How Taking a Break in a Relationship Works


Better Love

How Taking A Break In A Relationship Works

Want to take a break in the relationship? Find out how taking a break in a relationship works and what both of you should know to benefit from it.

Ever been in a relationship where you’re in love with your partner but just can’t see through the haze of frustrations?

[Read: The best way to deal with a complicated relationship]

Perhaps it’s time for both of you to take a break in the relationship, and from each other.

All lovers take a break from each other now and then.

But some couples need a longer break than others.

So what is taking a break in a relationship all about really?

And how does it work?

And how long is an ideal break?

Taking a break in a relationship

To put it simply, couples take a break from each other in a relationship when they need space from each other.

[Read: How to give space in a relationship]

A break is always a good thing, as long as it’s taken in the right manner.

Taking some time apart from each other can actually help clear the confusions and frustrations internally, and help both of you focus on your own faults and desires in the relationship.

If both of you love each other, and yet, both of you seem to have a few difficulties coping with a particular issue that’s bringing out the worst, a break from each other may be the need of the hour.

The two kinds of breaks in a relationship

There are two kinds of breaks in love, one that’s good and one that does more harm than good.

#A break that leads to a makeup. Are you genuinely interested in your lover and want to hold the relationship together? If you’re taking some time away to calm down and sort the confusions in your head, it’s a good break to take.

# A break that leads to a breakup. Are you taking a break from the relationship to get away from your partner for a while because you can’t stand them anymore? Do you feel happier being alone than together with your partner? Your relationship may already be falling apart and you may be looking for a weak excuse to end the relationship. [Read: The right way to end a relationship]

Reasons to take a break from the relationship

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t just take a break whenever you want. There are just a couple of reasons to take a break. For everything else, there’s a little thing called a conversation.

# You feel claustrophobic. Men are easily susceptible to this kind of a break. They fiercely protect their own space and go to great lengths to get some alone time by themselves. If you’re feeling silently frustrated by all the together time or if you feel like you have no life of your own, take a break for a few hours or for a weekend.

# You need time to think things over. Are both of you dealing with a relationship crisis right now that can’t be sorted through a conversation, perhaps one of you cheated on the other or did something just as unforgivable? If you need time to reevaluate the relationship, taking a break in the relationship may give you the time to give that a thought. [Read: Signs to tell if you are not in love anymore]

The little breaks all of us take in a relationship

All couples take breaks all the time. It helps us appreciate our partner and also gives us some time to just be ourselves. By learning to take these little breaks now and then, you can eliminate needless frustrations and  avoid taking those big scary breaks that can ruin the relationship.

# Going out with your own friends, be it for shopping or to catch a movie.

# Spending some time indulging in a favored activity, reading a book or just watching the television by yourself.

# Little getaways with friends that last a few days or a week.

How long is a good break? – The magic number

This is something that needs serious thought. Both of you have to decide how long the break has to be and both of you have to keep your word to not interfere with each other’s lives until then.

Two weeks is the perfect break in the relationship to sort your issues and come back together for a conversation.

Anything less feels like a little holiday from each other. Anything more and you’ll both end up forgetting each other and get used to living separately *unless that’s what you want*.

But then again, depending on how deep the wound is, you can spend more time apart if you’re willing to risk the relationship status and decide if you want to date someone else. [Read: How to love again after being hurt]

How a break can help both of you come together

While taking a break in the relationship is something that should be avoided unless it’s inevitable, it can at times bring both of you closer for many reasons.

# You’ll miss each other. If you truly love each other, while a break may give the much needed time away from each other, it’ll make you realize just how much both of you need each other and depend on each other. It can also give the relationship a fresh start, romantically and sexually.

# Love is stronger. You’ll realize in a few days that your love for your partner is way more important than any silly confusions or misunderstandings in your lives. Most of the time, it may your egos that create a fight rather than real reasons. [Read: How egos affect the outcome of an affair]

# You’ll be motivated. When you love your partner, you’d definitely care about them. Can you imagine not knowing what’s going on in your partner’s life for more than a few days? It would drive anyone who loves their partner insane. Taking a break from each other will give both of you the motivation to work on the issues so both of you can be with each other again.

