Home Love Couch Better Love I’m a Boyfriend who’s too Clingy and Needy!

I’m a Boyfriend who’s too Clingy and Needy!

Like Us on Facebook

Print

Email

Wondering what the signs of a needy and clingy boyfriend are? Well, that’s me! And my experience can reveal what a clingy guy does and how he behaves! By Noah Perez

needy clingy boyfriend

Men are usually the ones who complain about their woman getting clingy, but what happens when the tables get reversed?

Here’s a confession about my own stint as a needy and clingy guy, when that was the last thing I actually wanted to be.

Clingy guys, now what’s that you may ask?

Really, do they even make them these days?

Needy and clingy guys don’t come every day, but when they do come along, they usually find a girl who loves her own independence.

I believe in space in love, and I truly understand why a couple needs to stay away from each other now and then.

[Read: The real reason why space is so good for a relationship]

But sometimes, it’s so easy to just get carried away and smother your partner with your love.

My perfect romance with a perfect girl

I’m the kind of guy who would like it if we speak once a day, probably late at night, where we can talk about each other’s day and drop into bed with happy giddy thoughts.

I’ve been dating a very special girl for the past few months. We met at a conference, and we hit it off almost immediately. I drove her back home, exchanged numbers on the way, and she loved my songs playlist. Now, that’s chemistry for dummies, don’t you think? [Read: New relationship advice to have a perfect start]

Both of us lead rather busy lives, and we call each other after dinner every night, and catch up on a date about once a week. It was great, lightning struck in the chords of our hearts each time we met, she giggled like a first-dater, and I charmed her like a third dater. We were a happy couple.

Why we avoid calling each other often

I didn’t ask her out, we just kissed and skipped that step. And every day, we missed each other. But we didn’t call each other up. I wondered why we didn’t speak more often, and I even asked her about it one time. Why don’t we call each other up more often if we missed each other so much, I asked her one evening.

Apparently, *according to my girlfriend* when you miss someone during the day, you sit down and smile thinking about that person for a few minutes, and then you get back to work. That way, you actually realize how special that person is to you, and at the same time, you don’t spoil the moment. That was her idea. I could never get that, but I was fine to play by her rules. [Read: How to love someone without smothering them with your love]

The 48 hour deadline

Last week, I called my girl up. We chatted late after dinner, and after we replenished the hugs, love and kisses, we hung up all drenched in love. Bliss! And then, a few minutes later, I got her call again.

That was freaking awesome! Was she missing me so much that she called me back? That’s what I thought at first. But apparently, she had forgotten to tell me that she couldn’t speak to me for the next two days as she had to be with her best pal who was getting married in a couple of days, and she was staying over at her friend’s place.

Awww…. I was going to miss not speaking to her. She told me that she’d miss me a lot too. Half an hour later, we hung up. All drenched in chocolaty love. But. There was something uncomfortable in the air. And then, there was this drum roll too. I was not going to speak to my girlfriend for 48 hours. Or was that more than 48 hours? I didn’t know the details, so it left me troubled. I fell asleep and our love story wove in and out of my dreams that night. [Read: 15 subtle signs of an emotionally controlling boyfriend]

She’s on my mind. All the time!

I woke up in the morning and stretched out to a morning hard boy. I was missing her and her touch. When we’re told to avoid something, that’s the one thing we really want. It was that moment for me.

I looked at my cell phone and stared at her name. To call or not to call? That was the question. Pros and cons? Pros, I missed her. Cons, she told me she’d be busy. Cons win. I wait. I wait here.

I head out to work and I work. And her laugh comes seeping in straight through the clouds, along with the rays of sunlight through my window. I miss her more. I pick up her pen from my drawer, the one I nicked the last time we went out for dinner. A nice, pastel one. I brought it close to my lips, kissed it discreetly, pretended I was deeply and philosophically in thought, and then sniffed it.

