When you find yourself unhappy in a relationship, it’s not always your own fault. You need to remember that. A relationship involves you and your partner. So if one of you isn’t happy, both of you need to work together to fix the relationship. [Read: The 80 20 rule in relationships and your love life]
Trust is the foundation of a perfect relationship. When both of you trust each other completely and understand each other, it prevents insecurities and frustrations from ever cropping up.
If you’re hurt in love, it’s your lover’s responsibility to reassure you and help you feel better about the relationship. Well, that’s if your lover cares enough to see you happy. And likewise, it’s your responsibility to help your lover understand you and trust you when they feel threatened. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and make it stronger]
Even in a happy relationship that’s stood the test of time for several years, trust issues could crop up out of nowhere, especially when an attractive new friend or secrecy enters the romance.
Trust and the threshold of change in love
All of us have a threshold of change in a relationship. And it depends completely on how much we want the relationship to succeed.
When two people enter a new relationship, the two individuals have to create a new identity, and both of them have to be flexible and willing to compromise to fit into each other’s lives perfectly. But the extent to which one lover compromises for the other depends on how much they desire the other person. The less your lover compromises for you, the more you’d doubt their love for you.
You may love your partner a lot, but if you don’t trust them, you can never truly feel secure in the relationship. You’d always be wary about everything they do, and you’d always doubt their love for you.
Trust issues in a relationship can lead to depressions and intense frustrations. And the more frustrated you get, the harder you’d try to cling on to your partner in the fear of losing them completely, which can make you a clingy and controlling lover *and there’s nothing worse than that*. [Read: 12 signs you’re walking on eggshells in your love life]
10 reasons why you have trust issues in your relationship
There are many reasons why you may doubt your partner or have trust issues, but they usually fall under these 10 reasons.
#1 You think your partner lies to you very often.
#2 You think your partner lacks integrity. They’ve cheated on someone in an earlier relationship / You’ve cheated on someone and *knowing how easy it is to cheat* you assume your partner may be cheating behind your back too.
#3 You don’t know much about your partner’s life and what they do when you aren’t around.
#4 You don’t know your lover’s friends and their inside jokes which makes you feel insecure when they’re around.
#5 Your partner is secretive. *locks their phone or deletes their messages often*
#7 You’ve had bad experiences in love where an old lover has betrayed your trust.
#8 Your partner just doesn’t share details about their life with you as much as you share yours with them.
#9 Your partner gets furious when you intrude into their private space without their permission.
#10 Your lover flirts with others.
If you’re in a happy relationship that’s built on trust, these 10 reasons for trust issues may seem trivial. But if you’re insecure, even the smallest of these reasons could send you sulking to the corner of the room. [Read: 10 biggest problems in a relationship and ways to fix it]
Speak to your partner about it
Don’t be ashamed to let your partner see your weak side. Relationships are built on trust, and it’s important for your partner to know exactly how you feel. If something bothers you, don’t hide it even if it seems trivial or embarrassing.
If your partner loves you and wants you to be happy, they’d try to understand your concern and help you overcome your trust issues.
How to help your partner overcome their trust issues
Does your partner have trust issues in the relationship? If you’re having a hard time convincing your lover that you’re faithful and have no intentions of cheating on them, here are six ways to help that special someone in your life overcome their trust issues. [Read: 10 easy ways to make your jealous boyfriend not-so-jealous]
#1 Open up to your lover. Your partner may feel insecure in the relationship if they believe you don’t communicate well with them. If your lover asks you about something, don’t give abrupt answers or one-liners. Instead, communicate and have a conversation.
#2 Talk about your daily lives. Talk about your day, the little things you did and the people you interacted with. When your partner feels like they know what you’ve been up to when they weren’t around, it’ll help them feel more secure in love.
#3 Introduce your friends. Introduce your lover to your friends, especially the ones your partner feels threatened about. Let your lover bond with them so they feel like a part of your circle of friends. As long as your partner feels involved in your group of friends, they’ll feel less threatened by the attractive and touchy feely ones. [Read: Does your boyfriend have a girl friend who touches him a lot?]
#4 Show them you care. Shower your lover with compliments and reassuring words. Remind them just how much you love them and need them. Sometimes, your partner may feel insecure when they don’t hear those loving words often.
#5 Talk about your secrets. Revealing a few secrets can instantly bring two people close. It happens all the time, between friends and definitely between lovers too. When your lover feels like they know more secrets about you than anyone else, they’d feel more special and reassured.
#6 Don’t be aloof. Don’t get angry or annoyed when your lover unnecessarily craves for your attention. Your lover is frightened you’ll leave them. Think from their perspective, and if you truly care about keeping your lover happy, help them through this difficult period. [Read: The power of your words and how it can make or break your relationship]
How to get over your own trust issues
Do you find yourself frustrated and annoyed because you believe your partner’s too distant or doesn’t communicate enough with you? Talk to your lover and help them see the issues through your eyes. And once you’ve done that, use these five steps.
#1 Try to think from your partner’s perspective. What would you do if you were in their place? Be truthful to yourself and think rationally instead of judging them in haste.
#3 Speak out. Every evening, calmly tell your partner about every instance that day when you felt threatened or insecure. It’ll help your lover understand what upsets you, and at the same time, they can explain themselves to you too.
#4 Don’t repeat your lessons. If it bothers you that your lover is holding a friend’s hand while talking, talk to your partner about it. Tell them how you felt and ask them how they’d feel if you did the same thing.
If your partner helps you see their perspective and you get satisfied with their answer, that should be the end of the issue. The next time the same issue crops up, you should be able to deal with the issue yourself without asking your partner for an explanation all over again.
#5 Learn to reason with yourself. If you’ve followed these steps, and you’re still having a hard time getting over your trust issues, you really have some thinking to do. Is your partner trying hard enough to help you get over your insecurities? Or are you just not able to deal with your partner’s active social life even after they constantly reassure you? Or finally, are you in a relationship where you just can’t deal with the insecurities anymore? [Read: Top 20 reasons for divorce that most couples overlook]
Be patient and work together
Irrespective of who’s having trust issues, you or your partner, you need to know that it can’t be flattened out overnight. It takes time, sometimes a week or two, and sometimes even a few months.
Building trust back into a relationship takes a lot longer than the time it took to lose the trust.
But if your partner is just not able to overcome their trust issues no matter how giving you are or how willing you are to bend over backwards or spill out your entire life to them, perhaps it’s time to seek help from a friend or a professional, or walk away for good.
Almost always, a partner with serious trust issues could start off meek and sad, but turn into a demanding lover who orders you around all the time. Most controlling lovers start off by showing signs of insecurity, and no matter how much you give them, they’d always want more from you. [Read: 15 shocking and yet subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend]
Use these steps to help your partner get better, but if you feel like this isn’t worth the effort, perhaps, your own happiness may be more important to you than the success of the relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that though, it only helps you realize what’s more important to you.
Trust issues and the jigsaw puzzle of love
Not all relationships are built the same way. Some perfectly happy lovers are addicted to each other, while other perfectly happy lovers like keeping some space in between. Some lovers are monogamous, while others are swingers or live in open relationships.
So if you’ve used all these steps on how to get over trust issues in a relationship and still have a hard time getting over your insecurities, perhaps, the relationship you’re in isn’t the right one for you. You and your lover may be perfect individuals, but as a couple, both of you may not be the best fit in the jigsaw puzzle.
Sometimes, even two perfect individuals can’t create a perfect relationship no matter how hard they try.