Reasons why a break in a relationship is bad

While a break may seem like the perfect thing to do when things turn sour in love, in reality, it’s got more bad than good in the recipe. [Read: The right way to fight fair in a relationship]

# When your relationship is spiraling downwards, taking a break can push both of you apart instead of helping in understanding each other.

# It’s an easy way to run away from nagging conflicts that will always crop up again and again, until it’s inevitably discussed.

# A break is like a really expensive diamond ring. You can only afford a couple in your lifetime. Anymore, and it will ruin both of you.

# It could end the relationship because one of you may genuinely believe you’re better off single even though the relationship has a great chance of working out to perfection. [Read: Do you want to be single again?]

A better alternative to taking a break from a relationship

Communicate. It’s as easy as it gets. Taking a break in love is like a little shot of adrenaline. It keeps you running for a while until it makes you collapse again. The only way to truly make things work in love is to talk to each other. [Read: Tips to communicate better in a relationship]

Talk to each other and learn to be frank. You can be honest, as long as you’re not hammering a nail into your partner’s heart with accusations. Talk about each other’s real wants and hear your partner out without cutting in between, even if they make ridiculous claims or accusations. At the end of the day, you have to remember that your partner loves you and it’s only their pent up frustrations that’s finding a vent.

Both of you will feel better after communicating with each other and understanding each other’s desires. [Read: 25 relationship rules for a successful relationship]

And once both of you feel better, take a vacation with each other to rekindle the romance back again instead of looking for a way to stay away from each other.

[Read: Things to talk about in a perfect relationship]

Taking a break in a relationship may seem like the perfect thing to do when love gets tough. Go ahead and take a break, but if you’re brave enough to try something better, have a truthful conversation instead.

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  • confused

    Nice article…doesnt make the decision easier but maybe a bit justified…

  • J

    This is not deep enough and is incredibly vague. Relationships are so complex and so diverse that there is no way this less than a page article can be beneficial to most or even some. I guess the issue stems to the definition of a “break.” If you break a stick, it is now two separate pieces. If you take a break at work, the idea is for work to not be a thought. A”break” in my opinion is either not a good idea or the wrong terminology. This article references alone time, i.e. an hour or so away from your partner, as a break. Wrong, no one terms an hour away from their partner as a break in a relationship. I don’t see an upside to a break, 2 weeks as coined a good time period. I feel the issue that was the cause of so called break will still exist at some level in the relationship when/if reconciled. I feel that if a break is necessary then inevitably the relationship is spoiled. Relationships involve the good, the bad, and the ugly. If one doesn’t have the patience, discipline, or most importantly the want to continuously maintain a relationship with their partner then there is something deeper than the given issue that prompted the break discussion. Why do you really want to take a break? Is it the issue at hand or is this one of many issues? What are the parameters of a break? Are we talking or are we not? A break is not a step forward it is 2 steps back, if not more! Good luck!

  • Shay

    This article made me feel bad at some points. It was also encouraging at some points. I agree that it was a little vague. It wasn’t deep enough and made it seem as if any situation (good or bad outcomes of the break) can happen to anyone…it made it a little scary. When you stated , “if the two of you really love each other..” ..that was a little better because we knew that “this option is only possible if we really care about each other.” And that allows u to further evaluate your relationship and figure out whether or not the given outcome is an option for you. But as stated before, this wasn’t the case for all of the possible outcomes.

  • Rayla

    My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot and i don’t want to break up but maybe a break is a good thing, but i don’t know how to tell him without hurting him :(

  • Shai

    I have done this and found out usually the other person wants to explore things with other people. Instead of being alone and really looking at self, the person is running dealing with other people.

  • Adam

    My gf said she wanted a break yesterday i was ok with her decision but i feel like shes completely done with me idk what to do i really love her and yes ive cheated on her but it was never physical only internet flirting!!!! And ive been texting her alot and i only get a few responses but what can i do to make things better and what are the limits??? i dont want her seeing other people ughhhh this is hurting me so much somebody please help!!!

  • Anon

    My boyfriend and I of 5 years are taking a break because of similar circumstances as the above poster “Adam”. He was talking sexually to a girl online, this hurt me very much and I feel like it is emotionally cheating. He insists its nothing but words and that he loves me with all his heart and doesn’t like not being able to be with me everyday but I thought he needed space to see what he truly wants. It’s very difficult but giving each other space may help to pull you closer together because you know you never want to experience being without someone again. It’s so important to appreciate what you have and treat one another with the same respect you would want.