Somehow, that pen brought back memories of her Valentino perfume. I couldn’t stop wondering what she was wearing right that moment, out there in the wild, at a pre-wedding gathering with other girls… and guys! [Read: The 9 relationship stages all couples go through]

I was addicted to her, and I faced the test!

Lunch time. Did she have lunch? Planning weddings can be busy affairs, what if she hadn’t? She might get a headache. I didn’t call. Cons won again. By evening, I was fighting an internal war. I didn’t care if Cons won. Who invented Pros and Cons anyways? I decided to call her. And I did. She answered, and I don’t think I could have appreciated her pleasant voice more anytime before.

We spoke and love was drizzling again. She missed me too, and now the rain of love was slowly getting stronger and wetter. She told me that she wished she was the bride. With her friend’s guy? What?! Oh okay, she wanted to get married to… pause… pause… me! Va va voom! Yabba daba doo! [Read: What is the perfect age to get married?]

Now, we’re talking happy thunderstorms of love. I hung up after a good ten minutes, and got back to work. What was I thinking anyways? Not wanting to call her? Pfft! Of course, women just say such things, right? It’s not like they mean them.

It was all a test, I had heard such things before. Women lay down some boundary conditions in love, and wait and see if the guy would overstep it, which then becomes a cute awww moment.

I called her one more time after dinner. She cancelled my call, and called me back after a few minutes. She was all happy and giddy too. We spoke for almost an hour, and I sank into my bed, all wet with love. [Read: Pillow talk and how it can make your relationship so much better]

More calls and loving texts!

I woke up the next morning, all thirty two teeth out in the open and my lips curled upwards. Suffered a bit of a lockjaw cramp. Made up my mind not to smile like an idiot as soon as I wake up. Relax and loosen muscles first.

I headed to work, all the time thinking what she’d be doing. It was supposed to be the wedding d-day. I called her up. No response. The same thing, the next five times in a row. She must be busy.

I called her again after lunch. She answered her cell and she was with her friends, having a great time. We spoke of things and love and how much I missed her and more. A cool drizzle in love.

It was a busy day at work for me, so I called her one more time after work, while I was heading back home. A five minute call. It felt good to talk to her. It made me feel nice. And I was constantly missing her. I really don’t know why!

Dinner. Call. Five minutes. She was in the middle of dinner. After that, I lay down in bed. Happy thoughts race through my mind. Dinners, lunches, little hand clasps, cute kisses and more. I text her. “Question: what does a guy have to do when he’s missing a girl a lot, and yet, he doesn’t want to call because he’s already called a lot?” No reply. I text again.

An hour later, I got a message from her. She was in bed with her friends, about to go to sleep. I texted her back. I wanted to hear her voice. I missed her so. Half an hour of texting and pestering to call later, she called me. One minute. A quick splash of love. Good enough. I went to sleep. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility]

Happy days – The Wedding is over

The next day, she was in office. I called her after lunch. She was in a meeting with a few of her clients. One minute. I was getting increasingly frustrated with the lack of romance in my life. Anyways, there was always time to chat later at night.

I had an early dinner and called her up a couple of hours before the time I normally call her. She was in the middle of dinner. I hung up. Twelve o’clock. She called me. I was happy. A few minutes into the call, and I just knew something was bothering her. She wanted to hang up on me!

The happy day turns into a brutally sour night

A few minutes of pestering, wild throws in the dark and twenty questions later, I got to know that it was my constant calling that pissed her off. And then I heard the worst, I was too needy and clingy!! It didn’t pour love that night, it was misery. According to her, I didn’t respect her space. But I did. I so did. I just missed her. A lot. She thought otherwise.

She repeated that she had made it clear that I wasn’t supposed to call her during those two days, when she just wanted her privacy. But two whole days was too long for me, I pleaded with her. She stuck with the story of me not respecting her and giving her space. I stuck with mine.

