
    March 19, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hey Meena I agree with you 100%! However I am attracting the attention from the wrong type of men of my race. I am 26, in shape, got a master’s degree, own my own home, working in my career and have my own home based business (part-time). The men who want to talk to me just want me to take care of them, use all my gas, and pay their phone bills. Ha! I rather be old and lonely then settle with these men/boys. Seems like the men you want to get to know all want younger high maintenance women who want a man to take care of them. I just want a man who can hold my interest for over 5 minutes without speaking slang and asking for a handout! I Guess I will be single for the rest of my life if these are the only men who are attracted to me (Shrugs).

  • Adrian
    March 19, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hi ruth123. I think what you mention is something that applies nowadays to both sexes and all races. Those people who are “old-school” are quickly learning that you can get a life of luxury the easy way, so this phenomenon is unfortunately spreading. People have access to much information nowadays and self-education and self-enlightenment soon follows. People also imitate each other and all do the same things to fit in, so, it’s true that one might find someone outside your culture or race but I just can’t help but think that 5 or 6 years down the line that same person discovers all the attractions of the luxury life and they change into someone else.

  • Adrian
    March 19, 2014 | Permalink |

    To Johnny too, and to eric86, it seems then that maybe the best way to deal with a narcissist is to be narcissistic yourself. I’m seeing more and more nowadays that the people who attract friends and people of the opposite sex are people who demand what they want out of life and settle for nothing less. I guess people who are narcissistic are attracted to others that are similar in personality.

  • eric86
    March 20, 2014 | Permalink |

    Unfortunately many mistake narcissistic behavior with confidence….

  • Dani
    March 29, 2014 | Permalink |

    Sal, you are ONE MENTALLY DISTURB AND MENTALLY CHALLENGE INDIVIDUAL. Kris hit a big nerve with you. You can dish it out but you can’t take it. Get over it!!

  • jacky57
    April 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    It seems to me that both sexes have been hurt by someone they loved and trusted here. There is good and bad in everyone,society has changed not people.

  • Natasha
    April 8, 2014 | Permalink |

    In reply to Doug Feb 15 and Rob 3 March. I feel your pain Doug. I am female, told very attractive, turn heads, financially very stable but am lonely lonely lonely like u and hate to go to family gatherings etc. I keep telling myself when I’m 6 foot under it won’t matter anymore. I too feel like a lonely reject Doug and in answer to Rob I am over very committed to my men and I get treated like crap in return and used/cheated on lied to and men seem to only want me for one thing. I am a beautiful person inside and out and it cuts me to pieces each time another bastard comes along and uses me. It takes a while sometimes to find out and by then I am already emotionally involved. So Doug I understand your pain 1000% and Rob there are committed woman out there that don’t want a man’s money I have enough of my own so why is it our paths are never crossing with the right ones?

  • Martin
    April 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    I constantly have people happy (brothers & sisters) married off, happy, have jobs.

    I’ve been & always will be single, 31 years & counting (32 nextweek)..My bday & xmas are the only days I’m truly even happy, every vd is like a knife in the heart & a day I wish I could drink Myself to death.

    Women see Me as nothing more then a friend, even if I’m right for them I never get a look in & the bad boys get the attention, guess having manners, goals & respecting women was something I shouldn’t have been bought up on.

    Fuck it what’s another 31 …years ( if I live that ), this article about looking or not looking for love is rubbish, some people just aren’t meant to be happy & I just have to accept it, some people bitch & moan about their relationships but atleast they had it ( even if it was just once).

    Having aspergers syndrome ( learning difficulty ) doesn’t help either, a lot of people took advantage of My nice nature & I snapped at times when I got flat out bullied for it, people have made Me bitter & knowing women just don’t give a monkeys about Me & never will, all I can say is good riddance & being led on for a year & a half by someone who toyed with My feelings & I’m ashamed to say I almost took My own life on that day ( only thing that stopped Me was thinking about upsetting My niece (who was 3 at the time ), if a woman liked Me & I didn’t I’d never lead them on.

    Glad I got this off My chest.

  • Martin
    April 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    Continued: Even if women say you’re kind, make them laugh & a good caring person it means bugger all, guess I don’t have a movie star face & body & treat people like crap I’m just not interesting.

  • Dizzle
    April 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    Common people!!!! You can not MAKE people love you. You need to belive that you are worth being loved. But going out trying to FIND someone to love you will only end in more pain, frustration, and discouragement. I decided that if somene wants to give me love, I will accept it and return love. If not, f them… It’s their loss. But I stopped reaching with open arms long ago. I am a 37 year old male that had a lifetime of hurt and sorrow. I still pull myself out of bed every morning.