  • James

    Had a break with my girlfriend of 3 years she didn’t think she loved me anymore I was heartbroken. We discussed it and didn’t see each other for a week. We then started from the beginning again like dating, then yesterday she said she loved me and it felt like the spark was back. At one point I saw no hope for us and now the candle is lit again. It can work as long as you have a conversation then decide together

  • sheri123

    Me and my BF are taking a break (my idea) and its mot because I want to see anyone else but I am doing it so that he can figure out what he wants. I know he loves me and dont agree with this taking a break idea but I struggle to communicate my needs to him at times. When i finally get it right, we are back to square one. We barely spend time together anymore and this is really frustrating to me and puts a lot of stress on me in various aspects of my life. i thought perhaps he will miss me so much that we might realise how we really feel an take better care of the relationship. Communicating did not work so now its do or die. This makes very little sense but i dont know what else to do.

  • S.L.

    The article told me what I already knew. There are lots of things influencing me to want this break but it broke ny heart to tell him today. I was so ready and string and I just collapsed when I saw his expression. I’m not sure what I want but I know this break will be a good one.

  • stick

    my gf for 7 years said that she needs a break
    but i am confused as we are in distant relationship for the last one year.
    we had few fights dint talk for days…but i dint think thats the reason
    3 MONTHS!! BREAK i think its too much
    but she ensured that she loves me..and her future is with me…
    i am confused!
    what should i do?? prepare for the worst…i dont think she has a other guy…she said all these fightings has made her she needs a break
    guys opine please!!

  • Da Funk

    Hint: pay close attention to the part where they say that the timeout should be discussed with your partner and agreed upon…. In talking the situation over with friends, parents, etc., I made the mistake of “deciding” that “we” needed a time-out. Bad move, kids. As far as I can tell, because I did not communicate properly (and I know I have hard time doing that), that’s pretty much leading to not a break, but a break-up. Dammit.

  • JW


    Are there rules to your break? My GF wanted a break and took my by complete shock. She says that she doesn’t want to break up but wants a 1 month no contact break for us to think things over, then take the 5 love language test, and ten we can meet after the one month break to talk about things.

  • sasha

    I’m in a situation where the man I love has decided in one day because of one misunderstanding that he needs a break to figure things out. He is under a lot of stress and I feel like its my fault because I pushed him over the edge. I don’t wanna take a break. We never have had any problems at all and I’m really hurt but I know I could never do what cindy the comment above did. I want him to come back to me. This wasn’t a mutual agreement and I don’t even know how long he wants. I’m just sitting here completely heartbroken

  • Victoria

    Me and my boyfriend of 2 years have decided to have a break because we are constantly together and I hardly ever see my friends only if I’m at college . But it’s not just that it’s just I’m getting bored of him and I Duno what to do I don’t just wanna break up cus it might be the wrong decision I just hope this works :( I just Duno what to do anymore cus I Duno if I love him anymore he’s also very obsessive I just need some advice

  • Ayla

    My man and I have been dating for 7 years with 5 of those years blissful. It wasn’t until his mother died everything changed. He pretty much died along with her and was replaced by anger, guilt, resentment all of which built up until last week. I don’t know what to do cause we live together. I love him and he is my sould mate. I hate that I can’t tell him how much I love him and want to hold him. I am hoping this is a break to help us grow without rubbing each other raw which is what has been happening since we moved into our new apartment in may. I dont have a job and havent had any luck finding one which is one of our problems. He is paying for everything and its taking its toll. He says since his mom died we havent been moving forward with life and that this was what we need to do. We have actually been talking to each other again and he seems to not want to let go even though this is his idea. I am trying to give him his space to figure everything out as well as keep my promise to try to stand on my two feet independently but its hard when I don’t have a job. So far it seems to be working but I am still heartbroken over this and don’t want to loose him anymore than I already have. Is this a good break or not?

