However it happened—breakups suck. But, you don’t have to stay in pouty-land forever. There are some things to help you know how to get over a breakup.
This is a pretty sensitive subject for me right now since I was dumped a couple weeks ago. I’m still going through the process of the post-breakup transition, but I’m feeling a lot better. We all know healing a broken heart takes time. I’ll tell ya, waiting for your heart to mend sucks. It is important to understand how to get over a breakup so you don’t stay stuck.
How to get over a breakup
The day after we broke up, I spent all day in my room crying—I was a complete mess. The next week, I spent pouting around the house, periodically crying while I washed dishes or ate breakfast. But, these are all stages of post-breakup.
Go through these phases. You need to. But there will be a moment where you realize you need to change your underwear and maybe even take a shower. Are things better for me now? Yeah, I’m not crying all the time, I’m laughing with my friends. Of course, I’ll think about it when I’m alone with my thoughts, but I’m no longer obsessed. Am I completely over it? No.
But it takes time, this is just a part of life that you need to push through. Understanding how to get over a breakup is not easy, but you’ll feel amazing once you’re over it.
#1 Accept it. The relationship as we know it is over. Now, they could come back after a couple months, begging you to take them back or not. But, for your own peace of mind, it’s best that you believe that this breakup is an actual breakup. There is no chance of getting back together. Trust me, that hope only prevents you from moving on. [Read: 8 post-breakup questions you should be thinking about]
#2 Do not suppress your emotions. The worst thing to do is to suppress your emotions. Both men and women are known to do this, usually more for men. So, fellas, don’t fall into that trap of “boys don’t cry.” You need to get out all your emotions. If you feel like crying, cry. If you want to scream, then yell *try yelling into a pillow so you don’t scare your neighbors*. Point is, show your emotions because it’s natural.
#3 Stay away from the booze. Yeah, you may think getting wasted helps you heal your broken heart but it won’t. Sure, drink and get tipsy on a Saturday night, but getting drunk every night isn’t going to help you get over the breakup. It’s just used as a mask. Remember what I said, don’t suppress your emotions. Alcohol and drugs are really good at making it look like you’re emotionally and mentally okay. [Read: How to avoid the drama of drunk texting]
#4 Use your friends and family for support. That’s literally what friends and family are for. They’re supposed to be your rock when you’re in a vulnerable moment. They’re supposed to sit with you and talk about it to help you heal. If you don’t have friends like that, then talk to your family. If neither are supportive of you, then go talk to a therapist. They’ll help you out.
#5 Don’t stalk them on social media. This is the easiest thing to trap yourself in: their Facebook and Instagram. At this very moment, I know exactly how many followers my ex has on Instagram, and how many photos he’s posted. Is that healthy? No, it’s not.
I was a little obsessed in the beginning and trust me, it only made it worse. You need to do whatever you can to not go on their social media accounts. Knowing where they went last night or who they are with doesn’t change the fact that you two are no longer together.
#6 Understand you’re going to feel empty. I felt like someone took my heart and then took a shit on it. I felt completely empty, almost as if I lost my soul. You’re going to feel like that for a little bit. You’re not going to laugh or smile. You’re not really going to feel anything. But you’re grieving right now, so this is natural. What you need to do is make sure you don’t get stuck in this phase.
#7 Actually cut off all contact. If they text you and ask you how you are, tell them to stop. I know, it’s going to be hard, but you need your own time to get over the breakup. If you’re in contact, you’ll have this small shred of hope that they want to be with you. That’s probably not the case. Take a couple months and just be on your own. [Read: Really letting go of someone you love]
#8 Don’t start bashing them. Well, I’m not an angel. When I got together with my girls, I really bashed my ex. It’s understandable because you’re hurt. But, in all honesty, you shouldn’t do this. You chose to be with that person and take the risk that maybe this won’t work out in the end. Because you chose your ex, you know the positive qualities that they have. Talking shit about them doesn’t change anything, so take the high road.
#9 Keep busy. If you lie in bed all day staring at the wall, well, this breakup will be harder than it needs to be. Sure, take your moment of self-pity, that’s all good. Then, you jump back into gear. Keep yourself occupied. The less time you sit at home alone with your thoughts, the better. Though, you should reflect on the breakup at some point, give it some time.
#10 Sex may not be the best form of therapy. Everyone always suggests having a rebound. Well, that’s been done. It doesn’t really change how you feel. If anything, you probably end up thinking about your ex more and how you miss the connection you had with them in bed. So, take it easy on trying to get laid. This isn’t a competition. Do it when you feel ready. [Read: Rebound relationship rules you need to follow]
#11 Go to an actual therapist. If you’re really looking for some form of therapy and aren’t interested in working out or meditating, then go to a therapist. They add a great perspective because they know absolutely nothing about you or your situation. So, they give you an outsider’s perspective which you might need.
#12 Get off the couch. Do not sit on the couch watching depressing reality TV. Instead, get outside. Keep your mind focused on the things around you. Go for a walk, eat an ice cream, volunteer at a shelter, do something that makes you interact with your community. When you give back, you feel better about yourself. So, this may help you work on gratitude.
#13 Don’t focus only on the good times you had together. Yup, I did this. I completely forgot any argument or red flag he showed and only thought of the perfect moments we had together. You probably had amazing moments with your ex, but, remember, you also had shitty ones. No one is perfect, so don’t get yourself caught up in the whole “I’ll never find someone like them” mentality.
#14 Don’t force yourself to get over it. There’s no deadline when it comes to recovering from a breakup. I know many people try to factor out how many months it takes to get over someone, but that’s all crap. Everyone is different and your relationship is not comparable to anyone else’s. So, take your time, you’re in no rush. If it takes you two months, great. If it takes you two years, also great. [Read: The 7 stages of heartbreak when you become someone’s ex]
#15 Remember to practice self-love. This is actually the most important thing you can do post-breakup. Instead of blaming yourself for everything and calling yourself useless and unlovable, practice loving yourself.
Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “Yes, I am flawed. Yes, I make mistakes. I am human. I am beautiful.” You acknowledge your flaws, but you also acknowledge that you are a good person worthy of love.
This isn’t going to be an easy period for you, I’m not going to lie. But, you really have no choice but to push through it and learn how to get over a breakup. Once you make it out of this moment, you’ll see how resilient you really are.
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A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...