  • Adrian
    April 12, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hey all. I would just like to apologize to everyone for my previous posts, some of which were directed toward women that were hurt by men before. I’m sorry for any people, especially the ladies like Kris, Ruth, Meena and others, I offended and hurt. Nobody deserves to be generalized upon, which is something I learnt this week when my psychologist diagnosed me with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) which has basically made me a vile, emotionally dead, closed-off and hurtful person toward others my whole life, without me even knowing it. For years I never understood my difficulties with interpersonal relationships, especially of a romantic nature (i.e. they were non-existent actually) and now I do. For my whole life I could not understand why I could never make any friends, or find love, but now I do. I guess I was an angry young man because I found it impossible to “decipher” other people, especially women. I am truly sorry to everyone who had to endure my posts, I am a monster, who deserves to be alone for the rest of my life and burn in hell for eternity. I can only imagine what a nightmare it must have been for all the people that had to attend classes with me at school and university, people who had to endure me at gatherings, all thinking to themselves “what the hell is this guy’s problem? He’s is such an unspeaking, nasty, uncaring, silent and morbid SOB”. Now I understand, and I thank you guys so much for not hating me, but trying to be understanding. Especially to the ladies like Kris and Meena, I know your words seemed harsh to me at the time, and I had no problem telling you about it, but now I understand your purpose and all I can say is you have good hearts, and you’re hurt and you’re trying to make guys see how you feel. Harsh words are often the words that have the biggest positive and motivating impact in our lives, and I actually want to thank you, because your “scolding” of me made me go and seek help once and for all, with a psychologist. Talking to someone was one of the problems with me – I never ever did it, and just by doing that one simple thing with a psychologist, we unveiled a whole series of problems in my life which I would never have known. I mean this stuff was living inside me for years like a series of diseases, eating away at me mentally and emotionally, without me even realizing it. Thank you so much, you made me take a step forward in my life.

    All I know is, all the bad you’ve seen in people, men and women, is what we see most, because anything bad will always shout out, shine out and make itself known to drown out any good that may be present. But I know that there has to be both good men and women out there in the world too, who only seek to love, not to hurt and destroy others. If you think about it, nobody on Earth has ever met every other living human being, that would be impossible, so it is impossible to say that there is nobody good left in the world, no human will ever know that.

    Sorry for the long post, I hope you guys find love one day. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love so I’m not going to say that I know how nice it feels because I don’t – it’s another trait of my ASD, I basically only know how to obsess over stuff and people, I never love them (or it). I also once thought I was in love with a girl, but now I know that was an obsession, a fixation if you will, and it’s kind of crushing, because I put so much feeling into it, but at least I know the truth now. Also, I’m basically destined to be single forever, it’s common for people who have what I have to be alone their whole lives, or so say the books.

    Good luck and God bless to all, may you find the love you seek as I’m told it’s the best feeling one can ever feel.

  • Moon
    April 24, 2014 | Permalink |

    I don’t even dare to put my real name here…
    I’m one of those girls who still believe in a true love, and when I’m in love with someone, I just can’t be with anyone else, cus I feel as if I’m cheating. It never happened that I’m in a relationship with a guy I love, so I had only one relationship, like, to look like a real one, and few short lasting, better to call them dates. I love myself, I work on improving myself, and in general, I’m very positive. But, I’m also a bloody romantic, which I do like about myself, but in a outside world is not the smartest thing to be. Also, I’m in love for almost 3 years now, and no matter how much I try to put it behind, one song on the radio or in the club is enough to remind me on him. I fight it, I focus on bunch of other things, but it’s not dying yet…
    As I said before, I love myself. But I also love someone else very much…

  • michael kors signature handbag
    May 24, 2014 | Permalink |

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  • Albert Tropeano
    June 1, 2014 | Permalink |

    I went out, joined groups, clubs, dances, social events, college, looking to meet miss right. It was hard to even meet miss wrong. I gave up at 42. Anyway, I will wait till I am in heaven, then God will have someone there for me. I am 53 now. I am not worried. The Lord will provide when I get to heaven.

  • Adrian
    June 9, 2014 | Permalink |

    ^^^^^WTF

  • Brian
    June 22, 2014 | Permalink |

    This article is hogwash. I’m 43, and consider myself to be a good-looking man, but I’ve tried everything and nothing has worked. I’m convinced that some people just can’t find love ni matter ho we hard they try, like me. How can anyone say that finding love is like looking for a job? Whenlooking for a job, you know where to look and how to look. That it is much easier. I’ve tried and it’s just no use. Throwing in the towel is easier than putting up a fight. Why bother working your butt off when it gets me no further than doing nothing at all?

  • Tessa
    July 17, 2014 | Permalink |

    Finding love is a bunch of bullshit. I have loved, but I do not know what its like to be loved. I’m the punching bag and fuck. Been treated shitty over and over, lied to, cheated on. I don’t believe in love anymore and at this point in my life, I don’t want it.

  • tony001
    July 31, 2014 | Permalink |

    Forget that you are alone, that you don’t have a girlfriend. They are many things in this world that can make you happy. But 1st, be around people, not necessarily to score anything. Just to hangout. Develop sain platonic relationships. Some people may not like to hang out with you. But it’s fine. It’s normal. Pretty sure there are some people you don’t want in your circles too. Be patient. Later on, you’ll see a pool of women that appreciate you. Pay attention, one of them might want to take it a step further. Create or/and cease the opportunity. Good luck :)

  • Liz
    August 9, 2014 | Permalink |

    I see a common thread here. We’re all too Damn nice! People don’t like nice they want to feel like they won something. Niice is easy and boring.

  • jc619
    August 21, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’m thus is bs. I’m out active doing all the right things to find love. I’m a nice kind guy and EVERY TIME I just get the same bs response ur not my type or I just see u as a friend. 9/10 times that’s afferent first meeting and I didn’t even ask and before even giving me a chance. Women these days are so picky. They either want the bad boy type they think they can change or the want the Sam Worthington look a likes it what ever then moon and cry to u when they get hurt.

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