I missed her. The conversation went on for a couple of hours, but there were more sounds of muffled silence than happy giggles. And in every one of those silent moments when all I could hear was heavy breathing and my heartbeat, I found myself panicking. [Read: How to perfect the silent treatment in a relationship]

The big revelation, I was Charlie!

And somewhere in between, I remembered this movie I watched years ago, Good Luck Chuck. There was the guy, Charlie who gets clingy with the girl, Cam. When I watched that movie a few years ago, I thought it was hilarious and extremely stupid. But with the phone in my hand and the sound of huffy breaths, I couldn’t help but be insulted by the fact that I was that needy, clingy loser of a guy!

I told her I was sorry. She didn’t want to listen. I was heartbroken. She broke up. And hung up. And didn’t call back. I placed the phone down gently. I fell face first into my pillow. I held my breath. I didn’t die. I woke up the next morning. I was clinging to my pillow like a primate in heat. Jeez, for crying out loud! I threw it away. [Read: How taking a break in the relationship works]

I’m not clingy or needy, and I wanted her back

I wanted to speak to her. But I also wanted her to know that I respected her. I called her back that night. She cancelled my call, and texted me to say that she didn’t feel like talking that night. I thought the whole thing was crazy. Three days later, I called her after dinner. She answered her phone. We spoke like vague friends for a few minutes. And then, she said that she had thought about me a lot these last few days.

All I wanted to yell was, “why didn’t you call me if you missed me, especially when I was dying here?!” but I knew better.

I spoke with the tone of a somber man who’s weathered a war, and yet seemed undisturbed. I missed her. I told her that. We made up again. I apologized. She laughed. Was that a drizzle I could feel somewhere at the back of my head? Or was that in my heart? I laughed back.

We were back. I felt like Superman. I just wanted to switch my pants and undies!

Oh happy love!

The call lasted until five in the morning. And then we hit our respective beds. During those five odd hours that we spoke, it had rained, thundered and thrown down cats and dogs of love, and hailstones of passion. Everything felt so good, I felt drunk.

I woke up groggy early the next morning. My cell phone woke me up. It was her call. Could there have been a better way to wake up? We spoke for ten minutes, and after a feel-good conversation, we kissed each other bye over the phone. And I promised her I’d call her that night.

This happened a few days ago, and now when I think of it, maybe she was a bit too harsh, but she was right. And maybe I was a bit too needy and clingy too, especially when she had told me not to call her up for just two days.

My experience and your lesson to learn

Perhaps, this is what we call a balance in life. I’ve had a few girlfriends earlier in my life, but there was never a time when any of them threw me out when I invaded their space. I’ve made up my mind to listen to my girlfriend, and she’s made it clear that I can call her whenever I want, just as long as I give her the space she needs, when she asks for it.

I’m cool with that. I’m going out with every man’s dream date, a girl who’s the exact opposite of clingy and needy, but somehow, I do wish she would be a wee bit more clingy! But hey, maybe then, I’d just wish she wasn’t. [Read: 13 clingy girlfriend signs and how to avoid it]

Now I’m happy, and all drenched in love all over again. I just watched Good Luck Chuck earlier today. You know, somehow, Charlie doesn’t seem like such a bad guy!

After all, he was just head over heels in love, wasn’t he? So was I.

[Read: 25 relationship rules for successful love]

You could be a great guy and still be seen as a needy and clingy boyfriend. Relationships are subjective and ever-changing. But what matters most is how well both of you understand each other and respect each other’s space and opinions, don’t you think?


We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!

Did this feature help you better yourself or your relationship?
You can change someone else’s life too!


Like Us on Facebook


Like Lovepanky on Facebook and follow us @Lovepanky. Join our conversations and let’s create better love and relationships in the world.

Have your say!
  • John
    January 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    Even if you were a bit too clingy, breaking a relationship that fulfilled you both so much was hardly an understandable decision. She could just have talked about it and let you try to change! Love is all about giving chances.

