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16 Clear Signs It’s Time For You to Leave The Relationship

time to leave the relationship

How do you know it’s time to leave the relationship, especially when your heart is telling you one thing, but your common sense is telling you another?

You’ve been in a relationship for years—decades even—and you’re only just noticing a gnawing feeling in your gut, telling you to leave. Perhaps you’ve had this feeling for a long time, perhaps it’s something you’re finally brave enough to pay attention to now. Either way, it’s never a good sign when your inner voice tells you to call it quits.

You may have your reasons for wanting to leave, some of which are personal and some of which you’re willing to share with your closest allies. No matter what, deciding whether to stay and fight or give up and go is a decision that only you can make. Don’t let anyone else influence your decision and certainly don’t let this article be your sole guide when doing so.

Leaving is never easy

Be sure to exhaust all options and turn over every rock before making your decision. Everything from couples counseling, to taking a solo vacation to clear your head should be attempted. Every relationship is worth fighting for—especially one that was, or still is, filled with love. [Read: 12 real reasons why so many couples drift apart over time]

When making this decision, you need to push your emotions aside and attack this situation methodically. If you’re stuck and don’t know what to do next, here are 16 signs that maybe it’s time to call it quits.

#1 You’ve been unfaithful. A clear sign that it’s time for you to leave the relationship is when you’ve been unfaithful, and don’t feel particularly guilty about it. The same can be said about your partner. If they have cheated before—whether once or on multiple occasions—it’s time to pack up and bounce. [Confession: I cheated on my boyfriend and feel so much better!]

#2 You yearn for someone else. If you have a “backup” in place, whether it’s a fling whom you bang every so often, or simply someone with whom you share a strong emotional connection, you need to get out of your relationship right now. Once you seek love and companionship elsewhere, and prefer spending time with them, there’s no reason to stay with your current partner.

#3 You’re actively seeking out “new friends.” The saying, “Don’t leave your old job before finding a new one,” applies to this situation. Do you find yourself trolling bars to meet new people? Facebook stalking hot singles? Adding acquaintances of the opposite sex on social media or to your phonebook so that you can “keep in touch”? Justifying your actions by saying, “I’m just being social”? Well, you are probably trying to fill a void and are unconsciously *or consciously* looking for a new partner.

#4 The sex has dwindled. It’s normal for couples in long-term relationships to have less sex than brand-new couples. However, it’s not normal for you to only have sex occasionally and, when you do, not enjoy it because you’re envisioning someone else banging you, or feeling nothing because the spark is gone.

#5 You’re bored. Being in a relationship should be fun and passionate. You should want to do everything with your partner. However, if you feel bored out of your mind and keep doing the same things day in and day out, you may need to get out before it’s too late. This is especially true if you have tried many times to get your partner to do something fresh and interesting, but they’re too set in their ways to bother. [Read: 15 reasons why you’re getting bored with your relationship]

#6 You’re jealous of other couples. It’s normal to feel a little jealous of other couples who have it made, but if this feeling intensifies and you start comparing every aspect of your relationship to what everyone else has, it’s very unhealthy and is a clear sign that you need to end your relationship. If you truly love your partner, you should be feeling grateful, and not resentful.

#7 You miss your single days. If you prefer late nights out, sleeping around, flirting with everything that moves, the freedom to come and go as you please, and the luxury to design your life without anyone else in your way, you should get out of your relationship and go back to being single and ready to mingle.

#8 You have forgotten who you are. The biggest danger of being in a relationship *especially a long-term one* is forgetting who you really are. Many people simply become an extension of their partners and end up embracing their beliefs, personalities, and so on. If you don’t recognize what you see in the mirror, it’s time for you to rediscover yourself. You can start doing so by leaving your relationship. [Read: How to fall out of love when you don’t see a future in your romance]

#9 You’re no longer afraid of being alone. No one wants to end up alone, but if you think you’d be happier being alone than with your partner, you know it’s definitely time to leave.