  • selsel

    My partner wants us to take a two week break and I feel like I’m gonna lose him for good! I really love him and I really don’t want to lose him, hour thinks we should have a break for the good if our relationship but I don’t think so what do I do, he says I need to be more independent and not include him in all my thought processes but I feel he’s trying to break away gently but not to hurt me because we’ve known each other such a long time

  • Sabitaqdamana

    yes, the ex gives him all sorts of abuse and then bans him from seeing the girls for a week. At his ex’s reeuqst we have now stopped all contact at weekends, when his youngest daughter is with him.This is difficult for us both, but i dont mind doing it because the girls are innocent in all of this and he is a great dad so i want him to have a good relationship with them.The problem that i have is that his ex still wont back off. I know she doesnt want him back, she is evil towards him, leaving him voicemails telling him how awful and useless he is, when they were married she destroyed his self esteem completely which is why he left because he couldnt take the arguements and abuse she is sending me messages insulting me and saying he is seeing other girls when i know he isnt.she even sent one today saying he has dumped me for another girl. i cant get my head around it, she doesnt love him but wont stop stirring.i suppose my question is is there anything more i can do? i love this guy and he loves me, he treats me like a princess so i want to do all i can to help him maintain a good relationship with his daughters (they are 9 and 12) xxxJust as a little note, my guy has stood up for me in the past, he is very loyal. but this just seems to aggravate her and she bans him from seeing his daughters for a while as punishment so at the moment we are just ignoring it and supporting each other. he is totally worth it. just wanted an objective view to see if i was acting right cos i dont have kids of my own so sometimes worry i dont do the right thingoh and he didnt cheat on her with me. we met 12 months after he filed for divorce and moved out. she is refusing to sign the papers, so he is seeing a solicitor.

  • Sarah

    I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months and he told me that he wanted a break from our relationship the other day. He has reassured me that he misses me and that he still loves me and that this break is a good thing but I still can’t help feeling so upset about the whole situation. I feel lost without him and am really scared that he will decide that I am not what he wants . Is this normal? Any advice on how I should read this would help?

  • Nikkola

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for one year and gave up my income as a sex worker to make him happy, he has it all put together work/life balance.
    Without that income I don’t know what direction my life is going. I love him and there is no going back.
    So why do I feel a break will help?
    It seems I had it all figured out 19 bought a new car, was saving for a house everything was scheduled, routined health and fitness, I felt great. Now I don’t even want to get out of bed.
    And Im begging to resent my partner, for my own selfish reasons.
    He moves into my unit now we split the rent, his low income so I can’t just pick up take off.

  • Elizabeth

    Right now I’m on a break with my husband. We have been together for nearly 4 years. We have had our ups and downs, emotional breakdowns and so on. My point is that you go through the whole process from a relationship and love grows. Having 2 kids to him was a beautyful blessing. I have two girls that they are so handful. Getting married to him at a young age and pregnant at the same time. I wasn’t really thinking what I was doing but I didn’t listen to my parents, it started off when we first met at work I was being myself as always I met right there in his uniform and so on lol. To be honest it was really a one stand that turned out to be a relationship that we actually said our vowels. I love this man with all my heart and soul. He came around the day after mothers day I know its stupid but he used the excuse if the girls had any stuff so that he could come over. I was happy to see and he was to and yes it was very emotional the night he came by. Even though we’re on a break we still love each other no matter what.

  • rahab

    I was in long distance with my boyfriend of 3yrs we have a child together currently were on a break I found out that his in love with another university chick the news broke my heart to piece cause he lied he’s not seing anyone while he told his brother he’s in love with this chick am really angry at this and I don’t see us getting back together cause I have lost all trust I heard for him please help me what am I to do? please help should I get back to him cause of the child or should we just part ways I still love him but am afraid he will cheat on me….

  • Markus

    Me and my girlfriend have been arguing off and on for the past month. Yesterday she told me that she didn’t wanna talk to me nor see me for the next week. I’m guessing it’s a break but it sucks. It has me worried because I think this break stuff just leads to break up. She says she loves me and I honestly do believe that, but I also know she’s gone through situations in life where she completely left those closest to her. I have no idea why we have been arguing lately, we usually never do. But she’s moving off to college soon so stress has been pretty high lately. I have no idea what to do. I love her with everything I have, I just don’t want to lose her.