    Most probably she was also afraid of engagement, and that’s why she was so rough, and so sorry of her decision afterwards. Good thing her fear did not take over her love, but still, I don’t think you’re the only one to blame.

  • Jill
    January 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    I would have been annoyed and really turned off by the calling– one call that first day at night I would have been happy to receive, I’m sure, but you call 5 times before lunch the next morning?? That’s ridiculous. I’m glad you made up but if an incident like this happened again I would consider it a deal breaker. I like the guys I date to have other hobbies and things to do besides calling constantly after I’ve said I’ll be with friends all weekend. And honestly, her friends probably think you’re clingy and obsessive too.

    Maybe some people like that level of devotion but this girl sounds like she doesn’t, and you didn’t even give her a chance to miss you. Hopefully this promise to respect her space is honored!

  • Jake
    March 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    :( I’m really clingy… I wanna talk to my girl all day every day. Like If not on skype, then on the phone. If not on the phone, then in text. If not in text then online. She stopped replying online, and responds to texts less, and calls even less. I think she is trying to chizzle out some space. When she tells me she needs space I give it to her… But so far I’ve only been able to survive for five hours without texting her(and that’s while I knew she wasn’t upset with me)

    So ya, I’m reading this and trying to use it to learn how to become not so clingy in my long distance relationship. I love her soooo much… For the first time in my life no other woman interests in me even slightly cause I’m happy, but I’m kinda smothering… So any advice I’d appreciate.

  • ricky
    March 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    Your girl is bullshit. It’s the biggest lie in the world that she couldn’t find at least 10 minutes to call you each day on those two days. Privacy my ass. She just didn’t want you around and felt uncomfortable with you. The world is full of heartless bitches. You just gotta choose the right ones.

  • Anon
    April 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    This is so funny, I hope the author writes more articles!!

  • humanizer
    April 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    Dude. You just have some insecure tendencies, and she brought them out. The fact that she was secure enough to call you the next morning and work it out means you should hold on to her and make an effort to diffuse your needs sometimes by not jumping to conclusions.

  • Ashley
    June 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    Yeah. I’m a girl here, and I have a boyfriend. I love him but he’s too super clingy and I find that so annoying. It’s hard to cope with him. I just wanna to talk with him on text all night and relax. But he just want to talk on phone, Skype or oovoo all of the time. He always ask me at wrong times. Sometimes I wish he would just set up a date so I can find a time. I have been so busy with soccer traveling team, so I’m not able to answer his texts on weekend. And when I don’t, he would go “OMG I miss you” all of the time. Sometimes I feel annoyed by that. I don’t think he Evers understand how busy I can be. Sometimes I just want him to leave me space. He always just randomly buys me presents, I feel bad because I feel like I have to give something back when I’m really broke. He just tries too hard and I don’t like that. He would follow me around the hallway, I’m like just cool it off. He’s so touchy feel as well. I don’t know what to do, I have tried telling him to stop but he’s just seem to ignore that and continue…

  • WHAT
    September 1, 2013 | Permalink |

    Dude, she’s TESTING you. That’s DISTURBING in itself!

    A girl who screws with people like that isn’t worth your time. You think she’d even responsible enough to actually be *nice* to you ? Screw that! Hell, if that’s how it’s gonna be, might as well ‘test’ her and screw with her until the end of time!!

    Go find someone who’s actually nice!

    I’ve dumped girls because they were too clingy (but only when they do it in a destructive way…), and I’ve been accused of being clingy myself, just because I’d rather *cuddle* and actually LIKE someone before F**KING.

    Generally from what I’ve seen, the people who call others clingy have no concept of give and take, compromise, or working with others desires. It all just has to be “naturally” a passing test… a test of ***THEIR*** agenda.

    Flip the tables, how is that not some distorted form of clinging to one’s own expectations?

    You know what i find the most disturbing part of it is though…. that there are people out there who actually think they have the right to tell others what to WANT.

