Fighting in a Relationship – How to Do It Right
Fighting in a relationship may seem healthy, but it just doesn’t feel right. And it could also be harmful in a long term relationship. At times, it’s our own personalities that create issues in love. Find out the kind of fights couples have, and learn to avoid it.
Fighting in a relationship is normal, even if it’s avoidable.
When you’re in a relationship, you fight. Period.
Whether it’s about letting the dog join you in bed or in the shower, or about who’s going to get on top.
Fights are inevitable, but the outcome, aah… now that’s all in your hands, isn’t it?
It’s easy to scream out a war cry or a native Indian hoo-ha, but it’s a lot better if you just say “yaba dabadoo” and make up after a little war game.
But before you decide to mush and make up, go figure where you belong in the fight club.
There are just two people in love, so when there’s fighting in a relationship, it’s obvious it’s just one of you that’s started the fight.
You may not realize it, but at times you may be the cause of all the fighting in a relationship.
It could be your partner’s fault too, but take a look at the kind of fighter in love you are, and find out if you’re playing a big part in the relationship’s fight night.
Go figure if you belong to any of these fighting clubs. And if you do, for crying out loud, deal with it.
THE TONGUE LASHER
Are you the kind of person who just can’t control their temper when they get angry? You don’t really want to argue, but you see red when you get angry. For you, your tongue becomes an unruly charger and that too, very often. You take all the chores in your hands, believe you should be at your best behavior at every hour of the day. And it gets worse for the working men and women, who are pounded by guilt 24/7 for not being able to share quality time with their spouse and family, which would only make the temper flare up more easily.
How to deal with it
Trying to figure out what makes you fly off the handle will help if you want to avoid fighting in a relationship. You should understand that you’re only human and a happy relationship is more important than a clean house. Do have a talk with your mate and try to figure out what’s making you so uptight, and the reason behind your frustrations. Let your partner know what you don’t like, and the next time an incident repeats itself, calm yourself before you speak.
It may be the work pressure at office, or the pressure to always be responsible at home. It is essential to find out what your partner’s been doing, that gets the veins on your temple throbbing. If you’re treating your mate like a dartboard to throw all your darts at, it’s time you do something to sort things out. Mend your behavior before it’s too late, and your partner starts to stay away from you. [Read: Emotional affairs]
THE NO-SOUND-ALL-GESTURES FIGHTER
The fighting in the relationship starts because of all the implosive anger that you’ve been holding within yourself. You’re the type who will let petty things grow within you until it becomes a tree of intolerance. The umbrage, in your case, has grown big out of trivial issues. And one fine day, you shed the leaves of the big, bad intolerance tree in one moment of anger. You splutter and spurt in monosyllables or by showing disinterest and coldness, way after the fighting dust has settled.
By nurturing a grudge and holding onto your anger, you hurt for far longer than you actually need to. Your behavior will only worsen the situation.
How to deal with it
Don’t sweep issues under the carpet. If you want to avoid fighting in a relationship, you should communicate with your spouse about what exactly bothers you. It is you who’s letting the small things gnaw at the foundation of your relationship. Human beings are not mind-readers and if you want your relationship to grow into a healthy one, rather than a pathetic “we-just-live-together” one, develop your interpersonal skills. And stop holding grudges. [Read: Requirements of a long term relationship]
THE RAKING COW
All your past resentments begin to drift back into your mind once your voice rises to a crescendo. And you make a Molotov cocktail of all your so-called past hurt and resentments, club it with the present ones, and fling it at their face. [Read: Real meaning of nagging]
And what if the opposite happens? What if your mate too flings one back at you, by digging into your past and bringing out their unpleasant memories? That would just be disgusting, wouldn’t it? That’s definitely not right. Why would you want your mate to bring up some itsy bitsy details of your stale shortcomings? So unless you want a stalemate of words, refrain from raking old issues with your mate.
How to deal with it
The next time, before you go blast to the past, think of the effect it would have on you if you were in your sweetie’s place. Instead of snowballing your complaints and hurling it at your spouse, try to solve the issues.
You aren’t in any competition to sort all your issues at once. For starters, just one at a time will do just fine. [Read: Relationship facts]
Fighting in a relationship is easy, but it’s painful and completely avoidable. Learn to understand your partner and communicate. Click here to continue reading about fights in a relationship in how to deal with arguments in a relationship.