#10 You’re unhappy more often than you’re happy. All relationships have ups and downs, but if you can’t remember the last time you were truly happy and satisfied, it’s a red flag that your relationship is unhealthy. Work on it or start packing your bags now.

#11 You fight on a daily basis. Fights, arguments, disagreements, and pettiness are normal. Every couple has to deal with them. However, if it happens on a daily basis and over every little thing, it’s really best to part ways. Trust me when I say that you’re bound to find happiness, peace, and calm elsewhere. [Read: 16 signs you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]

#12 There’s no communication. The whole point of committing yourself to another person is so that you have someone there with you through thick and thin—someone with whom you can share all of your problems, and someone with whom you can share all of your joy. If you find yourself bottling everything in, or if you’d rather share your feelings with others besides your partner, it’s a clear sign that you need to exit the relationship.

#13 You’re taken advantage of. You should never let anyone walk all over you—most of all, the person who has pledged to love you, no matter what. You should be appreciated every day, and loved and cared for despite all the hardships that life throws your way. If your partner takes advantage of you in any way whatsoever, or manipulates you and lies, you need to wake up and realize that you can do better. [Read: Am I being taken for granted? 16 discreet signs to know for sure]

#14 You’ve both stopped trying. If you’ve both stopped making an effort in everything, from trying to make conversation, to seriously letting yourselves go, then there’s truly no point in being together.

#15 You look to the past more than the present. “We’ve been together for 13 years, it’d be a shame to leave now!” Sound familiar? You use the happy moments that you’ve shared in the past as reasons to stay with your partner. You need to be honest with yourself and accept the fact that it shouldn’t be about what happened way back then. It should be about what’s happening now.

#16 You’re being abused. This should go without saying, but some of you need to be prodded in the right direction. If you’re being mentally or physically abused, you need to walk out today. Your partner should not get a second chance, because they lost every right to it the moment they hurt you. [Read: 16 abusive relationship signs of a devious lover]

[Read: 20 sure signs your relationship is oh-so-over already]

Leaving the person you love is one of the hardest things to do. Remember to work on it first before walking away, and don’t do it unless you’re absolutely sure it’s the right thing to do. At the end of the day, you need to make yourself happy, and if leaving your partner will help you get there, then do it and don’t look back.

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Lianne Choo
Lianne Choo
Born in Singapore and raised in Malaysia to multi-racial parents, Lianne is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the wor...
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DISCUSSION

5 thoughts on “16 Clear Signs It’s Time For You to Leave The Relationship”

  1. automatic says:

    It’s high time to leave a relationship when you have found yourself left with nothing even though you have your so called partner. It’s just really miserable to just get yourself sucked by your partner’s soul sucking self. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve, that’s what they always say and you shouldn’t really try to stay and settle anymore because you feel empty with your partner. You gave your all to him and he just took you for granted. It’s time to get you soul back and try to meet someone or find the perfect someone that deserves you. You deserve more than anything and more than you think. Don’t get affected by your partners actions and just try to tell him frankly that you’re leaving. I’ve been through the same so I could tell you a thing or two about how to leave your partner that doesn’t deserve you. I’ve been working 3 jobs, two part time, 1 full time and he’s only staying at home. I really thought he would change every single month until it fast forwarded to two years. He relied on me for everything for two years. I finally decied that it was time for me to leave him because I don’t want to carry all this baggage all my life. It’s just doesn’t make sense anymore. I gave him so many chances and he blew it. It’s been two years damnit, why didn’t he change? Why did he just rely on me to make our ends meet? All he does at home is play computer games and it’s sickening to me now. I kicked him out after two years of agony and I’ve never been happier. Our relationship was dead the first time he sat on the couch and lounged playing his computer games on MY LAPTOP. There was nothing that he owned, he didn’t own me too. His move was tragic for him, I didn’t really believe that he didn’t see it coming. It was a long time coming buddy, you’re going out now. His dreams of being breast-fed like a baby has died. I just hope he would do good for himself and hopefully he can find a job. Good luck to him, I don’t think employers would like a lazy ass that has not worked for over two years. I wouldn’t employ such a person and I’m a manager at an HR department.

