How to Stop Being Jealous: 20 Ways to Tame the Green-Eyed Monster
The green-eyed monster has ruined many a relationship. Knowing how to stop being jealous means figuring out what drives your jealousy.
The reason jealousy is called the green-eyed monster is because there is nothing pretty about it. The road to understanding how to stop being jealous is not paved with ease or security. The reason people feel jealous in a relationship is because they feel they aren’t good enough to be with the person they are with.
The key to stopping jealousy is to feel better about yourself, stop worrying about whether someone else loves you, and, most of all, love yourself.
No one wants to be alone, especially when you feel like you found love. But, love is only special when shared by two. If you constantly feel like your time with the person you love is limited and can end at any point, then you aren’t really enjoying it. [Read: How to not be jealous of someone else’s success]
How to stop being jealous
If you find your jealousy causes issues in your relationship, then you have two choices: either discover you are worthy of love or move along. Don’t stay stuck feeling insecure. It just isn’t fun, nor is it what a true relationship is about.
There are all sorts of reasons people feel jealousy. Some stem from within and others from external sources. But, in the end, the only one who controls your feelings of jealousy, even if your jealousy buttons are being pushed, is you.
#1 Figure out what makes you happy. Often, we feel jealous when we give too much of ourselves to a relationship. If you find your partner’s needs always come first, they always get to choose, or you just give in all the time, then it is not uncommon to feel jealous. They are enjoying their lives, while you are being someone else and forgetting about your own needs.
If you cater to your own likes and do what you want to do, then you don’t have to envy that you gave up who you are to make someone else happy. [Read: 17 relationship red flags most people completely ignore]
#2 Be okay with being by yourself. Fear is one of the biggest drivers of jealousy. If you fear being alone, that fear may make you jealous when you don’t really have a cause. We all fear the loss of a loving relationship.
But, if you are always jealous and suspecting of their behaviors, then it just might be that you aren’t okay with losing them. Because you’d be alone with yourself again. If they did cheat and you lost them, you will be okay alone. [Read: How to let go of your fear of being alone and find peace]
#3 Realize there are a million fish in the sea. Sure, they might be the best thing you ever had, but if you are so jealous that they will cheat on you, they can’t be as awesome as you think. Decide for yourself if they are the type of person that will hurt you by cheating. If you believe they are, then you need to move on.
Stop being jealous, if they choose to hurt you, then they do you a favor. There are many people out there who never would.
#4 Recognize your own strengths and assets. Stop worrying about them finding someone and think about how lucky they are to have you. When you think you are with a ten and you are a three, then it is easy to feel jealous all the time.
If you wonder why they are with you and fear at some point they will find better, then you don’t see what they see in you. That is not only your loss; it might be the source of you eventually losing them if they can’t curb your jealous nature.
#5 Mind over matter. When you feel jealous, stop, think rationally, and figure out if it is real or something you created in your head. If you needlessly fear, you likely create a scenario in your head that isn’t real.
#6 STOP snooping. Constantly checking their actions through social media, going through their phone, or looking for receipts won’t give you the answers you need. In fact, it just adds more fuel to your fire.
You either believe and trust them or let them go. Constantly trying to play the “gotcha” card isn’t fair to your partner. It certainly isn’t doing you any mental favors.
#7 Think positive unless you have a reason not to. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? You might be creating one. If you continually accuse your partner, look for proof of their infidelity, or confront them with distrust, you might get the very thing you are so afraid of. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust them.
Your need to prove them a liar and a cheat eventually get olds. You end up losing them, whether they cheat or not. So, what is the purpose of always expecting the worst? [Read: Is your negative thinking ruining your life for you?]
#8 Listen to that inner voice, but only when it is rational. Try to ignore the inner voice fueled by fear. Listen to the one that tells you what is really in their heart. There are very few times when our true inner voice is wrong. It probably tells you to stop and find peace, not continue your witch hunt. You just have to stop and listen, really listen. [Read: 15 ways to discover self-love and happiness]
#9 Forget about your past. If cheated on in the past, let that go. Just because one person was a total asshole doesn’t mean the person you are with is. If you keep labeling them in the same category as those who hurt you, all you do is hurt yourself.
#10 Forget about their past. Even if they cheated in the past, that does not mean they will cheat again. You have no idea what their former relationship was like. Although once a cheater always a cheater may be true in some instances, you can’t assume you know their previous situation. So, let their past stay in their past.
#11 Keep parts of you separate, but not secret. If you merge yourself with someone, then you lose a little bit of you. That is a super scary feeling. That means if you lose them, you lose yourself. That type of anxiety and fear brings out the green monster in us all.
Try to maintain a little bit of your anonymity to make sure you aren’t overcome with jealousy at the slightest fear of loss. [Read: How to love someone without smothering them with too much love]
#12 Do things just for you. You might be jealous because you forgot what makes you happy and how much fun you had before you met them. Maybe you gave up those things that make you happy. It only puts more pressure on the relationship and fear of loss.
If you want to know how to stop being jealous, it may just be about doing things that you love by yourself to prove that, if the worst happens and you aren’t together anymore, you can still be okay and happy.
#13 Flirt… I know, right? Yep, remembering you are still desirable to other people is one of the best ways to get over your jealousy. Remember if they find someone else, you can too, and it will be their loss. [Read: 10 ways to keep flirting harmlessly innocent and fun]
#14 Find out what you don’t like about yourself and fix it. You should feel as if they are as lucky to have you as you are to have them. If you don’t, then it is time to find out why you think you are disposable. If you think they aren’t as into you as you are to them, then that is something to examine and figure out.
#15 Don’t be completely reliant on anyone but you. Realize people come and go sometimes. If you are okay with you and knew that you would survive losing them, even if you didn’t like it, then you wouldn’t run around worrying so much about them liking someone more than you.
#16 Figure out what drives your jealousy. Some people are just naturally jealous by nature. But if you aren’t one of them and never been jealous in the past, then stop and examine what about your current relationship makes you feel the way you do.
Maybe there is something to your jealousy that you don’t want to admit. If that is the case, stop asking yourself how to not be jealous. Instead, ask yourself what about the relationship makes you insecure.
#17 Talk with your significant other about the things that make you feel insecure. If you want to know how to stop being jealous, you need to start by talking to your partner about the things they do to make you feel insecure.
If you don’t like that they are close to their ex, then voice your concerns. If you worry your relationship is one-sided, be honest about that too. Sometimes honesty really is the best policy. [Read: Why am I so insecure? 20 reasons why you care more than others]
#18 Don’t cheat. If you cheat, then you are going to be jealous. Even if you just cushion, it drives your insecurity. Guilt is a very powerful driver of jealousy!
#19 Don’t isolate yourself in the relationship. Don’t stop going out with your friends or carrying on your regular relationships. Otherwise, you isolate yourself. That makes you feel like there is only one person in the world, which ups your fear factor.
Make sure to keep in touch with the outside world, or you will find yourself extremely jealous. [Read: How to be more social: 19 ways to genuinely connect with others]
#20 If warranted, lose them. If it is something that they are doing, you confronted them, and they refuse to change, then it isn’t a matter that you stop being jealous. You should move on to find someone who makes you feel loved and secure, not anxious and jealous.
In the end, if you are always jealous, then it isn’t a relationship that makes you feel secure. If you can’t find a way to get past the jealousy, then stop worrying about getting over it and get on with it.
There is a reason that we sometimes feel jealous, warranted or not, and if you can’t figure out how to stop being jealous, then they aren’t the right person for you, period.