If you’ve lost a few great people due to your neediness, learning how to stop being clingy is a must. Here’s how to shut down that behavior.
This is a real problem. There are certain people out there who get involved with someone and just can’t help themselves. They have to be all over them and talk to them all the time. If you’re this type, learning how to stop being clingy can save your relationship.
Because people don’t want to be with someone who suffocates them. Suffocation can kill relationships. But if that’s the way you are, how do you stop yourself? How do you become a person who acts normal and appropriate in a relationship?
Most clinginess is due to one thing
Insecurity. The worse you feel about yourself, the closer you want to hold your partner so they’ll never leave. The thing is, the clingier you are, the more they’ll want to run away. It just doesn’t work the way you think it does.
When you’re not secure in the relationship, you always feel the need to be reassured. That will manifest in you calling and texting your partner during all waking hours just to make sure they’re still into you. It’s not healthy for you and it’s not fun for them. [Read: 9 effective ways to stop being so needy and insecure]
How to stop being clingy so you can actually have normal, healthy relationships
If you ever want to get to a point where you’re in a healthy relationship with someone you truly care about, you have to put an end to your clingy behavior. But that’s easier said than done. These tips can help you kick that bad habit and remain with the person you care about.
#1 Work on your confidence. This is going to be the best thing for you. In order to stop being so clingy, you have to address the root cause, which is your insecurity. I know you might not be able to admit it, but you need help.
#2 Reassure yourself. You don’t need someone else to reassure you. You can do that yourself! I know it might seem silly but if you want to text them and they JUST told you they were busy, scold yourself.
You can even do this out loud. Tell yourself that you don’t need to know what they’re doing every second of every day.
#3 Stay busy. This is a fantastic way to avoid being clingy. When you’re busy, you won’t have time to be texting your significant other all the time. You’ll be doing your own thing and you’ll be happy to do it.
Plus, it’ll be more rewarding when you sit down to talk about your days because there will actually be something to talk about. When you’re always in touch, there’s never time to miss each other.
#4 Determine if you have anxiety. Many people who have anxiety tend to be clingy. They don’t mean to, but it’s a result of anxious thoughts making them upset and worrisome. See a professional and talk about how you’re feeling and what options you have going forward. [Read: What it feels like to have anxiety in a relationship]
#5 Work on building trust. If you have trust issues, it’ll cause you to be way clingier than other people. Now, these might not have even developed because of your current significant other.
They could be a result of an ex cheating on you or doing stuff you weren’t okay with. You have to work on building trust together. Spend time apart and you’ll see how much you can trust them. It can take a while to build this once it’s been lost but keep trying and it’ll be worth it.
#6 Talk to your partner. You can’t just keep your feelings bottled up. You really should talk to your significant other about it. Chances are, they know you’re really clingy and they may have even expressed annoyance with it.
Your job is to open up and ask them how you can make things better. Work together to find a happy medium so you can actually keep them in your life.
#7 Maintain your own life. The more you’re doing stuff for you, the less you’ll be overly interested in what your significant other is doing. It just has to do with having your own life. You have your own concerns and so you won’t worry about him. [Read: 17 ways to live more simply and have more satisfaction]
#8 Shut down negative thoughts. We all have bad thoughts sometimes. Even people who seem the happiest can have thoughts that cause them to worry and need to check in with their partners.
You have to shut them down. The less time you give those thoughts to take over, the less power they have. They’ll also stop popping up the more you train your brain to think in a positive way.
#9 Remember that you both need independence. If you want to understand how to stop being clingy, you need to understand that no couple can survive being around each other 24/7. Remember that. You need to have your independence so you don’t get completely sick of each other. Not having that space can make both of you feel suffocated and that’ll kill the relationship.
#10 Learn what healthy relationships look like. Research what’s needed to make a relationship last. Look at healthy relationships and even interview people who have been together for a long time. Once you have an image of what your relationship should look like, it’ll make you feel better and you’ll stop being so clingy. [Read: 15 signs of a healthy relationship you should always look for]
#11 Commit to changing your ways. Unless your significant other is doing something severe to cause you to be clingy, you’re in the wrong here. This is your doing and it’s up to you if you want to make a change.
Far too often, people seek help when it comes to clinginess and then they don’t commit to changing and don’t make any effort. You can’t let that be you. Not if you want your relationship to last.
#12 Get professional help. There could easily be more underlying reasons for your need to be clingy. We can’t always think of ourselves objectively and that can hide certain issues that are actually affecting our lives in major ways.
So go see someone and talk to them about what you’re going through. They can often provide insight you never thought about before.