Identifying a bad mate is not easy. But as time passes, you’d be able to become a better judge. So is it time to break up? Read the hidden signs.
It’s never easy to recognize a wrong lover or realize if it is time to break up, especially if you’ve been in love for a while.
But if you’re in a relationship that’s causing you more pain and sleepless nights than love and happy hours, then perhaps it’s time you watch out for these silent signals that every bad lover gives away.
If you find yourself experiencing any of these signs here, it’s probably time to break up and move on.
The blind spot in love
Every time a guy and a girl get together, there’s always sparks of love, bursts of attraction and those starry-eyed moments.
And then there’s the “oooh, I’m so in love with you” times and a lot more.
In almost every relationship in the world, the start is almost always perfect.
For some, the sunny phase of infatuation could last a week, and for others, maybe even a year.
When people fall in love, they easily readjust their blind spot over the negative aspects of their new lover, until the passion of the initial phase starts to flicker.
The flicker of lost passion is gradual, and it’s hard to distinguish the difference when you’re in love.
And very soon, you may just learn to “accept” that all relationships lose the spark after a few months.
Or worse, you may even realize the fact that you’re not happy in the relationship, but you may be too afraid to walk out, because you’re still not sure if it’s time for you to break up. [Read: How to be happy in a relationship]
Is it time to break up?
There’s something about love that all of us should remember, when your gut tries to tell you something, you have to follow it.
But if you’re not really sure if you’re stuck in a losing battle, here are a few tell tale signs that confirm the fact that it’s time to break up and walk on, without your lover by your side. See if these traits describe your relationship, and if they do, you’d be better off going your own separate ways.
In love with an ex
Talking about an ex once in a while may be a sign of your lover opening up to you. The conversation could also be mildly interesting. But a person who continuously talks about their ex has some serious issues to think about.
Now if they’re happy in love with you, why would your mate want to talk about an ex? On an occasional note, that’s not bad at all. But some people don’t understand that there’s a big difference in a passing comment and a three hour one-sided speech about an ex! One sure sign that your lover’s just using you for “love” is when they start speaking about their ex as if they were better than you, or if they start comparing you negatively. [Read: Is my ex thinking about me?]
If you’re trying to push yourself to try and be a better lover, just give that up and chuck your mate out in the dirt. Being unfairly compared on a regular basis is not something anyone in the world would want to put up with. After all, no one wants to be viewed or treated as second best, especially not with an ex!
When a mate says they want to be with you all the time, of course, it makes you feel special. But as time passes by, you may find that you’re spending more time with this one person, and hardly any with your best friends or family.
A person who wants you to be around them all the time, even if you have better things to do, may just be jealous that you might have a better time with others and may want to go out again. Even if you’re having a boring time with your mate, if your mate keeps convincing you not to meet others, either by threatening you or by bad mouthing about them, then it’s time you let your mate know straight out, that your friends and family are just as important to you. [Read: Jealousy in a relationship]
How can you expect to get settled down and be happy with a person who would love to see you in an isolation cell for the rest of your life just to feel more secure?
Abuse and threaten
Remember this, no matter how nice a partner is, if they’re abusive, verbally or physically, they’re not worth being with. Is it time to break up if an abusive streak shows up? Definitely. [Read: How to know if you are not in love anymore]
Never look at that as “just one little bad habit”. You wouldn’t say the same thing the day your dinner gets poisoned or when your partner gives you a black eye, would you?
Do not be mistaken into thinking that you can change the person. Many abusers will not change however many times they fall into your lap crying and begging for forgiveness. If you threaten to leave but then receive a marriage proposal or an expensive gift, do not be fooled. A person who is willing to abuse you before marriage will not hesitate to do so after they have slipped the ring on your finger. At least if you leave now, you can avoid the trauma of an abusive marriage and a potentially nasty divorce.
When you catch your lover cheating on you, you have two options. Take them back and risk going through it all over again or break off the relationship and start your life afresh. [Read: Cheating in a relationship]
Your partner may be sorry for what they have done and promise to remain faithful in future, but can you trust them again? The doubts may never go away if you stay with your partner. But if you think you can hold on and help grow the relationship, then give it a shot. But make sure you dump your cheating half immediately even if you sense a small sliver of a doubt after the first incident. Or your mate may end up cheating on you, again and again, until you’re the one who’s left messed up.
Do you find that both of you are constantly arguing and waiting to pick a fight? Your love may be on rocky shores and it may only be a matter of time before things get worse. The reason you are in a relationship is to find out if you are compatible with one another, possibly in preparation for marriage.
But if after a while, you find that you are not compatible and you argue all the time, then it may be time to break up and end the relationship. The person you thought was your soulmate may not be perfect after all, and this can be hard to accept.
It’s never easy to accept that you picked the wrong lover. But really, everyone makes mistakes, so don’t fret. Isn’t walking out a much better option than hanging on to the worst relationship you’ve ever had?
Every now and then, when we fall in love, we come across control freaks. At first, all their quizzing sounds sweet and concerned, which makes you feel special. But as time passes by, you notice that their curiosity turns into a desperate bid to know every little detail about the things you do.
They sulk, abuse, or get frustrated when you don’t let them know what you’ve been up to for a couple of hours, and they would want to be around you all the time.
A person who wants to be around you all the time may just be insecure or may have had some issues in the past. Perhaps they were cheated and they’re worried it’ll happen again. But this sort of behavior would not change easily, so if you’re hoping your mate would just wake up one morning and stop pissing you off all the time, it’s never going to happen. This behavior will go on till the last day of your relationship unless your partner and you work on it. [Read: How to deal with insecurity in a relationship]
It is never easy to distinguish the difference between a true lover and a selfish person who cares about nothing but themselves. But if you’re ever caught in a trap with a person who drains the happiness out of your life each and every single day when you’re together, ask yourself, isn’t it much better to just break up, even if it feels like it’s the hardest thing to do?
So if you ever find your mate exhibiting any of these breakup time signs, then give them a warning, or walk straight out if you can’t tolerate it anymore.
You could always work on your relationship. But if letting go is the better alternative in the long term, ask yourself if it is time to break up. And bring happiness back into your life. Click here to read about the best way to end a relationship.
We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!
Did this feature help you better yourself or your relationship? You can change someone else’s life too!