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Why Being Addicted to Someone Is Not the Same as Being In Love

addicted to someone

There are all sorts of things to be addicted to. It is possible to be addicted to someone. Like any other addiction, it is super bad but feels really good.

With addiction, it means you depend on or habitually need it. It is highly possible to be addicted to someone, which is never a good thing. Sure, you want to love someone, but being addicted to them is not about love. It is about needing someone to fulfill you.

Typically, when addicted to someone, they aren’t very good for us, but they bring us some sort of satisfaction or fill a void. Also, like other addictions, being addicted to someone is very difficult to overcome, which is why many people stay in abusive relationships.

10 signs you are addicted to someone

How do you know if you are addicted to someone? The signs are probably pretty clear to everyone besides you. If these things describe you, then it might be time to distance yourself from the person you are with and find a way to fill the void that you feel.

#1 No matter how they treat you, you keep coming back for more. Addictions are the worst. No matter how bad they are for us, we keep coming back for more. Like a beaten dog who goes back to their master, when addicted to someone, it doesn’t matter how miserable they make you feel, how badly they abuse you, or how much they take from you; you can’t seem to walk away.

If you constantly convince yourself that things aren’t as bad as you think in your relationship with them, then guess what? They are. Being addicted makes you turn the other cheek to the point of losing face. [Read: A step-by-step guide to get out of an abusive relationship]

#2 You feel anxious and nervous when they aren’t with you. When addicted to someone, you completely depend on them. The mere thought of them not being around makes you feel insecure and waiting for more.

Dependency is one of the cornerstones of addiction. If you are so dependent on someone that them not being physically near you, or reachable, sends you reeling, then it is time to reexamine your feelings for them. [Read: 9 important habits you need to be more independent]

#3 The thought of losing them is enough to cause a panic attack. If the thought of them leaving you has you in panic attack mode, that isn’t love, that is dependence.

When you are in love, there is usually some anxiety that you feel when things aren’t going just right. But, there is some security in knowing you mutually need each other and that you can work things out.

Overwhelming fear that is or isn’t realistically created, isn’t love. It is that you are addicted to them, and believe that without them, you can’t survive. You can survive without anyone, and if you think you can’t, then you just might have an addiction to the one you are with.

#4 You can’t do anything without them. Think about being addicted to drugs. You can’t function normally when you are without them. Like needing that “high” to be all right, you can’t seem to do anything without them.

A severe dependence, you want them there to watch you watch television, just to ensure that they are around. When they aren’t, you can’t seem to find fulfillment. Always chasing the high you feel when you are next to them, their absence is like an absence of a drug and leads to withdrawal symptoms. [Read: 17 relationship red flags that most people completely ignore]

#5 You sacrifice everything you have for them. Just like with drugs or alcohol, if you are addicted to someone, you do whatever it takes to keep them by your side. Nothing is out of the question. If they want your money, it is theirs. If they want your soul, sure take it.

You just can’t stand the thought of them not being with you, so you give in, you give up, and you give them every possible thing they could ever want or ask—even to your detriment. If you don’t have it, you find a way to get it just to keep them around.

#6 You do things that you feel are wrong to keep them around. Even though you know what you do is wrong, you don’t care. Whatever it takes to have them by your side is what you will do. If you feel ashamed of the things you do, or have that inner voice telling you that this isn’t you, or that what you do isn’t characteristic of who you are or what you have done in the past, then that is usually a sign of addiction.

Lying, hiding your behaviors, and doing things that make you uncomfortable to keep them are all things that someone who is addicted to someone will do. [Read: 12 signs your fierce feelings are unhealthy]

#7 You are overly concerned about what they think of you. The only real difference between being addicted to drugs and addicted to someone is that there is an opinion on the other side of the addiction. What do I mean by that? Well, drugs don’t care if you get fat or if you look strung out.

You don’t conform to them, they are there to make you feel good no matter who you are and you have the money to get them. When addicted to someone, you care greatly about what they think of you.

More so than anyone else in your life. You just want their approval and to know that they won’t leave you. You do anything they ask to be what they want. [Read: 25 signs someone’s a covert narcissist who messes with your mind]

#8 You don’t feel secure when they leave or go somewhere, so you tend to be too clingy. It is not uncommon to be extremely controlling or clingy. The fear that they will leave you drives you to watch their every move, anticipate things that might happen to make them leave, and leave you wanting to put a GPS on them just to make sure that they aren’t doing anything that signals they plan to leave.

#9 You have no boundaries that make you walk away. Nothing they ask of you is out of the question. You do whatever it takes to hold onto them.

If you draw a line in the sand and have a momentary lapse of dependent feeling, you quickly back down the moment you think you might lose them. Even if you think you aren’t capable of being that dependent and obsessed with someone, you always end up proving with your actions that you really are. [Read: How to set boundaries in dating]

#10 You seem overly amorous towards them to the point of infatuation. If your love seems a little more than just loving feelings and more like obsession and infatuation, then you are probably addicted. If they simply can’t do anything wrong in your mind and you defend them no matter what, that isn’t healthy. That is addiction.

It is normal to feel in love and think highly of your mate, but if they walk on water in your head and do no wrong, it allows them to do things that aren’t all that fantastic and make you look the other way.

Being addicted to someone is no different than being addicted to a substance. It is a complete dependence on someone that makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do, sacrifice yourself to keep them around, and hide and lie to make sure to keep them by your side. [Read: How to slowly stop feeling ignored by the one you love]

Addictions of any type aren’t good. I am not telling you that it isn’t love. What I will tell you is that love isn’t about obsession and infatuation. It is about mutual love and respect for one another. It isn’t about not being able to live without someone. It is about not wanting to ever be without them.

[Read: 15 ways to tell if your obsessive love is real or unhealthy]

If you think that you are addicted to someone, it is important to separate your feelings and find out what drives you to need the other person’s love so badly that you willingly sacrifice your own needs and wants.

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Julie Keating
Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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