Wondering what the signs of a needy and clingy boyfriend are? Well, that’s me! And my experience can reveal what a clingy guy does and how he behaves! By Noah Perez
Men are usually the ones who complain about their woman getting clingy, but what happens when the tables get reversed?
Here’s a confession about my own stint as a needy and clingy guy, when that was the last thing I actually wanted to be.
Clingy guys, now what’s that you may ask?
Really, do they even make them these days?
Needy and clingy guys don’t come every day, but when they do come along, they usually find a girl who loves her own independence.
I believe in space in love, and I truly understand why a couple needs to stay away from each other now and then.
But sometimes, it’s so easy to just get carried away and smother your partner with your love.
My perfect romance with a perfect girl
I’m the kind of guy who would like it if we speak once a day, probably late at night, where we can talk about each other’s day and drop into bed with happy giddy thoughts.
I’ve been dating a very special girl for the past few months. We met at a conference, and we hit it off almost immediately. I drove her back home, exchanged numbers on the way, and she loved my songs playlist. Now, that’s chemistry for dummies, don’t you think? [Read: New relationship advice to have a perfect start]
Both of us lead rather busy lives, and we call each other after dinner every night, and catch up on a date about once a week. It was great, lightning struck in the chords of our hearts each time we met, she giggled like a first-dater, and I charmed her like a third dater. We were a happy couple.
Why we avoid calling each other often
I didn’t ask her out, we just kissed and skipped that step. And every day, we missed each other. But we didn’t call each other up. I wondered why we didn’t speak more often, and I even asked her about it one time. Why don’t we call each other up more often if we missed each other so much, I asked her one evening.
Apparently, *according to my girlfriend* when you miss someone during the day, you sit down and smile thinking about that person for a few minutes, and then you get back to work. That way, you actually realize how special that person is to you, and at the same time, you don’t spoil the moment. That was her idea. I could never get that, but I was fine to play by her rules. [Read: How to love someone without smothering them with your love]
The 48 hour deadline
Last week, I called my girl up. We chatted late after dinner, and after we replenished the hugs, love and kisses, we hung up all drenched in love. Bliss! And then, a few minutes later, I got her call again.
That was freaking awesome! Was she missing me so much that she called me back? That’s what I thought at first. But apparently, she had forgotten to tell me that she couldn’t speak to me for the next two days as she had to be with her best pal who was getting married in a couple of days, and she was staying over at her friend’s place.
Awww…. I was going to miss not speaking to her. She told me that she’d miss me a lot too. Half an hour later, we hung up. All drenched in chocolaty love. But. There was something uncomfortable in the air. And then, there was this drum roll too. I was not going to speak to my girlfriend for 48 hours. Or was that more than 48 hours? I didn’t know the details, so it left me troubled. I fell asleep and our love story wove in and out of my dreams that night. [Read: 15 subtle signs of an emotionally controlling boyfriend]
She’s on my mind. All the time!
I woke up in the morning and stretched out to a morning hard boy. I was missing her and her touch. When we’re told to avoid something, that’s the one thing we really want. It was that moment for me.
I looked at my cell phone and stared at her name. To call or not to call? That was the question. Pros and cons? Pros, I missed her. Cons, she told me she’d be busy. Cons win. I wait. I wait here.
I head out to work and I work. And her laugh comes seeping in straight through the clouds, along with the rays of sunlight through my window. I miss her more. I pick up her pen from my drawer, the one I nicked the last time we went out for dinner. A nice, pastel one. I brought it close to my lips, kissed it discreetly, pretended I was deeply and philosophically in thought, and then sniffed it.
Somehow, that pen brought back memories of her Valentino perfume. I couldn’t stop wondering what she was wearing right that moment, out there in the wild, at a pre-wedding gathering with other girls… and guys! [Read: The 9 relationship stages all couples go through]
I was addicted to her, and I faced the test!
Lunch time. Did she have lunch? Planning weddings can be busy affairs, what if she hadn’t? She might get a headache. I didn’t call. Cons won again. By evening, I was fighting an internal war. I didn’t care if Cons won. Who invented Pros and Cons anyways? I decided to call her. And I did. She answered, and I don’t think I could have appreciated her pleasant voice more anytime before.
We spoke and love was drizzling again. She missed me too, and now the rain of love was slowly getting stronger and wetter. She told me that she wished she was the bride. With her friend’s guy? What?! Oh okay, she wanted to get married to… pause… pause… me! Va va voom! Yabba daba doo! [Read: What is the perfect age to get married?]
Now, we’re talking happy thunderstorms of love. I hung up after a good ten minutes, and got back to work. What was I thinking anyways? Not wanting to call her? Pfft! Of course, women just say such things, right? It’s not like they mean them.
It was all a test, I had heard such things before. Women lay down some boundary conditions in love, and wait and see if the guy would overstep it, which then becomes a cute awww moment.
I called her one more time after dinner. She cancelled my call, and called me back after a few minutes. She was all happy and giddy too. We spoke for almost an hour, and I sank into my bed, all wet with love. [Read: Pillow talk and how it can make your relationship so much better]
More calls and loving texts!
I woke up the next morning, all thirty two teeth out in the open and my lips curled upwards. Suffered a bit of a lockjaw cramp. Made up my mind not to smile like an idiot as soon as I wake up. Relax and loosen muscles first.
I headed to work, all the time thinking what she’d be doing. It was supposed to be the wedding d-day. I called her up. No response. The same thing, the next five times in a row. She must be busy.
