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Loveless Relationship: 10 Reasons Why People Choose to Stay

Loveless Relationship

Do you have to fall in love to be in a relationship? Or can you exist in a loveless relationship knowing that you don’t harbor any romantic feelings?

The one thing that most people can agree on is that being in a serious relationship automatically makes you a candidate for falling in love. For the romantics out there, being in love is basically the highest achievement that can be reached in terms of human interaction.

Being in a committed relationship is immediately equated to being in love. That is the reason why people continue to sift through a number of dates before they decide to settle down with any one person.

Those people tend to scratch their heads when they see that someone isn’t adhering to that notion. It comes as a big surprise when they see that a person is in a relationship with someone they don’t love.

What most people don’t realize is that there is a relatively huge number of the global population that don’t adhere to this trend. So, the answer to that question is yes. You can be in a relationship with someone you don’t love. But let’s delve a little deeper into why that is possible.

How can a person be in a relationship with someone they don’t love?

Each person who experiences this has a different reason. There are collective causes for being in a relationship without being in love, but what drives a person is their own business. There are good enough reasons to be in a relationship without love, but there are also less than noble reasons why people do it.

Some people choose to be in these types of relationships because it’s convenient. Falling in love is not an option because it’s unnecessary for them at a certain point. Others have different notions of love, but romance might not be one of them. [Read: 23 types of relationships to define your love life]

Can you be in a relationship with someone you don’t love?

It’s hard to understand when you’re standing on the other side of the fence, but it’s best to consider what a person’s reasons are before passing judgment. To give you an idea of what the most common reasons are, they are as follows:

#1 Arranged marriages. No matter which way you look at it, arranged marriages are still a thing. Even if it’s not dictated by culture, some families adhere to this because it is economically beneficial. Some couples end up falling in love, while others are content to go through the motions because it’s what’s best for them.

#2 Out of guilt. It can’t be helped that there are people who are willing to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of not inflicting pain on others. Some people stay in relationships with someone they don’t love because they feel that it’s their duty or responsibility to stay, even when they don’t feel anything for their partner. [Read: How to stop being manipulated in a relationship]

#3 Out of a sense of duty. Some people will stay in a relationship like this because they feel that they owe their partner. Whether it’s because of financial or emotional reasons, they will stay because they want to pay their dues, not because they want to.

#4 A different kind of love. If a person cares about someone, they won’t hesitate to offer whatever they can to make them happy. Just because they don’t have romantic feelings does not necessarily mean that they don’t love their partner, albeit in a different way.

#5 Fear of being alone. The saddest reason why anyone would want to be in a relationship with someone they don’t love is when they fear the idea of not being with anyone at all. These people are most likely harboring feelings of insecurity towards themselves. That makes it hard to let go of a loveless relationship in exchange for a life without anyone at all.

#6 Dependence. When you’re in a co-dependent relationship, the line between love and dependency gets blurry. A person who is dependent on somebody else can’t tell the difference between their love for their partner or their need for a security blanket. [Read: 10 scary signs of co-dependency in a relationship]

#7 Financial stability. It’s hard to believe that a person is willing to forgo love in lieu of a fat bank account, but times are hard. Most people would rather be rich or sustained, rather than go through life without any sense of financial security.

#8 Legal matters. When it comes to the law, there are some stipulations that don’t allow much room for people to be in a relationship with whomever they want. This could be an issue about citizenships, same-sex marriage, adoption, insurance, medical benefits, IVF treatments, etc.

Most of these require you to be married, even if it’s with a person you don’t love *or even like*. But that’s illegal, in case you’re planning on going down that route.

#9 Self-imposed deadlines. There are those who don’t want to grow old alone, which makes them do impulsive things like start a relationship with someone they can’t fall in love with. It’s sad, but some people find it sadder when they’re past their prime and still looking for their one true love.

#10 Narcissism. No one talks about it or even admits to it, but it’s true. There are a lot of people who agree to be in relationships because it makes them feel wanted and needed. Being adored validates their existence at the expense of someone else’s feelings. [Read: 16 clear signs you’re in a narcissistic relationship]

Is it a good idea to be in a relationship with someone you don’t love?

It depends on your reasons. If you’re planning on doing it to take advantage of somebody, then it’s not a good idea at all. If you’re fooling yourself into thinking that this will make your partner happy, it’s still not a good idea.

The only reason why you should accept this situation is if it will make you happy as well. You can’t sacrifice your well-being for someone else’s, when they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. If you find yourself looking for more than what you get out of this type of relationship, then we suggest that you let it go, and move on with your life.

If you’re already in a relationship like that, should you stay?

Some people can survive all throughout their lives without falling in love with the person they’re with. But it’s still sad to think that they’re not putting themselves out there for the chance to actually fall in love.

Still, we can’t control other people’s decisions. They know what’s best for them, and we should all respect that. The important thing is that you know what you’ve gotten yourself into, and that you’re prepared to take responsibility for it.

Being in love is very important, but there are other types of love that can compensate for this. The love for a friend is just as strong. How much you care about another person is also powerful, too. Love, in any form, is enough to keep any relationship going.