  2. Charlie P. says:

    I can’t stop thinking about this article. It’s true that it’s been only ten months yet I begin to feel a bit lost. Like I don’t know the guy I am in a relationship with anymore. He became so distant lately and when I ask him why he isn’t answering my calls late at night, he turns into a cactus and yells at me. I can’t stand our fights anymore. I don’t know if I should be telling you this, but one time he even lifted his hand to slap me. Luckily my friend interrupted us and he rushed out of my flat like crazy. Oh I am so confused. I think that I will end up listening to the advice from this article and end it before it’s too late. What do you think girls?

  3. Trash says:

    It’s time for you to leave the relationship if you fell that the love isn’t there anymore and it’s just basic routine and not one of you are making spontaneous efforts at all and that’s even after you both talked it out. It just continues to be a cycle and you can;t grow as a couple anymore. It’s going to be hard breaking up especially if you have been together for a long time because a lot of people get involved as well. Your friends and family will try to butt in and try to save the relationship or ruin the relationship more. If your on the rocks and you really think that it’s better to let go, just let go. You will find a much better and more deserving person to love and the good thing about breaking up is you learn so much from it. You learn what not to do in your next relationship and build a better foundation of friendship and romance. You will know how to find balance and if ever your next won’t workout either, you will still keep on learning until you can find that special someone that you don’t have to worry about a thing anymore because he will always be there. Take it as a learning process, you live and you learn. There will be no harm in breaking up when you know it has already caused more harm then it should.

  4. Aros says:

    Believe me, I have tried to leave him several times and he’s always begged me back. He gets angry. Really angry when he doesn’t get his way. All is amazing if things are going as planned. But recently we had an argument and I said I was done. It was a misunderstanding (in the end) but I ran into the bathroom to pick up my make up bag and he tried yanking it out of my hand. I pulled back as did he. He SAYS he didn’t realize it, but he had a hold of my hand. I screamed that he was hurting me and when the bag broke, I saw my hand. My fingers were disfigured and he raced me to the ER. He felt terrible. I had to have 3 hour surgery to put screws and pins in my hand. My finger needs physical therapy and may never be back to normal. The kicker? It’s my left ring finger. I will have a huge scar down my finger. He says it was truly an accident, he didn’t realize he had my fingers? The morning after I went and took about half of what was in our joint checking account and put it in my secret personal account. I was thinking of leaving. He immediately freaked out and threatened to sue me. He called the banker I was a thief and to suspend the account, which he did. He has begged forgiveness, and I forgive him but I’m still traumatized by all of it. He is demanding, I replaced the money as he says I have taken the money meant to pay house taxes but if I give it back it will go into an account in ONLY his name. We don’t have a joint account anymore. He also says if I don’t return it, there’s no wedding. He says we can’t afford it. I love this man despite all of this and I feel so sad and worried. He keeps asking if I still love him and I do despite everything but I really do have to leave him and it’s really clear to me. This article only supports my decision. Thank you.

  5. shaving pube says:

    I’ve been in a relationship with my man for about 3 years and we’ve been living together for 2. I’m struggling to gather the courage to leave, and I keep doubting myself and my reasons for ending the relationship. I’m hoping one of you might have some words of wisdom. My man is loyal and a generally good person. I know that he loves me very much; however, I don’t think I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He’s made it very obvious that his future plans involve me, but when I imagine myself 10 years down the line… I just can’t imagine us still together. I think that part of the problem is that, as humans, we all have pretty high standards for ourselves and those that we date. At the end of the day, I think that some people view success as just getting by and others view it as getting ahead. My man and I fall pretty decidedly into either group. I’ve never had to end a serious relationship that doesn’t have major huge flaws (cheating, long distance, core beliefs), and I’m having a hard time figuring out how to have the conversation. I think I’ve broken up with my shower head trying to work out the wording about 30 times in the last 3 weeks. I don’t know how to say that I don’t want to work on it, and would rather just leave. How do you tell someone that you love them… but you just don’t love them enough? damn.

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