When You Miss Him: 20 Mind Tricks to Stop Missing the Wrong Guy
Is there anything worse than that feeling in the pit of your stomach, like when you miss him? Here’s how to get better when you’re feeling lonely.
Loss is like someone tearing your heart out, right through your chest. The reason they call it heartbreak is because it feels like your heart is going to break in half and you’re not going ever to feel right again. So, when you miss him, it can feel like the sun stopped shining and the dark clouds are forever going to eclipse your sad and pathetic existence.
20 mind tricks to try when you miss him
The good news is that although you can’t have what you want, or the guy you want for whatever reason, the sun will shine again. That I can promise you. It is hard to do all sorts of things when you miss him, but there are steps you can take to make it better.
#1 Think of all the things you didn’t like about him. When we break up with people or miss them, our brains have a tendency to only remember the good things and the good times. There were undoubtedly things that you didn’t like about him, like his need to always be right or inability to help do the dishes.
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of the things that we won’t miss to get past the mental list you have already made of what you will. [Read: 10 stages of a breakup and how to get through them]
#2 Keep yourself busy. Nothing is worse than quiet time when you miss him. Idle minds really are the devil’s playground because they allow you to fill the space in with memories and despair.
I know that you probably don’t feel like being around people right now and are sad, but I promise you that if you can just get yourself together and out the door, you will rarely regret getting out of the house and occupying your mind.
#3 Do all the things that you didn’t when you were together. When you are a couple, you sometimes give up the things you love because there isn’t enough time, or your significant other simply isn’t a big fan.
If you love the beach, but he hated the sand, go to the beach. Sometimes getting past heartbreak involves remembering the you that you were before he entered into your life. [Read: 15 lessons you can learn from your own breakups]
#4 Find a hobby. All those things that you have dreamed about are all doable now. You don’t have to answer to anyone and have much more time, so find out what you love and what you are passionate about and go for it.
Become a photographer for the hell of it, write your memoirs, or take up watercolors. Now is the time to forget about him and start focusing on what makes you happy without him.
#5 Go out as much as possible. If your friends suggest that you would be perfect with one of their co-workers, don’t have the immediate thought that you aren’t ready to date yet and opt out!
Meeting as many new people as possible and continually putting yourself out there, will leave you open to having fun, making connections, and yes, even though you say you aren’t ready, only fate knows when it is time for love to find you. So, let it do its job by making yourself available. [Read: Rebound relationships and why they’re the best thing to get over a guy]
#6 Take a new class. Find the local gym nearby and take a new exercise class. Or, if you already belong to one, find a class that you wouldn’t ever consider and take it. Doing things outside of the box will help you to find things that you like that have nothing to do with your past.
It is also a way to meet people you have things in common with and a great thing to do when you miss him. The best part? Exercise will also help you chase the blues away. [Read: The most common things all women do when they have a broken heart]
#7 Let it go and stop rehashing. Some of us are *ahem*… rehashers. I am including myself in this category. I talk about things ad nauseam to try to make sense and find closure. What I find is that instead of doing either of those things, I get stuck in a rut saying the same old things and rehashing things that I need to put away and move on from.
Instead of holding onto memories or trying to find out why he left, why he had to go, or simply why it didn’t work, stop talking about it. When you feel the impulse to ruminate, grab your shoes and go for a run. Working through the anxiety is much better than drudging up old feelings again and again.
#8 Put away pictures and memories…. at least for a while. If your apartment or home is full of pictures of the two of you, it may be holding you in the past. I am not suggesting that you forget your relationship or even that you get rid of the pictures.
Maybe it is just time to put them away for just a bit so that you can get back to life. You can always put them back afterward when you have grieved, and those memories are no longer sad. But bring back good thoughts. [Read: 15 very effective rules to forget someone you once cared for]
#9 Return his things via mail. Don’t hold onto his things in hopes of seeing him again. You are only holding yourself back. When you miss him, keeping his belongings as a constant reminder isn’t helping. Return them in a box via mail to get past the hurt of seeing them all the time.
#10 Avoid triggers. There are going to be things that trigger your memories and bring back the hurt. Learn what they are to avoid catapulting yourself back into anguish. If a chick flick sets you off, don’t watch it. If you both had pizza every Friday, skip it. Don’t give into your routine, it will only keep you stuck.
#11 Avoid your old hangouts. If you keep going back to the well, you are going to find that it isn’t satiating your thirst. Hanging out at all the old places is only making you miserable and ensuring that you aren’t moving on and forward.
Avoid those spots that have the most laden emotions to move past the hurt. [Read: I miss my ex-boyfriend – 15 ways to really stop missing him for good]
#12 Make a new goal. Another great tip for when you miss him is focusing on a goal to keep you in the here and now and allow you to move from your past. Make a commitment to get a promotion, go back to school, or even run a marathon. It doesn’t have to be a lofty goal, just one that will get your head back in the game and progressing toward the future.
#13 Find that rebound guy, no need to get serious! Yes, the rebound guy is real. Find someone who makes you laugh and forget your past, if even for a while. Rebound guys are awesome because they remind you that love will come again. [Read: 13 rebound sex questions to know if you’re ready to hook up for fun]
#14 Road trip. Take a road trip to see your friends or to some awesome getaway. Sometimes all you need is to get out of your element when you miss him.
#15 Stop taking other people’s advice and do what is in your heart. Not everyone is going to get it or give you the advice that is helpful. You can’t let other people decide what you need to do moving forward because only you know. You were the only one in the relationship, so stop asking for reassurance from everyone around you, and do what is in your heart.
#16 Read as much as you can. The internet is full of crap. There is no doubting that. But, it is also full of people who are going through the same thing that you are. If you keep reading things that people have to talk about and how they feel, you are bound to find someone or something to connect with.
There are times when just knowing you are not alone in the way you feel is enough to help you get past the hurt and onto better times. [Read: Self-discovery after a breakup – How to move on]
#17 Find a partner in crime. Having someone to lean on is an excellent thing to do when you miss him. The hardest part about losing a significant person in your life is that there feels like what’s left is a hole. A partner in crime will help you to do crazy things, have a good time and can help to fill the space that may feel empty.
#18 Erase him from social media. Stop stalking him or trying to figure out if he misses you. If you want to get past him, then you have to stop torturing yourself.
If it is meant to be and you are meant to get back together, then let it happen as it is supposed to. Continually checking his status or his pictures to see who he is with will only end up hurting you and keep you stuck.
#19 Erase his number and consider changing yours. To make sure that you don’t give into temptation or allow him to come back into your life when you have finally moved on, you may want to consider blocking or erasing his contact.
If you really want to make the commitment to be done and move on, then try changing your contact info. It is a big change, but one that may be necessary. [Read: What you should do after a breakup to feel awesome]
#20 Stop talking to mutual friends. The worst part about a breakup sometimes is figuring out who gets to keep the friends you have. If you want to stop missing him, then you have to either let go of your common friends or stop talking about him. It makes everyone uncomfortable and isn’t helping you; it is keeping you tied to him going forward.
Losing someone in your life is a really hard thing to deal with, especially if it was your partner. There is no magic bullet to grieve and get over a relationship. Trust me, if there was, I would have taken that bullet by now. [Read: The most common post breakup mistakes you should never do]
The key is not to keep yourself stuck by holding onto memories or the past when you miss him. Sure, he may not be with you anymore, but take from the relationship the goods things, leave the bad behind, and make it the starting point to find fulfillment in life.
But when you miss him, always remember that a new beginning can come in the form of finding another love… or simply finding out that you don’t need anyone in your life to be fulfilled, except you.