[Read: 12 signs of a loveless, unhappy marriage]

A relationship is not justified by emotions alone. Caring about someone and doing what’s best for everyone involved is what makes it work, with or without love in the equation.

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Danielle Anne
Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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DISCUSSION

3 thoughts on “Loveless Relationship: 10 Reasons Why People Choose to Stay”

  1. Pooe says:

    People choose to stay if the person they are with is worth staying for. There are a lot of factors to take into consideration here but let’s just save that for another day.

  2. dom says:

    We fought every once in a while while dating. I asked her to marry me and started planning and paying for a wedding since neither of our parents could pay for anything. Then things went got complicated for her with her aunt moving away and she decided that we would have a Vegas wedding. At first I said no but I caved because I loved her. As soon as we were married she lost her job. I supported her taking her time to find a new job that she actually liked..I doubt she ever filled out a single application. How did she use all of her free time? Well hanging out with her friends. A bunch of guy friends and one very self destructive female friend. I tried to understand that she needed time away from me but she would be gone all weekend going to a strip club with her guy friend or partying with her female friend. When she was with them I didn’t exist. If I texted or called to see how she was doing I was annoying her. She always treated her girlfriends better than me and made me out to be a creep if I said she was looking good while we were out. A few months after we were married she was pregnant. Her first since 2 miscarriages. I tried to be as supportive as I could be but she started changing. Well of course she changed pregnancy is a huge deal! We began to grow apart and then everything got worse…. One night while we were looking through windows media player at videos she had saved she accidentally pointed one out by being super awkward. I asked her what it was. She said I didn’t want to know. I persisted and sure enough she played it full screen and turned the laptop towards me and said “its a video of me sucking some dudes dick!” ..wow. OK. Yeah I shouldn’t have pestered. Yeah..it was her sucking someone else’s dick. I felt cheated on. I get that it may have happened before we were together but the way she showed it to me got to me, badly. My mind flashed back to it for months. Then we became even more distant. I’ve heard pregnant sex is great, I wouldn’t know. She wouldn’t let me near her. Thats when i started tracking her phone. Yeah im a douche. Yes its an invasion of privacy i just had to know if she was being shady. I know i fucked up on this one. Honestly i didnt trust her. Sure enough i found out she met up with her ex. He lives a town away that she would never go to otherwise so I knew she was there. I confronted her about it and told her that a friend of mine had seen her heading that way. she lied for an hour about it. Yeah i lied too but i didnt want to let her know that i could track her in case she did it again. That’s when she went to her mothers house a few minutes away to dog sit for about a week. I asked if I could come visit, she said no. For days she would barely text me, no phone calls. One night she said she was at her grandmas house when her phone said she was at her moms and I lost it. Flashbacks of the video came to my mind and I had to catch her. I texted her before I pulled up to her moms house. She said she was watching TV with her grandma. Busted. I get to her mothers house and knock on the door expecting the worst. It was her and her aunt..she played me. Good game. Finally a week later she came home. She was upset with me but things were getting better. One night I plugged my phone into her laptop to charge, it was closer than the wall outlet. Without saying a word she started going through the pics on my phone. Tracking screenshots! Crap! I’d been found out. She left again this time for her destructive friends house. No contact again for a week. When she came back things were never the same. Yes I fucked up. I’m a dick. Finally she had her baby. He was a month early. It was a rough birth. Three days later he was still in the hospital and she was snapping at me so I headed home to clean the house and wash all of our sons baby clothes. She holds that against me. Apparently i abandoned her. I guess i understand that but i didnt want to make a scene at the hospital. Her mothers were there constantly and I never got any family time just the three of us. She’s also found god. I myself am not religious at all. I’m not against it and respect her beliefs but some of the things that come out of her mouth lately are weird to me. She has said “its evil forces that are trying to tear our marriage apart when we argue for no reason”. Huh? She spends most days until between midnight and 3am at her moms house and then tells me I act like the worlds greatest dad when I finally get to see him when I’m not because I don’t spend any time with him. He is two months old now and there is still no I love yous or kisses or love towards me ever. I understand she is busy and tired. Nothing ever gets done around the house unless I do it. She’s always easily irritated even when she’s well rested after I’ve taken care of our son all day. It feels like its all give from me and take from her.

  3. wither says:

    I was in a relationship for 12 years that was just like that. We met while we were both in high school, stayed together through college, bought a house together, and then the sh*t hit the fan. I spent years thinking that all the fights, all the misery, all of it was all on me. I didn’t realize until after the fact that he was emotionally abusive (among other things). I gained weight and lost my self-esteem. As miserable as I was, I had no idea what a “good” relationship was made up of, and I didn’t think there would be anyone out there who would accept me for me. He cheated on me with a so-called “friend” for the last year+ of our relationship. I knew that I had to get out, but I had no idea how to do it – in the months leading up to our break-up, I had already been researching what we can do with the house, how to move on, etc. I spent the last year of the relationship working on myself – losing weight, getting in shape, getting back the self-esteem I lost. It felt good, but I still didn’t have the strength to end it. He did. We broke up, dealt with the real estate, and parted ways. Thank god we never married or had children. And FYI, I did find someone a few months after the break up. He continues to show me every day what the components are of a good relationship and what that whole “in love” thing truly is.

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