There are certain things we shouldn’t be doing right after a big breakup because they just make the situation worse. Find out what those mistakes are!
It’s done. Over. Kaput. Zero. The relationship you’ve worked so hard to salvage has finally met its end. But considering this may not be your very first breakup, you’ll probably do just fine, right?
For those of you who always seem to have trouble getting over a breakup, it may be time for you to rethink the things you do while the wound is still healing. When emotions override logic, you may find yourself doing things that are neither logical nor healthy for your sanity.
But oftentimes, the most common things people do when they’re just reeling from a breakup are the very things you should avoid. Not only do they keep you trapped in the moment of utter misery, but they also keep your mind on an event that you should be working hard to get over. [Read: 10 effective ways to get out of lovesickness]
8 things you should never do after a breakup
While your heart is still vulnerable from the emotional blow your breakup dealt, there are a few things you shouldn’t even think of doing.
#1 Insisting on the closure talk too soon. The closure talk is when two people who have broken up decide to act like adults and talk about the things they wanted to say during their breakup. This often includes apologies for words said and objects thrown.
It lightens the load on your heart and allows you to move on by letting you calmly express everything you wanted to say. For some, a face to face meeting is too much, and they would prefer to do it via a phone call or even a letter.
Yes, it’s healthy, but only if done after both of you have gotten over the breakup. Ask for it too soon, and you’ll just reopen the wounds that should be healing. The pain and bitterness are still there, so chances are, you’ll end up making a scene.
The memory of the times you used to share will be too recent, and this could end up unleashing a flood of tears. Our advice? Give it at least a few months before you attempt to have the talk, just to be on the safe side. [Read: 12 reasons the no contact rule will work in your favor]
#2 Stalking the ex or the new person in your ex’s life. Every happy picture they post will just add another knife in your heart. We know that you need to really feel the pain and the sadness for you to reach catharsis and move on. But checking out what the ex is up to will just prolong your pain. Besides, it’s not really your business to know what they’re doing.
If you need help resisting temptation, a good way to keep your mind off it is to unfollow the ex on social media. Top this off by installing one of those apps that prevent you from visiting a site at a certain time of the day.
For those of you who really think you don’t have it in you to resist, just uninstall every social media app you have and swear off the internet for a couple of days. Not only will it keep you from stalking, but it can also prevent you from airing out your grievances onto your online network. [Read: 12 things that make you look like a creepy stalker]
#3 Going to your old date spots. This is just as bad as stalking, only you’re not doing it from the comfort of your own home. By going to places where you used to hang out, you’re reminiscing about the good times you had together. You’ll just end up missing your ex more than you should. And the worst part is that you might turn into a puddle of tears in public!
The only reason you should visit your old date spot is to create new memories about the place, preferably when you’re way over your ex. It helps to not confine a certain place to a memory. So when you’ve moved on, you can go back to the place to transform it from “the restaurant where we had our first date” to “this place that serves awesome chicken wings.” [Read: 14 things to do when you run into your ex]
#4 Self-imprisonment. With swollen eyes, a runny nose and a tendency to burst into tears at the slightest provocation, we really can’t blame you if you want to just stay at home and wallow in misery. But life has to go on, even if you’re single and nursing a broken heart. A day or two to help yourself recover is fine, but anything more can cause more damage.
You’ve lost the person you love, but that’s no reason to lose everything else in your life. Showing up for work, socializing with other people and doing the things you love can help show you that it’s not the end of the world! In time, these things will feel less like distractions and defense mechanisms, and more like the usual activities that you’re now starting to enjoy again. [Read: 12 foolproof ways to get your ex out of your mind]
#5 Going rebound hunting. Rebound relationships can help you get over a breakup, but only up to a certain point. The shallowness of a rebound relationship can’t make up for the depth of your relationship with your ex. With that said, the best you can hope for in a rebound guy or girl is having a person in your bed and maybe having someone to have a nice talk with.
While having a rebound is fine, having one immediately after your ex has left you can cause more damage than good. For one thing, your misery can turn into desperation and you may end up going home with just about anyone. And you’ll also have to consider that you might turn your new hookup off with your incessant screaming of “Why doesn’t my ex love me anymooore?!” [Read: 13 rebound questions to ask to find out if you’re ready]
#6 Getting absolutely wasted. Your relationship has shattered, so why not get smashed as well, right? Wrong. Getting the temporary high of dance music, and tons of alcohol will just serve to numb the pain now and give you the hangover of a lifetime tomorrow.
Just imagine how much worse this breaking up business will get if you’re nursing both a throbbing headache and a broken heart on the same day?
#7 Seeking revenge. Right after a breakup, you’re filled with all these negative emotions. You feel like a victim in a vicious game, and you believe that you deserve to have your revenge. Hold it right there! You must be aware that when you’ve just gone through a traumatic event like a breakup, your emotions may take over your head. All this revenge business may just be your poor lovesick heart looking for a way to lash out.
Revenge that involves inflicting pain, damaging property and causing them humiliation isn’t really the best idea. So if you’re hell-bent on seeking revenge on the person who broke your heart, do it the classy way: by rising up from your heartbreak and being a better person. [Read: 12 downright evil ways to get revenge on your ex]
#8 Trying to transform into your ex’s fantasy partner. Self-improvement is something that can be a healthy course of action after a breakup. But “improving” who you are based on the ex’s standards will just keep you hung up on your ex. By trying to be the person your ex wants to date, you’re showing your ex that you’re still looking for a way to salvage what’s left of your failed relationship.
You’re putting a lot of effort into turning into someone your ex wants, but in essence, you’re still you. Changing your hair color, getting abs or turning into a pop culture savant may not be enough to get your ex to love you again. If anything, he or she might just fall in love with the act, and you’ll have to keep up appearances just to keep the relationship going. It’s like the epitome of a relationship based on a lie!
You may think that partying, seeking closure or even finding a rebound relationship will help you heal faster, but they only serve to prevent you from coming to terms with your heartbreak. When you avoid these common mistakes, you’re allowing your heart to really feel the experience and deal with your emotions. This is ultimately better than going wild now and regretting it later.
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