I called her again after lunch. She answered her cell and she was with her friends, having a great time. We spoke of things and love and how much I missed her and more. A cool drizzle in love.
It was a busy day at work for me, so I called her one more time after work, while I was heading back home. A five minute call. It felt good to talk to her. It made me feel nice. And I was constantly missing her. I really don’t know why!
Dinner. Call. Five minutes. She was in the middle of dinner. After that, I lay down in bed. Happy thoughts race through my mind. Dinners, lunches, little hand clasps, cute kisses and more. I text her. “Question: what does a guy have to do when he’s missing a girl a lot, and yet, he doesn’t want to call because he’s already called a lot?” No reply. I text again.
An hour later, I got a message from her. She was in bed with her friends, about to go to sleep. I texted her back. I wanted to hear her voice. I missed her so. Half an hour of texting and pestering to call later, she called me. One minute. A quick splash of love. Good enough. I went to sleep. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility]
Happy days – The Wedding is over
The next day, she was in office. I called her after lunch. She was in a meeting with a few of her clients. One minute. I was getting increasingly frustrated with the lack of romance in my life. Anyways, there was always time to chat later at night.
I had an early dinner and called her up a couple of hours before the time I normally call her. She was in the middle of dinner. I hung up. Twelve o’clock. She called me. I was happy. A few minutes into the call, and I just knew something was bothering her. She wanted to hang up on me!
The happy day turns into a brutally sour night
A few minutes of pestering, wild throws in the dark and twenty questions later, I got to know that it was my constant calling that pissed her off. And then I heard the worst, I was too needy and clingy!! It didn’t pour love that night, it was misery. According to her, I didn’t respect her space. But I did. I so did. I just missed her. A lot. She thought otherwise.
She repeated that she had made it clear that I wasn’t supposed to call her during those two days, when she just wanted her privacy. But two whole days was too long for me, I pleaded with her. She stuck with the story of me not respecting her and giving her space. I stuck with mine.
I missed her. The conversation went on for a couple of hours, but there were more sounds of muffled silence than happy giggles. And in every one of those silent moments when all I could hear was heavy breathing and my heartbeat, I found myself panicking. [Read: How to perfect the silent treatment in a relationship]
The big revelation, I was Charlie!
And somewhere in between, I remembered this movie I watched years ago, Good Luck Chuck. There was the guy, Charlie who gets clingy with the girl, Cam. When I watched that movie a few years ago, I thought it was hilarious and extremely stupid. But with the phone in my hand and the sound of huffy breaths, I couldn’t help but be insulted by the fact that I was that needy, clingy loser of a guy!
I told her I was sorry. She didn’t want to listen. I was heartbroken. She broke up. And hung up. And didn’t call back. I placed the phone down gently. I fell face first into my pillow. I held my breath. I didn’t die. I woke up the next morning. I was clinging to my pillow like a primate in heat. Jeez, for crying out loud! I threw it away. [Read: How taking a break in the relationship works]
I’m not clingy or needy, and I wanted her back
I wanted to speak to her. But I also wanted her to know that I respected her. I called her back that night. She cancelled my call, and texted me to say that she didn’t feel like talking that night. I thought the whole thing was crazy. Three days later, I called her after dinner. She answered her phone. We spoke like vague friends for a few minutes. And then, she said that she had thought about me a lot these last few days.
All I wanted to yell was, “why didn’t you call me if you missed me, especially when I was dying here?!” but I knew better.
I spoke with the tone of a somber man who’s weathered a war, and yet seemed undisturbed. I missed her. I told her that. We made up again. I apologized. She laughed. Was that a drizzle I could feel somewhere at the back of my head? Or was that in my heart? I laughed back.
We were back. I felt like Superman. I just wanted to switch my pants and undies!
Oh happy love!
The call lasted until five in the morning. And then we hit our respective beds. During those five odd hours that we spoke, it had rained, thundered and thrown down cats and dogs of love, and hailstones of passion. Everything felt so good, I felt drunk.
I woke up groggy early the next morning. My cell phone woke me up. It was her call. Could there have been a better way to wake up? We spoke for ten minutes, and after a feel-good conversation, we kissed each other bye over the phone. And I promised her I’d call her that night.
This happened a few days ago, and now when I think of it, maybe she was a bit too harsh, but she was right. And maybe I was a bit too needy and clingy too, especially when she had told me not to call her up for just two days.
My experience and your lesson to learn
Perhaps, this is what we call a balance in life. I’ve had a few girlfriends earlier in my life, but there was never a time when any of them threw me out when I invaded their space. I’ve made up my mind to listen to my girlfriend, and she’s made it clear that I can call her whenever I want, just as long as I give her the space she needs, when she asks for it.
I’m cool with that. I’m going out with every man’s dream date, a girl who’s the exact opposite of clingy and needy, but somehow, I do wish she would be a wee bit more clingy! But hey, maybe then, I’d just wish she wasn’t. [Read: 13 clingy girlfriend signs and how to avoid it]
Now I’m happy, and all drenched in love all over again. I just watched Good Luck Chuck earlier today. You know, somehow, Charlie doesn’t seem like such a bad guy!
After all, he was just head over heels in love, wasn’t he? So was I.
You could be a great guy and still be seen as a needy and clingy boyfriend. Relationships are subjective and ever-changing. But what matters most is how well both of you understand each other and respect each other’s space and opinions, don’t you think?
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