  • Tony the Terrible
    October 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    If someone won’t give you 5 minutes of their time to take a call and put your insucure and fragile little mind at ease, then sadly they really don’t want you. If two people are in love with each other then they both have mutual tolerance. It’s time to kick this women to the curb and replace her with someone who has a similar emotional level to yourself. No man should try to endure this character.
    The only time I get bothered by a clingy lover is when I am over them or if I am with another lover.

  • Tarzan
    October 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m starting to believe I being clinggy and obsessive. I’m simply not that type of guy…It hurts to have the girl I love tell me I’m being clingy and obsessive and that I’ve changed…So in a heated rage I gave her space ending the text with “Have a great day,”. It only been a day and already I can tell its true, but i already feel like its fading.

    Your story has given me hope and she told me she loves me and that she’ll continue to prove it to me. So I’ll give her space and wait for her to contact me. I want the first contact to be over the phone near the late evening…but I’m too hopeful.

  • Ramon Alvarado
    March 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    My fiance says I’m a a**hole when u was being one and she did not like that but now that I have being nice and loving her more and more everyday she says I’m smothering her I don’t understand what she wants from me it’s really confising!

  • DD
    March 8, 2014 | Permalink |

    I am super clingy and needy, but my independent girlfriend will never know it. We spend a lot of time together and we have a wonderful relationship. When I’m not with her I miss her TERRIBLY…Whenever I don’t hear from her for a while (several hours) especially if she’s out with her friends! I feel desperate to call her up, but I don’t. I ALWAYS wait for her to call me, and you know what, she does! My advice for people is to trust the relationship, give them as much space as they need, because I guarantee you, if they love you, they will love you more if you give them respect through time and space.

  • Will
    March 27, 2014 | Permalink |

    I really think asking for two days off from talking to your significant other at all isn’t nice. I agree that she needs time with her friends and shouldn’t be obligated to talk to you for hours, but I really think to refuse a quick goodnight call is a bit uncaring. Maybe I’m needy. But, I also would definitely call a girlfriend to at least say goodnight if I was away.

  • Annie
    May 29, 2014 | Permalink |

    different people have different needs for attachment. If you think about it, when you call and text your partner too much because you miss them, you are seeking validation. I am very independent and when I am with someone who texts and calls all the time saying “I miss you” it feels more like they are needing to know that they are missed… and here is the kicker… if you are the person getting these calls and texts- you are expected to say “I miss you too” Even if you really weren’t- and then it just feels in genuine- repeating it back like a parrot- because if you don’t say it back, your partner will go down the road of “don’t you love me any more? what’s wrong” It becomes exhausting always needing to validate because they aren’t feeling secure. I will tell you a secret needy people. Your independent partner DOES feel connected to you when you aren’t together. They appreciate and love you more when you let them breath. But when you call and text too much, it has your partner feeling like they are always being forced to say things when they aren’t feeling them in that moment. It gets SUPER EXHAUSTING. It leaves the more independent partner left feeling like their partner is not only needy and insecure (which is a huge put off) It also sends a message loud and clear that you DON’T TRUST that your independent partner is loving you even when they aren’t talking, texting or with you… But guess what?? They do still love you!! They haven’t forgotten about you, they are still feeling connected to you, and maybe even more so for allowing them to do their own thing- and when you decide to trust that your partner loves you when you are apart ( they would have left if they weren’t into you) you can just relax and not obsess about them. It’s a lot of pressure to feel responsible for your partners happiness- and it’s not possible… so quit putting all that pressure on your partner and just KNOW that they are with you because they care about you. If they don’t call or text back, don’t sweat it- IT DOESN’T MEAN THEY DON’T MISS YOU. It just means that they are doing their own thing- Don’t call or text when you haven’t heard back- they got your message, or they haven’t seen it yet, but they will get it- and they will get back to you… let them get back to you at THEIR pace- because if you don’t, they will feel smothered and forced into talking to you when they don’t feel like it. They will be annoyed over and over that you don’t trust their love… and by doing this over and over you are reinforcing that you don’t trust them. That you don’t feel worthy of them- until they finally give up because you are a black hole of need that they can never fill. Fill yourself up. Love yourself. Be your own person and let your partner be their own person. Relax. Enjoy doing your own thing when you are apart. The deal is either enough S P A C E for the person who needs more of it…. or no relationship. Let the independent person come to you and be the one who sets the pace.