  • Mikyla

    me and my boyfriend have been fighting allot lately and I finally figured out why but it was to late. he had lost feeling and wanted a break. the first day he seemed so sure it was a break up. second day he was a little bit more positive and by the 3rd day we were better :)

  • Hank Barducas

    Woah. I never new this existed. I AM NOT ALONE. the struggle is real for the fellas that fucked up and pushed their girlfriends patience too the max. I “cheated” on my girlfriend I guess. it was online. I never met up with them, but we did talk sexually online. my girlfriend found out a couple times and now she wants a break. I get it I fucked up, I instantly regret it now. I feel like I’m being stabbed in the gut repeatedly, it sucks knowing she crys and is heart broken because of my actions. I never want to hurt her like that again. she says she needs time to forgive me and get her frustration with me out of her system and for me to get my shit together and figure out what I want. she never said how long it would be for is exactly, just until she’s ready to accept me back. been almost 2 months and still waiting. she says she still loves me a lot and misses me tons, I know she would never be with another man or talk to one. but the longer this goes on the more I hate it. Idk if I could go on for much longer, but I know waiting will be worth it cause we’ll hopefully be happy again.
    is 2months a long break?

  • Hank barducas

    ohh man. the struggle is real for those DUDES who are on breaks because they fucked up somewhere down the line. i have been with my gf for almost 2 years and we have been on break for the last 2 months. i understand that it is my fault we are on break because i fcked around a talked to other females online. technically its cheating i guess even though i never went out with them. i instantly regret fcking up because now I’m alone and lonely and it sucks knowing that i hurt her emotionally never knowing if she will except me back now all i can do is wait. Also it sucks cause now I miss everything about her and what she has done for me that i never really thought about till now, and i realize that i will probably never find another female like her again if she left me. All i can do it wait and keep going with the break and hopefully she’ll come back to me and we will be stronger than ever. i just wonder how much longer i will i have to wait.

  • Ana

    My husband and I have been together for about 7 months, married that is. And in total we have been together for about 2 years. He says that he feels different towards me, and that he doesn’t feel like he loves me. But at the same time, he’s not sure if he wants to be alone, or if this is indeed something that we can work out. So we are talking a break. And I’m flying back home for at least a month. We’ll be working on ourselves and seeing what it is that we want, and if he’s happy without me. We’re technically still married, but separated. Any advice? ):

  • Ana

    My husband and I have been together for about 7 months, married that is. And in total we have been together for about 2 years. He says that he feels different towards me, and that he doesn’t feel like he loves me. But at the same time, he’s not sure if he wants to be alone, or if this is indeed something that we can work out. So we are talking a break. And I’m flying back home for at least a month. We’ll be working on ourselves and seeing what it is that we want, and if he’s happy without me. We’re technically still married, but separated. Any advice? ): ;-;

  • babyb

    I feel like a need a break from my boyfriend of 8 mos. I just feel.. Really clinged on to. As a Leo, I value my independence, and as a cancer, he’s very emotional. It’s just take getting to me because the last time I asked for alone time he started crying. It hurts me but it’s like the three or so times I’ve felt suffocated, he gets really upset. I may be bring insensitive because of the suffocation I feel.. I just need to get away sometimes. Now that were in college and it’s long distance, I feel emotionally disconnected to him.. And sometimes even bored. I’m also a little blinded by my hurt feelings from our unpleasant conversations..Im so so terrible.. Maybe this feeling to suggest a break will fade tomorrow morning.. I do love him.. I just feel like I have a plastic bag over my head and I can’t breathe.

  • Greg Rogers

    My girlfriend and I are taking a break she says she just needs time to figure things out about herself this is my first time doing a break so of course im heartbroken I haves real love for her and she says she loves me still but just wants time alone but doesnt want to hurt me we didn’t talk about how long of a break its gonna be she just told me don’t give up on her I dont want to lose her I just don’t know how to handle this

  • Bbz

    My bf of 9 months and I decided to go on a break for a week, my idea. There are some trust issues on my end because I’ve been hurt before and just don’t trust him with other girls. He’s never done anything to break my trust, yet I still feel uneasy. He has multiple “girl best friends” that he’s known for a lot of years and they text all the time. I’m just suspicious. It’s been 3 hours since we agreed to break, and I miss him already. I’m beginning to regret it. We see each other school every day so it’ll be so awkward not talking to each other or texting :/

  • tebogo

    ????My bf of 3yrs asked for a break, it’s really hard not knowing what he’s doing. I really love him but I feel he took the break to breakup with me..i missed is really hard! I pray hard he comes back to me

  • Brendan

    HI There

    My partner was staying with me for 8 months. I know that 8 months is not a very long time, but it was as every friend of ours said, “real love they have never seen before”.
    Living conditions proved to be stressful for one another as were struggling to get our own apartment or house as there is nothing on the market.

