Jealousy in a relationship is normal but there comes a point where it is destructive. Learning how to overcome jealousy starts with figuring what drives it.
There isn’t a soul alive *who isn’t lying* who can say they have never been jealous. Jealousy is a human trait everyone experiences. But, there comes the point when jealousy becomes extremely destructive. If you want to know how to overcome jealousy, realize your worth and what you offer the world.
Often, we feel jealous in relationships because we don’t think we are worthy or we fear losing someone. The sad reality is you can’t make someone stay in a relationship if they don’t want to be in it anymore. A hard concept, the only person you control is yourself. If you continually have a jealous nature, make accusations, and don’t trust your partner, it is time to look within. [Read: 14 signs of obsessive love you can’t ignore]
How to overcome jealousy – The 6 tricks that make all the difference
There are all sorts of reasons why a person is jealous. Some people just have a jealous nature while others have a reason to be jealous. If you are with someone who gives you no reason to question their faithfulness, stop and examine what goes on within you. Question why you think they wouldn’t be faithful. In the end, it has to either be about who they are or who you are.
If you find this jealous cycle is not your first rodeo, and you have a history of jealousy, these six tips will help you to overcome the jealousy destroying your relationships.
#1 Why would someone cheat on you? If you constantly think someone cheats on you then you might want to question what it is about you that makes you think your significant other doesn’t like. Often, jealousy is something perpetuated by our own issues with self-esteem and worthiness.
If you don’t feel worthy of someone’s fidelity, it is easy to put your insecurities onto someone else and think that they see what you do, that you aren’t worth it. If it is a consistent problem, get to work on your own self-esteem and start to like yourself.
#2 Let the past go. One of the most destructive things to our future relationships is residual hurt from your past. If you were cheated on in the past, it is hard to shift gears and trust someone else. Knowing how betrayed you felt, the last thing you want is to be blindsided by it happening again.
#3 What do you know about relationships outside of yours? If you either have a lot of friends with spouses or partners who were cheated on, or you grew up in a house where one of your parents cheated then it is easy to lose faith in relationships. Remember, you are not another couple.
And, just because other people choose to go outside their relationship, that doesn’t mean people can’t be faithful. If you can, make the assumption that the person you are with can too. Leave all the notions you have about relationships behind to start a healthy one based on truth and love. [Read: 17 relationship red flags most people completely ignore]
#4 Realize they choose you. If you are with someone, and you are continually jealous, you should stop and look around. If they are with you and at your side, accept that they are.
Start looking at all the ways they tell you they love you and all the ways they show you instead of looking for all the things that signal that they don’t.
Again, self-fulfilling prophecies, especially in relationships, are the worst final nail in the coffin that anyone can hammer. Stop looking for signs they are not trustworthy and start looking at the ways they prove their trust to you. [Read: 15 actions that reveal your partner’s feelings towards you]
#5 Stop snooping. I know. When you are with someone, and you are a jealous person, it becomes super easy to start to snoop on their every action. Looking for signs that they cheat on you.
But, if you continue to snoop, you find things to prove your point, twist things that might or might not be true, and find confirmation of what you think is reality. You ignore looking at the reality of the situation.
If you are the jealous type, don’t keep looking and snooping to find your proof. It does nothing but put your partner on guard and increases the likelihood that your inability to find peace drives them away. [Read: 20 ways to tame the green-eyed monster]
#6 Seek therapy. No one wants to admit that they have a problem. It is much easier to push your issues off on other people. You justify your behavior by saying that someone else causes it.
But, if you experienced problems with trust and jealousy in the past, it’s time to figure out what drives it and make it go away. There might be something in your past or your personality traits driving your unproductive fears.
If you want to know how to overcome jealousy, dig to the root of where the jealousy comes from. You can’t fix a problem, or know how to start working on it, if you don’t even know where it originates.
Jealousy is a natural human emotion. But, there are some people who tend to be more jealous than others. If you have a history of not trusting the people you date. Or jealousy’s green little monster surfaces and tears your relationship to pieces, it is time to figure out why you feel jealous and where it comes from.