When couples commit their all to a relationship, it’s natural to analyze what they have together. Over-analyzing, however, can just make things worse.
Relationships need work. That’s a fact. Anyone who walks into a romantic relationship armed only with the cloud at their feet and a pair of rose-tinted glasses will soon find themselves languishing in the doldrums of a thundercloud and wondering what on earth went wrong.
The problem is that when someone believes they’ve found their soul mate, they think they’ve found someone with the exact same psychological and emotional make up. But people and their inner workings are like fingerprints: no two are ever the same. So it’s good to take time out to analyze the relationship from time to time, to keep things on an even keel and make sure that plain sailing continues unabated. [Read: Real soul mates – 20 signs you’ve actually met the love of your life]
Over-analyzing is somewhat different though. Often born from a sense of personal insecurity, it can prove stifling and unproductive. Relationships are like flowers, and need light, space and a little gentle tending to really thrive. Over-analysis is like putting a daisy in a bramble patch. Especially when it contains, as very often is the case, an accusatory or browbeating element to it.
Are you over-analyzing your romance?
To help you, our wonderful LovePanky readers, overcome the curse that is over-analyzing, the subject is approached from two different angles. Firstly, the subject areas where over-analysis most commonly occurs and why you should ensure it doesn’t and, secondly, the signs that show your incessant quizzing may be pushing your partner away. Read through them both, be honest with yourself and if you recognize the signs, then now may be a good time to try and start chilling out and give your partner a well earned break from it all!
10 subjects couples almost always over-analyze
#1 Feelings. And, let’s face it, it’s women who are usually guilty of this, although not always, of course. But some people don’t do the whole feelings thing and attempts to try and crowbar a display of teary admission out of them is likely to make them feel really uncomfortable. [Read: Do men have feelings? Why they act like they just don’t care]
#2 The future. Over-analyzing the future is another common problem, regarding where each of the couple sees themselves in ten years time. This especially occurs where one has more aspiration than the other, or more of a leaning towards material things.
#3 Time apart. Over-analyzing somewhere about where they’ve been when not spending time together can be a dreadful strain on a relationship. One of those areas of over-analyzing that has a somewhat accusatory and nagging nature.
#4 Personal habits. Constantly over-analyzing someone’s personal habits, whether they’re bad or not, has a real draconian feel about it. More like a parent would do than a partner. Especially common in early stage relationships where two people are discovering the real inner workings behind the romantic facade. [Read: 13 relationship mistakes new couples make almost all the time]
#5 Friends & family. Analyzing the kind of friends someone has, how they spend their time with them, or of a person’s relationship with family members, can also get a little repetitive and annoying to have to constantly listen to.
#6 Work. Another area that the amateur analyst can’t leave alone is work, usually regarding the position that their partner occupies, whether it is suitable, whether they earn enough money, etc.
#8 Parenthood. Differences in parenting styles are a classic area of differences of opinion, especially where step-children are concerned, but differences that should be compromised over and not subjected to a one-side over-analysis. For the children’s sake if nothing else.
#9 Finances. What the partner wants to spend on what, how much they spend or don’t spend, how they save, how they make it, and so on. An huge source of tension between couples and one that should be dealt with using kid gloves, not over-analyzing.
Signs your over-analyzing is pushing your partner away
#11 They change conversation. If they try and put up a conversational block as soon as you start over-analyzing them, then that’s a certain sign that they’ve got fed up with it all. Knock it on the head now or things might deteriorate to the point of no going back.
#12 They change the channel. One step up on the escalation scale from the last sign, if they just ignore you altogether, then you’ve got a real struggle ahead of you to get anywhere near how things used to be.
#13 Standing in doorways. Do they always seem to be standing in doorways, about to move into another room? That could be because they’re anticipating another bout of over-analyzing and they’re putting themselves in a position to make their escape. [Read: 12 signs you’re walking on egg shells in your love life]
#14 Overtime. Have they suddenly started working late at work a lot? Well, this might not have been the case had you given them less of a hard time once they were home.
#15 Out of sight. An increase in prolonged and regular absences is also a sign that you’re pushing them away, preferring their friends’ or even their own company to someone who gives them the Freud treatment every time they sit down.
#17 Mirroring. Another classic sign of being over-analyzed is that they start doing it back to you – either directly reflecting your own questions if they want to be obvious, or subtler plays on your approach at other times when they are specifically trying to make a point about your behavior.
#18 Sexual under-drive. Has the bed suddenly become a place for sleeping only? That’s because they worry that the post-coital chat could end up turning into yet another bout of analysis/character assassination. [Read: How to pillow talk the right way and feel more closer]
#19 Subjects of conversation. Quite simply, you no longer have any. Your over-analyzing has pushed you both so far apart that you no longer share any time or conversation. In effect, you have become strangers.
#20 The last laugh. The last laugh was some time ago, and definitely not the longest. When the humor has disappeared from a relationship, then all is not well.