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Redamancy: How to Let Go and Practice the Art of Loving in Return


You may have heard redamancy here and there. Maybe you said it in front of your boss to impress them, but do you really know what it means?

Ah, yes, redamancy. Isn’t that the rash you get when you’ve been in the sun for too long? Okay, it’s not, don’t worry. Redamancy is actually the act of loving in return. Which in some ways is like scratching a rash that won’t go away, so I guess I wasn’t too far off.

Think about it, when someone loves you, it’s overwhelming. It takes you over. When it takes you over, you have two choices: you get some cream for that rash or you let it infect you. In the case of redamancy, you let it take over.

How to practice redamancy

People probably point at you, staring at your rash, but you don’t care. In fact, you don’t even see it as a rash, it’s your new skin. That’s what love is. That’s what redamancy is. It doesn’t matter if this word is a little aged or not, the meaning means the same.

To love someone back is surrendering yourself to vulnerability and allowing whatever happens, to happen. No one said the act of loving was easy. [Read: Am I in love? 21 signs to decode that fuzzy feeling]

#1 Know we’ve all been hurt. You may be scared. Listen, I’m also scared when it comes to loving someone. Redamancy isn’t some walk in the park. The act of loving someone back means you let your guard down and open yourself up to vulnerability.

But we’ve all been heartbroken, this is just the facts of life. Whether it’s been by a partner, parent, or friend, someone broke our heart. It’s impossible to live your life without feeling loss. [Read: 20 practical things to consider before giving up on love]

#2 Your ego stops you from loving. You have an ego, but you are not your ego. Yes, it’s a part of you and if you allow it, it controls you. This is why so many of us are scared to practice redamancy.

Your ego doesn’t like risks. It shrinks before something in which it can’t control. Redamancy is uncontrollable because you don’t know the outcome. It’s normal. People don’t like being unable to predict the future and with humans, nothing is linear.

#3 What are you scared of? If you want to practice redamancy, first identify what you’re scared of. Oh, don’t say you’re not scared, you are or else you wouldn’t be reading this. Just admit to yourself that you’re scared. Good. Now that you did that, it’s time to take a closer look at why you’re scared.

What is it that makes you scared to love someone back? Once you know what it is, fight it. [Read: The hardships of being afraid of love]

#4 Know you are worthy of love. There are many of us that believe we’re not worthy of love which is complete shit. You’re not skinny enough, not cute enough, not sexy enough. It’s all bullshit. These thoughts have been produced through negative experiences around love. This is where the fear develops. But, if you want to be worthy of love, fight the fear. It’s all connected.

#5 Accept the risks. Risks are just a part of life. You take risks on a daily basis. Did you jaywalk today? That was a risk. Did you drive your car? That’s also a risk. Point is, you take risks all the time. Why should this be any different? If you want success in your relationships, you must risk. It’s really just as simple as that.

#6 Be honest with the person. If you want redamancy with someone but you’re scared, tell them. Why not? Why hide it? I mean, they see it anyway or if they don’t, they think something is wrong with them. Tell them you want to reciprocate their love, but it’ll take you some time. This is much better than leaving them hanging. [Read: How to respond to “I love you” when you just don’t feel the same]

#7 Define love. We all have our own definition of love. What is love to you? Everyone, whether they admit it or not, has their own definition of love. This is because we all were raised differently and shown different ways to love. You have your own definition. It’s important that you know what love is to you and how you show it.

#8 No two loves are the same. Redamancy isn’t something you learn from a textbook. No one really knows how to love someone back, we just do what we feel is right. But, understand that redamancy isn’t something you copy and paste to each person you love. Everyone receives and interprets love differently. Thus, no two loves are the same.

#9 Know the types of love. When people think of love, they usually assume romantic love. However, there are different types of love. Of course, you have Eros which is romantic love.

But you also have Storge which is the love of family. Philia which is platonic love, and Agape which is divine love *a spiritual sense*. So, these are considered love, they’re all different. [Read: The 20 kinds of lovers that exist in the world]

#10 Is it love or infatuation? To have redamancy between you and another person, it has to be genuine love. So, do you really love this person or is it infatuation? Love usually develops gradually between two people; whereas, infatuation is an intense immediate desire for that person. Now, it can develop into love, but it’s usually right at the beginning of a relationship. [Read: 10 signs you’re feeling lust and not love]

#11 Take your time. If you feel you want to love them back, but you’re scared, take your time. No one tells you to rush into it. If they are, tell them to back off. The feeling develops quickly or slowly, it’s subjective.

So, take as much time as you need, fear isn’t easy to battle. But, make sure that you try to overcome your fear, this is the only way you can have redamancy. [Read: How to overcome the fear of losing someone you love]

#12 The more you love, the more you grieve. This is just the way it is. When you truly love someone back, you grieve more when it comes to the end. Whether this person leaves you, you have an argument, or that person passes away, grief comes and hits hard.

Now, is that a bad thing? No. It just shows how much you care for that person. This is something you can’t fight, it happens to everyone.

[Read: 15 ways you’ll experience what love really feels like]

Now that you know how to practice redamancy, it’s time you did it. Returning the feeling of love is one of the most beautiful things that happens to you, so enjoy.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic
A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...
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