    He then said that he has had enough and will be staying with a friend. This friends of his I don’t approve of, as he he has different guys coming in there every night. And now my baby is there. What if he suddenly meets someone new there.
    From here, he left with me without saying much.
    He said he needs a month break. Yes! a month. Do you know how much can happen in a month, that’s usually the length of time for getting over someone.

    Him and I were incredible together, we had the perfect understanding. So I asked him why he just left me and wants a break. He says cause he cant stay at our place anymore.

    And were suppose to be getting a more suitable place together, now he decides to go.

    I am hurt that he has left me, but I guess I should move on.
    A month? Really

  • B

    Ive been dating my girlfriend for about a year now and the only way to describe our relationship is a high of some sort Weve had our bad times but also tremendous amounts of good times but im at a point in my life where my life is catastrophic I barely speak to my family because ive become so isolated my career well lets just say its at a stand still emotionally i cant seem to be able to deal with the challenges life is throwing at me n to top it all off spritually i have no faith anymore … My girlfriend is making all the appropriate changes to keep me in her life shes fighting for me like no one has ever but something inside me just doesnt want to be loved how can i receieve genuine love when i cant even see the love in my own life personally? Uhh so i asked her for a break and she broke down like no other vomitting screaming she had even become faint with anxiety even threathened to kill herself how do i communicate with her that i need some self growing for a while that our love is beautiful but timing and life isnt really on our side right now or am i being selfish ? Should i just tough it out ? Because i love her n she loves me and i know were meant to be … ;/

  • Ulfúr Wolf

    I have been with this guy for little over a year. I have pointed out things that i have told him he needs to change, or to help better himslf with, for us to continue to be together. He isnt stable, he could be if he tried but if he did. I am the problem, honestly i had a poor childhood and had shit happen to me for very long time. I learn not to lean on anyone but myself. I am in a area where i am stable and happy. I have worked at the same job little over 4 years where he didnt have one before me, then got with me and has had 3 with in a year period. He says he cant get his own place but i know for a fact if you try hard you can or get a roommate. Instead of couch hopping, staying at 1 place til someone complains or he gets pissed at him. I want him to grow so i have taken this break period. I want to better myself. Is this a good break, i love rhe guy even though he isnt perfect. Ive had guys use me time and time again so i dont know anymore. I do honestly love him but my past demons keep haunting me. Is it truely me or am i being overly crazy.

  • Ulfúr Wolf

    Is this the break i need to stay or go

  • Confused

    My situation is similar B’s posted on January 2, 2015. It would have been 6 months on January 10. The day before he can over to watch TV and hangout like we normally do.we do. The live together but he normally changes into comfy clothes before then we sit on the love seat and kinda cuddle. This time he said he was gonna stay in his jeans cause the fabric is thinker and he’ll keep warm but my apartment is nice and toasty. You could be naked and you’d be fine. I asked if he was staying the night and he said I don’t know, I do think think so while looking at his phone. After. That we watched some TV but I didn’t really want to touch him so I kept what ever distance I could on the small couch. He eventially said he was gonna lie down and stretch on the futon. He fell asleep and I kept drinking red wine fast and got pretty drunk. I woke him at 10 for him to go home. He was like why you so serious and asked me to cuddle with him so I did bit started to cry so I got up. He eventually said that maybe we should take a break mind you he kept trying to touch me and cuddle but I was running away. Since the get go he said he’s broken. That he can’t love though his actions tell me he does love me. He says he doesn’t see a future with anyone, that I’m the best girlfriend he’s ever had but that he can’t feel anything. I’m broken too. It’s hard for to see a future too. I see a general future but not a real one… We’re taking a break till Monday. I texted that I’m sad and asked how he is a couple hours after we were supposed to meet for food and to talk when I was sober cause I was pretty trashed. He said he’s good, chilling with friends and that I should do the same and that strong and we’ll talk on Monday. I did tell him the night before that I think I’m in love with him and that I love him but I don’t know how I feel. I’m broken too… Any advice anyone can give me or any updates on your relationship?

