Falling in love and drifting apart from each other
When you fall in love with someone, the infatuation both of you experience towards each other would help hold the relationship together.
It’s a happy time where both of you don’t care about the differences or each other’s flaws.
The world just seems perfect, and you believe you’ve found the one. But once the excitement wanes, the couple needs to make the subconscious effort to please each other and keep each other happy. It’s the only way to keep the relationship exciting and alive for several years. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for happy love]
The turn from bliss to boredom
Intentionally or otherwise, many lovers don’t try to change for each other over the months and the years, nor do they try to please each other and woo each other.
They just let the relationship be, and they sink into the comfort of their own individual lives.
Both partners may love each other, care about each other and live under the same roof, and yet, they may be leading two separate lives.
And when this happens, it’s only inevitable that one or both lovers would want something more from life, something more exciting and passionate, and most importantly, more meaningful.
After all, when one partner starts to believe that the relationship is suffocating them or preventing them from experiencing happiness, it’s only a matter of time before confusions, doubts, and second thoughts start to creep into their mind.
You may be married or you may be dating, but the restless confusions feel just the same when you’re drifting apart from each other. You may not know the reasons or even when the drift started, but you can sense it from the unhappiness you feel in love.
#1 Non-communication. Communication is by far the single biggest aspect that holds lovers together or tears them apart. Do you still talk to your lover the same way you once did at the start of the relationship?
People change with time, and you may assume you know everything about your lover, but chances are, they’ve changed and they’re not the same person you once met several years ago. When you start to take communication for granted in a relationship, it’s only a matter of time before the inevitable drift takes control of the relationship. [Read: 30 questions for couple to bring the spark back into love]
#2 Suppressed emotions. Does your partner ever tell you to dream big, or quit your job and find something better, or anything else that makes you feel small and weak? How do you react to it? Do you communicate with your partner and express just how you feel about their ideas, or do you subtly grind your teeth, roll your eyes and just nod your head to get away from a discussion?
Many couples drift apart, not because they don’t love each other, but because they suppress just how they truly feel about the things their partner says. Your partner would assume they’re communicating with you. And you, on the other hand, would tell yourself that your partner can never understand you. Can a relationship ever work when such confusions play out every single day? [Read: 7 signs your relationship is starting to go bad]
#3 Incompatibility. This could happen over the years, or immediately after the infatuation period. If you start to believe that both of you have nothing in common, you’ll only feel worse over time. And what starts off as a nagging worry may end up leading both of you away in opposite directions.
#4 Swollen egos. When both of you fight or have a discussion, do both of you give in now and then for the sake of the partner’s happiness? In a few relationships, ego plays a bigger part than the relationship itself.
If you’d rather give your partner the silent treatment or avoid them instead of trying to make up with them, chances are, your ego is the reason why both of you are drifting apart. Arguments are good for a relationship, but only if they’re used the right way! [Read: The right way to fight fair in a relationship and win together]
#5 Emotional affairs. You spend a lot of time at work. But somewhere along the way, have you started getting really close to a colleague or an old friend of yours *of the opposite sex*? Sometimes, you may never even realize it, but you may be confiding more to a friend than your own spouse or lover.
#6 Initiative. In a successful relationship, both partners have to take an active interest in pleasing each other and making the other person happy. When you don’t take initiative in love, both of you may start to take each other for granted, and the relationship would start to stagnate.
#7 Life directions. As time goes by, both of you may pursue different interests in life. One of you may want something, while the other lover may want something completely different. For a while, the relationship may still seem happy and perfect.
If you believe your relationship is perfect, even if both of you don’t go out or do anything new, while your partner believes they’re stuck in a suffocating rut, these are differences that can make both of you drift away to the point of no return.
#8 Confrontations. Do you avoid confrontations? Many lovers avoid all kinds of confrontations all the time. They just put up with anything their partner says, and sulk about it behind their partner’s back. If you’re tired of fighting it or discussing anything sensitive with your partner, you’re probably tired of the relationship or have given up on its success already. [Read: The 80 20 rule in relationships and love]
#9 Sexual intimacy. Sex is a very important part of romance and love. If you’re not having enough sex, or not trying hard enough to keep the sexual excitement on a high, you’d find yourself bored with your relationship in no time. You may think you’re content with the lack of sexual intimacy, but in reality, that’s because both of you are turning into siblings instead of a romantic couple! [Read: 10 ways to turn married sex into a one night stand!]
#10 Emotional intimacy. Do you still connect with your partner emotionally? Is your partner the first person you want to share good news with? Do you feel happy just talking to your lover or telling them about your day?
These are little things that don’t seem like much, but they play a big part in holding a relationship together. The lack of emotional intimacy in romance will force one or both of you into an emotional affair or at times, a sexual affair too. [Read: How to use pillow talk to build emotional intimacy]
#11 Lack of time for each other. We work really hard these days. And at times, we don’t have more than an hour or two to spend with our lover, what with work and all the hanging out with friends. At first, both of you may miss each other.
But as the months pass by, both of you will learn to live without each other. And before either of you know it, both of you as individuals would be completely capable of leading your own lives without having the other person in it. And once neither of you have the need for the other person, it’s inevitable that both of you will drift away from each other.
#12 Buildup of resentments. Do you ever feel like your partner’s not good enough for you? Disappointments that aren’t discussed always lead to resentments, and over time, these resentments accumulate and convince you that you’re unhappy in the relationship.
These resentments may be small and at times, even too silly to ever mention out loud, but they’d gnaw at you from the inside, and however hard your partner tries, you’d always feel like you’re stuck in a meaningless relationship when you could be so much happier with someone else. Learn to communicate with your lover, and talk about these resentments even if it seems awkward. After all, building these resentments will only force you to drift away from your lover even if they’re crazy about you.
These 12 reasons seem easy to deal with, but almost always, it’s these simple reasons that cause the biggest hurdles in love and force couples to drift apart, even if both of them are still truly in love with each other!
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Sophia Strutt loves staring into the mirror, not because she’s a narcissist but because the mirror is the one thing she can rely on to smile back at her, even...