The hopelessness of loving someone who doesn’t love you back
If you can’t stop thinking about a particular romantic interest of yours, and you find yourself lost in their thoughts all the time, however hard you try to push the thoughts away, chances are, you’re suffering from lovesickness.
With each passing day that you feel lovesick, you’d feel more stressed and more reckless, more annoyed by their ignorance and more elated each time they give you any attention. And before you know it, you’re a confused mess who’s suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder, depression and a feeling of dark hopelessness.
Why do some people feel lovesick while others don’t?
Uncertainty is the biggest motivator of lovesickness. And that’s as simple as the answer gets!
If you fall in love with someone and ask them out, and they reject you outright in the very first conversation you have with them, you may feel lovesick for a few hours or a few days, but you’ll get over it very soon.
But if you fall in love with someone, hide your feelings for them or get mixed signals back in return from them, that’s when you’d start to experience a bigger and more serious form of lovesickness. [Read: How to read mixed signals and turn it into love]
Unrequited love, mixed signals and limerence makes lovesickness a big threat to your happiness and your lifestyle.
Lovesickness gets worse if your love interest rejects you for several weeks or months, and then tries to win your attention back again just as you try to get over them. This is something you’re bound to experience when you’re in love with a selfish person who only cares about themselves. [Read: 15 signs she’s just leading you on and taking you nowhere]
Lovesickness could seem trivial to a person who doesn’t understand what the lovesick person is going through. But at a certain point, lovesickness could even lead a person to commit suicide. The helplessness a lovesick person feels could convince them that their life is meaningless without the affection of a special someone. They’d feel lost and confused, and with the mixed signals they receive, they’d find it easier to just end their lives instead of enduring the pain and constant emotional turmoil of a confused love affair.
10 signs of lovesickness to watch out for
There’s a thin line between heartbreak and lovesickness. Take a look at these signs to find out if you’re lovesick, or on the verge of experiencing lovesickness. And if you do see these traits in yourself, speak with a friend and try to pull yourself out of the pit you’re digging for yourself. [Read: Why does love hurt so much when it goes bad?]
#1 Mood swings. You almost always feel depressed or hopeless, and believe you have no reason to live if you can’t have this person’s affection.
#2 Isolation. You love isolating yourself from the rest of the world. Nothing interests you anymore, and all of a sudden, you start to feel like none of your friends understand you or what you’re going through.
#3 You’re tired all the time. The mental stress you endure constantly tires you easily, and you don’t have energy to do anything you want to do.
#4 Appetite. Even looking at food makes you queasy. You suffer from loss of appetite and weight loss.
#5 Distractions. You’re always distracted, and nothing you do ever feels like it’s to the best of your abilities.
#6 Obsessive compulsive disorder. You find yourself constantly checking your email, facebook page, or your cell phone to see if you’ve received a new message from this person. You may know you aren’t going to get a message, but compulsively checking them becomes a part of your lifestyle. [Read: What is unrequited love and ways to get over it completely]
#7 Hoarding. You treasure this person’s memories and hold on to little things of no significance or value like a movie ticket or a strand of hair. You just can’t bear the thought of losing it or throwing it away because it means so much to you.
#8 You overanalyze. You spend several hours analyzing the things this person says or the particular words they use, and try to see things from different perspectives even if it’s something as trivial as a wave or a hello.
#9 Tearful. You feel like crying for no reason at all. You feel depressed for the smallest of things and you’re oversensitive about everything in your life.
#10 Insomnia. You have difficulty sleeping. Every time you lie down, your mind is filled with thoughts of your crush or your ex. You spend several hours tossing and turning in bed even if you try hard to just fall asleep. [Read: 20 reasons why a guy may never ever like you back]
10 ways to stop feeling lovesick and move on with your life
Lovesickness hurts, and there is no escaping it until you make up your mind to move on with your life, or confront the issue. Here are 10 things you can do to stop feeling lovesick and start controlling your life again.
#1 Ask them out. Wear your heart on your sleeve and ask this person out. What’s the worst that could happen? They could decline you. It’s okay to fail at something. What’s worse is not trying! [Read: How to tell a girl you love her without losing her]
#3 What makes them ugly? Look for their flaws and try to remember it all the time, be it their facial expressions, their low IQ, or their lack of etiquette. And compare them mentally to other good looking people you see on the street. Once you realize that this person isn’t as awesome as you once thought they were, you’d be able to take them off the pedestal you’ve built for them.
#5 Get social. You may have been avoiding your friends for a long time, but it’s time you get out and have fun with them. Party, have fun and realize that you can still have a great life even if this person isn’t in it!
#6 Burn those memories. Do you have any photos or memorabilia of this person? Burn it, burn all of it. You’ll feel liberated in no time!
#7 Rationalize, but don’t obsess. It’s okay to think of this person now and then. Shutting them off completely may make the addiction worse. But each time you spend a few minutes thinking of this person, avoid drifting away into fantasyland. Reminisce, rationalize and move on within a few minutes. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works!]
#8 Spend time outside. Nature is wonderful and full of beauty. Spend a while outside in a park or a garden. Stare blankly at the green leaves and the flowers and admire them for their beauty. Isn’t it frustrating that you’re letting this one person darken your heart when there’s so much beauty in the world?
#9 Flirt with someone else. They say that the easiest way to get over someone is by getting under someone else. If you don’t feel like dating someone just yet, at least try to find someone who catches your fancy and flirt with them. It’ll keep you distracted and help you regain the confidence you’ve lost. [Read: 20 things you can do to stop thinking about someone you still love]
#10 Accept that it’ll take time. Wounds don’t heal overnight, and your lovesickness won’t go away too soon either. Accept the fact that it’ll take time, but try to avoid thinking of this person, and avoid all triggers that reminds you of this person. It may take a few weeks or a few months, but the memories will fade away soon as long as you focus on having fun in your life.
If you’re lovesick, change your state of mind using these tips. You may believe that lovesickness isn’t such a big deal, but as the months and years pass by you, you’ll only wish you would have tried harder to get over this person and reclaim your life sooner!
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A mom of two who’s currently working on a novel, Elizabeth Arthur lives in Cornwall. And when she’s not chasing her boys around the house, she enjoys sittin...