  • Heartbroken

    Reading these posts has made me feel tremendously better. It feels so good knowing I’m not alone. A year ago I opened myself up to a boy I met, who became my boyfriend. I’ve done everything for this boy and I love him with all my heart. It’s our one year anniversary in a month. He is very unstable, and is often very emotional. We have our arguments because of his lack of communication. And he tries but not hard enough, and I think he puts the blame on me.
    Well, two weeks ago he wanted to break up with me because of a stupid fight. I fought like crazy for him though and convinced him to power through this with me. Now last week he came to my place and dumped me. He didn’t have time for me anymore. I was angered and never wanted to talk to him again. But then my heart kicked in and I realized I can’t see myself without him by my side. He told me he wants to be friends and wants a “break”. It’s been almost 5 days without talking and it hurts. He blocked my number. I don’t think he wants to get back with me. My heart is hurting so bad. I hate him, but at the same time I love him and want to be with him. Why do we always chase after people who hurt us?

  • Justin

    Do not take a break in your relationship, the other person WILL think that you don’t want to be with them no matter how much you say you want to be with them. This article ruined mine, don’t let it ruin yours!

  • 4 years

    Hello everyone, felt like I needed to comment since what everyone has said so far has really helped me. My gf and I have been together for 4 years now. But recently she hasn’t been happy with her job/career. I’ve tried to be suportive but it doesn’t seem like it was enough. She asked if we could spend some time apart and it really hurt. We don’t argue much really but maybe she read something online about breaks being helpful. I think she has been thinking about it for a while so I don’t know if she still loves me or is just trying to ease into a breakup. I have followed the advice of my friends and I am not contacting her during the period of the break. I did ask, how long she is expecting the break to go for.. She said one more week. Which would make it a total of 2 weeks. I was going to tell her that I couldn’t wait any longer until I read this page. It has given me the strength to wait, and maybe the longer I wait the higher the chance she will miss me. For those that are waiting longer than 2 weeks, no idea how you guys do it…

  • Trying to get through a break

    I’ve been with my bf for 4 years and I honestly don’t know where the years have gone. We’ve been really happy and have trivial arguments that never last long.

    Recently, we had a conversation about our future and he admitted that he didn’t see himself marrying anyone. I’ve always seen myself as being married with kids so this freaked me out and I suggested that we go our separate ways. He admitted that he loved me more than he feared marriage and wanted to stay in the relationship and figure it out as we went along. I suggested a break for him to really decide what he wants.

    I’ve been struggling so much ever since he left. We’ve lived together for the past 2 years and the loss of his presence in our apartment has been the hardest thing to deal with. I’ve cried myself to sleep most nights and am now petrified of losing him. A part of me wishes we’d just split so I would get on with getting over him but being in limbo is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. What if he decides he’s happier without me and still never wants to get married?!! I’m really struggling with it all and have had knots in my tummy ever since he left.

    I’ve been spending time with friends which has been a brilliant distraction but at night when I’m home alone, all I want to do is call him. We’re doing the no contact thing which is a nightmare! I really hope this separation works for us. I hate to have gone through all this for us to just break up after it all. It’s a horrible feeling not being with him.

  • sadtaco

    If you are considering taking a break, DONT. Leave for good or fix things, but breaks are disastrous. I’ve done this twice and was crushed both times. I am 38 and live in seattle, she is 32 and lives in vancouver, BC. My now ex-girlfriend works in movie production and is gone a lot on location. We’ve been having trouble since January and I tried to end things. She suggested a break, I said no, but then reconsidered under a few conditions: we could see others, no communication, set a time/date, either of us could end the relationship and break at any time, and if one of us developed feelings for someone else, then be fair and end our relationship.
    Over the last week she emailed regularly, called, and texted me. I asked her to stop because it was unfair. She still did it, so I texted her that night and asked her to call me the next night, she responded she would. I also wrote an email explaining my feelings; I loved her still and missed her and want to see her still. I asked what we were doing and the boundaries and to respond when she had time. I sent email because her hours vary, she works very late sometimes on production.

