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Are you too Clingy in Love?

What To Do If She Has A Boyfriend

Does your partner want more space? The need for space doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s all about respecting each other’s boundaries and helping each other grow as individuals, while staying together as a couple. Read this story to understand more about it.

Click here to read the introduction: Need Space in your Relationship?

I headed to work, all the time thinking what she’d be doing. It was supposed to be the wedding d-day. I called her up. No response. The same thing, the next five times in a row. She must be busy.

I called her again after lunch. She answered her cell and she was with her pals, having a great time. We spoke of things and love and how much I missed her and more. A cool drizzle in love.

It was a busy day at work for me, so I called her one more time after work, while I was heading back home. A five minute call. It felt good to talk to her. It made me feel nice. And I was constantly missing her. Don’t know why.

Dinner. Call. Five minutes. She was in the middle of dinner. After that, I lay down in bed. Happy thoughts race through my mind. Dinners, lunches, little hand clasps, cute kisses and more. I text her. “Question: what does a guy have to do when he’s missing a girl a lot, and yet, he doesn’t want to call because he’s already called a lot?” No reply. I text again. An hour later, I got a message from her. She was in bed with her friends, about to go to sleep. I texted her back. I wanted to hear her voice. I missed her so. Half an hour of texting and pestering to call later, she called me. One minute. A quick splash of love. Good enough. I went to sleep.

The next day, she was in office. I called her after lunch. She was in a meeting with a few of her clients. One minute. I was getting increasingly frustrated with the lack of mush in my life. Anyways, there was always time to chat later at night. I had a quick dinner and called her up a couple of hours before the time I normally call her. She was in the middle of dinner with her family. I hung up. Twelve o’clock. She called me. I was happy. A few minutes into the call, and I just knew something was bothering her. She wanted to hang up!

A few minutes of pestering, wild throws in the dark and twenty questions later, I got to know that it was my constant calling that pissed her off. And then I heard the worst, I was too clingy!! It didn’t pour love that night, it was misery. According to her, I didn’t respect her space. But I did. I so did. I just missed her. A lot. She thought otherwise.

She repeated that she had made it clear that I wasn’t supposed to call her during those two days, when she just wanted her privacy. But two whole days was too long for me, I pleaded with her. She stuck with the story of me not respecting her and giving her space. I stuck with mine. I missed her. The conversation went on for a couple of hours, but there were more sounds of silence than happy giggles. And in every one of those silent moments when all I could hear was heavy breathing and my heartbeat, I found myself panicking.

And somewhere in between, there was Charlie from the movie, Good Luck Chuck, when he gets clingy with Jessica Alba. When I watched that movie a few years ago, I thought it was hilarious and extremely stupid. But with the phone in my hand and the sound of huffy breaths, I couldn’t help but be insulted by the fact that I was that guy!

I told her I was sorry. She didn’t want to listen. I was heartbroken. She broke up. And hung up. And didn’t call back. I kept the phone down gently. I fell face first into the pillow. I held my breath. I didn’t die. I woke up the next morning. I was clinging to my pillow like a primate in heat. Jeez, for crying out loud! I threw it away.

I wanted to speak to her. But I also wanted her to know that I respected her. I called her back that night. She cancelled my call. And messaged me to say that she didn’t feel like talking that night. I thought the whole thing was crazy. Three days later, I called her after dinner. She answered her phone. We spoke like friends for a few minutes. And then, she said that she had thought about me a lot these last few days.

All I wanted to yell was, “why didn’t you call me if you missed me, especially when I was dying here?!” but I knew better. I spoke with the tone of a man who’s weathered a war, and yet seemed undisturbed. I missed her. I told her that. We made up again. I apologized. She laughed. Was that a drizzle I could feel somewhere at the back of my head? Or was that in my heart? I laughed back. We were back. I felt like Superman. I just wanted to switch my pants and undies!

The call lasted till five in the morning. And then we hit our respective beds. During those five odd hours that we spoke, it had rained, thundered and thrown down cats and dogs of love, and hailstones of passion. Everything felt so good, I felt drunk. I woke up groggy early the next morning. My cell woke me up. It was her call. Could there have been a better way to wake up? We spoke for ten minutes, and after a feel-good conversation, we kissed each other bye. And I promised her I’d call her that night.

This happened a few days ago, and now when I think of it, maybe she was a bit too harsh, but she was right. And maybe I was a bit too clingy too. Especially when she had told me not to call her up for two days.

Maybe that’s what we call a balance in life. I’ve had a few girlfriends earlier in my life, but there was never a time when any of them threw me out when I invaded their space. I’ve made up my mind to listen to her, and she’s made it clear that I can call her whenever I want, just as long as I give her the space she needs, when she asks for it. I’m cool with that. I’m going out with every man’s dream date, a girl who’s the exact opposite of clingy, but somehow, I do wish she would be a wee bit more clingy! But hey, maybe then, I’d just wish she wasn’t.

Now I’m happy, and all drenched in love all over again. I just watched Good Luck Chuck earlier today. You know, somehow, Charlie doesn’t seem like such a bad guy.

After all, he was just head over heels in love, wasn’t he? So was I.

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DISCUSSION

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  • Carl

    I guess I am. Many of my girlfriends have told me that, even my family when I was younger. One of them used to tell me than I am an octopus and I am everywhere.

  • Very true. Smothering your partner is never good. Everyone needs their own space too. But you can’t be too distant. Just like everything in life, it’s all about balance.

  • Rameshi Benne

    I am glad that you two made up after initial differences. We should respect each other’s commitments and privacy, let us have our own space and allow other to have theirs too.

  • linda

    Having a bf or gf does not really mean you have to tie a thick rope or put him/her in jail. Be mature enough and expand your understanding, not everything is yours.

  • I can’t stand clingy men, it’s almost takes their masculinity away! A girl needs to be able to breathe!

  • Daniel

    Wow. Are you for real? The whole time I was reading this I wondered if you made this up. I guess I need lots of space. Sorry to say that, bro, but I would broken up with you a long time ago. My personal time is huge to me. If my girl called me more than twice a day, I’d long looked for someone else. To each their own, I guess.

  • gregory

    Oh, a lot going on here. So common in today’s “wild west.”

    Yes the guy is probably clingy and needs to learn patience. on the other hand, the woman is too distant perhaps, and the modern women are so distant and independent. I think it is a guy’s nature to want to protect and care for the woman he loves, and when she is distant and he doesn’t know where or how she is, he also gets nervous. That’s me at least. Chalk it up to instinct, desire for protection. Yeah I am traditional. I want to know who my wife is hanging around with, for her protection, where she is, etc. So I take these things as warning signs, but yes, man must learn patience too. Have a lot to learn on these issues because my courtship has things like this starting out, and in my future marriage it could be source of conflict. Definitely, the feelings of insecurity give Satan a splendid chance to get inside your mind and cast doubts and fears and so on, leading to downward spirals, so pray for peace. Anyway i think women often are too distant early on and then too close, never giving space later. At least that has been my experience in the dating world, but I am not dating anymore, I kissed it goodbye.

    Thank you for posting this. I think it’s totally natural for a man to want to protect his love, his woman, the mother of his children, to know her whereabouts, how she is doing. I think pathologizing this is misguided, but I understand where it comes from, what projections and projective identification and all that. Good luck, in love and war. Arm yourself well, with wisdom and love.