What do you do when you’re madly in love with someone who doesn’t love you back? It’s not easy to get over someone you love, but there are steps to take.
Everyone knows what it’s like to be heartbroken. Pure torture doesn’t even come close to describing that feeling of being cruelly rejected. It happened to me, it happened to her, it happened to him, and it happened to you. Learning how to get over someone you love is not easy, but it can be done.
The pain you feel is unlike any other and undoubtedly leaves you wondering if slashing your wrists will hurt any less. The reality is that it doesn’t. There is just something about heartache that no other kind of physical pain in the world surpasses.
Everyone deals with the pain in unique ways
How people deal with this pain is very subjective. Some turn into party animals. Some turn into hermits. No matter how you deal with it, you always wonder why, why, why, why, why this person whom you thought was the one won’t love you back. It’s not easy, and it downright sucks.
Whether you were dumped, cheated on, or simply did not get the response you hoped for when you professed your love, these 14 ways to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you back helps you move forward.
#1 Find someone else. You know the saying, “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else”? Well, it’s true. As hard as it is, put yourself out there. Call it an alternative, a rebound, or whatever you want.
#2 Go out and flirt. If finding a rebound is too hard at first, just go out there and flirt if you want to get over someone you love. Being social reminds you there’s a whole world of potential partners out there ready for the taking.
#3 Mourn your loss. Imagine how long it takes for a flesh wound to heal. Now recognize the fact that inner scars take far longer. Go through the motions of mourning your lost relationship.
Stay home in your PJs, binge eat Kit Kats, get drunk, cry yourself to sleep, and do whatever to numb the pain. Once that’s done, snap out of it and get over it. You’ll know when you’re ready to rejoin the real world. This usually happens 10 pounds later.
#4 Focus on their flaws. Focus on all the stuff that made you angry. From her talking back to you, to him being an arrogant ass. I’m sure there are plenty of things your former love did that got on your nerves. As unhealthy as this step may be, it is a rather effective one. [Read: How to successfully get over someone by truly hating them]
#5 Recognize you’re worth more. Why pine over someone who doesn’t think you’re worthy enough to be their partner? If they don’t love you back, screw it. You’re better off without them anyway. There are seven billion other people on the planet. You’re bound to find at least one who thinks the world of you. [Read: How to stop loving someone else… and love yourself more]
#6 Stay occupied. To keep your mind off your failed love, keep yourself busy. Pick up new skills and hobbies, throw yourself into work, and focus on extracurricular projects. I picked up yoga when I was getting over a man who didn’t love me back. Years later, I still practice it.
It taught me to stay calm through the darkest moments of my life, and I will forever be grateful that I made the decision to stay occupied.
#7 Release your anger and pain. Binge eating and crying only get you so far. Find other outlets to channel your pain. As difficult as it may seem, one way to do this is by working out. If that isn’t enough to tire you out, start volunteering and helping others.
#8 Regain confidence. Starting over both mentally and physically is very important. Why not start with a physical change? Get a haircut, change your style, and rev up our workout and diet regime. Once you look good, you’ll start feeling good too.
#9 Step away. You need space to heal. Seeing this person everyday is not going to help you get over it. If you work together, request to move departments. If you live in the same area, stop going to the same watering holes.
If you share the same group of friends, decline party invites if you know they’re going to be there. In time, being in the same room with this person will be tolerable, but until then keep your distance.
#10 Talk to someone. Don’t underestimate the power of the third-party-point-of-view. Chatting with a friend is good enough. Sometimes it’s important to just let it all out and have someone who cares about you offering up advice. You know they only want what’s best for you. So, trust what they have to say. [Read: How to get over someone when your heart does not want to]
#11 Get rid of sentimental reminders. First, delete this person from your social media and contact list. As tempting as it is to virtually stalk them at 4am, don’t do it. Plus, the last thing you need is to drunk dial them after seven cocktails. Have some dignity! Also, get rid of all notes, gifts, and mementos that remind you of them.
# 12 Discover who you are. Now is the best time to focus on yourself. Figure out who you are and what you want in life. The next time you allow yourself to fall in love, you won’t make the same mistakes. Take some time off to travel, switch up your routine, try new things, and live for yourself. [Read: Self-discovery after a break-up: How to happily move on]
#13 Spend time with loved ones. Be sure to surround yourself with friends and family. They reinforce what you already know, and the plain and simple fact that there are other people in your life who love you. Focus on them instead of on that one person who doesn’t.
#14 Use psychology. According to a piece published on the site Know Myself, “One of the most powerful ways to convince your subconscious mind to believe something is repetition. The more you repeat the fact that the relationship is over, the more this statement is likely to turn into a solid belief.”
If you keep telling yourself that this person doesn’t love you and that you need to move on, you will eventually believe it.
Getting over someone you love who doesn’t love you back is one of the hardest things to do. You will probably never be the same again, but trust me when I say that once you finally get over it, you’ll be a much stronger person.
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Born in Singapore and raised in Malaysia to multi-racial parents, Lianne is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the wor...