Insecurity in a Relationship – How to Get Over It
Insecurity in a relationship can be difficult to handle, especially when your partner can’t understand you and all you feel in love is confusing pain. Find out how to get over relationship insecurities and have a better relationship.
Falling in love may feel like a bed of roses.
But if you find that your love isn’t reciprocated equally, you may end up hurt or feeling insecure about the relationship status.
Understanding and dealing with insecurity in a relationship isn’t easy, especially if your partner doesn’t understand you or what you’re going through.
And at times, the confusion in intimacy levels between two lovers can cause more pain and frustration that even a break up.
Breaking up is a single step that finalizes the end. But an insecure relationship makes you believe you’re in love and yet, you feel like you’ve broken up already.
Insecurity in a relationship
Are you experiencing an insecure relationship right now? Really, why do you feel insecure in your relationship?
One of the best ways to understand relationship insecurities is to understand the root cause of the problem.
You’re insecure because you’re afraid of losing your lover (maybe to someone else). But why do you feel that way?
Do you feel insecure in the relationship because a lot of people are attracted to your lover? Is it because your partner spends a lot of time out with their own friends and doesn’t call you? Or is it because your partner never really makes you feel special and appreciated? Or is it something else? [Read: How to make your partner call you often]
To really understand relationship insecurities, you need to ponder over your insecurities and find the real reason. And most importantly, is there something your partner can do about it? [Read: Jealous boyfriends]
Speak to your partner
Once you’ve understand the cause of your relationship insecurities, speak to your partner about it. You don’t have to tell your partner that you’re feeling insecure, that may just strain the relationship further. Just mention that you don’t feel loved at times and explain a few examples when you did feel insecure.
Don’t sound frustrated or sad, just say it matter-of-factly. If your partner does love you, they’d try to reassure you and make you feel better.
But before you voice your insecurities, be certain that it’s something your partner can reasonably change. It’s alright to ask your boyfriend to pay more attention to you when he’s with his friends or while talking to another girl. It’s just not alright to ask him to stop talking to girls or his friends! [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship]
Do you feel better?
Once you voice your relationship insecurities, you may feel better. But if you do find yourself feeling insecure even after your partner’s changed their behavior or reassured you, then you’re on unsteady ground.
On one hand, your partner may think you’re making a big deal out of nothing and continue doing the things that make you feel insecure.
On the other hand, your partner may change or reassure you but you may remain unconvinced no matter what your partner says or does until you feel better about the relationship yourself.
Insecurity in a relationship can crop up for the most unobvious of reasons, but the most common reasons are when you feel your partner’s too good for you or if you think there are far too many people around you who are way better than you (and may steal your partner).
How to stop feeling insecure in a relationship
If you’re feeling insecure in the relationship even after your partner changes their ways for you and reassures you, perhaps you just need to feel better about yourself. And understand the fact that your partner’s not the problem, you are!
Start feeling confident about yourself and have a little faith in your relationship. Use these tips to change yourself and you may just learn to get over your insecurities in the relationship.
Your partner is a part of your life
Let your partner be a part of your life, not your whole life. It’s as simple as that. When your whole life revolves around your love life, it’s easy to start obsessing about it and picking tiny imaginary flaws that may not even exist. And insecurities have a way of cropping up when you want to speak to your partner or meet them all the time. Lead your own life and dedicate a part of it to love. It’ll keep your love life more fun and exciting, and you’ll worry less about relationship insecurities. [Read: How to give space and fall more in love]
Trust your partner
Unless you leapt into the relationship without really figuring out if your partner likes you a lot, you should really learn to trust your partner. Both of you are attracted to each other and love each other, so why would you want to snoop around or look for ways to catch your partner red handed. Learn to trust your partner, unless you have solid reasons to doubt them. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship]
Go out with your own friends
Spend time with your own group of friends and have a good time. It’ll help you in two ways. One, you’ll understand that no harm is really done to a relationship by spending time with friends. Two, if you do exchange a few glances with someone else, you’re not really cheating on your partner!
Be an optimist
Stop the negativity. Stop wondering about what you’ll do if your partner ever dumps you or what your lover does when they go out without you. Your partner fell in love with you for the great person that you are, remember that. If you ever do feel insecure in the relationship, learn to deal with it by talking about it with your partner or evaluate the situation by putting yourself in your partner’s shoes.
Grow your confidence
One of the most obvious and yet embarrassing reasons for insecurity in a relationship is the lack of confidence. It hurts but it’s true. You’re insecure because you don’t believe you’re good enough.
Exchange a few glances with a hottie when you’re out with friends, pick a few hobbies, and every now and then, force yourself to do something you’ve always wanted to do even if it’s outside your comfort zone. The longer you drive a car, the more experienced you get in driving. Likewise, the more you learn to live your life to the fullest, the more you’ll learn to be confident about yourself and your worth.
Feel good about yourself
Insecurities in a relationship crop up when you are happy to see your partner, but not really happy with what you see in your own mirror. Go out often and start dressing like a million bucks. And work out and get that dream body you’ve always wanted to have. When you feel like a million bucks, you know you’re worthy of anyone. And when you feel confident and worthy, relationship insecurities have nowhere to go but to the bin!
Taking a decision over your insecurities
Now not all relationships are perfect. At times, you may be really confident and attractive, but you may still end up feeling insecure. Your partner may take you for granted, flirt with others in front of you or even ignore you completely. If you’re struck by relationship insecurities even after speaking to your partner about it and even after changing yourself using the confidence building tips mentioned here, then something’s just not right.
Perhaps, your partner is just taking you for granted and not really bothering to help you feel better about the relationship.
When you’re faced with a situation like this, where the insecurity in a relationship is not because of the lack of confidence but the lack of love and overdose of neglect, it’s time to take a decision about it.
Being stuck in an insecure relationship is worse than breaking up with your partner or catching them cheating. Insecurity in a relationship will suck the confidence and the happiness out of your life, and you’ll never really feel loved. You’ll just wither away from the inside until the relationship ends.
Learn to deal with insecurity in a relationship, either by growing your confidence or confronting your partner. But if nothing really works, perhaps it’s time to step out and find someone else who can give you the happiness and love you crave for.