    Never heard back; just crickets and tumbleweeds. Been two days now, finally texted and asked if she was ok or upset with me, an hour later she responded she was sorry, she worked late and was working all weekend. You know your partner and what is normal, that wasnt. She always responds to emails, calls if she says she will, or texts.
    If your relationship is on the rocks, work on it or walk away. Breaks solve nothing; one person selfishly gets the freedom to roam while keeping their Plan B waiting for them. The existing problems are still there at the end of the break. Someone always gets hurt.

  • james a

    I just told my girlfriend of 5 yrs. living together thst we need a break. We dont communicate anymore. I feel belittled when i try to communicate. what should i do. I still love her, but questioning if im still in love with her. Last night we told each other the relationship is stale.

  • james

    I just told my girlfriend of 5 years that we need a break. we have lived together now for 3 yrs. she moved from new york to wyoming for me. away from her family. Alot has changed since then. We dont communicate with each other, even after all attempts. I almost feel like im not equal to her because she trys to prove that her way is always right. What should i do.

  • Bo

    How did you go with this? Did things work out?
    Hope they did. I’m going through a similar thing with my boyfriend, but we’ve only been dating 2 and a half years.
    B x

  • Kai

    Hi James, I’m currently also going through a break with my relationship. It depends on the problems in which she constantly tries to prove herself right in. Do you mind sharing a little?

    P.S. Technically no matter what sort of problems you two face, a relationship will only go long term if you both receive the respect you two deserve as individuals.

  • Kaye

    I have been seeing this guy for 11/2 and he is everything I wanted in a guy. We don’t leave together but that’s OK cause we have a lot of sleepovers. We get together on weekends. Then one weekend he told me he wanted to chill from us. What does that mean? I know it means take a no calling, seeing or anything from each oher. But from a guy what does… I want to chill from us? This isn’t the first for him. I been through this with him before and we always got back together. When you love someone and two people are so perfect for each other why do u have to take a break from your relationship when there isn’t anything to fix?

  • kaye

    Sorry that u r going thrgh this. I been thrgh it 4 times. Each time u have to be patient. If your love and friendship runs deep you will get back together. Until then you wait but during this time u go out with ur friends, have fun. Don’t stop ur life cause he doesn’t want to see u for the moment. Guys have issues and a lot of emotional ones to. They PMS also. Every once in awhile txt him just to say hi and how r u doing. Nothing more or less.

  • Aaron James

    Perhaps you’ve been seeing each other too often for his liking and he needs some alone time. The only way to know what HE meant when he said that rather obscure and open-to-interpretation request for a break, is to ask him upfront “Excuse me boyfriend, but what does ‘I want to chill from us’ actually mean, exactly?”

  • Maggie

    My bf ask for a break yesterday as well, and I’m not sure what does a break means. He’ve been though tough time in his life and he said he want to focus on it and not risking to have any emotional stuff happening in his life, so he need to have a break from me as sometimes I get upsets on him,

    His idea of a break is we still keep contact as a friend but not a committed relationship anymore. To me it’s simply a break up, and he don’t want to bear the responsibility but at the same time still enjoy the benefit of me being nice to him. To me it’s a selfish act and broke me into pieces.

    I don’t know what to do, we’re in a distance relationship as well and our foundation is weak. Since we live in a different country, basically we leave each other enough space actually as we don’t need to contact physcially, and now even the emotional connection is gone.

    Need advise, I’m so lost. I honestly don’t think I can love someone else again and this is the first time in my life have this feeling. I’ve been though several relationship and breakup, but I never felt this way before. He’s too important to me and I can’t afford to lost him.

  • Shannon

    This is probably a bit late but just wanna let u know ure not alone. I too am in a long distance relationship and my bf says to take a break. I don’t know what kind of break but from my interpretation it’s like a nicer way of saying break up. I mean long distance relationships dont even really feel like a committed relationship to me in the first place. If having a break is keeping in contact as a friend, how is it different? I too feel like mine is a good man to marry and a good role model I can look up to. If you’re reading this, I would like to know how you have been doing and your reltaionship situation.

  • BT

    How did everything go with you break? I too am going through a very similar situation, and It’s killing me. Any advice?
    Thank you!