  • Brea
    June 25, 2014 | Permalink |

    I understand about giving space, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t call your bf/gf at night to say “good night” or call them in the morning and say, “have a nice day”. It’s not like invading their privacy. May this girl was seeing someone for two days straight with overnight and that is why she didn’t want to be bothered by calls or texts.

    I can be clingy but will give space, but don’t tell me I can’t text you to say, “I love you” or “I am thinking of you”. It’s not like I am up to his face and all over him when he said he needs space. It’s give and take.. Just because someone needs space doesn’t mean you have to disappear.

  • Georgina Marie Marin
    July 2, 2014 | Permalink |

    I like this story. I find internet dating difficult especially if there’s a clingy guy on the other end. I find it difficult to connect with a man until I’ve met them in person and communicate face to face. I even tell them this. I’m a strong woman who is not clingy. I find clingy men a turn off especially if I haven’t even met them yet. How can you miss me if you don’t know me yet? It concerns me that a clingy man’s expectations before meeting a woman is too high, thus pushes me away. Buzzes me nonstop while I’m at work even though I’ve made it clear that I don’t like to do personal stuff while I’m at work. Little red flags pop up when I get the drift a man is clingy. It’s creepy to be told you’re the only person in their life right now. I become downright hesitant to meet in person thinking if this guy finds out where I live it’ll be fatal attraction, lol. Not really, but I certainly don’t get a warm fuzzy.

  • Georgina Marie Marin
    July 2, 2014 | Permalink |

    I thought that maybe I should add how it was with my husband. Neither of us were clingy. We both loved each other deeply. We’d kiss each other off to work. At some point during the day we might text about something related to that evening or other important matters and then follow up with an I love you. We didn’t text or call each other every day, during the day. We knew we were going to see each other that evening. Thus was a sign of confidence and trust. We gave each other space to do our jobs without interruption and distractions; that’s important. I didn’t bother him when he was out with his friends and he didn’t bother me when I was out with mine. We were both very affectionate lovers and enjoyed our time together, but we also enjoyed our space. Unfortunately, due to other reasonsrour marriage failed. Deployments are hard on military families and we were both active duty, so it was even more difficult to maintain. I’m always hopeful that I can find that kind of balance again though; Deep love with trust, confidence and space. :)

  • Giselle
    November 4, 2014 | Permalink |

    NOAH,
    My boyfriend is clingy and I love it!! I feel wanted. Any girl that tells her man NOT to call for 48 hours, she’s up to no good. Unless, she’s on a missionary trip in a third-world country helping starving children with aides, there’s no good excuse. I bet she spoke and communicated with other ppl in 48 hours besides her ” friends”. If you married her, she’ll request a whole week of noncommunicationto go to Paris with her lover. Meanwhile, your feelings will never be reciprocated. I love my bf and his clinginess cause i am too. :)

  • jay
    December 20, 2014 | Permalink |

    I went out with this girl I met at college. After the date I asked her for a kiss and we kissed for about 20 seconds. Two days later I tested her and she didn’t respond back till I retexted her saying “are you ignoring me” . She responded by saying “I’m in class” but I was so upset because of my cohesiveness I texted her back. She called me clingy and told me that she doesn’t want a relationship. Clingy is not a good thing.

Join In!

Something you wanna say about this feature? Enjoy a great conversation right here...

Your email is never shared. Required fields are marked *

Love Couch

Flirting Flings

Sensual Tease

Men

Women

My Life

Travel and Health

Entertainment