Understanding how to stop liking someone you can’t have may be really, really hard to deal with in life, but there are ways to push through the pain.
We’ve all had that special someone in our lives that we were unable to have. Whether fifteen or fifty when you fell in love with them, you know the pain of being denied their love. Learning how to stop liking someone you can’t have isn’t easy, but it can be done.
It is painful to endure for any number of reasons. You ache to be with them, but they don’t love you back. They don’t even know you exist, they love someone else, or another reason that no amount of wishing and hoping remedies.
I have experienced this reality. I tried so hard for so long to get this guy to notice me that way, and after a while, I just had to give up. Although this hurt immensely, I just couldn’t go on anymore trying to “win” the person that I was in love with. [Read: Loving someone you can’t have – 15 ways to handle the pain]
How to stop liking someone who doesn’t like me?
I went through several hardships before fully getting over this person. He was unavailable in ways I just couldn’t work around. He either had a girlfriend, lived far away for school, didn’t think of me that way, or had another reason that prevented us from ever getting together. Unfortunately, I wish I had known a few things sooner. As they say, you live and learn!
It took time, but with all of the realizations I’ve listed below, I was able to move on and be happy on my own. And you can, too!
#1 Realize they’re unavailable. If you like somebody already in a different relationship, you need to LEAVE THEM ALONE. I cannot stress this enough. It’s probably the easiest way to deal with loving them.
Even though it may hurt that they’re with someone else, if they’re happily in a relationship, then it will be a lot easier for you to steer clear. You do NOT want to be known as the person who broke up a happy couple.
#2 Realize you may not be a good match anyway. Okay, so you like this person, right? But you might not be the best fit for each other. Think long and hard about who they are as a person, what their life goals are, and if you see yourself actually matching them.
There’s more to being with someone you love than having intense feelings for them. Realizing that the two of you maybe wouldn’t make the best pair helps you deal with the fact that you can’t be together. [Read: 50 questions to check if someone’s right for you]
#3 Date other people. Nothing keeps your mind off someone you care deeply about more than seeing other people! You never know who you’ll find if you put yourself out there. Biding your time, in the hopes that this person wants to be with you too, is a great way to miss a better opportunity.
As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea—so get fishing!
#4 Stay busy! Want to forget about that special someone you’re mega-crushing on? Go skydiving! Go run a marathon! Do something that takes your mind off of them, and the fact that you can’t have them.
While you’re out living your own life, you may even bump into someone who’s better than the person you currently like. Staying busy keeps your mind happy and takes you away from the misery of wanting someone who doesn’t want you. [Read: How to get over someone – 14 steps to get there really fast]
#5 Avoid them. This is going to be the hardest thing to do if you’re in love with someone. Stay away. Just do it! Don’t “accidentally” bump into them at the grocery store, because it will give you the chance to chat with them and fall even deeper in love.
Seeing them more often only makes your feelings stronger and makes you feel worse. It also gives you time to accept this reality and hopefully move on to better things.
#6 Do you really love them? I mean, honestly? Think hard about this. If you can’t have or be with them, do you really even love them in the first place? Some may argue you don’t have to know everything about a person to be in love with them. But I argue differently.
You don’t know all their little quirks and habits. Some things about them may actually drive you nuts. You don’t know. What you know so far is you’re attracted to them and that you like how they appear to behave.
#7 Your expectations may be unrealistic. So, let’s say the person you like knows how you feel. Well, that’s obviously not enough to make them want to be with you. Telling someone how you feel won’t miraculously make them feel the same way, so if you expect the person you love to reciprocate your feelings, you’ve set your expectations too high.
Even if you’ve already jumped through the proverbial hoops to make them want you, you still can’t expect them to do so. After all, they have the free will to do as they please.
#8 Accept your situation. Ah! There it is—the final stage of it all. To fully deal with the reality of you not being able to get the one you like, you need to accept it. Yes, it really does suck. Yes, it would be SO much better if you could just be with them.
But you can’t. And the sooner you realize and accept this, the sooner you can move on and be happy with your life. If there’s nothing you can do about the situation, just let it go and enjoy the things in life you do have the luxury of possessing.
Not being with the one you love doesn’t have to be that hard. There may be a number of different reasons the pesky universe is keeping you from the one you like, but remember there are just as many ways you can deal with it and be happy!
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Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...